


Forgotten

by Gameguy199



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Falling In Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Minor Character Death, Turtle Sex, Turtlecest, Unrequited Love, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 96,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3476780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gameguy199/pseuds/Gameguy199
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey awoke in darkness alone and covered in blood but the scariest part was not knowing the face that looked back at him. Now it's up to his brothers to nurse him back to health. But can they do that when he doesn't know them as his brothers? </p><p>A collaboration story between me and Orangebarmy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

** Prologue **

Something warm was dripping onto his face. Groaning he tried to move his arm but yelped as pain flashed through his body. He tried to open his eyes but it felt like they were laden down with lead weights. Forcing them open he found his vision was blurred from his eyes having been closed for so long. He was somewhere dark; around him he could hear the sound of dripping water and a faint rumbling sound as though something heavy was passing by.

Blinking he waited for his eyes to adjust so he could see properly and he wished he hadn’t. Again he felt something warm drip onto his face. His eyes flicked upwards looking for the source of the warm drips. Frantically he scrambled to escape as he found a creature’s body above him. The body was covered in patchy grey fur and spines, with massive claws still extended as though they were about to rip him apart.

His eyes moved over the creature’s body, an involuntary scream leaving his mouth as he took in the terrifying sight. A dozen large stalks of rebar stuck out of the ground around him, and several of them had punctured the creature’s body. Blood dripped from the body above him fell onto his face, making the parts where it landed disgustingly warm and sticky.

Scrambling away from the body he cried out as more pain; sharp fiery hot agony, flashed through his arm and leg. His body reacted to the pulsating sensations; his legs refusing to work and his vision swimming sickeningly.

He slumped down unable to stop the tears that fell from his eyes from the pain coursing through his body. Glancing down at his arm he found the source of that particular malaise; several long gouges had been slashed into his arm. It was as though someone had taken a knife and had cut him several times from his elbow to the tips of his fingers in an odd circular pattern.

Wincing in discomfort he did his best to cradle his injured arm and ignore the duller but still intense throbbing which was radiating up his leg. More tears fell from his eyes as he felt the cuts on his arm pull as he moved. Looking around his eyes fell on a small white sash hanging from the creature’s dead body.

Biting his lip he weighed his options. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear a voice, giving him advice on what to do with his wound. It wasn’t something he was sure about but he knew he now had two options. Firstly he could retrieve the sash and bandage his arm; the very least it would stop him from bleeding and hurting himself more. Alternatively his second option was that he could leave it unbandaged and risk infection and possibly bleeding to death.

Making up his mind he slowly moved forward; groaning as fresh waves of pulsing sensations shot through his body but more so down his arm. His hand trembled as he reached out and gripped the end of the sash that hung from the body. He thanked every god he could think of when he found the sash was easy to tug off the body. He whimpered as he reached around and slowly began wrapping his injured arm with the sash. He tried not to focus on the several splotches of red that were not his, instead focusing his mind on simply surviving. Tying the bandage off; he finally took the opportunity to look around.

Despite the darkness and the dust particles which clouded the air he could see that he was in some kind of tunnel. He flinched slightly as the tunnel shuddered as again something large passed by unseen. Slowly he crawled away from the creature’s body that hung over him feeling cascading waves of sharp torturous discomfort course from the tips of his toes to seemingly trying to explode out of the top of his head. Only once his back hit a wall did he try to stand; wincing as his leg muscles burned and ached with the effort to raise his body up off the floor.

He staggered as he tried to walk, his legs felt as though he had been running for days and each time he shifted his weight through them it felt like someone had stuck sharp pins into him. Looking around he found himself on some kind of platform. In front of him the platform gave way to a tunnel that passed into what appeared to be consuming darkness on both the left and right sides.

Looking in both directions he found himself gravitating towards the left tunnel and the darkness it held; something about darkness seemed to hold safety to him. Dropping himself unsteadily down off the platform he felt the dirt beneath his toes as he began walking.

For how long he walked he was not sure, his steps were faltering and his mind clouded with pain and a haziness he could not get to go away. Every now and then the tunnel would rattle as again and again something passed nearby making the walls shudder; like an untamed beast fighting to be free of its enclosure.

Taking another step he flinched as his foot hit something wet and freezing cold. In the shallow light that came from the few wall lights dotted along the seemingly neverending tunnel he looked down finding himself staring at his distorted outline which was reflected back up at him in the puddle he’d stepped in.

Green skin . . . green skin . . . how hadn’t he noticed that before, not only green skin but some kind of orange mask over his face. What was this thing on his back which felt so large and constricting . . . a shell? Then down between his legs, a small appendage which tingled . . . a tail? He paused for a moment looking down at the small spinal extension. Even as he stared at it; it moved, shifting between his legs in fear.

Glancing back down at the puddle again he felt his eyes widen as now with the waters still he could clearly see more of his reflection. What the hell was he? Was this normal? Staring at himself he found his face was not entirely green; a large crimson stain covering the spot just above and between his eyes. He let out a scream and began rubbing and tearing at his face with both hands; momentarily forgetting the wounds of his torn arm.

All he could think about was the blood that covered his face. So he tore and rubbed at his face only managing to smear the blood around. Dropping to his knees only one thought came to mind and without hesitation he buried his face in the puddle of water he had stepped in. He only broke the surface when his lungs burned and ached for air, coughing and spluttering as the water dripped down his face.

Opening his eyes he sighed with a small amount of relief, seeing that the red stain on his face was for the most part gone leaving only the horrific gash above his eye. But his relief turned into a whimper of torment as the ache in his arm took hold of him once more. Glancing down he saw lines of red bleeding through the makeshift bandage he had wrapped around his arm.

Gingerly he clutched his arm as he slowly stood up leaning against the wall as the world span momentarily around him. Sighing he closed his eyes and tried to relax, again a voice far off in the back of his mind telling him to take deep breathes.

Breathing deeply he began to slowly calm his erratic heart; now was not the time to focus on what he was, now was the time to find his way out of the strange place he was in. So he continued walking through the darkness hoping that he could find something to help him make sense of what had happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Raph’s eye twitched as he glanced at the clock for the tenth time. Next to him Donnie sighed and paused the video game they were playing. Raph’s seemingly complete inability to play properly was beginning to frustrate the genius turtle. It was not often they managed to get unrestricted access to the gaming system and Donnie couldn’t deny he was enjoying the opportunity. It just seemed that he was the only one doing so.  
  
“Would you relax?” he asked Raph as the hot head once again looked at the clock.  
  
“No, it’s been hours. Where is Mikey? He should have been back with the pizza ages ago,” Raph answered as he shook his head.  
  
“He’s probably just having fun on his skateboard or something; you know how easily he gets distracted. Why don't I call him? Tell him to get back here and not keep us waiting any longer?” Donnie replied with a bit of a shrug.  
  
Raph grunted, muttering under his breath about giving Mikey a beat down for letting the pizza get cold making Donnie roll his eyes. Standing up and leaving the couch Donnie made his way to his lab and after a moment of digging through the various devices and papers found his T-phone. Flipping the phone open he dialled Mikey’s number and waited for the familiar ring tone of “Everything Is Awesome” to play while Mikey’s phone rang.  
  
His face twisted into a frown as no song played; in fact he could hear nothing on the other end of the line. Hanging up the phone he opened it, making sure it was switched on properly and once again dialled the number being sure to be extra careful of the numbers he pushed.  
  
Once again no sound came from the other end of the line, not even a ring tone. His eyes narrowed in consternation as he looked at his device, his phone was definitely working so that meant Mikey’s wasn’t.  
  
Hanging up his phone Donnie stuck his head out of his lab, “Guys . . . do you know if Mikey remembered to charge his T-phone?”  
  
“No, why?” Leo replied looking up from where he sat in the middle of the floor.  
  
Donnie looked down at his phone and let out a worried sigh, “Cause I can't get through to his phone.”  
  
“His phone won’t respond? Not even with a dial tone or something?” Raph asked as he sat up on the couch.  
  
Donnie shook his head and Leo stood up, the leader’s forehead wrinkling with lines of worry.  
  
“Can you track where his phone is?” the leader of the turtles asked.  
  
Donnie rolled his eyes but nodded, “Yes, even if his phone is off I can at least find the last place it was turned on.”  
  
Stepping back into his lab Donnie dropped himself down in front of his computer and began typing away at the keys. A second later a map of New York and the sewer system sprang up. He felt his brothers move in behind him; watching what he was doing.  
  
Punching in the command he watched as the computer searched for the signal coming from Mikey’s T-phone. A series of red dots appeared on the map, moving from the lair, traveling through the sewer systems towards the spot where they had the delivery people drop off their pizzas and get paid, then . . . Donnie frowned as the red dots took a route Donnie didn’t recognize.  
  
Behind him Leo spoke, “Why would he go that way? There’s nothing but half built tunnels from the forties there.”  
  
Donnie shrugged and watched as the dots came to an abrupt end, stopping midway through a tunnel. They watched waiting for the dots to move again but they remained still. Looking at the tunnels identification Donnie felt his gut twist at how far from the lair his baby brother was and how long he had been there. The guilt instantly settled upon him; something potentially had happened to Mikey and all he’d been concerned about was the chance to play video games unrestricted.  
  
“I think we should go and investigate,” he said standing up.  
  
Behind him he heard Leo and Raph agree with him and within five minutes they were moving through the sewer heading in the direction of Mikey’s last known location. They ran at a steady pace, eating up the ground between them and their younger brother. As they neared the spot they spread out in the tunnel and began searching hoping for clues even before they got there.  
  
“Guys we’re almost there, spread out. See if you can find . . .” Donnie began but his voice trailed off as they found something.  
  
A dozen boxes of pizza littered the floor of the tunnel. Kneeling down to look at them Donnie noted that several of the boxes had been stomped on, as though they had been dropped in a panic and stepped upon. But it was one box in particular that caught his attention. Unlike the other boxes this one was not crushed but slashed; five parallel slash marks visible on the top of the box.  
  
“What happened here?” Raph's voice echoed off the stone walls of the tunnel.  
  
Standing up from the slashed box Donnie spoke, “Something . . . something attacked him. But I don't know who or what it was.”  
  
“It must have been bad . . . I mean we all know how much Mikey loves his pizza. For him to have just left it here . . .” Leo finally spoke after a few moments.  
  
But his voice trailed off as his brothers glared at him. Leo sighed; he had been trying to take their minds and his own off the worry, but humour was Mikey’s forte not Leo’s. Following the trail of boxes Donnie found himself becoming increasingly worried. The tunnel showed signs of a battle, dirt kicked up at odd angles showing where bodies had rolled around on the ground.  
  
There were small craters in the walls where attacks had been dodged and instead had collided with the stone tiles. Next to him Donnie felt Raph kneel down and pick up what looked to be a piece of trash; but the stiffness of the emerald green body told Donnie it wasn't trash he had just picked up. Clutched in his hand was a splintered bit from one of Mikey’s nunchakus.  
  
Pulling out a flashlight from his belt Donnie decided the time for stealth was well passed them and turned the device on sweeping it across the tunnel for better illumination. As his vision took in the now starkly highlighted area he inhaled sharply. The ground was littered with wooden splinters along with several small chunks of chain. A second later Leo and Donnie nearly jumped out of their skin as Raph let out a yell that echoed down the tunnel.  
  
“MIKEY!!”  
  
As the echoed died down Leo spoke, “Raph . . . maybe doing that is not such a good idea?”  
  
“What are you talking about? We have to find Mikey!” Raph glared at him.  
  
Leo was never one to stand down glared back at him. He pulled himself up straight and squared his shoulders, making himself a solid mass to stand up to his hot headed sibling.  
  
“Because whatever attacked him might still be alive and in the tunnel. Shouting like a maniac only gives away our position and focuses the attention on us. How can we help Mikey if we are under attack?”  
  
Raph rolled his eyes and pulled out his Sais, “Then I’ll tear it apart!”  
  
It was Leo’s turn to roll his eyes at his brother’s hot headed attitude. Raphael was always so eager to jump into a fight that he didn’t always think things through adequately. Leo watched as Donnie shone the flashlight further down the tunnel in the direction the debris seemed to be heading.  
  
“Come on. Let’s move; but be careful,” Leo ordered taking the lead and heading off down the tunnel.  
  
                                ______________________________________________  
  
  
Mikey flinched as some kind of echoing roar rushed passed him. Whatever had made the sound; seemed to be mad like some kind of frenzied beast just poised for an attack. Despite the fear which bubbled up inside of him he knew he couldn't focus on that now; not when his hands were shaking from how cold he felt. He had only started to notice the cold about a half hour ago.  
  
As he trudged through the tunnel he was in, his shivering had gotten worse and worse until now he could barely take a step without almost falling because of how badly he was shaking. With each laden, agonising step he had felt the world tip and slide making his progress along the tunnel slow. Ideally all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and close his eyes, to sleep and let the darkness consume him.  
  
Staggering sideways he felt his shoulder hit the wall of the tunnel sending more pain through his already wracked system. His entire body was shaking so violently that he slowly dropped down until he was sitting on the cold wet dirt floor of the tunnel.  
  
Slowly and carefully he pulled his legs up to his chest before wrapping his arms around his legs in an attempt to stay warm. Burying his head against his arms he could not stop the flood of tears that fell from his eyes and dripped down his face. His body hurt so badly and he was tired, he just wanted to curl up and surrender to oblivion but the voice in the back of his head kept telling him to stay awake. He hiccupped and sobbed out his frustrations.  
  
What had he done to deserve this? What had he done to deserve being hurt, alone, cold and unable to remember anything about how he had gotten this way? He tried to fight back more tears but failed; his body began to shake as he started to sob with more force than he thought he was capable of.  
  
                     __________________________________________________  
  
  
Raph felt his temper flare as once again Leo told him to slow down. Whipping around he glared at his leader before speaking.  
  
“Don't tell me to calm down! Mikey is who knows where and there might be . . .” but his voice trailed off as a smell hit his nostrils; it smelt like . . . wet copper.  
  
He knew that smell; he had been injured enough times to know that smell almost instantly. His hands began to shake as he moved closer to the source of the smell, a dark red splash against one of the walls. He didn't have to get closer to know that the red slash was blood . . . something inside of him telling him that this was Mikey’s blood. His heart clenched at the sheer volume of blood, Mikey must have been serious injured. But if he was where was he?  
  
Raph began to run; shouting as he did so, “MIKEY! Mikey where the hell are you?! If you don’t come out I’m gonna throw away all your comic books! Come on Mikey where the hell are you!?”  
  
Behind him he could hear Leo shouting at him; telling him to slow down and stop shouting, but he ignored him. His heart thundered in his chest as he ran through the tunnel. He didn’t care that Leo was shouting at him, he didn’t care that at any moment he might be attacked by whatever had attacked his little brother.  
  
All he cared about was finding Mikey and making sure he was still alive. Hell in all honesty deep down inside he wanted to find the creature or have it find him; he wanted to tear it limb from limb for hurting his baby brother.  
  
The smell of Mikey’s blood fuelled him making him run faster and faster. There was another smell in the air, some kind of disgusting musk that wafted through his senses making him gag and cough as he ran. However for the most part he ignored the smell his mind only focused on finding Mikey.  
  
He couldn’t hear Leo’s shouts now all he could hear was the sound of him running. Slowly down to a stop he strained his ears sure he had heard something else too. He closed his eyes and focused everything on his hearing and knew he was right; he could hear . . . something? Raph felt his temper flare all logic disappearing as he realized someone was in the tunnel with him.  
  
Raph continued to strain to listen for the sound which was coming from a little ways in front of him. His hands automatically reached for the weapons in his belt and almost silently he pulled them free. The smell of blood in the air and the foul musk permeated his sense of smell drowning out everything else.  
  
Edging his way slowly forward he moved towards the sound his mind still reeling with worry and anger over his brother and whatever had attacked him. Despite Leo’s fears, Raph was ready for anything, this creature might think it was being quiet but Raph was a ninja, his skills were so much better.  
  
With eyes used to scanning the dark, Raph quickly made out the darkened form up ahead. Despite his excellent vision Raph could only make out the vague outline and he was sure in that split second that it was not his brother. Blinded by his own emotions, he wanted revenge on whoever had spilt Mikey’s blood and like that blood his vision went red.  
  
A growl of anger left his throat and his well-toned muscles propelled him forward towards the threat. Twisting his Sais so that the blades ran along his own forearm Raph towered over the huddle form and raised his hand up. The handle of the Sai darted down coming into harsh contact with the side of the body’s head.  
  
His rage filled and murky vision did not register the scrap of dirty orange material or the shell upon the body’s back but instead Raph raised his hand back for another hit, making the battered form cry out woefully; its voice thick and heavy with the onset of the cold.  
  
                         _____________________________________  
  
  
Mikey desperately wanted to move to defend himself from whatever was attacking him but his body did not want to react to his commands. He felt drained, sluggish and somewhat numb almost like he was disconnected from his body in some way. He didn’t even really feel the pain of the hit which had smacked into the side of his head only seconds ago but instead he reacted to the fear of the unknown situation he now found himself in.  
  
He could hear the creature that was attacking him growling and spitting words, sounding more like a feral animal than anything else. He wanted to fight back, something in the back of his mind telling him he was more than capable of defending himself, but as soon as the thought arose a wave of nausea flooded through his body and he shied away from it.  
  
He tried to push himself harder against the wall trying to make himself as small as possible and turn his shell to take the brunt of the blows. He wanted to do something more, to get away from this vile creature that was attacking him but his body remained slow and unresponsive. He finally managed to get an arm to respond to his commands and with painstaking slowness he managed to raise his slashed and battered arm and bring it over his head to protect himself.  
  
                        ___________________________________________  
  
  
Raph watched the being cowering underneath him with slowly dawning terror. His eyes finally opened wide the red mist of rage leaving him as he took in the carapace and sea green skin, then the scrap of dirtied fabric hanging from its head. He watched as his now identified baby brother tried to push himself against the wall in an attempt to escape before bringing a poorly bandaged and blood soaked arm up to protect his head.  
  
The hot headed turtle barely registered as Leo and Donnie skidded to a halt beside him, any and all reprimands fading as they saw who it was that held Raph’s undivided attention. Raph’s hands trembled as he placed his weapons back in his belt and knelt down closer to the beaten and quivering turtle, guilt twisting in his gut.  
  
Gently he reached out and placed a hand on his brother’s carapace and gave it a gentle rub hoping the movement came across as loving and gentle. What he didn’t count on was the terrified whimpers and shuddering he got instead not that he could blame Mikey, he had after all just hit his baby brother. He looked over his shoulder at Donatello and Leonardo both of whom mirrored his horrified expression.  
  
Licking his lips Raph opened his mouth to speak but nothing but a croak managed to makes its way out. He felt Leo and Donnie crouch down beside him and as a family they cocooned their baby brother from the rest of the sewer.  
  
“Mikey?” Raph finally managed to croak out, his voice sounding nothing like normal.  
  
The effect was nearly instantaneous on the smaller, beaten turtle. Mikey had not heard the name only the sound of the voice and it filled him with even more dread. He wanted to run, to get away, and to escape from the monster that had attacked him. His eyes refused to work, painting a blurry picture of the world around him as he tried to crawl away from his attacker; who had stopped hitting him but whose form seemed monstrous and large with three heads.  
  
He gasped and shuddered as pain flashed through his body making him cry out as he felt the wounds on his arm pull and reopened. He felt his good arm strain with the effort to pull himself away. Exhausted and extremely cold he dropped down face first into the dirt. His injured arm felt like it was on fire; his muscles ached and his could hardly feel his legs because of the cold. He bit his lip, would his attacker be merciful and kill him quickly, or would he make it hurt?  
  
“Please . . .” his voice was less than a whisper, “I don’t want to die here.”  
  
He felt something touch his shoulder; he groaned with a mixture of fear and agony as his attacker lifted him off the ground before pushing him against the wall. A second later he yelped in torment and tried to cover his eyes as a bright light filled his vision; burning his eyes. Making him yelp and whimper in pain and fear. He felt his attacker touch the side of his face, making him recoil.  
  
“Please . . . I don’t want . . . don’t want . . .” his voice trailed off as a wave of dizziness washed over him making him sway from side to side.  
  
He felt someone grab his shoulders. He could hear voices, someone speaking, yet he could not understand what was being said. His mind rapidly clouding with a combination of fear, distress, cold, and dizziness.  
  
A second later his stomach lurched and constricted. He reacted without thinking, shoving himself away from the wall and his attacker. He didn’t even have time to try and run away, instead he dropped to the ground as his legs cut out from under him. He vomited; gagging and sobbing as the contents of his stomach left a horrible acidic sour taste in his mouth.  
  
Wave after wave of nausea washed over him as he remained on the ground doing his best to fight back against the vile substance that was coming from his mouth. Above him he could hear someone talking; their words echoing as though they were speaking for far away; but all this became irrelevant as another wave of nausea made him vomit again.  
  
His sides heaved and shook as he instinctively tried to get rid of all the pain and hurt boiling up from his insides. What had he done to deserve this? What horrors had he committed that demanded he suffer in such a way? To be not only be alone in the dark and in pain but to be attacked and beaten? He coughed and gagged spitting out the horrible dregs of vomit left in his mouth.  
  
Donnie and Leo exchanged worried glances as Mikey retched on all fours. Leo’s concern was that his baby brother was injured and in such dire straits and it left them exposed, whereas Donnie’s mind lingered over the wicked gashes that marred his brother’s body and how best to deal with them. Raph meanwhile stood back watching it all his green gaze constantly flicking back to the bruise which he had left on Mikey’s head by his weapons.  
  
“What can we do Donnie?” Leo asked seeking the more intelligent turtle’s insight.  
  
“We need to get him out of the sewers and somewhere clean, all this stagnant water won’t do his wounds any good, who knows what bacteria is floating around inside of it,” Donnie explained kneeling down in front of Mikey but out of the way of the vomit.  
  
Donnie continued to frown as he gently reached out and touched Mikey’s shoulder, feeling a little hurt as the younger pulled away from the touch like it was poisoned. His reddish brown eyes roved over his baby brother’s face and head taking in the wicked gash which split the skin of Mikey’s forehead down to the bone.  
  
“Mikey?” he spoke gently trying to quell the rising panic from his little brother.  
  
Instead of helping the sound of his voice only seemed to aggravate the smaller turtle more. He watched a feeling of fear washing through him as once more Mikey tried to get to his feet. Donnie held up his hand as Leonardo made to move forward and support him.  
  
While Donatello did not want Mikey to hurt himself, the proclaimed genius could better assess Mikey’s body when he was stood upright than he could with Mikey on his hands and knees. Slowly Donatello’s gaze moved from Mikey’s feet all the way up to his swaying brother’s head, taking in the bruises and scrapes as well as the more worrying poorly bandaged gashes. There was no denying that whatever had happened Mikey had been in one hell of a fight.  
  
Slowly Donnie reached out, lightly touching his brother’s uninjured hand. He felt a jolt a hope wash over him as Mikey didn’t recoil from his touch.  
  
“Mikey . . . can you hear me?”  
  
If he could hear Donnie, Mikey gave no response; instead only swaying from side to side. In the back of his mind Donnie could not help but wonder; with the cold, his injuries and the sheer fear that must have been running through the younger turtle’s mind, was he even aware that his brothers were here?  
  
His eyes widened as Mikey’s head slowly turned showing Donatello more of the green skin which was bruised and bloodied. For a fraction of a second they looked at each other. A moment later Donnie staggered as Mikey lashed out shoving him away. He watched horrified as Mikey turned to run away; only to encounter Raph and Leo who quickly moved to block his path.  
  
Donnie watched helpless and scared as Mikey let out a kind of terrified whimper and crumbled to the ground. Shaking his head Donnie knelt over Mikey’s now prone body, thanking whatever deity may exist that youngest turtle was still breathing. Checking his pulse Donnie breathed a small sigh of relief as he found Mikey’s pulse was there, but very weak.  
  
Looking up at Leo and Raph he spoke, “We need to get him out of here and back to my lab. His arm and forehead needs to be washed and dressed properly. He has obviously injured his leg judging by the swelling and he needs to get warm. Leo you get his legs and Raph help support his shell; I’ll get his head and shoulders. Please try to be careful of his injured arm and leg; we don’t want the wounds reopening again.”  
  
With a nod of agreement the brothers all took their places and with tenderness and care set about bringing Mikey home.


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter 2 **

Raph watched as Donnie examined Mikey’s unconscious form. It had taken them almost an hour to get back to the lair. Several times Mikey had moved and struggled, as though trying to run away and a few times he had almost managed to break free from their grip. But somehow they had managed to keep hold of him; and soon enough got him to Donnie’s lab where the brainy turtle had set about checking Mikey’s injuries.

Having adapted aspects of the Kraang’s technology for his own use, Donnie was able to assess not only Mikey’s external injuries but also his internal injuries. Raph and Leo watched as Donatello moved the device over all of Michelangelo’s body, his frown deepening as he examined the screen as he did so. Mikey had a cluster of injuries and they were not good.

Several of Mikey’s ribs had been deeply bruised; the two fingers on his right hand had been broken, while another finger on his left hand had been horribly dislocated. One of his legs had a hairline fracture and a possible pull off fracture at the ankle, not to mention the injuries he’d gotten when Raph had attacked him.

However what was most troubling were the gashes on his right arm. The gashes were deep, several of them nearly reaching down to the bone. There was a gash across Mikey’s forehead which had penetrated down to the bone and Donatello could tell from the way his little brother had responded and acted that he was suffering from a concussion.

Groaning Donnie bit his lip as he looked to Raph and Leo; neither of them had left his lab since they had brought Mikey back. The genius turtle had dealt with minor injuries for a long time but none of them had really ever been significantly injured.

Even the fight against the Shredder they had been more deeply bruised with some minor to moderate cuts and scratches than anything else. Their skins and shells were surprising strong and it seemed like they had a hearty constitution but now lying before them was a brother who was seriously, possibly even life-threateningly injured.

Sensing his uncertainty Leo spoke, “Donnie? What’s wrong?”

Donnie sighed and rubbed his eyes, looking back down at Mikey he spoke, “His arm has the start of an infection from all the sewer water and dirt that managed to get into it, see how red and inflamed it already is? It also doesn’t help that whatever he used for his bandage was not sterile.”

Donnie watched as Raph groaned and buried his head in his hands. Looking back down at Mikey he continued.

“The infection isn’t life threatening, but he’ll need to be put on antibiotics right away. If we wait any longer he might . . .” Donnie’s voice shook as he spoke. “If we don’t start treating the infection soon it might do permanent damage to his arm, damage that . . . damage that I can’t repair. Luckily I have antibiotics that will work; but we need to make sure he stays hydrated and warm. Raph can you help me?”

Raph nodded and stood up; moving to help Donnie set up the IV that would supply Mikey with the antibiotics he needed. Raph felt his heart clench as even in his unconscious state Mikey flinched when Raph touched his shoulder. Steeling himself Raph helped to hold Mikey steady so Donnie could stick the IV’s needle into one of the young turtle’s veins.

There was no mistaking the shake in Donatello’s hand as he inserted the needle and Raph knew why he had asked for assistance. Dealing with such things while not exactly the norm for them was something Donnie had become quite adept at. However this situation was unlike any they had encountered before. The state they had found Mikey in and the unknowns surrounding his attack had them all on edge.

The three turtles had been so focused on dealing with Michelangelo they had not heard their Sensei and father make his way across to the lab. Master Splinter’s ears were laid flat with worry, his whiskers brisling from having picked up the tension surrounding his sons. His black eyes darted about the room taking in his three healthy sons and then the battered and bleeding form of his youngest son.

“What has happened here my sons?” he asked moving swiftly to Michelangelo’s side.

Leo and Raph exchanged brief glances wondering what to tell their father but Donatello was already answering for them.

“Mikey went out for pizza and didn’t come back. We went looking for him and found him in one of the old sewer tunnels bloodied and beaten. His nunchakus were completely destroyed and there was a lot of evidence that he had been in a serious fight,” Donnie explained swiftly. “When we found him he was disorientated and confused. We brought him home as quickly as possible but his wounds have already been exposed to sewer water and an infection set it.”

Splinter looked up from his youngest son to his highly intelligent one, seeing the light sheen of sweat which covered Donnie’s skin. There was no mistaking the wide eyed panic which seemed to have settled in all of his alert sons and the former human knew he needed to reinstate calm.

“You have done well to bring Michelangelo home so quickly,” he reassured them all. “Leonardo, Raphael please go and prepare boiled water and some clean cloths in order for us to clean Michelangelo. Donatello let me help you with his injuries.”

Almost instantly the boys settled into their roles, happy that someone else had taken over authority in the situation. While Leonardo and Raphael headed silently to the kitchen, Splinter helped Donatello to further examine the gashes marring Michelangelo’s once unmarked skin.

Splinter watched as Donatello gently began to remove the remains of Mikey’s makeshift bandage. He did his best to aid the genius turtle; handing him tools when he was asked or holding Mikey’s arm a certain way. After several minutes he felt Raph and Leo return with the hot water.

Donnie looked up at his brothers, “Bring the water around to his arm, I need to clean the gashes before I can begin stitching them together.”

As they set the water down Raph spoke, “Donnie . . . what did this to him?”

Donatello shook his head and dug into his med kit; preparing the needle and thread.

“I don't know Raph and right now I can’t focus on that. I have to focus on Mikey, if I don’t . . . if I make a mistake or . . . if I . . .” Donnie’s voice trailed off as the implications of his words settled in his head.

If he made a mistake or messed up, Mikey would most likely lose the use of his arm or the infection could become so severe that Mikey might lose his arm all together. He flinched slightly as Master Splinter rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax my son; I know you will do your best to aid your brother. Now please, take a deep breath. We will be here to help you if you need it,” the old rat reassured.

Donnie swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled weakly at his father and Sensei, “Thank you Sensei.”

Moving around to the tray Donnie first took up the syringe with painkillers in it and injected it into his little brother. It would take a little while to work but would stave off the worst of the pain Mikey was experiencing.

“What is that my son?” Splinter asked.

Donnie glanced up and let out a sigh, “Painkillers and before you say anything I know Mikey hates them we all do but what I’m going to do is going to add to his pain and I don’t want to do that. They’ll only last for a couple of hours and take him through the worst part of getting patched up.”

Splinter nodded his head in understanding and gave Donatello a reassuring smile. The medic of the family grabbed the clean washcloth and first dunked the cloth in the warm water before kneeling down next to Mikey’s injured arm. He began to gently rub at the scabs that had formed over the deep gashes. As he wiped away the scabs he bit his lips as the wounds, no longer held together by the scabs, began to ooze and bleed.

Behind him he felt Raph shift nervously, “Donnie . . . he’s-”

But before he could continue, Donatello cut him off, the genius’s eyes blazing slightly but the worry still very evident to the others.

“I know Raph . . . I know! But I have to clean them before I can stitch them closed, if I don't then he’ll just get another infection,” Donnie answered with a long sigh.

Again Raph shifted nervously behind him mumbling as he did so, “Sorry.”

Donatello did not respond; instead busying himself with dropping the washcloth back into the tub of water and preparing the needle and thread. He knew the gashes really should have internal stitches as well as external stitches but he did not have the right material to do that. Instead he was hoping with plenty of rest and recuperation Mikey’s body would bind itself back together.

Taking a deep breath Donnie though not usually a religious turtle, mentally prayed for a split second before getting to work. Gingerly he placed the needle against Mikey’s skin and began applying pressure. He jerked slightly as Mikey moved, unconsciously trying to shift away from the pain of the needle.

“Leo I need you to hold his arm so he can’t shift it away from the needle,” Donnie spoke his voice shaking as he kept the needle in place.

He felt Leo shift moving to grip Mikey’s arm so that the youngest turtle would not be able to move.

“Raph can you please watch his face; if he looks like he’s going to wake up we need to know so Leo can keep him from jerking and flailing around. We need to make sure that doesn’t happen; it could be catastrophic with how deep these gashes are. Master Splinter if he does wake up I need you to take one of the syringes on the table and inject the sedative into his neck,” Donnie added issuing instructions with a little more authority.

Only when Leo and Splinter were in place did Donnie try again. Pressing the needle against Mikey’s skin Donnie noted how the sea green turtle’s muscles tensed as the needle penetrated the young turtle’s skin. Small beads of sweat formed on Donnie’s forehead as he worked, sewing up one gash then another, then another, until all five gashes on Mikey’s arm where closed.

Wiping the sweat from his forehead Donnie glanced down at his medkit. Mentally he calculated how much he had left, reasoning he had enough to at least close up the remaining wound to Mikey’s forehead but after that he would be dangerously low. He made a note to his mental shopping list to ask April to try and get more thread for future use.

Shifting up the bed Donatello looked over Mikey’s forehead and with still trembling fingers began to work over the gaping wound. Finally with blood covered fingers starting to cramp up a little, he was done. A second later he looked up at Master Splinter who again placed his hand on Donatello’s shoulder.

“Good work my son. What do we need to do next?” Splinter spoke gently to him.

Looking back to where Mikey lay, Donatello shook his head, “There . . . there’s not much else we can do. One of us should stay here with him, make sure he stays hydrated and warm, and make sure his dressings stay clean . . . but . . . he’s probably going to be asleep for a few days.”

Splinter nodded and looked to Leo and Raph; both of them were looking at Mikey with teary eyes. The old rat was sure that neither of them would want to leave the youngest turtle alone but they would have to work in shifts in order to keep someone with Michelangelo at all times.

“Leonardo you will take the first watch, Raphael will take the second and I will take the third,” Splinter finally decided.

Donatello opened his mouth to speak but Splinter looked at him with a gentle expression.

“My son you are exhausted. You have done all you can for your brother now go and rest . . . please, allow us now to care for you and Michelangelo.”

Donatello sighed and stood up nodding his head in understanding, “If he wakes up, come and get me at once; do not let him move his arm or his leg and under no circumstance is he to leave the lab. I am not immobilizing his leg just yet because I want the swelling around the fractures to ease before I do that. He should not stand on that leg understand?” Donnie reiterated clearly.

Leo nodded and gave his intelligent brother a small pat on the back, “Thank you Donnie, you did really good today.”

Donnie smiled weakly at Leo who smiled weakly back. A moment later the olive green turtle left the lab, walking to his room before dropping himself down into his bed. As much as he thought he would struggle to drift off he was asleep in seconds.


	4. Chapter 4

** CHAPTER 3 **

**6 days later**

Raph sighed as he gently dabbed at Mikey’s forehead with a washcloth careful of the stitches which had to be kept clean and dry. Donnie had said Mikey was beginning to try and regain consciousness.

In the last two days his body would twitch and spasm, a sign that his mind was trying to regain control of his body; but resulting in Donnie saying they needed to strap him down to the bed so he did not spasm and fall off or pull out the half healed stitches.

Dabbing again at Mikey’s forehead Raph spoke to the unconscious turtle, “Wake up Mikey, we need you. The lair isn’t the same without you making a racket and no one smiles anymore. It is so . . .”

It was hard to find the right words to describe how things had become in the sanctuary. Leo had spent anytime he wasn’t with Mikey meditating, but Raph could see the the mental strain beginning to take it’s toll on their fearless leader. The forest green turtle cried when he thought no one was around; his sides would shake so badly that Raph was amazed that his brother made no noise.

Donnie wasn't faring any better. The brainy turtle would spend hours on his computer or buried in his books. He hardly spoke anymore and when he did it was not in his long winded explanations he normally gave, but instead in short one word responses. Several times Raph had come into the lab to find Donnie passed out over a pile of books and all Raph could do to help was to carry the exhausted turtle to his bedroom.

Splinter was not showing it but Raph could tell he was starting to feel the strain too. For the hours that he was not by Michelangelo’s side their Sensei would shut himself in his room. For the first day or so he’d done as he always had, made the remaining turtles stick to their schedules, training, meditating, eating meals with each other but all that had changed on the third day.

The situation was a hard one for all involved but for Splinter it tore a hole in his heart. He couldn’t help the slight dread with welled up inside of him at the thoughts that something so bad could happen to his sons.

Losing one child was more than he could bear but the chance of losing a second had him withdrawing away quickly trying to protect his heart from further pain. Now Splinter remained in his room only coming out to eat dinner or watch over Michelangelo’s prone form so that the others could sleep in complete silence.

Even Raph himself was not immune to the tension that had gripped the family. He found himself becoming frustrated at the smallest misunderstandings. Several times he’d retreated to his room and beat his punching bag until his knuckles were raw and in one instance bloodied.

Each time Donnie would offer to bandage his knuckles, but the hotheaded turtle would refuse. In his mind he deserved it, he deserved the pain. Mikey was fighting for his life, from injuries that he had contributed too, so the very least he could do was suffer through his own injures in silence.

Tipping a cup of water against Mikey’s lips Raph watched as the small amount of water in the cup drained into Mikey’s mouth. Setting the cup down Raph had been about to go back to dabbing at Mikey’s forehead when a sound next to him made him turn to stare at the unconscious turtle.

Staring down at Mikey for a moment Raph shrugged and again turned away only to hear the same sound again. Leaning in closer to Mikey Raph strained his ears to hear the sound he was sure Mikey was making. After several moments of silence he heard it again; his eyes widening as Mikey spoke in his sleep.

Not wanting to leave Mikey’s side he did the only thing he could think of; grabbing a nearby textbook he flung it at the wall between Donnie’s lab and the living room. As the book tumbled to the floor the door opened and Leo shoved his head in worry marring his features.

“Raph? What the he . . .” Leo began but was unable to finish as Raph waved him silent.

“Get Donnie, Mikey’s doing something,” Raph interrupted.

A few moments later Donnie pushed his way into the lab glaring at Raph as he picked up the textbook Raph had thrown, everyone knew about Donnie’s love for his books but the red banded turtle was not upset about what he had done, he wasn’t going to leave Mikey alone. Raph watched nervously as Donnie examined Mikey. After several minutes he straightened up and looked at Raph and Leo.

“Well what is going on?” Raph demanded his impatience coming across clearly.

“Nothing more than has been happening before. He is talking in his unconscious state but its complete babble, it doesn’t mean anything and isn’t making any sense. It means his subconscious is taking in the external stimuli which is something,” Donatello explained.

Raph seemed to deflate at Donatello’s explanation knowing that they were really no further forward. He growled in the back of his throat and felt Leonardo’s hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off and stormed out of the room. Leo let out a long sigh and looked over at Donatello, who gave a nod of his head.

Without another word Leo followed Raph out of the lab and towards the red banded turtle’s room. Despite the glare Raph shot over his shoulder Leo was undeterred knowing that his hot headed brother needed to vent in someway and it was healthier if he did it with Leo than on his own.

Leo walked past Raph towards the bed and sat upon it while Raph sat at his drumkit and picked up the sticks. Instead of beating the hell out of the drum like he normally would Raph just held the sticks tightly in his fists. Leo remained silent and waited for his brother to express which frustration was welling up the most.

“I didn’t see it was Mikey,” Raph confessed suddenly leaning forward so he was hunched over.

Leo frowned unsure what Raph was meaning so he continued his silence.

“When we found him in that sewer tunnel I didn’t see it was Mikey. I thought it was the bastard who had perhaps taken and hurt Mikey but not for one second did I think it was Mikey,” Raph continued his knuckles nearly white as he clenched the drumsticks.

Leo shuffled forward and made to get up off of the bed when what he could only describe as a choked off sob sounded from Raph’s huddled form. Leo wasn’t sure whether to move closer to his brother or whether to stay where he was. The only one in the family who really got away with being touchy and feely with anyone of them was Michelangelo and he was unconscious.

Clearing his throat Leo felt at a complete loss but knew he needed to say something. Clearing his throat a second time he opened his mouth to start offering reassurance but Raph beat him to it.

“I hit him,” Raph suddenly confessed.

Leo’s head jerked up, eyes flicking from side to side as he tried to comprehend what Raph had just said. His mouth opened and closed several times but he couldn’t say anything. Raph hunched even lower until his forehead could actually rest on top of his main drum.

“I didn’t know it was him, I just saw this figure and . . . and I could smell the blood and . . . and . . . and I just reacted. I didn’t know it was him, I swear I didn’t know it was him,” Raph spluttered his hands coming up to cover his head in shame.

Leo moved off the bed and moved around the drum kit so he could kneel down beside Raph. Tentatively he reached out and placed a hand on Raph’s shell giving it a gentle rub. It was testament to how fragile and out of sorts Raph was that he didn’t move or snarl at the comfort like he normally would.

“Do you . . . do you think that he’s doing so poorly because of me?” Raph suddenly asked turning his head so he could look at Leo with wet eyes but he had managed to stop the tears from falling.

Offering Raph a small smile, Leo continued the reassuring rub on his brothers shell, “Raph, he was badly beaten and injured before you got your hands on him. Yeah you’ve probably given him a nasty bruise but you didn’t do this too him.”

Sniffling a little Raph nodded his head and sat up rubbing his hands across his eyes and letting out loud breaths to hide him upset. Sitting up straighter he looked over his shell to Leo’s hand which was still on his shell. Giving a slightly sheepish smile Leo removed his hand from Raph’s shell. Getting up Leo gave one last quick pat on Raph’s shoulder before heading towards the door.

“Get some sleep Raph, we are going to have our hands full when Mikey wakes up because we all know he is going to milk this for all its worth,” Leo stated with a slight smile.

Without another word Leo headed to the doorway and had nearly passed through it before he heard his name being called. Turning he looked at Raph expectantly.

“Thanks Leo,” Raph said simply.

                           ___________________________________________________

He was floating, suspended in darkness. He could hear sounds around him, occasionally he felt as though something were touching his body. For how long he had been floating he wasn't sure. He did however notice that the darkness seemed to be fading while the occasional phantom sensation became stronger and stronger.

Suddenly he was no longer floating; it was like he was underwater. The darkness was fading, he could see faint light, blurred shapes, voices that were foggy and hard to understand. His arms and legs felt like he had been pinned down under a ton of weight. He struggled against the oppressive weight holding his body down, struggled to draw breath and move passed the darkness that threatened to retake him.

He could hear more noises, sounds he felt he should know but at the same time mixed white noise which pounded his head. There was still more, something touching him, trying to pull him out of the darkness. He latched onto that something, desperate to escape the pulsing black prison that had held him for who knew how long.

The voices were back, muttering and grunting like some kind of wild animals but stronger than before. He felt as though his body were rushing upwards hurling towards some unknown. All at once his body came to a sudden stop, making him jerk upwards. Colors, light, sounds, physical sensation they all slammed into him making him jerk and spasm.

He could feel something holding his wrists and ankles down, like an oppressive weight. His mouth opened; the air leaving his lungs violently. His head slammed back down against whatever he was strapped to. The light against his eye was blinding and he found it hard to draw breath as he watched blurry dark figures leaning in closer to him.

He tried to scream, to yell, to do anything to make the dark figures leave him alone. A moment later he did manage to scream as he felt something grab his wrist sending jolts of sensory information screaming through his body, the pain which had been held at bay flooding through his system. It was too much, all his senses were competing with each other, all of them trying to paint their version of the world.

The air in his lung erupted violently and he recoiled at the sound of his own defining scream. There were more grunts before a sharp focused pain jabbed into his arm. Instantly his senses recoiled, his world going dim. He was back in the darkness; but this was not the same darkness. Whereas the last darkness had been hard and inescapable this darkness was soft inviting wrapping him in a cocoon which felt safe and secure. Now he was simply waiting for something to wake him.

 

Donnie looked up at his brothers and Master Splinter, they had all charged into the room when he had called them. However their expressions of hope had turned to horror as they watched their youngest brother writhe and scream, seemingly in pain, only to relax after Donnie had injected him with a sedative that had sent him back into the unconscious world.

Now a pained silence had taken over the room; broken only when Raph swallowed loudly before speaking.

“Donnie . . . Donnie what . . ..what happened?” Raph question his voice sounding raw and pained from emotion.

Donnie sighed and rubbed his eyes for a moment.

“I was hoping to avoid this but I guess in a way it was inevitable. Mikey’s been unconscious due to infection, head injuries and shock for almost a week. His body has been focused completely on healing the injuries and fighting off the infection so it is like the rest of him has been in shut down for that period of time. Now his mind is trying to resurface; but it isn’t able to cope with the sudden influx of information and stimuli that he has been deprived of the past week,” Donnie explained as simply as he could.

However when no one in the room showed signs of understanding him, Donnie strove for a simpler explanation.

“Imagine being in a pitch black room. I’m not just talking dark but so dark that you can’t hear, smell, taste, see or feel anything. There is no stimuli nothing for you to process and understand, there is only silence and darkness. Now imagine you’re in that room for almost a week.”

Donnie paused looking at each member of his family waiting until his brothers and father nodded in understanding.

“Now imagine suddenly being pulled from that room and appearing in the middle of my lab with all the lights on and the machines creating white noise and the smells of the sewer flooding your senses.”

He watched as dawning comprehension sparked in their eyes before he continued.

“His brain suddenly had to decipher the signals that his senses were sending him and it was too much for him to process all at once. He was scared, confused and thoroughly overwhelmed, I should have realised this would happen but I……….was hoping he would be okay.”

Leo looked from Donnie to the unconscious Mikey before speaking, “So . . . what happens now?”

“We cut down on what there is for his senses to process. We move him to a different room; keep the lights low, try to make things quiet and wait for him to wake up. I think we should also limit how many people are in the room when he starts to wake up too or at least only have one person sitting next to him. Waking up surrounded could cause him to panic even more. I have only given him an hour or so worth of sedative. After that I’ll need to examine him; and the maybe we can find out what happened in that tunnel,” Donnie sighed.

Silence reigned in the room once more as they all processed the information and tried to come up with plans to help facilitate Donnie’s plans.

After a moment Master Splinter spoke, “I suggest that we take Michelangelo to his room. We will be able to limit his stimuli there and we will be able to wait for him to reawaken there.”

“Um Sensei have you seen the state of Mikey’s bedroom recently, its like one of Donnie’s lab experiments in there!” Leo explained a little sheepishly.

Turning Master Splinter smiled sweetly down at his sons, “Then I suggest you take it in turns to make it habitable for him.”

The three conscious brothers exchanged glances before letting out long sighs. Turning Donnie trudged over to one of the many cabinets he had in his lab. Opening the door he rummaged around for a couple of seconds before retrieving a bag of trashcan liners and some rubber gloves. Turning he held them up to his brothers and grinned hopefully at them. Raph rolled his eyes a little before storming forward and grabbing them off of his genius brother.

“Come on Leo, me and you can get this done easily,” he grunted as he passed by his blue banded brother.

With a quick glare at Donatello, Leo followed Raph out of the lab and up to Michelangelo’s bedroom. Opening the door the brothers were pleasantly surprised to see that Mikey’s room was not as bad as they first suspected. Blue and green eyes took in their baby brothers room and stepped fully inside. Opening up the bag Raph began to pick up the erent pizza boxes and began to shove them into a black bag.

“Can you believe he still has this?” Leo questioned pointing to the cardboard cut out Chris Bradford before his mutation.

Raph looked over his shoulder and snorted a little bit, “Look behind it.”

Leaning the cut out forward Leo stifled a little laugh at the “Kick Me” sign that Mikey has taped to the back; a classic Mikey prank. Placing the cutout back in place Leo crossed to the other side of the room where Mikey stacked his comic books in an alcove set into the wall. Running his finger across the slight space left he shook his head at the amount of dust that lifted off.

“I think we should dust this place too, you know do a proper job,” Leo suggested.

Raph looked up from where he was trying on Mikey’s 3D glasses by the sea green turtles TV. He shrugged letting Leo know that he was happy for the eldest to make that decision for himself. While Leo went to get the extra supplies Raph walked over to Mikey’s bed which was made up of a pieces of wood they had found with a old wooden spindle wheel from a ship as his headboard.

Raph smiled as his eyes landed on a small photograph Mikey had taped to the wall. In the photograph Mikey was grinning from ear to ear, with his brother’s huddled around him and Splinter behind them looking slightly amused.

Stripping off the old covers Raph exposed the mattress and with a grunt lifted it up to expose whatever horrors Mikey had hidden underneath it. He was surprised to find that everything was surprisingly organised in old shoes boxes and it made him smile that each of the brothers had a box of their own with little keepsakes which reminded Mikey of his family.

Flipping the mattress over Raph picked up the dirty sheets, pizza boxes and bits of rubbish and headed out of the room. Dumping the sheets at the washing machine and the sack of rubbish at the bin, he headed back to help Leo finish dusting and tidying the last of the room. Soon it would be safe to move Mikey back to his room and he could wake up with some familiar comforts and hopefully finally inform them exactly what had happened to him.


	5. Chapter 5

Waiting for Mikey to wake up was a form of torture they had never experienced before. Every inhale made them tense and movement behind the sea green eyelids; hoping that Mikey would open his eyes, say something whitty and return to normal. In reality none of that was likely to happen and it made Donatello more uncomfortable for each day that his little brother remained unconscious.

They all watched fearfully nervous as Mikey’s slowly began to react to the world around him. They watched; their hearts in their throats as his eyes slowly opened to reveal a sliver of blue before they closed again. Then just as quickly they opened a little further and Mikey began to blink rapidly.

Finally he managed to keep his eyes open and he turned his head trying to figure out where he was. Slowly Donnie reached out to touch Mikey’s hand hoping to help focus his little brothers mind and consciousness. He felt his heart clench with pain as the youngest turtle flinched at his touch.

“It’s ok just take deep breaths,” Donnie soothed his voice low and gentle.

In response Mikey started coughing his dry throat irritated by his attempts to speak. His whole body shook as he struggled to draw breath through his raw and dry throat. As Mikey coughed Donnie slowly turned to Leo who was sat far back in the room and out of Mikey’s immediate line of vision.

“Leo could you get him a glass of water please,” Donnie requested still keeping his voice low and calm.

Leo nodded and vanished from the room for a moment, before returning with a small cup of water. Walking towards the bed Leo kept his movements slow and non-threatening his movements ending with his handing the cup to Donnie. Leo backed away equally as slowly to his seat where Raph had joined him. They all watched nervously as Donnie handed Mikey the glass of water.

The sea green hands shook so badly that Donnie had to keep his hand on the cup to help guide it to Mikey’s lips. The purple banded turtle exhaled a small sigh of relief as the youngest turtle not only drank from the glass but completely drained it. As Donnie took the empty glass from Mikey’s hands his eyes flicked up to Mikey’s and offered his little brother a reassuring smile.

“Mikey? Can you hear me? Just nod if you can understand what I’m saying,” Donnie questioned leaning forward just a little.

They watched as Mikey’s eyes took in Donatello’s face before drifting around to look about the room. There was no mistaking the fear in those azure blue eyes and Donnie felt his heart beat increase with a little bit of worry.

“Can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear me? Just nod if you can understand me.” Donnie reiterated.

Slowly Mikey’s eyes returned to Donatello’s face and he nodded his head but it was obvious he was still a little unsure.

“Are in any kind of pain or discomfort?” Don continued to ask shuffling a little further closer.

They all tensed as Mikey nodded, as he did so Donnie shifting straight away so he could examine Mikey.

With his arms hovering over Mikey’s body the genius turtle asked, “Can you show me where you are hurting?”

They watched as Mikey tried to move the arm that Donnie had needed to stitch up. Again Donnie felt his heart clench as Mikey flinched when he touched the turtle’s shoulder.

“You got hurt . . . quite badly. I can give you something for the pain but before I do, we need to know what happened to you. Can you tell us?”

There were several moments of silence during which the tension in the air heightened until it was very thick. Then slowly Mikey shook his head, his eyes averted from the others as though he were ashamed.

Raph and Leo watched as Donnie sighed, “Can you tell me why not?”

There was another moment of silence; broken only by Mikey’s soft, weak voice; as he spoke for the first time in almost a week.

“I . . . I don’t remember,” Mikey’s voice was filled with fear.

Raph felt his eyes widen slightly, “Donnie . . .”

But Donnie gave him a look that made him fall silent before returning his attention back to Mikey. Total amnesia of the event wasn’t something he had expecting so he decided to prompt his little brother in the hope that the whole event wasn’t gone.

“Do you remember anything? Anything about what happened to you?”

Donnie flinched slightly as he felt Mikey begin to tremble. Leaning forward Donnie panicked for a moment thinking that perhaps Mikey was going into a delayed form of shock. However after a couple of panicked breaths, the smallest turtle seemed to bring himself under a slight element of control.

Flicking his eyes to Donnie, he licked his lips a little before venturing, “I got . . . attacked?”

“Yes, do you remember who attacked you?” Donnie nodded offering a small reassuring smile.

He could feel Mikey trembling even more violently, the vibrations coming through the sheets covering the bed.

“They . . . they hit me and . . . and they blinded me, the . . . the light burned my eyes, and I . . . I was so cold,” Mikey whispered with an unsure voice.

It took a few seconds for the information to settle into their minds before Donnie looked up at his father and brothers.

“I think . . . I think he’s talking about when we found him,” Donnie told them his voice a little hoarse with worry.

Raph felt guilt well up in his stomach as he remembered punching the dark form that had turned out to be his little brother. Swallowing the rock in his throat he watched as Mikey somehow managed to grab a handful of sheets with his splinted fingers and pulled them in around him; wrapping himself up in the blankets, as though trying to protect himself from something. Donne reached out and put his hand on Mikey’s shoulder; noting that once again the sea green turtle flinched at his touch.

“Shhhhh, shhhhh it’s ok. You’re safe, you’re home. No one can hurt you here. I promise.”

Donnie’s words were gentle and seemed to reassure Mikey who looked up at him for a moment; their eyes connecting for a split second before the younger turtle buried his face in the collection of blankets he’d pulled around his body.

Raph watched as Mikey began to rock back and forth; the fear coming from the young turtle was almost palpable. Moving forward Raph slowly approached the bed and sat down on the edge his hand reaching out tentatively to reassure Mikey. The sea green turtle jerked his leg out of Raph’s reach and looked at them with wide eyed fear.

“It’s okay Mikey, I know what has happened is scary but I promise . . .” Raph began patiently.

“Who . . . who’s Mikey?” the sea green turtle asked, interrupting him.

Green eyes flicked up to Donatello’s, those few simple words filling their guts with dread and drawing Leo in from his spot in the corner of the room.

“You are, your name is Hamato Michelangelo but we call you Mikey,” Donnie explained gently.

The azure blue eyes flickered between the three turtles and he kept swallowing hard, his grip on the covers tightening until his knuckles were white, seemingly oblivious to the pain it caused his broken fingers. He made to speak but shut his mouth again trying to decide how best to phrase his next question.

“I don’t remember . . . I don’t . . . I don’t know . . . who are you?” Mikey asked a hint of panic in his voice.

Donnie’s face creased up in worry and he moved until he could look Mikey directly in the eyes. He searched the blue orbs with an intent he hadn’t shown in his life before.

“You don’t know who we are?” Donnie confirmed.

Slowly Mikey moved his head, leaning back and away from the intense gaze being narrowed on him by all three turtles. He felt cornered and scared, the knowledge that apparently they knew him but he had no idea who they were filling him with an unease that made him feel sick.

“Mikey we are your brothers, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello,” Donnie introduced pointing to each of them in turn.

Mikey continued to shake his head shuffling closer to the wall hissing in pain as he dragged his braced and fractured leg across the sheets. He kept the blankets in close like they were an armored layer, keeping the others distanced from him.

Taking a deep breath Donnie calmed his nerves knowing he needed to keep his reasonableness at the forefront right now. He could feel Raph tensing up significantly beside him and even the nerves rolling off Leo and he knew it was doing nothing to ease Mikey.

“Okay guys time to step back. Why don’t you go and get Master Splinter while I talk to Mikey some more?” Donnie suggested knowing that giving his two older brothers something to do would ease their nerves considerably.

The room emptied of two mutant turtles, leaving Donatello and Michelangelo alone. The olive green turtle could see that the muscles around Mikey’s neck and shoulders had relaxed a little bit as he watched the room empty.

“It’s okay Mikey we are going to figure this out. Can you tell me what you do remember?” Donnie prompted softly.

The genius turtle eyed Mikey with a scrutinizing gaze he had never used on any of his brothers before. Watching as his baby brother tried to process the question was a horrifying experience which Donatello did not want to experience again.

Mikey’s eyes flickered rapidly from side to side as he tried to remember something . . . anything. His eyes were wide and his breathing was coming in harsh pants as he drew nothing but a blackness where his memories should have been.

“Don’t panic, please don’t panic,” Donnie soothed moving to sit on the bed a little closer to Mikey.

“I can’t . . . nothing . . . I can’t remember anything,” Mikey gasped and panicked.

Leaning forward Mikey continued to draw in harsh small breathes as he continued to fight the blackness which had invaded his mind. He could feel the other turtle moving closer to him and could feel the weight of the turtles arm around his shoulders and it was oddly reassuring. He found himself leaning slightly into the touch but was still thankful that he had the blanket separating them.

“Why can’t I . . . why can’t I remember?” Mikey spluttered out.

“I don’t know perhaps when you banged your head it caused a temporary amnesia. I need to run more test, but please Michelangelo please dont panic. We will figure something out, we always do that is what we are good at,” Donnie reassured.

The door of Michelangelo’s room opened and Leonardo entered followed by Master Splinter and Raphael bringing up the rear.

“My son I am pleased to see you are awake,” Splinter greeted his youngest son.

Mikey looked up at the sound of a new voice and for a second he seemed frozen in place. In his mind images flashed, pictures he wasn’t quite sure about flooding into his mind without restraint. Visions of a large creature covered in fur with long limbs, pointed ears and sharp claws criss crossed his mind.

A creature with a horrifying long snout with teeth made for biting which snarled and spat in his face. He saw it close in on him, random quick flashes of memory, disjointed and hazy but terrifying and nausea inducing.

His eyes opened wide and his mouth opened in an ear splitting shriek of pure unadulterated fear. He clawed at Donatello arms and legs; flailing as he tried to get away from the terrifying creature before him. He kept screaming thrashing as hard as his limbs would allow him not sure where he wanted to go but knowing wherever it was it was as far away from the monster before him.

Splinter, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello all looked thoroughly shocked as Mikey pressed back into the corner of his bed, thrashing like a mad turtle and screeching at the top of his lungs. Unsure what had caused this sudden and unexpected reaction Master Splinter stepped closer to the bed but this only caused a fresh frenzy of panic.

“Master Splinter get out!” Donnie ordered moving to position himself between his father and brother.

“I will not leave your brother in this state,” Splinter answered his voice shaking a little.

Donnie turned back to Mikey crawling along the bed and positioning himself directly over his brother, placing himself as a barrier between father and son. Ignoring Mikey’s flailing and battered limbs he reached out and grabbed a hold of his brothers chin and forced him to look at him.

“Leo get him out of here,” Donnie ordered in a stern voice.

Leo and Raph both flanked their father and grabbed his arms steering his protesting form out of the room and away from Mikey.

“Please father until we figure out what is wrong, please stay here,” Leo begged his eyes flicking back to the door of Mikey’s room; even from the kitchen they could hear Mikey’s panicked screams and shrieks.

Splinter opened his mouth to protest but his broken heart couldn’t cope with it anymore. Shaking his head slowly he slumped his shoulders and turned his back on his sons heading back to his room to be alone once more.

In Mikey’s room Donatello forced the youngest to look at him, giving him something new and fresh to focus on. He didn’t like invading Mikey’s personal space like this but it was the only way to stop him from flailing and hurting himself more. Donnie had the advantage of height and weight on his little brother and it didn’t take long for him to have him pinned completely.

“Mikey look at me,” he ordered his voice pitched just loud enough for Mikey to hear.

The blue eyes continued to flicker from side to side locked in the memory which somehow had been triggered by Master Splinter’s presence.

“Michelangelo, look at me!” Donatello raised his voice a little and added a little bit of bite to it.

Slowly Mikey locked eyes with Donnie and the olive green turtle felt a shiver run down his spine at the pure panic he could see in his baby brother’s eyes.

“Breathe with me Mikey, big breathe in and slowly out,” Donnie prompted showing Mikey what he was meaning.

Shuddering and spluttering Mikey slowly followed the purple banded turtles directions, With his plastron heaving Mikey reached out his arms and latched onto Donnie’s shell. He buried his face against the taller turtles plastron and began to sob uncontrollably. Donnie shushed and soothed as he moved to lie more beside his brother than on top of him.

“Don’t let him get me. Don’t let the monster get me. Please, don't let him get me.” Mikey sobbed, breaking Donnie’s heart as he did so.

“I won’t, I promise Mikey I won’t let him get you again,” Donnie choked out.

By the doorway Raph took a step backwards so that he was leaning against Leo, both turtles needing the reassuring presence of the other. Seeing Mikey so distraught and upset in the one place he should have felt more safe was heart breaking but the possibility that he might have lost his memory and who he was, was the sickening sinking feeling which had settled in all their guts and didn’t seem to want to go away.


	6. Chapter 6

**D** onnie sighed as he slowly closed the door to Mikey’s room. It had taken almost an hour before Mikey had been calm enough to let Donnie leave him for a moment. Leaning back against the bedroom door Donnie could practically feel the eyes of his brothers pleading with him for some kind of an explanation. Sighing again Donnie pushed himself away from the door only to drop himself down into a chair in the kitchen.

Rubbing his eyes he spoke, “Ok . . . we have a problem . . .”

Before he could say more Raph spoke over him. “A problem? Donnie he totally freaked out. He looked like he was about to explode, he was so scared.”

Donatello glared at Raph, not something he did often but when he did it worked. Raph sensing his brother’s annoyance stopped speaking.

“Mikey has amnesia. Not only does he not remember anything about what happened in the tunnel where we found him; but he doesn’t remember who he is or even who we are,” Donnie spoke after a moment.

As he spoke Don gestured to his brothers. Several moments of tense silence filled the room as his red and blue masked brothers digested this new information.

Finally it was broken by Leo, his voice filled with uncertainty, “Donatello . . . what made him panic like that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think even he knows exactly what made him do it, but somehow him seeing Master Splinter triggered something. I’ll know more in the morning when I can question him in a calm manner but for now . . . for now we all need rest,” Donnie sighed and rubbed his eyes.

Leo and Raph stared at him; but it was Leo who spoke first, “Donnie how can we sleep now? Mikey’s awake and we need t . . .”

“To do _what_ Leo?” Donatello shouted cutting Leo off, his voice becoming abnormally harsh.

Everyone flinched at the tone in the olive green turtle’s voice. After a moment Donnie dropped his head against the table his shoulders slumping forward wearily.

“I’m sorry. I just . . .” his voice trailed off as tears began to form in his eyes.

Wiping them away he flinched as Raph put his hand on Donatello's shoulder, “Donnie . . . what’s going on?”

“I’m . . . I’m not sure I’m going to be able to help fix this,” Donnie spoke up wiping more tears from his face.

Leo cocked his head, “What do you mean?”

Donnie looked at him with wet tired eyes and replied, “Amnesia is not something that I can fix with medication or bandages. I don’t know if the form of amnesia he has temporary or . . . or if it’s permanent.”

Raph felt his stomach flip, the growing knot of worry in his stomach making his feel sick.

“What do you mean permanent?” Raph asked needing clarification.

Donnie looked at him, his expression remaining the same as it had when he answered Leo, “It means it’s possible he will _never_ remember anything about his past.”

No one spoke as the weight of these words sunk in, the terrifying reality that Mikey may never recover the memories of their lives together. It was more than just terrifying it was heart wrenching and stomach churning.

“But . . . but you can help him right? You can help him regain his memories? I . . . I mean there has to be something you can do, some kind of experiment . . . or some kind of . . . mental exercise?” Leo spoke after a few moments of silence, his voice quivering between hope and helplessness.

Donnie shook his head sadly, “It’s not . . .” he broke off as he took a shuddering breath. “As I said amnesia is not something I can treat with meds. Scientists have been studying amnesia for decades and they still hardly know anything about how or why it happens except in cases where the part of the brain dealing with memory have been damaged. Obviously I’ll do my own researched but . . . I just don’t know what I can do to help him, and if we try and force his memories to resurface, it could cause damage to his mind and make things ten times worse.”

The silence that followed his words only served to make Donnie feel worse. He could tell from their solemn expressions that his family had been hoping he could fix this like he could fix just about any other injury.

But it wasn't; he could mend bones, reset joints, and fix torn muscles, but injuries to a person’s mind; those were beyond even his skills. Standing up Donnie moved to go back to Mikey’s room only to find Raph standing in front of him.

“Donnie wait! You’re exhausted, let one of us stay with Mikey,” the hot headed turtle suggested.

Donnie shook his head, “I can’t, I told him . . .”

Even as he spoke the room around him began to spin as a wave of fatigue and dizziness washed through his body making him sway and stagger. He felt someone grab him by the shoulders and steer him back into the chair he’d been in.

“Stay here egghead, I’ll watch Mikey tonight. Is there anything I need to avoid?” Raph answered his voice surprisingly gentle.

Donnie put his forehead against the table; thankful that the room didn’t tilt so violently when he did. He thought for a moment whether to continue to argue but fresh wave of dizziness silenced any further rebellion and he conceded to his brothers.

“Just . . . talk to him about general subjects unless he specifically raise an issue and whatever you do don’t get angry with him. If you can maybe try to get him to eat something . . . something soft and not too sugary?” Donnie advised his voice muffled a little from his position against the table.

Raph nodded and left the kitchen, making his way to Mikey’s room. As his hand gripped the doorknob he had a small epiphany; should he knock or just go inside? Deciding to play it safe Raph rapped his knuckles on the door.

A moment later Mikey’s weak and all too fearful voice spoke from the other side, “Is . . . is . . . is someone there?”

Pushing the door open Raph smiled weakly at Mikey who was still huddled on his bed, cocooned under the blankets.

“Hello,” Raph greeted keeping his voice low and measured.

Mikey looked at him for a moment before burying his face in the blankets covering his body and letting out a pained sob. The sound pulled at Raph’s heart and moving over to the bed he sat down next to Mikey.

“Hey, hey it’s going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok,” Raph comforted.

After a moment Mikey looked up at Raph who again smiled weakly at him. Mike did not smile back; instead he buried his head back in the blankets.

“No . . . it won’t,” came the muffled but clearly distressed response.

Raph watched as his baby brother rocked back and forth obviously upset. Reaching out Raph touched Mikey’s shoulder. Instantly the turtle stopped rocking and looked up at him.

Taking a deep breath Raph spoke, “Why won’t things be okay?”

He watched as Mikey took a deep shuddering breath that made his sides heave. Splinted sea green fingers pulled at the blankets around him, holding the fabric as tightly as possible to his body. His eyes flicked up to look at Raph but quickly moved away again. It pained Raph that those familiar and normally vibrant blue orbs had no hint of recognition and joy in them now.

Finally Mikey replied, “Cause . . . cause I can’t remember . . . anything.”

“So you can't remember anything? Nothing at all? Like not even my name?” Raph sighed and looked sideways at Mikey.

Raph watched as Mikey turned to look at him for a moment before sniffing and shaking his head.

“I’m sorry . . . but I just . . . I don’t . . . I can’t . . .”

Raph could see Mikey was becoming more and more upset, tears starting to fall from his eyes as he struggled to remember something that simply wasn't there anymore. Reaching out Raph touched Mikey’s shoulder.

“Shhhhhh, it’s ok,” the red banded turtle reassured.

Raph bit his lip as a lump appeared in his throat. It was painful to know that his little brother didn’t know who he was. However he pushed past the pain, and instead gathered up a small section of blanket to wipe the tears from Mikey’s face.

When he spoke he tried to keep the pain in his voice down, “My name is Raphael but everyone calls me Raph. I’m your big brother.”

A rather awkward silence filled the room broken only when Mikey shifted so he could look fully at Raph. The silence stretched out between them as Mikey seemed to examine Raph trying to formulate questions which might give him the needed information his brain currently lacked.

“Raph, wh-what am I like?” the question was faint, barely louder than a whisper.

Raph looked at his little brother a little confused, “Huh?”

“What . . . what am . . . what was I like?” Mikey asked looking away.

The question brought a smile to Raph’s face as the emerald green turtle thought about the little brother they knew and loved so very dearly.

“You Mikey, you are the happiest turtle I’ve ever known. You are always laughing, shouting, and just having a great time no matter what we are doing. Even when we fight you seemed to have a blast, like life is just one big game and you are the winner no matter what. You always have a comeback for anyone’s comment, not always the best comebacks mind you but there is no shutting you up once you get going. You always try to lighten the mood when anyone is feeling bad. You are kind, thoughtful and you care about others except when you are channelling Dr Prankenstein then you become the best trickster of us all. ”

Raph watched as Mikey absorbed what he had just said. The sea green headed nodded as he accepted Raph’s explanation of who he supposedly was even if he didn’t know it himself.

“And . . . you?” he asked in a slightly stronger voice.

Raph chuckled trying to think of the best way to describe himself and decided that in a case such as this honesty definitely was the best policy.

“Me? I’m Raphael, the hot-head of the family. I don’t always think things through properly and that gets me into a bit of trouble but I love my family and I’d do anything for them,” Raph confessed looking straight at Mikey as he spoke.

Again Mikey nodded, his eyes locked with Raph’s seemingly unable to look away from the green orbs.

“The others?” Mikey questioned his voice a little more stronger and confident.

“Well we have Leonardo or Leo; he’s the one who wears the blue mask and carries the swords. We sort of look at him as the oldest of us turtles and he is also the leader of our group. When we are out on a mission what he says goes, unless of course I disagree with him,” Raph explained a smile twitching the corners of his lips.

Mikey’s mouth twitched in mimicry of Raph’s smile and the hot head felt his heart swell a little at the hint of a smile.

“Leo’s a bit of a boy scout, he likes to have things just right and man does he practice. Likes things and himself to be perfect does our Leonardo but that’s only in all honesty because he wants to make sure we are all safe and come home in one piece,” Raph added turning a little to make sure no one was stood by the door, the last thing he wanted was for Leo to hear this confession and use it at a later date.

“Then we have Donatello or Donnie; he’s the one who stayed with you earlier, he’s the smart brother and when I say smart I mean off the scale smart,” Raph continued. “That turtle can take apart any piece of equipment, rework it and makes something even better in the blink of an eye. Most of the stuff we have around the lair only works because of Donnie’s smarts. He’d do anything in his power to help us and make our lives more comfortable.”

He watched as Mikey nodded slowly before speaking. “And we’re all brothers?”

“Yep, just us and Master Splinter; one big happy mutant family,” Raph nodded and smiled.

He watched as Mikey opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by his stomach which gave a loud rumble.

“Sounds like you’re hungry,” Raph chuckled.

Mikey looked up at him a slightly sheepish expression on his face. Standing up Raph offered his hand to Mikey.

“Come on. Let’s go to the kitchen and get you some food,” Raph suggested

Mikey didn’t move; only looked at the hand Raph had offered him. Blue eyes flickered down to the brace which held his leg and he tilted his head momentarily to the side, as if seeing it for the first time.

“You fractured your leg. Donnie didn’t have the stuff to make you a cast so he came up with this brace instead, just to help hold it together until it starts healing. He says you can walk on it, if you are careful. It will probably hurt but you can if you want to,” Raph explained seeing his brothers puzzled gaze.

Raph kept his hand out waiting to see if Mikey would dare to use the fractured limb. Inside he was sure that he would; Mikey had always been a curious creature and for Raph that was too ingrained in his baby brother for it ever to change. He’d also seen Mikey using his broken fingers so he knew the youngest could cope with the pain.

After a minute Mikey slowly reached out with his hand and allowed Raph to help him up from his spot on the bed. Tentatively Mikey placed his weight through his fractured leg and hissed at the light pain but it was tolerable. Once Mikey was up on his feet and steady Raph turned and made to let go of Mikey’s hand, only to find the younger turtle did not let go. Instead Mikey remained clinging to Raph’s hand, his entire body shaking. Looking at Mikey, Raph could see fresh fear on the sea green face and the blue eyes were locked onto the door leading out of the bedroom.

Leaning down Raph caught Mikey’s eyes and reached out to touch the sea green shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

Mikey blinked, his eyes finally focusing on Raph and there was no denying the fresh tears forming in the blue eyes.

“Is . . . is the monster out there?” Mikey questioned, his tone more that used by a small child who was deathly afraid.

Raph cocked his head to one side unsure what Mikey was talking about. “Monster?”

“The brown monster with the claws?” Mikey nodded drawing in a shuddering breath as he did so.

Raph felt his eyes widen as comprehension clicked in his brain; Mikey was talking about Master Splinter. Moving so once again he could look Mikey straight in the eyes, Raph felt a little hurt that Mikey shrank back slightly.

Raph watched Mikey’s face as he spoke in what he hoped was an authoritative yet reassuring voice, “There are no monsters here. No matter what you see or think you see; we are all family here, not one of us is here to hurt you. We won’t allow anyone or anything to hurt you again, understand?”

Raph noted that even though Mikey nodded his body still shook in fear. Sighing Raph allowed Mikey to continue to hold his hand as he led the youngest turtle from his room. As Raph passed through the door he felt Mikey stop and begin to tremble even harder. Turning around he could see the uncertainty and fear in his brother’s eyes.

Raph waited patiently for Mikey to ready himself to take that first step outside his room. As they waited together Raph gave Mikey’s hand a reassuring gentle squeeze. A second later Mikey’s eyes jerked up and caught Raph’s and for a moment the red banded turtle thought he saw some kind of recognition in them; some understanding that so long as Raph was there then Mikey would be safe.

He watched as slowly Mikey took a step forward out of his room, the sea green hand tightening its hold as much as he could with his damaged hands on the emerald green hand in an echo of Raph’s reassurance.

Chuckling slightly Raph spoke, “See? Not so bad is it?”

Mikey let out small kind of nervous giggle that sent an odd shiver racing through Raph’s spine. Leading Mikey through to the kitchen Raph noted that the door to Donnie’s lab had a single sliver of light coming from it, a sign that perhaps the egghead turtle had not gone to bed but had instead remained awake.

But Raph dismissed this idea; right now he had to focus on Mikey, who was looking around the kitchen while nervously shifting his weight from one leg to another his face scrunching up in pain as he put the weight on his bad leg.

A second later a faint blush covered the young turtle’s face as his stomach let out another slightly louder rumble. Rolling his eyes Raph opened one of the cupboards and dug around in it for a moment before finding what he was looking for.

Turning back around he motioned for Mikey to take a seat, watching as his little brother nervously did so at the kitchen table. It was then Mikey’s turn to watch as Raph began to fix the food he had pulled from the cupboard. Unscrewing the jars of peanut and jelly butter Raph smiled and quickly made Mikey a simple sandwich before putting it on a plate and handing it to Mikey who looked down at it a little unsure.

“What . . . what is it?” Mikey asked poking at the bread with his finger.

Raph rolled his eyes, “It’s called a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s good, trust me.”

Green eyes watched as Mikey slowly reached out and picked up the sandwich before taking a small bite. A moment later his eyes went wide as the flavours of the sandwich exploded in his mouth. Raph sighed and shook his head as he watched Mikey take another ravenous bite, then another, barely even chewing the first bite before he crammed another into his mouth.

Soon the sandwich was gone and Mikey looked up at Raph with a little sheepish smile and a gentle blush with began to spread across his face. Slowly Mikey reached out a hand and pushed the plate across the table towards where Raph was.

“Could I have another one please?” Mikey asked nervously.

Raph smiled widely and nodded his hand quickly scooping up the plate off the table. He quickly made another sandwich and watched as Mikey scoffed that one down as well almost as fast as the first one. Raph wanted to laugh at the smaller turtles antics as they were so familiar and comforting, at least this one thing about Mikey hadn’t changed; the smaller turtle’s appetite was the same.

As Mikey finished the second sandwich Raph spoke, “Want another?”

“No I’m full,” Mikey shook his head in response.

Raph smiled and picked up Mikey’s plate before setting it in the sink and making a mental note to tell Donnie that Mikey had eaten something. Turning back to Mikey, Raph looked at his little brother. Seeing the battered and bruised form, Raph couldn’t help but go back to the question which was plaguing all of their minds; what had happened to Mikey?

Obviously whatever it was had been a terrifying and traumatic experience but for Mikey to have lost his memory, it really got Raph musing over the fight. Was the head wound Mikey had received enough to have caused all of this to happen or was there something more?

“So what now?” Raph questioned not liking the silence which had passed between the two of them.

Mikey looked at him slightly confused, “Huh?”

“Everyone else is asleep. We have the entire lair to ourselves. Did you want to explore some more? Or did you want to go back to your room?” Raph shrugged and gestured to the lair as he spoke.

Raph watched as Mikey slowly looked around; his eyes taking in the lair before looking back at Raph, who smiled reassuringly at him.

“I . . . can I . . . can we go back to my room?” Mikey asked a little shyly.

Raph nodded and watched as Mikey stood up. As Raph walked passed Mikey the youngest turtle latched onto his hand again. Guiding his little brother back to his room, Raph watched as Mikey’s form became more relaxed as he dropped back down onto his bed.

Stretching his arms, Raph felt his joints pop several times. Looking down at Mikey, the emerald green turtle felt a look of amusement spread over his face as he found Mikey was curled up as best as he could on top of the blankets with his eyes closed.

After a moment Raph spoke, “Tired?”

Without opening his eyes Mikey nodded. Chuckling Raph moved to get up off of the bed but stopped as he felt Mikey grab hold of his hand again. This however was not the same kind of grip Mikey had used before; this grip was filled with fear.

“Can . . . will you stay with me?” came the nervous and fear laden question.

Raph chuckled hoping the gentle sound would help ease Mikey’s fears, “I’m not going to leave the room. I was just going to sit on the floor and meditate.”

However Mikey’s grip on his hand tightened, “Stay here . . . with me . . . please?” the last word came out barely louder than a whisper.

Raph sighed, Mikey was sounding like he had when he had been much younger. When they had still been children they had all slept together; sharing the same bed and blankets until they had turned twelve. At that point in their lives Master Splinter had told them it was time to be independent of each other to help their personalities develop.

Letting out a long breath Raph moved, clambering over Mikey’s body to settle in next to the younger turtle before pulling him in closer, so Mikey’s shell was against Raph’s chest. The entire time he was moving Mikey never let go of Raph’s hand. Raph marvelled a little at his brother’s strong grip, despite the broken bones. It seemed Mikey’s need for physical connection overrode the pain he was experiencing from it.

“I’m right here Mikey, ok?” Raph said as he made himself comfortable.

Raph smiled as Mikey squeezed his hand and whispered, “Thank you.”

“Sleep well Mikey,” Raph responded his voice soft and gentle.

Again Mikey squeezed Raph’s hand, “You to . . . Raphael.”


	7. Chapter 7

** CHAPTER 6 **

Raph hadn’t in all honesty expected to fall asleep but at some point his body and brain had shut down and he had fallen asleep with his arms wrapped around his battered little brother. He wasn’t sure what had pulled him from his slumber at first, but when he blearily opened his eyes a little he found Mikey sitting close to him on the bed.

The smaller turtle was awake and seemed to be analysing Raphael’s body. Raph didn’t move as Mikey reached out his bandaged arm and ran his swollen splinted fingers over Raph’s bicep. The sea green hand travelled down the emerald green arm, over Raph’s knuckles and down his fingertips. An odd kind of shudder ran through Raph’s body as he felt Mikey’s fingers trace the muscles in his hand.

Blue eyes flicked up and met with Raph’s curious green orbs. Slowly Raph turned his hand over allowing Mikey to take it if he wanted. Swallowing a little bit Mikey’s hand slipped a little bit down so he could ghost his fingertip over the rougher texture of Raph’s plastron. Making Raph experience the odd shiver again.

Slowly with Raph still watching, Mikey moved his hand up Raph’s plastron until he came to the lightning shaped chip which scarred the hot headed turtle’s body.

“We don’t feel the same,” Mikey whispered softly.

Raph smiled a little and nodded his head, “We are similar but we aren’t exactly the same but that’s normal.”

“How . . . how’d you get that?” Mikey asked his fingers once again touching the chip.

Raph looked down and pursed his lips together for a second. Shuffling back so he could sit up, Raph was very conscious that Mikey’s hand didn’t leave his body but slipped down to rest on emerald green calf. The brothers were used to touching each other, in fact given their lives and training there had been many a time when hands had slipped into places they shouldn’t be; but Raph could feel the difference in this touch. Mikey didn’t want to be separated from Raph and was keeping a hand on him at all times, perhaps reassuring himself that what he was experiencing was real.

“We have all been trained in ninjitsu and we use weapons in our training Mikey. Leo uses the double katana, Donnie uses the Bo staff and I use the twin Sais. You use nunchakus. When we first started training none of us could control our weapons very well and you accidently hit me and chipped my plastron. But it’s okay I’ve had worse injuries and you had to do my chores for two weeks so I was good with it,” Raph began to explain.

Mikey watched Raph’s face carefully as he spoke and his eyes jerked up to Raph’s when the hot headed turtle mentioned the weapon. A faint trace of fear reflected in Mikey’s blue eyes.

“Nunchakus?” Mikey rolled the word around, sounding it out slowly.

Raph held his breath silently hoping that the mention of something so familiar and close to Mikey’s heart may help the youngest turtle remember who he was.

“What are nunchakus?” Mikey asked with complete sincerity.

Raph’s eyes closed momentarily and he felt a strange loss at the fact that the Mikey he knew and loved was partially gone. Letting out a long sigh, Raph tried to think of a way to explain what the weapon was when an idea sparked in his head.

With a big smile on his face Raph answered, “Maybe it would be easier if I showed you.”

Mikey frowned and let out a panicked sound as Raph got up off the bed and thus broke immediate contact the two had. Turning back quickly Raph rested a hand on Mikey’s grazed shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Remember what I said last night, nobody in the lair is here to hurt you,” Raph reassured.

Blue eyes flicked to the doorway and then to Raph an unmistakable shake taking hold of Mikey’s body. His lips began to quiver and tears began to form in his eyes and Raph felt his worry rising. Sitting down on the bed he wrapped his arm around Mikey’s smaller frame and rubbed his arms and shell to offer comfort.

“Talk to me Mikey,” Raph whispered.

Swallowing hard Mikey took a deep breath and tried to steady his shaking form, “I didn’t see that last night!”

Raph turned around to see what Mikey was fixated on and was surprised that it was the cardboard cut-out Chris Bradford in human form. Frowning Raph turned back to Mikey, his gaze telling the youngster he needed more of an explanation.

“I don’t like it, it makes me feel . . . . I don’t know; like I should be nervous around him,” Mikey answered after a couple of minutes of silence.

Raph made an “ahh” sound of understanding, “Yeah that is Chris Bradford, you wanted to be friends with him but it turned out he worked for our enemies. You kept his cut out around because whenever you got a little steamed at someone; which let me tell doesn’t happen often, you would give it a punch or kick.”

Getting up off the bed Raph ignored the keening noise Mikey made to walk over to the cut-out and turn it around so Mikey could see the sign he had left on it.

“If it makes you too uncomfortable though I can get it out of here?” Raph suggested.

Mikey nodded his head earnestly, “Please?”

Opening the door Raph shouted for Leo and Donnie both of them attending almost instantly. Donnie pushed passed Raph into Mikey’s bedroom so he could assess his youngest brother. The sudden invasion of his space had Mikey crying out and scrambling back onto the bed. Donnie paused instantly his hands held up in a passive gesture to show his little brother that he meant no harm.

Mikey’s eyes were wide and fearful as he looked over the other three turtles each of them wearing a reassuring smile and keeping their distance. Raph shoved the cardboard cut-out through the doorway and stepped around his taller more intelligent brother until Mikey could see him clearly.

“Remember Mikey this is Donnie and Leo, they are your brothers too. Nobody is going to harm you here. The cut out is gone, just friends and family here now,” Raph spoke softly taking a step toward the bed.

Donnie followed the hothead a little more slowly, “I need to check your injuries Mikey to make sure the stitches are holding and to make sure you aren’t getting any type of infection. Is that okay?”

Wide blue eyes flickered from side to side searching each of his brothers as if trying to gauge the truthfulness of the statement. Raph’s face held a small smile telling him it was safe, while Donnie’s face was filled with what Mikey could only describe as loving concern. Finally his gaze settled on Leonardo.

The forest green turtle was standing back from the group, his arms hung limply down by his side. The leader of the ninja’s didn’t appear to have any particular expression on his face but still like the night before with Raphael, Mikey had the distinct impression that everything would be okay with these other turtles around. Slowly he nodded his head giving Donnie the consent to check his injuries over.

“I’d prefer to do it in my lab if that is okay with you Mikey, the environment is more sterile and safer for you,” Donnie explained simply.

“O . . . okay,” Mikey agreed again.

Holding out his hand, Raph waited for Mikey to eagerly take hold of it and gingerly climb off his bed. Donnie frowned as Mikey stepped in close to Raph, almost seeming to hug the larger turtle. While Mikey was without doubt the most tactile of the turtles, Raph was the exact opposite. It was strange for the other turtles to see Raph being so amenable to Mikey’s close proximity.

Gently and with constant reassurance Raph led Mikey out of his bedroom and into Donnie’s lab. The small sea green form trembled uncontrollably as he was led to the examination table. With prompting he sat on the table and looked fearfully around. Stepping in close to the table Donnie held out his hand motioning for Mikey to hold out his bandaged arm.

Donnie began to unwrap the bandage and then peeled away the anti-septic covered gauze from the sutured cuts. As Donatello examined the injuries Mikey finally got to see them for the first time. He lifted his left hand and made to touch the sutured gashes that covered his arm; but Donatello stopped him stating his other hand wasn’t clean enough.

“What happened to me?” Mikey asked his blue eyes impossibly wide with fear and confusion.

As he wracked his brains desperately trying to come up with an answer to his own question, he could feel himself getting worked up again; his arms began to shake and he could feel tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He flinched slightly as Raph’s hand touch his shoulder reassuringly.

“We wish we knew Mikey. All we know is you went out to get dinner and didn’t come back. When we found you in the sewers you had already been badly beaten and you were suffering greatly with a concussion and cold delirium,” Donnie answered speaking slowly and calmly.

Mikey blinked back the tears which were forming in his eyes but remained silent as Donnie disposed of the gauze and collected fresh ones. The youngest sat still except for the trembling in his muscles which he could not control and allowed Donnie to check him all over.

Once the purple banded turtle was sure Mikey’s injuries were free from infection and the sutures, splints and braces were holding securely, he set about covering the wounds once more. That was all except for the splint on his left hand. The bruises and swelling of the dislocated finger had gone down enough that Donnie deemed it okay for Mikey to use his hand freely. During the whole process he did his best to comfort and calm Mikey.

“Mikey do you think you are up to exploring for a little bit?” Raph asked.

“Will . . . will you come with me?” Mikey responded looking up eagerly at him.

A large smirk spread across Raph’s face and he nodded his head holding out his hand for Mikey; which the youngest turtle took almost instantly.

“Leo why don’t you lead the way to the dojo? I was going to show Mikey a pair of nunchakus, I’m sure having all of us with him will help make him feel more secure,” Raph suggested his eyes still locked with Mikey’s.

A hint of a smile touched Leo’s lips and he walked out of the lab pausing to allow the others to catch up with him. They walked through the main area of the lair and Mikey slowed down a little to look about. It was all so new and fascinating to him, this large area was open and free it didn’t crush and confine him and Mikey quite liked that.

Across the main area Leo stopped outside sliding doors and pushed them open. There seemed to be a tension which seemed to increase as they stepped through the doors and Mikey picked up on it, his hand tightening in Raph’s.

“This is the dojo Mikey, it is where our father taught us how to be ninja’s and use our weapons,” Donnie explained coming up from behind Mikey to stand in the middle of the dojo.

Blue eyes moved about the room taking in the whole expanse and the tree situated in the middle. His hand slipped from out of Raph’s and he moved towards the tree reaching out his left hand to smooth across the bark. The three remaining brothers exchanged hopeful glances.

“Why do you have a . . . um . . . a tree in a room?” Mikey questioned turning back to his brothers.

Raph closed his eyes in further disappointment allowing Leo to step forward and answer the question.

“The tree represents many things one of them being family. Like the roots of a tree run deep into the earth so do the bonds which bind a family together, our bond as brothers is deep and no force on earth can take that away from us,” Leo explained using one of the many analogies Splinter had used when they were young, hoping it would help Mikey’s memories resurface.

Mikey frowned for a moment and turned back to the tree taking a few moments to fully take in its majesty.

“That sounds nice,” he answered his tone sounding almost wishful.

“Mikey?” Raph’s voice sounded from the other side of the room making them all turn towards him.

The Sai wielding turtle was stood with something grasped firmly in his hands. Drawn by an invisible force Mikey walked toward the red banded turtle his eyes fixated on the emerald green hands. Slowly opening his fingers Raph allowed Mikey to see the weapons he was holding. Almost reverently Mikey reached out with his left hand and took the cloth covered wooden handles in his hand. With a light flick of his wrist he allowed one of them drop free and hang down.

Taking a step back Mikey made a small movement of his wrist and the weapon began to move in tight circles. The blue eyes were fixated on the weapons as they spun, his muscles reacting and controlling the spin without him even thinking about it.

He was distracted by Raph’s movement as the larger turtle picked up a pair of Sais and stood in front of Mikey. With a slight growl of warning Raph jabbed one of the Sais forward not really threatening Mikey but still forcing the younger to defend himself. Despite his sore and bruised body Mikey moved relatively fluidly, the nunchakus coming up to bat the weapon away before twisting to bring the wooden handle against Raph’s unprotected side.

Raph grunted and dropped to a knee and brought his hand up to side. Mikey’s mouth dropped open in shock and he looked down at the weapon in his hand as if he had been scolded. He backed away rapidly until his shell bashed against the tree trunk and stopped him.

He looked wildly about, “How . . . how did . . . how did I do that?”

“Because Michelangelo you have been trained in ninjitsu your whole life, despite the fact your memories seem to have gone, somewhere deep inside of you remembers and drew on it when Raph threatened your safety,” Leo explained.

Mikey’s breath was coming in faster and more rapid gasps as he shook his head. Dropping his weapons Raph closed in quickly to Mikey’s side, holding his little brother tight. Raph winced slightly as he felt Mikey’s fingernails dig into his arm. Mikey’s entire body was shaking.

“I don’t like it . . . I don’t like it,” Mikey panted and gasped burying his head against Raph’s neck.

“Shh it is okay Mikey, we’ll figure something out,” Raph reassured flicking his gaze up to Leo’s and Donnie’s.

Reddish brown eyes and darker blue eyes met with Raph’s, the pain at Mikey’s continued lack of memory painful for all to see. Sighing Raph began to lead Mikey out of the dojo and toward the kitchen a room Mikey was at least familiar with and hopefully it would help to calm the younger turtle down.


	8. Chapter 8

** CHAPTER 7 **

Mikey ate slowly savouring the tastes and experiences the food was providing with him. His brothers couldn’t help but smile as they could hear Mikey’s tail beating out a fast rhythm on the chair. Mikey’s eyes were closed and there was a small smile on his face. They all knew that Mikey loved his food but seeing him relearn his favourite tastes was as fun for them as it was for Mikey.

“So that was . . .?” Mikey asked swallowing the last of his wrap.

“A chicken wrap,” Raph answered with a smirk.

Taking Mikey’s plate Donnie moved to the fridge and looked inside. A wide grin spread across the olive green turtles face and he plucked a slice of pizza out of its box. Placing it on the plate he moved over to the microwave and warmed it up.

“This Mikey is you favourite food,” Donnie explained and with a flourish he placed the plate down in front of Mikey.

Blue eyes looked down in anticipation of this new food and in an instant his eyes flew open impossibly wide. The smell and the look flooded his senses and he found himself shaking. This food had been with him when he had been attacked. That creature the one with teeth and claws, the one who had spat and snarled, swearing to kill him had been there. The food had been knocked from his hands, he had stepped on it and then . . . pain . . . fear . . . loss . . . the horrific feeling of something warm and wet on his face.

Mikey’s hand shot out and knocked the plate away from him at the same time he scrambled back knocking his chair back. His breathing was harsh and sweat formed on his skin as he frantically tried to get away from the food and memories which he couldn’t quite formulate; yet still held some kind of power over him.

It was like he could see the memories in his mind but they were so disjointed and fragmented, hidden behind veils of shadows, he couldn’t be quite sure of what happened or what he was remembering. It was as though the memories were trying to become reality; he could feel the pain pulsating through him like a second heartbeat.

Raph, Donnie and Leo were all on their feet instantly swarming towards the smaller turtle in hopes of calming him down. Lashing out frantically Mikey tried to free himself of the visions, struggling to differentiate between his memories and reality. He screamed and shouted clawing and scratching, kicking out with power his injured form should not have had.

“Mikey it is okay,” Raph grunted as Mikey swung his arm out in a wide arc.

Ducking under the flailing arm Raph grabbed Mikey around the waist and held him tightly to his own body. Leo grabbed Mikey’s hands and crossed them over the younger turtle’s body so that he couldn’t injure himself any further, while Donnie wrapped himself around the sea green legs desperate to stop his brother from dislodging the brace. Between the three of them they stopped him from flailing and injuring himself even more; creating a strait jacket of flesh to trap the panicking turtle.

“Mikey listen to me it’s Raphael, listen to me little brother . . . you are safe . . . you are home,” Raph explained between panted breath’s.

Tears rolled down Mikey’s face and he slowly stopped his struggles and allowed his brothers to hold and comfort him. Turning his head he buried it against Raph’s neck once more and began to sob gently. His sides shaking and heaving as he cried.

“Shh Mikey it is okay, I promise you . . . we will be okay,” Raph continued to reassure.

Without thinking he pressed his lips to the top of Mikey’s head, giving his brother a reassuring kiss of comfort. He paused with his lips still pressed to Mikey’s skin and looked up to Leo and Donnie who were watching wide eyed.

“Before either of you say anything . . . shut up,” Raph growled at both of them.

Donnie and Leo both grinned and eased up on their holds on Mikey’s body. Slowly as well Raph began to pull away from Mikey not surprised when the sea green arms moved to wrap around Raph’s middle and stop him from pulling away.

“Hey Mikey let’s go back to your room okay? It is more comfortable and I’m sure you’ll feel safer,” Raph explained simply.

With Mikey still locked around his middle, Raph somehow managed to get them both to their feet and started to walk towards Mikey’s room. As he moved away Donnie spied the scratches which marked Raph’s arm. From the lines of blood Donnie could tell they were reasonably deep and would need cleaned up. He pointed them out to Leonardo as the two followed Mikey and Raph to the youngest bedroom. Within the safe and secure confines of his bedroom, Mikey finally released his hold on Raph.

“Mikey are you okay to stay with Leo for a little bit while I sort Raph out, he has some scratches I need to look at,” Donnie asked innocently.

Mikey looked between the brothers before settling on the emerald green form and saw the scratches. Looking down at his fingernails he could see it had been him who had left those marks upon his brother.

“Sorry,” he mumbled hiding his hands under his arms, a look of shame spreading across his face.

“Don’t sweat it Mikey, I’m good,” Raph smiled at his little brother.

Nodding his head towards the door, Donnie motioned for Raph to follow him. With a long sigh Raph followed leaving Mikey alone with Leonardo. The eldest offered his little brother a smile and looked about the room. His eyes rested on the superhero figurines that Mikey had collected over the years and now stored on the shelves above his bed.

“These were your pride and joy along with your comic books and skateboard,” Leo explained going to the bed and climbing on so he could pick up the nearest figurine of Batman.

Mikey gave a little half-hearted smile and sat down next to Leo.

“It was murder when we were younger for father to get you to train instead of playing with these,” Leo continued.

Mikey held out his hand and Leo willing handed the figure over to him. The leader of the turtles watched with baited breath as Mikey ran all of his fingers over the figure as if relearning it. The blues eyes looked around the room taking in everything from the surfboard with a shark bite out of it, to the figurines and comics and then the posters which covered parts of his walls.

“It feels . . . feels I don’t know . . . childish,” Mikey explained his eyes downcast.

Taking the figurine out of Mikey’s hands, Leo replaced it with his own hands. He looked at Mikey and tried to think of the best way to explain things to him without hurting his feelings.

“Yes Mikey, you are the more childlike of the family but that isn’t a bad thing. You keep reminding us not to take ourselves too seriously and that it’s okay to be fun and act a little silly sometimes. That we should find a little joy in our lives,” Leo tried to explain to his little brother.

Mikey nodded his head but Leo could tell his brother was upset by the words but wasn’t sure how to express it.

“Mikey you weren’t childish, you were childlike there is a difference. You looked at things in a way we wouldn’t or couldn’t and we wouldn’t have you any other way,” Leo added giving Mikey’s hands a squeeze.

Mikey looked down at the figurine before he lifted his eyes up to the shelf which held so many other characters he no longer knew. Leo watched as emotions crisscrossed Michelangelo’s face as he continued to stare at his past loves.

Leo felt his heart sink and break as the sea green shoulders shrugged and he replaced the Batman figurine amongst the others. Leo couldn’t believe that his baby brother who had once been obsessed with everything comic related no longer seemed to care. He couldn’t quite comprehend that Mikey no longer had any memory of his life and he felt out of his own depth. He looked about the room anywhere but at his baby brother.

“Um Leo?” Mikey asked looking at his older brother and feeling something was off but not quite able to understand what it was.

“Maybe we should go and see how Raph is doing?” Leo suggested rubbing at his arm.

Mikey’s face lit up and he nodded his head enthusiastically. He jumped off the bed as best he could with his sore and broken body before waiting at the door for Leo. The forest green turtle got up and was about to lead the way with Mikey following up behind when the smaller turtle slipped his hand into Leo’s. The blue banded turtle took a shuddering breath hoping his brother wouldn’t notice and began to lead them out the bedroom.

Raph was sitting on the table in Donnie’s room and the two of them appeared to be talking with Raph’s wound already having been cleaned. They looked up a little surprised as Leo led Mikey into the room. Letting go of Leo’s hand, Mikey scurried to Raph’ side and took the strong arm in his hands. The scratches stood out against the emerald green flesh and Mikey cringed back.

Raph saw the reaction and was on it instantly, “Hey don’t worry about it, it’s just a couple of scratches; nothing to worry about.”

Blue eyes lifted slowly and searched Raph’s eyes as if looking for reassurance. Lifting his hand Raph rested it upon Mikey’s and gave it a squeeze. A small smile spread over Mikey’s face and looked about the laboratory with wide eyed curiosity.

“What is this place?” he asked stepping close to Donnie’s main table.

Looking up Donnie walked about to his brother’s side, “This is my lab, where I do my research and help you guys when you are sick or injured.”

As Donnie showed Mikey around his lab once more, Raph looked over his shoulder to see how Leo was to find that the eldest turtle had left the room. Glancing back over at his two younger brothers, Raph made sure they were okay before he headed out of the room in search of Leonardo. He didn’t have to search far, finding Leo in the dojo with Splinter.

The two were sat opposite each other and to the untrained eye it looked like they were both meditating. However Raph had spent his life in close proximity to both and knew that neither of them was calm enough to achieve the calmness of mind and spirit to truly meditate. There was a tension across both of their bodies which screamed at their frustrated and upset mood.

Raph slowly closed the door and left the two of them to it. Each of them dealt with their frustrations differently and this was their way. At least Raph reasoned they had each other to talk to and turn to and that was something Raph was grateful for. He knew his father and his elder brother talked to each other in a way the others couldn’t comprehend. He supposed it stemmed from their close connection over ninjitsu and Leo’s never ending desire to be just like his father.

Sighing Raph moved away from the door giving them the privacy they deserved. He moved over to the sitting area of the lair and flopped down into the bean bag which Mikey liked to favour but the others used whenever possible. The bag moved around their shells nicely supporting them in all the right places. He relaxed back staring up at the ceiling and before he knew it his eyes were shut and he had drifted off into a light sleep.

Off in the distance he could hear voices and movement and his subconscious acknowledged it as Mikey and Donnie but his body and mind stayed locked just below the surface of consciousness. He felt something placed on top of him and a gentle touch across his eye ridges. The touch moved down between his eyes and over the tip of his beak. Slowly the action repeated and Raph felt himself drifting deeper beneath the surface and closer toward proper sleep.

Donnie watched with a little frown on his face as Mikey soothed Raph with the repetitive motion. When he and Mikey had come out of the lab in search of the others, they hadn’t expected to find Raph almost completely asleep on the bean bag.

Without a word Mikey had moved forward snagging up the blanket which had been folded on the sofa as he did so. With tenderness he had covered Raph’s form with the blanket drawing a frown from the emerald green turtle as his light sleep was disturbed.

Gently Mikey had begun to soothe over the furrowed brow humming a song he didn’t realise was from their childhood as he did so. Raph’s face cleared of all expression and he settled down into a deeper sleep. Mikey smiled softly before turning to look over his shoulder at Donnie who still stood watching. The genius turtle quickly changed his facial expression to give his little brother a smile instead of frowning.

“How about some TV Mikey?” Donnie suggested coming to sit beside his little brother.

The sea green face lit up and he turned to smile brightly at his intelligent brother.

“Sure,” he agreed readily. “Now . . . um . . . what’s TV?”

Donnie couldn’t help the little snort of laugh at his brother’s new type of innocence. He quickly snagged up the remote and turned the TV on, settling down beside Mikey to reunite the injured turtle with one of his favourite past times.

Four hours later Donnie could not help but smirk slightly as he watched Mikey do his best to stay awake. The youngest turtle’s head slowly nodded trying to keep his eyes open.

Smiling at Mikey, Donnie spoke, “Tired?”

Mikey looked at him his eyes half blurred by fatigue; slowly he nodded. Donnie chuckled and offered Mikey his hand; who took his hand and allowed Donnie to guide him back to his room. The olive green turtle watched as slowly Mikey crawled into his bed and quickly fell asleep, leaving the brainy turtle alone with his thoughts. Once he was sure Mikey was asleep Donnie quietly left his room; moving to his lab and setting about checking up on some of his experiments he had been neglecting.

 

** LATER **

 

Slowly Mikey awoke. Blinking the sleep from his eyes he whimpered slightly as his stomach let out a loud rumble. Slowly he sat up, rubbing his eyes trying to rid them of sleep. Opening his eyes properly, Mikey realised he was alone and for a second he wasn’t sure how to react to that fact. Taking a deep breath; somehow knowing it would calm him, Mikey got out of bed and made his way to the door. Opening the door he peered out checking to see if anyone was about for several moments before slipping out and closing the door behind him.

He felt his heart rate increase slightly as he slowly made his way through the hallway; it was the first time he’d left his room without someone with him, but he was fairly confident he could find the kitchen and make himself a sandwich on his own. Moving quietly through the hallway Mikey turned into what he thought was the kitchen only to find himself back in the dojo. Sighing he mentally retraced his steps doing his best to figure out where he had gone wrong.

“My son?”

He turned at the sound of someone’s voice; perhaps Leo or Donnie had found him? His heart froze as he found himself looking at a mass of brown ratty fur; not smooth green skin. His eyes widened as his head tilted upwards taking in the creature’s skinny form, with it’s horrible skeletal claws and long muzzle with sharp teeth. The scream that erupted from his mouth echoed off the walls hurting his ears as he ran. He could hear the creature calling to him but he ignored them, refusing to be drawn in by the ruse.

“My son what is wrong?!” the question echoed around the lair.

Mikey couldn’t think all he could do was run through hallways doing his best to lose the creature who somehow managed to follow him. He turned a corner and found himself at a dead end. His head whipped from side to side desperately looking for another place to run or hide as he heard the creature move closer and closer.

“My son . . . do you not recognize me? It’s me your father; Splinter. Why do you flee from me?”

Mikey screamed again as the creature closed in on him. His heart hammered in his chest as his eyes jerked from side to side desperate to find a way to escape from the creature who had cornered him and was closing in for the kill. Each gasp for breath rattled down his throat barely filling his lungs before it was forced back.

Tears fell from his eyes as he dropped to his knees in fear. He was trapped, there was nowhere he could run, nowhere to hide. He was going to die here. He closed his eyes and began to sob even harder, his entire body shaking in pure fear.

He flinched as a new voice echoed around him; yelling, “MASTER SPLINTER STOP!”

His eyes snapped open and his eyes zeroed in on the large strong form before him. Raph had appeared out of nowhere and was now standing as a protective barrier between him and the monster who had stopped moving.

“My son . . . why . . . why do you fear me?” the monster asked once more.

The sea green turtle didn't respond, he couldn’t even if he had wanted too. His body moved on its own throwing itself at Raph; burying his face against the bigger turtle’s back, sobbing hysterically. He felt Raph turn; pulling him against his chest, nuzzling his neck.

“Shhhh, it’s ok. I promise Mikey, I promise the monst . . . he’s is gone,” Raph reassured his breath ghosting over Mikey’s skin.

Mikey continued to sob, his sides heaving and shaking. He held onto Raph as tightly as he could drawing comfort once more from the larger turtle.

“I wanna . . . I wanna . . .” Mikey began his words choking out of his raw throat.

His words died in his throat as his head spun, making him sway from side to side before he fell backwards into the darkness that closed in on him. Raph gripped Mikey’s body as the youngest turtle went limp in his arms. He ignored the looks his brothers gave him as he gathered Mikey up and carried him back to his room; passing silently by his brothers and Master Splinter. Tucking the youngest turtle back into bed Raph felt his brothers staring at him.

Standing up straight he spoke, “Who was supposed to be watching him?”

Donnie slowly raised his hand, shaking slightly as Raph glared at him. While they hadn’t actually agreed out loud not to leave Mikey alone, there had been a silent unspoken and unwritten agreement given the state their injured baby brother was in.

“I . . . he was asleep I thought . . .” Donnie’s voice trailed off as Raph continued to glare at him.

After several tense moments Leo broke the stalemate between his brothers, “This is getting out of hand.”

Raph closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the way his brother’s voice grated on his nerves. He knew it was his own frustrations that were helping to create this air of tension but he couldn’t help it.

They all turned to look at Leo, who continued to speak, “We need to find out why he’s so scared of Master Splinter. We can’t have him stay here and not expect them to run into each other.”

“What would you have us do Leo?” Raph rolled his eyes at the obvious statement.

Leo was silent for a moment as he thought; he hadn’t really thought of that part yet he just wanted to stop Raph and Donnie from fighting.

It was Donnie who answered Raph’s question, “We could . . .”

He paused as Raph turned back to him. The vibrant green eyes stared out from beneath the red ninja mask, accusing but at the same time begging for a solution to the problem before them.

Swallowing nervously Donnie continued, “We could have him lead us back to where he woke up. It might offer some clues to what happened to him.”

Raph opened his mouth to speak but was cut off as behind him.

“I’ll do it,” Mikey spoke his voice weak but carrying in the relatively quiet room.

Raph turned to look at Mikey who had sat up and pulled the blankets around him like he had done after they had found him. The emerald green turtle was grateful that Mikey had awoken so swiftly from his faint, seeing the youngest unconscious was not an easy thing. Slowly Raph sat down on the bed across from Mikey.

“Are you sure Mikey that you want to do this?” Raph asked his voice barely more than a whisper and filled with genuine concern.

Mikey nodded but Raph could tell the youngest turtle was trembling, “I . . . I want to do this. Please . . . ”

Raph sighed as Mikey looked at him before dropping his eyes. Gently he moved forward and put his hand on Mikey’s shoulder. Mikey tilted his head to the side so he could rest his cheek against Raph’s hand while he raised his eyes to look Raph directly in the eyes. A small smile spread across the Sais wielding turtle’s mouth.

“Ok Mikey. Tomorrow we’ll go and . . . see what we can find, ok?” Raph agreed.

Mikey nodded but did not move from his spot huddled under his blankets with his cheek still resting on Raph’s hand. Glancing back at his brothers Raph spoke a little harsher than he meant to but his own inadequacies were rolling around inside of him and making him lash out.

“Go to bed. I’ll stay with him,” Raph told them

He watched as Leo turned and left without another word leaving Donnie standing alone in the doorway.

After several moments of silence Donnie spoke, “Mikey . . . I’m sorry.”

From his spot under his cocoon of blankets Mikey lifted his head and smiled weakly, “It’s . . . it’s ok Donnie. I guess I’m pretty boring when I sleep.”

Donnie smiled weakly; but stopped when he caught sight of Raph glaring at him. He left leaving his immediate older and younger brothers alone. Turning back to Mikey, Raph watched as the young turtle shifted so he was laying back down on the bed. He could see Mikey was still shaking slightly.

Leaning down Raph gripped Mikey’s hand, “Hey, it’s ok.”

“It is now,” Mikey answered as he looked up at Raph for a moment before smiling weakly.

Laying down next to Mikey, the larger turtle felt the younger turtle scoot in a little closer. Sneaking his arm out of the blanket Mikey wrapped it around Raph’s middle holding his brother as close as he could.

‘You don’t have to do this Mikey,” Raph explained taking Mikey’s hand in his own.

He felt Mikey move, turning to look at him before shaking his head, “I . . . I . . . I need to know what happened to me too.”

Even as he spoke Mikey’s body shook in fear. He felt Raph tighten his grip on his hand and use it to pull the smaller turtle even more snuggly against his chest.

“Ok, Mikey, but we’ll be with you the whole time ok?” Raph agreed.

Mikey nodded and settled down relaxing against his brother’s safe and secure body. Raph sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He and Mikey had always had a close bond but now it seemed to be getting even stronger, drawing them closer together than they ever had been before.

“Goodnight Mikey,” Raph muttered as he closed his eyes.Mikey squeezed his brother’s hand gently as he replied, “Goodnight Raph.”


	9. Chapter 9

The sounds of darkness echoed all around them. Raph looked sadly at Mikey who was clutching his hand so tightly that Raph was beginning to lose feeling in his fingers. In front of them Donnie, led the way his flashlight the only real source of light in the black tunnel they were in. Leo was behind them covering their flank as they slowly moved through the tunnel. None of them wanted to be here; it just brought back horrible memories of when they had found Mikey.

However in light of Mikey’s recent panic attack at the sight of Splinter, Leo and Donnie had insisted that they return and try to find out exactly what happened. Coming to a slow stop Raph squeezed Mikey’s hand trying to reassure the frightened turtle; it seemed like the closer they got to where they had found Mikey, the more the young turtle seemed to tremble and shake. Mikey flinched and jerked as somewhere in the distance a rock moved, making a loud clattering sound that echoed around them in the barren tunnel.

“Hey . . . it’s ok. Just focus on me,” Raph soothed.

Mikey nodded and turned away from the direction the noise had come from. Of course Raph knew what had made the sound; Master Splinter. When it had been decided that they would return to this place their Master had demanded to go along, he was so insistent that he forbid them to go without him.

After hours of arguing they’d struck a deal. They would bring Splinter along, but Splinter had to stay in the shadows so Mikey would not see him and freak out again. Splinter had agreed and they had set out the next morning. Soon enough they found themselves in the very spot where they had found Mikey.

Raph watched as Donnie turned to Mikey and spoke softly, “Mikey . . . are you ok?”

Mikey didn't respond for a moment; as he continued to tremble and shake before slowly nodding his head. Although Raph could not help but wince slightly as Mikey’s grip on his fingers tightened slightly.

Smiling weakly at Mikey, Donnie spoke, “Can you show us how you ended up here?”

Mikey’s entire body shook as he slowly raised a hand and pointed up the tunnel. Gently Raph leaned in and pulled Mikey into a small hug. It was strange but for some reason whenever Mikey seemed unsure or scared, Raph felt the uncontrollable need to wrap him up and protect him from the world.

“You’re doing great Mikey. Just stay calm. Remember, I’m here for you, we all are,” Raph whispered gently rubbing at Mikey’s shell.

The youngest turtle swallowed loudly before nodding, “I . . . I . . . I know . . . but I’m still . . . I’m still scared.”

Raph nodded and fell in line behind Donnie who was moving up the tunnel. After several minutes of walking they came to a split in the tunnel with two passages going in opposite directions.

“Mikey . . . which way did you come from?”

Again Mikey didn't speak but took a few moments to orientate himself before pointing at the left passage. As they moved into the passage Raph felt his heart clench as he felt a fresh wave of panic spread through Mikey’s body.

“Hey guys . . . can we take a break?” Raph spoke over his shoulder while keeping a careful eye on Michelangelo.

Behind them Leo spoke, “Raph we can’t stop he . . .”

But Leo’s words died in his mouth as Donnie turned to face them; shining the flashlight over Raph and Mikey. Mikey’s skin was ghostly pale with fear and he was visibly trembling. His eyes were closed; but that did nothing to stop the waves of fear that were rolling of the young turtle, who looked as though he might pass out at any moment.

After a moment of silence Leo spoke again, “Ok . . . we can take five minutes.”

Slowly Raph led Mikey over to the side of the tunnel. Gently they sat down on the ground and a second later Mikey buried his face in Raph’s shoulder. Tearless sobs wracked the young turtle’s body and Raph was painfully aware that not once had he ever seen his brother this scared before.

“Shhhhh don’t worry I’m here; it’s ok, I’m here. I promise nothing bad will happen,” gently Raph squeezed Mikey’s hand.

Raph pulled Mikey closer as a series of shivers wracked his small body. A moment later Donatello knelt down and pulled out a blanket from his backpack wrapping it around Mikey’s shivering body.

As he did so, Donnie spoke, “If we can keep his mind focused on this moment we can limit the possibility of him experiencing regressions; moments where he thinks a memory is reality.”

Raph nodded and hugged Mikey. He wished he could take away Mikey’s worry and pain, but he knew all he could do was be there to reassure his little brother.

After a moment Leo spoke, “Come on, let’s get moving.”

Raph glared up at Leo. Something about how the oldest turtle had been acting lately bugged Raph. Nevertheless he helped Mikey to his feet and they slowly began moving down the tunnel again. Every so often Donnie would look back and ask Mikey if they were still going in the right direction, Mikey wouldn’t speak but would either nod or point them in the correct direction.

Don found it fascinating that Mikey seemed very sure about the journey he had taken despite the darkness and panic which had consumed him as he had done so. He wondered if it was because for Mikey the memories of that journey were really the only memories he had and that therefore made them crystal clear. A tortuous and slow trek later Mikey stopped in the middle of the tunnel.

“Mikey are you ok?” Raph questioned from where he stood next to Mikey.

Again Mikey didn’t respond; instead the youngest turtle began to tremble even worse than before. His whole body shook so violently that Raph found it difficult to hold onto him.

“Mikey, what’s wrong? Come on now talk to me,” he whispered.

But Mikey didn't speak he couldn’t, instead he tried to take a step backwards. However his legs were shaking so badly that he staggered sideways and hit the tunnel wall with a pained grunt before sinking down to the floor. A moment later Mikey pulled his knees against his chest as best as he could and began to whimper. Kneeling down Raph did his best to comfort his little brother.

After several moments Donnie spoke, “I think this is as far as Mikey can go. I don’t think we have much further to go. The tunnel where we found the pizza boxes is not far from here. Fan out, see if you can find any sign of what happened here.”

When Raph didn't move Leo spoke; his tone authoritative, “Raph, come on you need to help us look.”

“I’m not leaving Mikey like this,” Raph responded turning and glaring at Leo.

The leader of the turtles opened his mouth but was cut off by Donnie who held up his hand and stepped around the leader to direct his reply to Raphael.

“Raph, we need your help. Leo and I can't search all the tunnels by ourselves. We’d be here for hours,” Donnie explained simply.

Raph rolled his eyes, “Geezus guys Mikey doesn’t have hours. Look at him; he looks like he’s going to have a heart attack at any moment.”

“I can see that too Raph but it doesn’t change the fact that we have a large area to search and the more of us do that the better. So help us look and we’ll get out of here faster. Mikey . . .” Donnie sighed kneeling down and looking at Raph.

The emerald green turtle watched as Mikey slowly looked up at Donnie who slowly held out his backpack to Mikey.

“I want you to hold on to this ok? Keep it safe for me. Can you do that?” Donnie asked pasting a reassuring smile on his face.

Mikey nodded and slowly reached out to take the backpack before pulling it tightly against his chest. Raph looked between all of his brothers torn between what he wanted to do. He knew Donnie and Leo were right he should help with the search but at the same time he really didn’t want to leave Michelangelo’s side.

After a moment Raph spoke, “Mikey . . . I have to go, but I’ll be right back ok?”

Mikey buried his face in his knees but nodded. It broke Raph’s heart to leave Mikey like this alone, scared; but Donnie had a point. The more of them that searched the faster they could leave, the only reason Raph was even considering leaving Mikey was because Splinter would remain behind; to watch over Mikey from the shadows.

 

** MIKEY’S POV **

 

He huddled there in the darkness, rocking back and forth doing his best to try and remain calm. Unconsciously he hugged Donnie’s backpack even tighter. He kept his eyes closed doing his best to imagine himself not in this horrible dark place but back in his room, lying in bed . . . . with Raph.

He felt heart swell slightly as he remember the first night awake and alert in the lair; the feeling of Raph’s strong arm around him, holding him close, keeping him safe. The feeling of Raph’s gentle breathing on the back of his neck. The involuntary twitches and movements as he dreamed.

Something off in the distance made a sound; his head jerked up searching for the source. His body shook in fear as he buried his head back down in his knees. He felt as though his heart was going to explode, it was beating so fast.

The darkness seemed to push in on him, he wanted to run to scream, to find Raph and the feeling of safety he got when he was with the older turtle; but he couldn't, his fear kept him frozen in place. All he could do was shiver and tremble. He felt tears well up in his eyes; he hated this feeling. He hated being terrified of every shadow, of every sound around him. He could hear something off in the distance, it sounded like . . . breathing.

His eyes flew open as he pushed himself as hard as he could against the tunnel wall; something was in the tunnel with him. Tears were streaming down his face now. His heart hammered away in his chest beating so hard that it hurt. He felt something wet fall on his face, making him flinch.

Slowly his hand trembling he reached out to wipe away the wetness that had touched his face. He felt his world spin slightly. Drawing his hand away Mikey had a moment of sheer panic as he found his fingertips were covered in red. He could not stop the sound that came from his mouth, a shriek of pure panic.

All at once he was tearing and scratching at his face, he had to get it off. He had to remove the horrible warm red that was covering his face. His skin stung, lances of pain flashing through his body as he tore at his face. He ignored the pain; the feeling of warm red was getting stronger as it covered his face making him rip and tear at his skin more vigorously. He felt something hit him; grabbing his wrists and pinning them against the wall of the tunnel.

“Stop my son! You’re hurting yourself.”

He could not stop the scream that came from his mouth as he felt the monster’s breath against neck. He could feel the creature against him, horrible skinny fingers holding his wrists apart; making him defenceless as the creature prepared to attack, to kill him. Pure panic shot through his body making him struggle against the creature’s grip; it may have held his wrists but it did not hold his legs.

He lashed out kicking wildly at the creature. He felt his good foot connect with a clump of matted ragged fur; a moment later the creature let go of his wrists, grunting as it staggered back. Instantly he was running, tearing through the tunnels trying to get away from the creature; who had started to follow him.

“MY SON COME BACK!”

He ignored the creature; it was just trying to trick him. He quickly became lost in the maze of tunnels and passageways he was running through. Turning down another tunnel he felt his heart nearly stop in terror as he found himself at what essentially was a dead end with the tunnel he had been running down, emerging into a large open cistern.

In front of him the tunnel gave way to the darkness swallowing the water that rushed past his ankles before falling away into the darkness far below him. Turning back down the way he had come he felt his heart stop as he watched the shadow of the creature emerge from the tunnel. His heart hammered in his chest as he watched the shadow get closer and closer.

“Stay . . . stay . . . stay away . . . stay away from me,” Mikey’s voice was weak and shook with obvious fear.

He took a step backwards and staggered slightly as he found himself at the lip of the ledge he was standing on; still the shadow came closer. He could see the creature now; tall, skinny, it’s hands outstretched, reaching for him. He swayed where he stood; slowly the world began to tilt backwards.

Almost in slow motioned he felt his feet leave the ledge he was on as gravity gripped his body and pulled him off the ledge and into the darkness below. He wanted to scream to try and keep himself from falling; but his body refused to move. Slowly he watched as the creature rushed forwards towards him. Was it really going to attack him even though he was falling off the ledge?

He yelped in pain as he felt sharp nails dig into the skin of his leg. His body sprang back to life; his head snapping upwards to look at the creature who had grabbed him by his ankle. He could see the creature’s face narrowed in frustration as the creature sunk to its knees trying to hold onto him.

“My son . . . help me . . . my grip . . . you are too heavy.”

He could see the creature’s arms shaking with the effort to keep him from falling. He tried to grab onto something but his movement made the creature grunt; its grip loosening slightly.

After a moment the creature spoke again, “I will not allow one of my sons to die here in the sewer. I know you don’t remember me and you’re scared of me but please Michelangelo, help me! I cannot hold on much longer.”

Taking a deep breath Mikey did his best to push the fear that coursed through his body, out of his mind. Again he felt the creature’s grip loosen. Reaching out Mikey searched for something to hold onto, a pipe or a loose brick, anything. He felt his fingers wrap around a rusted pipe sticking out of the side of the wall. Above him he felt the creature hold his leg shift, managing to take a step backwards and lift him up slightly.

“Again, my son, again,” the creature instructed.

Finding something else to grab onto to Mikey let out a fearful giggle as again his body shifted upwards. It was a bizarre feeling dangling dangerously like he was and his worst nightmare seeming to try and help him.

“ _Master Splinter?!_ ” the cry echoed from the sewer tunnel behind the monster.

A moment later Mikey yelped alarmed as he felt more hands grab at his leg before he found himself being pulled back up onto the ledge. He felt a pair of hands grab his shoulders as his feet touched the ledge. A second later Raph was hugging him. Again the room seemed to waiver, and a moment later his eyes rolled into his head as he fainted.


	10. Chapter 10

Slowly Mikey opened his eyes to see that he was he was back in his bed. Moving to sit up he felt someone touch his shoulder. Slowly he turned his head sideways and found Donnie sitting next to him.

“Morning sleepy head,” the olive toned turtle greeted him gently.

Mikey didn’t move, “What happened?”

“You fainted, probably from all the adrenalin in your system coupled with a head rush from being upside down. We brought you back to your room. You’ve been out a few hours. How does your leg feel?” Donnie shrugged.

Mikey slowly sat up and looked down at his leg. Several bandages had been wrapped around his ankle. He let out a low sigh, it seemed now with both legs injured walking was going to be even more painful.

“It’s sore . . . but it doesn’t hurt too badly,” Mikey answered simply.

Donnie smiled, “Good. Master Splinter was worried the cuts he gave you when he grabbed onto you would cause you pain. I’m glad they don’t.”

Slowly Mikey looked up at Donnie; taking a deep breath he spoke, “I . . . I . . . I want to see him.”

“Who?” Donnie questioned looking at him.

Mikey took another deep breath, “The person that saved me; Master Splinter?”

He could feel his heart speeding up just thinking about seeing that creature again. He felt rather than saw Donatello touch his shoulder.

“Mikey are you sure? Remember what happened last time.”

Mikey nodded, how could he forget? Even as he thought about it he could feel the knot of worry and fear balling tightly in his stomach. He really did not want to see Master Splinter but he was going to be courageous like Raph.

Gathering his courage he nodded, “I’m sure . . . but . . . can Raph be with us?”

“Of course Mikey. Of course Raph can be with you, do you want me to go get him right now?” Donnie smiled and nodded.

Mikey nodded and watched as Donnie moved to leave the room; pausing at the door Donnie looked back at Mikey. There was a small frown wrinkling the olive green forehead and Donatello’s reddish brown eyes were thoughtful.

“Before I get him, can I ask you something about Raph?” Donnie questioned gnawing a little at his lower lip as he did so.

Mikey nodded raising trusty eyes to Donnie and waiting patiently for the question.

“You and Raph seem to be . . . um . . . getting close. What I mean is you seem to have developed a rather, how can I put this, strong attachment to Raph lately. Is there something about him that you like better than the rest of us?” Donnie stammered a little, embarrassed about asking the question.

Mikey remained silent for several moments thinking careful on Donnie’s question before he answered.

“I . . . I don’t know. I just . . . I like him. When he is near I feel like I don’t have to be scared; he makes me feel safe. Why?” Mikey replied with absolute sincerity.

Donnie shrugged, “No reason I was just curious. I’ll go get him now.”

Mikey nodded and laid back down in bed, as Donnie left the room. Mikey didn’t know why his brother had asked that question and he felt a little worried about it. But as quickly as the worry was there about Donnie’s question it was gone, as Mikey had more pressing matters to think of.

Finding Raph was not hard; the hot headed turtle was in his room beating on his punching bag when Donnie knocked on his door. A moment later the door opened and Donnie smiled at Raph who just looked at him.

“Mikey’s awake. He says he wants to meet Master Splinter; but he wants you to be there with him,” Donnie explained quickly and simply.

Raph nodded, and immediately moved to leave his room. Following Raph down the hallway Donnie appraised his hot headed sibling wondering whether he should ask what was running through his mind. In the end his curiosity won out over his logical reasoning.

“Raph can I ask you something; it’s kind of personal but I need you to be honest with me, ok? I promise you I won’t say anything to Leo or even Mikey if you don’t want me too,” Donnie said stopping Raph with a hand on his arm.

Raph looked at him slightly concerned, “What is it Donnie; you trying to figure out what to buy April or something?”

Donnie shook his head, “No, I um I’ve noticed um how close you and Mikey have gotten since his accident. I know you two were always close but it just seems like there is more here now. Is there something . . . I don’t even know how to ask exactly . . . but is there I don’t know, something more between you guys now?”

For a full ten seconds Raph just stared at Donnie; his brain trying to understand what Donnie had just asked him. When his brain finally did catch up he frowned at Donnie.

“What do you mean Donnie? More between us now? What the shell does that mean?” Raph questioned feeling a little uncomfortable. “Wait are you asking me if there is . . . you know . . .”

Donnie waited while Raph mulled over it all. His reddish brown eyes took in his brother’s stance and facial expression, mentally jotting it all down for further analysis at a later date. He stood his ground as a flushing emerald green turtle stepped up close to him.

“Are you asking if my little brother has tried to . . . to . . . I don’t know . . . put the moves on me or something? Are you screwed up in the head? Mikey is my brother,” Raph spluttered.

Donnie sighed, “Raph, it’s not that simple. Mikey doesn’t remember being your little brother. Yes he knows you’re related but that’s only because you told him. He has no ‘brotherly’ memories of you. As far as his mind in concerned he just met you for the first time when he woke up, but at the same time he seems to have an element of emotional memory, which tells him that you equate to safety and security. It’s logical to assume that given how you have been treating him and these emotions he has but doesn’t understand that he might start to feel romantically about you. I’m not saying that it is what has happened though; it’s just a question.”

Raph continued to glare at Donnie for a bit longer. He wasn’t sure how to take all of this. Part of it was the complete suddenness of the genius’s question, Raph hadn’t surprises at the best of time times but something like this was a little harder to take in and deal with.

Another part of it was the fact that Mikey was his little brother and he wanted to protect him, he always had but since the accident that desire had increased tenfold. He took a deep breath to try and settle his emotions; there wasn’t anything to worry about. Mikey was being clingy and had latched onto the strongest source around and that was Raph.

“Let me be extra clear for you egghead; Mikey has not said, or done anything that makes me think romance or anything _more_ as you put it, alright? He is my little brother and he is seeking protection from the biggest guy around and that just happens to be me, got it?” Raph explained with a little growl to cover over his embarrassment.

Donnie sighed again and held up his hands to appease Raph, “Fine. Just let me know if he does, okay? I need to know about any behavioural changes in him.”

Raph nodded tersely and headed back towards Mikey’s room only pausing when he reached the doorway. Turning he eyed Donatello nervously for a second.

“What if . . . what if he does Donnie?” he asked in a quiet voice.

Donatello looked at him, “You mean what if he does develop romantic feelings for you?”

Raph nodded and Donnie shrugged.

“I don’t know. If I knew how love worked I’d be dating April right now. We’ll cross that bridge if and when we come to it. For now just we support him like we have been doing. I’ll go get Master Splinter.”

Donnie left leaving Raph standing alone in front of Mikey’s room. Knocking on the door Raph entered to find Mikey sitting up in bed looking nervously at his hands. As Raph stepped inside Mikey looked up and smiled weakly at him.

“I asked to see the mons . . . I mean Splinter,” the youngest turtle explained nervously.

Raph nodded, “I know, Donnie told me. Are you sure you’re ready for that? You freaked out every other time you’ve seen him.”

Mikey swallowed hard before nodding, “I know but . . . but . . . he saved me. He can’t be a monster who wants to hurt me . . . if he saved me right?”

“Master Splinter is your father Mikey. He loves and cares about you. I promise he’s not a monster . . . although when he gets mad he can be a bit scary,” Raph explained as he sat down on Mikey’s bed.

That made Mikey chuckle, the first real laugh he’d made in days. His laughed abruptly ended as the door to his room opened and Donnie poked his head in.

“Mikey are you ready?”

Mikey swallowed; his throat suddenly felt very dry. He felt Raph squeeze his hand gently and he instinctively shifted towards his brother’s bulkier form.

“It’s ok Mikey. I’m right here,” he reassured

Mikey nodded and looked to Donnie; his voice cracking slightly as he spoke, “Ok.”

Fearful blue eyes watched as Donnie entered his room; as he did so Donnie spoke, “Just remember Mikey, you are safe. Master Splinter won’t hurt you, I promise.”

Mikey nodded and watched as the creature from the sewer and his nightmares slowly entered his room. He felt his heart rate jump several beats as the creature, as Master Splinter looked at him and slowly moved closer to him.

Splinter was within six feet of him at the foot of the bed, when Mikey let out an involuntary whimper; his hand clamping down on Raph’s hand, while a terrified shudder ran through his body.

The creature stopped and somewhat nervously held out a hand to Mikey, “My son . . .”

Mikey swallowed, trying to clear his throat of the rock that seemed to have formed in his throat, “I-I . . . I wanted to thank you.”

Splinter looked up at him; the gaze making Mikey tremble. Despite fear and nausea which threatened to swamp him Mikey was determined to do this.

“Y-you saved me. Thank you,” Mikey continued all the while maintaining his iron grip on Raph’s hand.

Splinter nodded slowly, “You’re my son Michelangelo, even if you do not remember it; I will always protect you in any way I can. That is my duty as your father and someone who loves you dearly.”

Mikey nodded; doing his best to control how badly he was shaking. He could see the pain in the creature’s eyes, but also the sincerity behind Splinter’s words. Underneath it all he could feel a hint of affection for this creature; now that he had chance to look at it fully in the light with no part hidden by shadows. Like with the other turtles there was a sense of familiarity when he looked upon the rat but that didn’t mean he was any less afraid, there were still monsters out there waiting to devour him.

After several moments of silence while Michelangelo worked through his emotions he managed to offer Splinter a weak smile, “Thank you for saving me.”

This time when he spoke his voice did not shake. He watched as Splinter looked down at the floor. A moment later Mikey felt his own eyes widen as he watched several small tears fall from Splinter’s eyes.

Without even pausing to think about it he felt his body move on its own. He wasn’t sure what made him do it but he felt this unfathomable desire to comfort this rat. Slowly moving across the bed before stopping at the edge of it, his body still trembling and shaking as he slowly reached out and touched one of Splinter’s hands.He had to fight against the terror that bubbled in his stomach; instead doing his best to focus on the pain he had seemingly caused to this rat . . . to Master Splinter . . . to his father. He couldn’t begin to comprehend the flood of emotions going through him at that moment; so many and so strong they were threatening to overwhelm him.

Slowly Master Splinter raised his other hand and rested it upon Michelangelo’s. The touch was simple but sincere, filled with the love that the ninjitsu master had for his sons. He smiled gently at Mikey; who smiled back, doing his best to continue to ignore the fear that still made his body tremble. A moment later he reached his limit; retracting his hand and pulling his injured legs against his chest as best he could. He did his best to focus on his breathing and quell the panic that bubbled in his stomach.

He watched as Splinter slowly stood up, “My son, I will leave now. I can tell you’re still upset by my presence.”

Mikey smiled nervously at Splinter who smiled warmly back before bowing and leaving the room. Mikey’s heart rate slowly return to normal as he felt Raph’s arms wrap gently around his shoulders before pulling him into a hug.

“You did good Mikey. You did real good.”

                                       _______________________________________

Slowly Donnie knocked the door to Leo’s room. He wasn’t sure why Leo seemed to have been so intent on staying away from them but it was getting a little bit on Donatello’s nerves. Leo had only really stayed with Mikey the once and then had surreptitiously avoided being alone or around Mikey.

After a moment Leo’s voice responded, “Come in.”

Opening the door Donnie could not help but feel frustration well up in his gut as he found Leo kneeling on the floor; obviously trying to meditate. Closing the door a bit harder than normal he watched as Leo opened his eyes and looked at him.

“What is going on?” Leo questioned after a few minutes of silence.

Donnie shrugged, “Mikey is asleep so Raph and I are going to go back into the sewer and continue to search them. We didn't get very far before Mikey freaked out and it convinces me that the answers we are seeking are in there, close to where we were.”

Leo nodded and stood up. A short while later they were back in the sewers walking through the old pipes and tunnels. It didn’t take them as long to get to the spot they had been at before, as they didn’t have to keep the slow pace they had set for Mikey. Moving through the nearby tunnels Donnie glanced back at Leo. Stepping closer to his leader, Donnie tried to gauge his brother’s reaction to everything but as usual, Leo was keeping his emotions under wraps.

It was what they both did best at the end of the day. Donnie knew they had both trained themselves to be more logical in their approaches while Mikey and Raph remained ruled by their emotions. However that didn’t stop Donnie’s rising frustrations. Yes he had been a little hard with Mikey but at the end of the day, he still tried to connect and help his brother, what had Leo been doing? Letting out a loud sigh Donnie fell in line with Leo’s pace.

“You missed it Leo, before back in Mikey’s room. Not only was he able to be in the same room as Master Splinter but he even touched him,” Donnie explained watching Leo’s expression carefully.

He felt his frustration turning into anger and it flaring up slightly as the oldest turtle showed no signs of surprise or concern. Instead Leo seemed to almost ignore what Donatello had said and kept his eyes roving about the sewers in search of any clue as to what had happened to Mikey.

Seeing that Leo was not in the mood for the chat to be continued, Donnie bit his tongue. Instead he ignored his annoyance and continued to search the sewers, moving from tunnel to tunnel; his flashlight illuminating the underground world around him. After what felt like hours of searching he was ready to give up and say they should go back when he spotted it, something perhaps they had been overlooking. There it was against the dull brown of the dirt under their feet . . . blood.

“Guys . . . over here.”

He felt his brother’s move in behind him as he knelt down to examine the blood; after a moment he stood back up.

“I think . . . I think this is from Mikey,” he guessed his fingers ghosting over but not quite touching the stains.

He looked up at Leo who unsheathed one of his swords before taking the lead, slowly winding their way through the tunnels following the now dried and very dull blood trail Mikey had left for them.

Against his will Raph found his gaze drawn to the brown nearly black stains on the dirt; there was something oddly . . . fascinating about them. Was his own blood that same shade? Why was it so dark? Was it because it was old blood now?

Following the trail the three brothers felt like their feet had wings and soon they emerged into an old subway station. All around them crumbling tiles clung to the wall, seemingly ready to give way at any moment. Using their flashlights they searched the area until the silence was sharply broken.

_“Donnie! Leo! Get over here right NOW!”_

Raph felt his heart clench and his eyes widen in a mixture of shock and horror at the sight in front of him. He felt Donnie and Leo come to a stop behind him; their own eyes falling on the sight in front of them. Their sharp gasps were enough to tell Raph they were as horrified as he was.

Donnie spoke first; his voice shaking, “Is that . . .”


	11. Chapter 11

“Is that . . .” Donnie’s voice trailed off, as his mind struggled to comprehend what it was he was looking at.

They were standing on the train platform in the very spot where men and women would load and unload themselves into the trains. In front of them the platform dropped, revealing dozens of half buried stalks of rebar sticking up from the ground. But it was not the pillars of torn metal that had them so horrifically fascinated; what drew their eyes was the creature impaled by the rebar that stuck up out of the ground.

Their eyes widened as they scanned over the impossibly skinny body; punctuated by multiple stalks of torn and twisted rebar that had forced their way through the rough grey skin and matted grey fur. The body had long since sunk down, forced down by its own weight which could no longer fight against gravity and was now resting on the ground. The sections of rebar that had punctured its body sticking up and out of the corpse like some bizarre kind of metal plant. All around the body a large stain of dark dried fluid that had once been crimson covered the ground.

Raph felt his stomach heave and twist as he looked at this horrid sight in front of him as the unholy smell of rotting flesh invaded his nostrils. It was not the first time they had been exposed to the horrors of death especially a less than pleasant death but all at once it became too much. Raph staggered away from the dead body his stomach heaving and lurching.

He grabbed onto one of the nearby pillars for support as he vomited, coughing up the foul sludge from his stomach until there was nothing left and even then his body continued to fight to purge itself. Taking several deep breaths Raph slowly straightened back up before turning back to his brothers who had not moved from where they stared at the corpse of their enemy.

After another moment of silence it was Donnie who spoke first, “I . . . I think I know what happened now.”

“What do you mean?” Leo asked shakily as he looked sideways at Donnie, his beak wrinkling in disgust at the smell and sights around him.

Donnie back away from the skewered flesh holding a hand in front of his face as if to ward off the smell and momentarily closed his eyes. Raph could tell Donatello was trying to remain calm and waited for him to gain control knowing he wouldn’t get answers if he was impatient. Raph watched as his brother took several nauseating deep breaths before speaking

“Rahzar must have attacked Mikey when he was coming back with the pizza. Mikey ran, probably trying to lose Rahzar in the sewers, but with Rahzar’s increased physique and senses, Mikey didn’t stand a chance of escaping. They fought, and in the struggle they must have run out onto this platform. Look here. . . ”

Donnie knelt down and gestured to several skid marks in the dust in front of the lip on the platform. The platform had been undisturbed since Mikey had fought Rahzar and offered to the practiced eye a clear explanation of the fight between the two mutants.

“Mikey slipped and fell backwards hitting the pillars and the unstable rebar; his shell would have protected him from the initial impact. The station must have been too dark or perhaps it was the dust kicked up from their fight and Mikey’s fall that Rahzar couldn’t see it. He must have lunged at Mikey . . . and . . .” Donnie’s voice trailed off as his mouth refused to say what they were all thinking.

Raph stepped forward and placed a hand on Donatello’s shoulder. Donnie lifted his own hand and placed it over Raph’s grateful for his brother’s show of support during the distressing explanation. After another moment he managed to start speaking again.

“Mikey must have significantly displaced the rebar when he came crashed into them. If you look at the placement of the metal, you can see that there is sufficient space between the metal for Mikey to have been safely protected but he would have momentarily stunned by the impact. Imagine it guys, Mikey . . . our Mikey watched Rahzar die probably the most agonising death any of us can imagine . . .”

Raph closed his eyes briefly and tightened his fingers on Donnie’s shoulder. He could imagine the pure terror and complete distress Michelangelo would have felt at watching another die so horribly, being trapped and unable to do anything about it. Not only that but the fact that Rahzar despite being their enemy still had a connection with Mikey.

“Is it possible one of the rebar hit Mikey on the head?” Leo suddenly asked disturbing the momentary silence.

With a shake of his head Donnie replied, “He didn’t have any significant head injuries, except those which are more in line with a fist or Rahzar’s claws than metal. I’m beginning to think Mikey’s amnesia is not so much injury related but more a type of mental withdrawal or regression.”

“Mental what now? What the hell does that mean?” Raph asked turning away from the scene before him a faint twinge of nausea sweeping over him once more.

“It means what Mikey saw down here was so horrible and traumatizing that he couldn’t cope with it. In order to save his sanity his mind did the only thing it could and regressed, wiping out all memories related to this situation,” Donnie explained.

Raph inhaled sharply as Donnie’s words sunk in. Mikey had been here; had been trapped under Rahzar’s body as the mutant had died in agony. Raph felt like he might throw up again as his mind instantly constructed a mental scene of Mikey alone, scared, bleeding as above him one of his worst enemies slowly died. He felt a few tears drip down his cheek.

Wiping away the tears Raph took a deep breath before speaking, “Does . . . does . . . does this help us at all? Since we know what caused Mikey to forget can we treat him?”

Donnie shook his head, “No unfortunately if anything . . . this sort of makes it worse.”

“Worse? Donnie, how could this get worse?” Leo asked his eyes widening at Donnie’s statement.

Donnie took a deep shuddering breath before speaking, “His mind made him forget guys. It wasn't an injury; in a way it was his choice to forget. That means his mind will do everything it can to try and prevent him from remembering because he doesn’t want to remember.”

Leo and Raph looked at Donnie still a little confused. Pursing his lips together Donnie tried to think of another way to explain this to his brothers.

“Think of it this way; in training when we strain a muscle what happens? Is it just the muscle we injure that is affected? No the surrounding muscles tend to ache as well. That happens because they tense up to protect the injured muscle from becoming more so and there is little you can do to stop it because it is your body’s natural inclination to protect the injury,” Donnie began to explain.

Both Leo and Raph’s brows furrowed as they tried to understand how the genius’s analogy fit with Mikey.

“Think of this memory right here, Rahzar dying in front of Mikey; as the injured muscle. What did the surrounding muscle or memory do to protect itself and save him from being damaged anymore; it tensed up or made him forget. The problem is that with this injury I don’t know if time and rest is the cure, sometimes the injuries to the muscles are too great to repair.”

Donnie’s head dipped down and he lowered his gaze unable to look at his brothers after having given them such bad news. Leo ran his hands over his face trying to take in everything and plan ways out.

Raph let out a roar of rage and turned to the nearest object he could find; a crumbling half destroyed pillar. Slamming his fist against the stone pillar Raph felt pain lance through his hand; but he ignored it. He continued to punch and pummel the pillar, in the back of his mind he could feel his brother’s watching him but he couldn’t have cared any less about them.

He ignored them; only one thought in his mind; it was all his fault. It was his fault Mikey was like this, it was his fault Mikey had watched Rahzar die; it was his fault Mikey couldn't remember who he was, or who any of them were. It was all _HIS_ fault.

His hands ached and bled as he continued to punch the pillar stopping only when his arms had gone numb from the pain. Staggering back he looked down at his bloody and torn hands but despite their tragic appearance it still wasn’t enough to assuage the waves of nausea laden guilt.

The pain from his hands wasn’t enough; he needed to suffer more; to make amends to his baby brother for what he allowed him to suffer through. Letting out another roar of rage he moved to slam his head against the pillar; an action which finally had his brothers responding with Donnie jumping forward hooking his arms under Raph’s arms, holding him back and preventing him from completing the self-abusive move.

“RAPH what has gotten into you?!” Donnie demanded grunting in effort to hold Raph.

Raph took a shuddering breath; there had been times in the past when he’d been angry with himself. He became severely self-critical whenever he screwed up on a mission or accidentally hurt one of his brothers during sparring, or when his temper got the better of him and made him do something stupid. Those times however didn't compare to the self-loathing that coursed through his body making him sick with shame. He struggled to break free of Donnie’s grip only to have Leo step in; standing in front of him and helping Donnie to hold him back.

“Raph talk to us.” Leo spoke surprisingly softly

Raph bellowed in response and did his best to break free from his brother’s grip. He tried to shove them away from him, so he could continue his self-abuse; only to grunt and heave as his brothers refused to be shaken off.

After several minutes of struggling he gave up; going limp in his brother’s arms, panting from the exhaustion that threatened to overtake him. He felt Leo and Donnie pull him into a kind of hug; holding him close against their bodies silently offering him support and love.

“Raph? What’s wrong? Tell us,” Donnie beseeched, gently rubbing his hands over Raph’s arms.

Raph felt his throat constrict as he tried to speak; his sides heaved as tears began to fall from his eyes. He had never been one for tears and emotional breakdowns like this, so both Leo and Donnie knew whatever it was that was upsetting Raph must be something important. After several moment Raph managed to choke out the words that had been thinking since they found Rahzar’s body.

“It is my fault.”

Silence filled the tunnel as Leo and Donnie tried to reason on what Raph had just told them. It took a few seconds but he eventually felt Donnie and Leo shift.

“Raph? What are you talking about? How is this your fault?” Leo asked kneeling down so he could look at Raph’s face.

Raph took another shuddering breath and repeated himself, “It’s my fault. All of it; everything that happened to Mikey . . . it’s my fault.”

Again Leo and Donnie shifted pulling away from him slightly, “What? How?”

“That night when Mikey went to get pizza, it was supposed to be . . . I was supposed to get it. I was tired from training and couldn’t be bothered to go out and get it so . . . so . . . I made Mikey go and get it,” Raph answered in-between shuddering breaths.

Several moments of silence followed his words as Leo and Donnie continued to gently soothe him. Suddenly he couldn’t stand how tenderly his brothers were holding him; couldn’t stand that they weren’t yelling at him, telling him it was all his fault. He shoved them away and staggered over to the nearby wall, turning around he sunk down until he was on the ground. Tears fell from his eyes as he began to cry again.

Sobbing Raph buried his face in his knees while his hands came up to cover the back of his head, “I’m sorry Mikey . . . I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry.”

He felt more shame well up in his gut as he continued to sob like a child. Out of all the turtles to have hurt, he had taken out the one who prided himself on being able to make anyone smile. Now who was going to help Raph smile through this? In that moment Raph hated himself for his own selfishness. He should have been the one out there, the one who faced off with Rahzar; the one who witnessed the mutants’ horrible death.

Slowly Donnie knelt down next to him and put his hand on Raph’s shoulder, “Raph . . . it’s ok.”

“No! No it’s not okay. I did this to him, it’s my fault; all of it is my fault. IT’S MY FAULT!” his shout echoed through the abandoned station.

He didn't want their love; he wanted them to get angry, to yell and scream at him. He needed them to hate him as much as he hated himself right now.

In front of him Leo spoke, “Raph, this isn’t helping. You can’t change what has happened and beating yourself up doesn’t help anyone especially Mikey. We need to go back and tell Splinter what we found.”

“Tell Splinter? Why Leo, what is he going to do? Mikey can hardly be in the same room as Splinter,” Raph replied as he felt his temper flare.

Leo spoke in a matter-of-fact voice, “Splinter can help Raphael. We can fix this, all of it; I know we can.”

“You don’t get it do you mister boy scout?” Raph continued to glare up at Leo as he spoke.

He slowly got to his feet, using the wall to help him stand leaving bloody traces from his torn hands.

When he spoke next he was shouting again his voice echoing harshly in the ruin station, “There is no way to make this better Leo! You heard Donnie; Mikey doesn’t want to remember this! We can’t fix it, I can’t fix this. If we do Mikey will remember what he saw and he’ll go crazy!”

He watched as Leo took several breaths before responding, “Master Splinter will know what to do, he always knows what to do.”

Donnie looked from brother to brother, nervously he shifted from one leg to the other. He hated it when Raph and Leo fought, he hated it when any of them fought even though it was inevitable amongst brothers. Taking a chance he slowly reached out and touched Raph’s shoulder making sure to keep his movements soft and unthreatening. It was understandable that Raph was blaming himself, but there was no way to know that Rahzar would have been on the hunt that particular night.

“Come on Raph, we need to go back. We can’t learn anything new here and . . . and . . .”

Raph listened as Donnie’s voice trailed off. He could see the desperation in the genius turtle's eyes. It was the same desperation that clawed its way through Raph’s gut hurting him worse than any weapon or attack ever could; the deep need to be as far away from this place as he could get.

He sighed his shoulders slumping, the fight leaving his body suddenly replaced by the deep need to be as near to Mikey as he could get, “Ok . . . ok, let’s go back.”

The walk back to the lair was made in complete and a little uncomfortable silence. Raph couldn’t have said a word even if he had wanted as he trekked through the sewers following his brothers, his pace slow and dejected reflecting his mental state as if he was wearing it like a banner around his body. Every now and then Donnie would look back at him and offer him a weak smile, but the hot-headed turtle never returned the gesture, the smile just didn’t have the same impact as Michelangelo’s.

As they entered the lair they all stopped; an odd but significantly more pleasing smell than they had experienced earlier meeting their noses. They all inhaled it deeply allowing it to fill their senses, allowing it to eradicated the rotten smell of Rahzar’s decomposing body.

It was Leo who first identified the smell and spoke up, “Is someone cooking . . . brownies?”

Moving towards the kitchen the brothers found that for a moment the memory of what they had found down in the tunnel was eclipsed by the scene they walked in on. Mikey was sitting at the table, nervously stirring a bowl of brownie mix. On the other side of the kitchen Master Splinter was midway through pulling a tray of freshly baked brownies out of the over before setting them on the stove top.

They watched as Mikey glanced up at Splinter, his hands shaking as he stirred the mix in the bowl. They could see the tension across the sea green shoulders but the could also see the determined set of his whole frame as he forced himself to remain in Splinter’s presence.

After a moment Mikey noticed them and jumped at Raph; grabbing the turtle’s hand and giggling nervously. Raph could see the almost insane glint in Mikey’s eyes as he battled with the demons which had taken up residence in his mind.

“We made brownies,” Mikey explained his voice was that of an excited kid but tainted with the strain of his overwrought mind.

Raph looked slightly startled as Mikey tugged him over to the table before handing him a warm brownie from a plate that was stacked full of them. Looking down at the chocolate brick treat, Raph felt a smile twitch at his lips. He looked up at Splinter who chuckled and smiled at Mikey.

“I came out to fix myself some dinner and found Michelangelo going through the cupboards looking for food. He was very brave and remained in the room with me to complete his search. As he looked he found the box of brownie mix and asked what they were. After I had explained their purpose he asked if we could make them as a thank you to all of you,” Splinter explained.

Raph felt his eyes widen while his heart clenched; he felt Mikey pull him into a quick hug before pulling away.

“You’ve all been so nice to me, I just . . . I wanted to thank you,” Mikey whispered.

It was Donnie who spoke first, his voice filled with slight confusion, “Mikey I thought you were scared of Splinter?”

Mikey swallowed hard as he glanced at Splinter for a moment. Raph could feel the muscles of Mikey’s body twitching and trembling as he endeavoured to bring himself under control. It was like every time he looked at Splinter, he would momentarily lose control and have to regain it before he could continue. Raph more than anybody else could understand the internal battle Mikey was experiencing. Taking a small step to the side, Raph reassured Mikey simply with his presence that he was not alone.

“Well . . . I don’t want him touching me and I’m . . . . I’m still scared but . . . but I . . . I know he won’t hurt me cause he saved me before,” as he spoke Mikey gave them a nervous smile.

Behind Mikey, Splinter couldn’t stop the proud smile from gracing his muzzle, “Your brother has been very courageous while helping me; although he did have a small panic attack when he accidentally tripped and I had to catch him.”

Raph looked down at Mikey who was looking at the ground a look of slight shame on his face, “I got scared . . . I ran away and hid but then . . . then I smelled the brownies. They smelt really good and I think . . . I knew . . . I think I knew that I liked them and it felt nice.”

Looking down Raph could not help but smile weakly at the child-like enthusiasm covering Mikey’s face. It was a look he had seen countless times on Mikey’s face before and Raph once more felt the pang of guilt wash over him as he stared into those azure blue eyes.

After a moment Mikey spoke, “Don’t you like the brownie?”

Raph started a little realising that he still held the chocolate treat in his fingers. Lifting it up he bit into the brownie; smiling at the taste of the warm chocolate as it flooded his taste buds and brought to the fore his own memories.

“Raph?” Mikey’s voice disturbed the pleasurable experience Raph was having.

Opening his eyes Raph after having closed them in bliss, the larger turtle looked at Mikey. He was distraught to see worry and upset clouding the azure blue orbs. Quickly chewing and swallowing Raph gave his undivided attention to Michelangelo.

“What happened to your hands?”


	12. Chapter 12

Raphael glanced down at his hands, taking in the bloodied and grazed knuckles and swollen fingers. He blinked at his hands for a few seconds before he began to feel the ache he should have been experiencing long before that. Donnie stepped around Leo in order to take a look at Raph’s hands.

“These need cleaned out before I can tell how much damage you’ve done,” Donnie explained with a shake of his head.

“What happened?” Mikey asked again keeping tight hold of Raph’s hands as he examined them.

Raph glanced up catching Donatello and Leonardo’s eyes giving them a slight shake of the head, Mikey didn’t need to know right at that moment in time. Holding his arm out Donnie began to direct Raph out of the kitchen and back to the lab. Neither of them was surprised when Mikey kept a hold of Raph and came with them. Moving into the lab, Raph jumped up on the bed and placed his hands on his legs waiting for Don’s attention. Mikey looked down at the battered hands and felt a pinch of pain in his chest; somehow he just knew this was because of him.

Donatello wheeled the trolley so that it was in front of Raph’s legs and picked up the towel setting it across Raph’s lap to catch the stray water. Next he picked up one of the clean swabs and dipped it in the sterile solution. Lifting Raph’s hand a little in his own Donnie began to clean the grime of the wounded hand. Raph hissed a little but didn’t pull away instead settling on taking slow steady breaths.

Reaching over Mikey picked up a second swab and dipped it into the water. Donnie opened his mouth to protest that Mikey’s hands weren’t clean but Raph glared at him, silencing the reprimand before it could actually be raised. Using absolute care Mikey followed Donnie’s example and began to clean off Raph’s other hand.

Vibrant green eyes watched as slowly Mikey’s tongue began to peek out from between sea green lips as he concentrated. It was an expression which they had teased Mikey about a lot when he was younger but now Raph couldn’t stop the smile from lighting his face. Without a doubt Mikey looked unbelievably cute when he made that expression.

Raph started as if he had received a shock of electricity as that thought echoed around him mind. His eyes were wider than normal and it took a couple of second for him to realise that all of his brothers were staring at him.

He swallowed hard before speaking between gritted teeth, “That one hurt.”

The lie came out easily and it was obvious that the others believed him by their expressions.

“Sorry Raph, I can give you something if you would like it,” Donnie offered.

Shaking his head, Raph held out his hands once more for attention. He lowered his gaze to his lap and kept as calm as possible even though he could feel Donatello’s eyes upon him. He couldn’t believe that he had thought what he had about Mikey! What was wrong with him?

This was baby brother, his injured baby brother who trusted and needed him now more than ever. It didn’t matter that Mikey couldn’t remember that they were brothers or that they had lived a whole life together already; Raph knew it and should know better.

“Use a fresh swab now Mikey,” Donnie instructed as he picked up another himself.

Mikey nodded his head and did as instructed, tenderly wiping the swab over Raph’s cleaner but still weeping flesh. Despite what Raph had done to them the thick reptilian skin had resisted the punishment and weren’t as bad as they looked. Once the grime, dirt and dried blood had been removed they could see the grazes properly. They were still weeping a watery blood but there was evidence of continued clotting already.

“Okay Mikey we need to wash our hands before this next bit,” Donnie continued to inform his little brother.“Then we put the anti-septic salve on, right?” Mikey added glibly.

Donnie’s eyes opened a little wider as both Raph and Leo’s eyes widened at the statement. It was good to hear something akin to memory coming from Mikey. Offering Mikey a smile, the purple masked turtle nodded in agreement. Taking the youngest turtle over to the sink, Donnie gently removed the splints on Mikey’s right hand before he showed him how to wash his hands properly. Once their hands were clean, Donnie splinted Mikey’s right hand once more making sure everything was clean and as sterile as he could, so they could complete the next treatment on Raph.

“So is anyone going to tell me how Raph hurt his hands?” Mikey asked as he took his seat next to Raph again.

The azure blue eyes looked around at the three other turtles, waiting expectantly for an answer. Without a word all of them agreed that Raph’s earlier appraisal of the situation was correct; it was not in Mikey’s best interests right now to give him the whole story.

Instead Leo cleared his throat to draw Mikey’s attention to him, “Raph has sometimes . . . um what can be best described as a volatile temper and when he gets frustrated he sometimes lashes out.”

Raph’s eyes narrowed momentarily on Leo but knew what he was trying to do. Leo looked directly at him seeing Raph’s anger but still continuing.

“What has happened to you Mikey hasn’t been easy on any of us but especially on Raphael. You two have always been good friends, closer to each other than to either me or Donnie. He feels it more acutely when you are hurt and upset and he lashed out,” Leo explained simply.

Mikey’s face cleared and he turned his gaze to Raphael. The emerald green turtle met it without reservation. Blue orbs flicked from side to side as they seemed to search Raph’s face for whether what Leo said was true.

“Sorry,” Mikey mumbled his gaze flicking down to Raph’s battered hands.

“Hey don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault . . .” Raph began to reply.

A cheeky grin spread across Mikey’s face as he looked up, “Sorry to the poor wall that had to face your temper.”

The words sounded in the room for a few more seconds until the brothers realised that Mikey had just cracked a joke of sorts. With a smile on his face Donatello held out the tube of antiseptic cream to Mikey. Taking it he squeezed a small amount out across Raph’s knuckles and fingers before taking the dressing Donatello held out to him. With soft mutters of direction from Donnie, Mikey wrapped Raph’s hands with dressings. Once complete he sat back and admired the white hands Raph now sported.

“Mikey we need to talk to Master Splinter about something; do you want to watch TV while we do?” Donnie questioned as he put his supplies away.

Mikey frowned as he looked between his brothers, knowing something else was up but that they wanted to keep it from him for the time being. He looked at Raph for reassurance and comfort, knowing the larger emerald green turtle would be honest with him.

“Believe me Mikey you aren’t ready for this yet,” Raph explained.

Mikey nodded his head slowly, “If you say so.”

Getting up off the bed, Raph wrapped an arm around Mikey’s shoulders and began to lead him out of the lab and back to the sitting area of the lair. Picking up the remote he handed it to Mikey who started to take it but held it so Raph couldn’t let go immediately. Raph looked up and saw the unsure and somewhat fearful expression on Mikey’s face. Lifting his other bandaged hand Raph cupped Mikey’s cheek and stroked his thumb over it.

“I promise when you are ready I will tell you,” the hot head reassured.

The verbal reassurance seemed to be enough for Mikey who released his hold on Raph’s arm. With one last small smile, the emerald green turtle walked over to where Donatello and Leonardo waited. Mikey watched them until they disappeared into their father’s room and slid the door shut behind him.

With a sigh Mikey turned back to the TV and turned it on. He wasn’t paying attention to the images which flashed on the screen though instead he was lost in his mind trying so very hard to remember anything that he had forgotten. His brow creased in frustration as the only things he could clearly remember where the images of the past few days.

He knew there was more; he could feel it deep down inside of himself. It was like there was a blockage in his mind and all he needed was the right tool to get rid of it and everything would come back to him. He felt like there was an aspect of himself missing and he wanted nothing more than to fill the void.

Reaching up he touched his cheek a secret little smile twitching his lips as he remember the warmth of Raph’s hand as he had held the sea green face. There was something undeniably special about the Sai wielding turtle and he felt a swell inside of him at the thoughts of Raphael. He giggled to himself as he remembered how Raph had mumbled in his sleep, the way the strong arms had gripped Mikey even tighter as he did so.

It had felt wonderful and secure, a safety Mikey wanted to cling too and never let go. He moved to wrap his arms around himself the movement pulling a little more on his injured arm than his movements before. Glancing down Mikey fingered the bandages eyes narrowing as he strove to remember even a tiny little memory. His effort was met with frustration as nothing but the vast emptiness filled his mind.

Letting out a long sigh he glanced over his shoulder at the doorway which led to his “father’s” room. He felt an impulse to rush inside and confront them all about what they knew but at the same time that impulse filled him with a dread he couldn’t explain. Curling up on the sofa as best he could Mikey did the only thing he could at that point and that was trust that Raph had his best interests at heart.

 

In Master Splinter’s room, Raph watched as his father processed what they had told him about what they had found in the sewers. Waiting for Splinter to respond Raph watched as the aged rat stroked his beard for several minutes, dragging the silence out.

After several moments Leo spoke, “Master Splinter, did you hear what Donnie said?”

The once human turned rat remained silent for a moment longer continuing to ponder on the information he had been provided with.

“Yes Leonardo I heard what Donatello stated. It explains so much about Michelangelo’s reaction to me. In his mind I resemble Rahzar and he was unable to process the difference. I remind him too much of the horror he witnessed,” Splinter agreed.

The group of turtles watched as Splinter rose to his feet and began to pace. The movement was enough to tell the brothers how distraught their father truly was over the situation; he only ever paced when his mind was in complete turmoil.

“Sensei, do you know of any techniques which could help Mikey?” Donnie asked.

The large rat slowly turned and looked at his most intelligent son. He could see the eagerness to help in Donatello’s eyes and he offered his son a small smile.

“The mind is a highly fragile thing Donatello as you are very well aware. What Michelangelo experienced was enough to force him to retreat from everything he knows. If we attempted to make him remember we could do more damage than good,” Splinter answered.

Donatello’s eager expression deflated and he stared at his hands. Splinter felt his heart ache at how upset and out of balance his family was.

“Is it so bad if Mikey doesn’t remember?” Raph suddenly spoke up.

Splinter frowned as Leo and Donnie both turned their attention to the emerald green turtle. He shuffled a little uncomfortably under their scrutiny but maintained eye contact with his father.

“What I mean is, he doesn’t remember stuff as in actual events and people but he still seems to feel stuff about people and places. Like he knows we are safe, that we knew each other before and in the dojo with his chucks he just knew how to use them even though he couldn’t remember what they were. Is it so bad that he starts off fresh with new memories now, if the past ones are so bad?” Raph continued to explain himself.

The pain which flashed across Splinter’s face was undeniable and Raph like Donatello earlier dropped his gaze to his hands realising that he had hurt his father. Turning his back on his sons Splinter closed his eyes and allowed his mind to flow over and explore the problem at hand.

“I think it would be wise to continue to gain Michelangelo’s trust and slowly begin to reintroduce aspect of his life back to him. If we take things at a slow pace then perhaps when his memories do return to him, the experience will not be as traumatic for him,” Splinter mused lifting his hand up to stroke his long beard.

The three turtles exchanged glances not sure if they should say something and if they should what it is their father wanted to hear.

“Michelangelo continues to seem drawn to Raphael and this leaves us with a potential problem. You Raphael have never been one for having your brother cling to you but have enjoyed your space . . .” Splinter began to add.

Despite feeling Donatello’s eyes upon him, Raph spoke up, “I don’t mind Sensei. He needs me right now and I want to be there for him.”

Turning around Splinter looked at his red banded and normally hot headed son a little surprised by the absolute sincerity in Raphael’s voice. He saw Donatello’s expression and wondered what exactly had been going on between his children while he had been keeping his distance so as not to distress Michelangelo.

“Very well my son if you are willing to shoulder this responsibility, we shall all endeavour to aid you while we try to help Michelangelo remember,” Splinter agreed.

Bowing a little Raph acknowledged his father’s assessment. With a wave of his hand, he dismissed his sons and returned to his contemplations. Moving out of their father’s room, Raph made to move ahead of Donnie but his brother stopped him with a hand on the emerald green arm.

“I know what you are thinking Donnie and it’s not what you are thinking, he is still just my brother and nothing has happened. I just want to keep him safe,” Raph spoke before the olive green turtle could say anything.

Nodding his head in understanding Donnie let go of him, “Okay Raph.”

Moving into the main area of the lair they all saw Mikey laying on his plastron, face cupped on one of his hands while one of his feet kicked in the air. He was giggling loudly at the cartoon show he was watching and it made the other three turtles smile in response.

“It’s just Mikey after all Donnie, is he even mature enough to think about romantic crap?” Raph asked over his shoulder as Donatello walked away from him.

A snort of laughter was the only response he got from Donatello and Raph felt a large smile spread across his own face. Walking over to where Mikey sat, the Sai wielding turtle flopped down on the bean bag, giving Mikey a grin as the younger turtle briefly looked over his shoulder.

“This is a good show,” Mikey explained pointing to the TV.

“Your favorite to be precise,” Raph added.

Smiling widely Mikey returned his attention to the TV, “I have good taste.”

Raph chuckled as he picked up one of the magazines which were lying by the bean bag and started to flick through it. It was nice to be doing something relatively normal with Mikey and Raph was going to enjoy the normality for as long as he could.


	13. Chapter 13

Raph slowly woke from his sleep; but he did not open his eyes right away. He could feel that in the night Mikey had shifted. Opening one of his eyes a little Raph looked at Mikey who had pulled away slightly and was looking at him. Raph groaned as Mikey gently ran his hand over Raph’s hand which was still bandaged; from the damage he had done to it the day before. Raph remained how he was, subtly spying on Mikey as the younger turtle began to move his hand.

Starting at Raph’s shoulder, Mikey gently moved his fingers down Raph’s arm before moving them across to ghost them over his brother’s broad chest. Raph inhaled as Mikey’s fingers gently traced the plates in his chest. His eye flickered over Mikey’s face; the young turtle’s face was scrunched up in a small frown as he moved his fingers over the small chip in Raph’s chest. Raph wanted to move, to let Mikey know that he was awake, and yet something held him. Something told him that he should keep pretending to be asleep.

He watched as Mikey’s hand shifted again moving upwards, tracing the muscles in his neck. Against his will Raph let out a low ‘churr’ at the youngest turtle’s touch. Mikey froze as Raph ‘churred’; only moving again when Raph had fallen silent again. Slowly Mikey’s touch moved up Raph’s neck to his face until he was gently cupping Raph’s cheek, in a way similar to how Raph would cup Mikey’s.

Raph inhaled as Mikey leaned in much closer to Raph’s face. The golden eyes widened against emerald green eyelids as he watched Mikey through his barely opened eyes lean in as if to kiss him only to stop; a hair’s width separating their lips from each other. For a full ten second Mikey stayed like this; their lips almost touching.

Mikey’s warm breath ghosted over Raph’s face, as he lay their pretending to be asleep. His heart hammered in his chest. Would Mikey really kiss him? That thought echoed loudly in his head. A second later however he nearly jumped out of his shell as a gentle knock sounded through the room.

“Mikey? Are you awake?” Donnie’s voice spoke softly through the door.

Mikey sighed and pulled away slowly getting out of bed and moving to the door opening it and talking softly with Donnie for a moment before leaving Raph alone; his heartbeat oddly racing. After several long seconds Raph fully opened his eyes and slowly sat up in bed. Shakily he put his hand over his heart feeling the organ beating faster than he had expected.

Shaking his head Raph made a mental note to tell Donnie what Mikey had almost done. Slowly Raph swung around so his feet touched the floor. His mind was racing as he tried to process what had just happened. Mikey had almost kissed him. Mikey had almost _kissed him._ Unbidden, unwelcome in his mind a single though appeared; _why hadn't he pulled away?_

This thought stunned Raph as he sat there his head in his hands trying to sort through the waves of emotions that were coursing through him. At any time he could have opened his eyes, or done something to show Mikey that he had been awake; and yet he’d done nothing. If it hadn't been for Donatello’s knock . . . confusion, helplessness, uncertainty and instinct swirled around in his mind.

Was Donnie right? Was Mikey developing feelings for him that went beyond those of a brother? Was the youngest turtle thinking of him in a sexual manner, and if he was why had Mikey stopped? Why had he not kissed Raph but instead pulled away and left the room, leaving Raph alone with these thoughts?

Balling his hands into fists Raph gently pounded his fists against his forehead. No, it was crazy. Mikey was his brother; his little baby brother; but try as he might he could not shake the feel that welled up in the deepest part of his mind. The wonder, what would it have felt like if Mikey had kissed him?

A split second after he had the thought he slapped himself. He did his best to knock the thought out of him; slapping himself until his skin stung with mild pain. Dropping his hand against his legs Raph panted slightly; he felt oddly worked up. Groaning he stood up and made his way to the door; he needed to punch something . . . repeatedly.

                                    _____________________________________

Slowly Mikey moved through the lair following Donnie who led him to his lab before guiding him up onto the examination table. He watched as Donnie sat down on a small chair before looking at him.

“How have you been feeling Mikey?” Donnie questioned his eyes taking in everything about his little brother.

Mikey shrugged, “I’m ok.”

“Have your injuries been hurting you at all?” Donnie smiled at him.

Mikey looked down at his battered body. His arm still hurt some times, the scabs that lay under the bandages were sore and sensitive to the touch. His legs ached and if he put his foot down without adequately balancing his weight, it could be intensely painful. His fingers twinged with every movement but it wasn’t something that actually bothered him.

After a few moments Mikey shook his head, “No it’s . . . it’s all been fine, just kind of sore but not exactly painful. It’s a bit difficult to explain.”

Donnie nodded and moved to examine Mikey’s previously injured arm. The gashes were his major concern; the last thing he wanted was his baby brother to pick up an infection. Picking up the limb Donnie looked to Mikey, gauging his little brother’s reaction to the simple touch. Happy that Mikey seemed able to tolerate it, he continued with his examination.

“I understand what you mean Mikey; pain is a very generalised term. It covers so many aspects of how our brains and nervous system processes the feelings linked with pain. Is it ok if I press on a few parts to see where it is most sore and if we can delineate your pain more accurately?” Donnie questioned as he began to unwrap the bandages covering Mikey’s arm.

Mikey swallowed but nodded. He winced slightly as Donnie finished removing the dressings exposing the scabs to the air. Gently Donnie began to work; pressing his fingers against Mikey’s skin in several places before asking him if it caused him discomfort and to try and more accurately describe the sensations.

After several minutes Donnie straightened up, “Ok, I’m done.”

Mikey looked at him and smiled weakly at him. Mikey found that now, because of Donnie’s examination his arm was throbbing with a dull ache and there was a tingling sensation running down to his fingers.

He gently rubbed his arm as Donnie check the injury above his eye, peeling the dressing back as he had done with Mikey’s arm, to allow him to examine the gash; which like Mikey’s arm was well on the way to healing.

Removing the bandage completely Donnie instead replaced it with a smaller bandaid before smiling at Mikey. Next Donnie moved back to Mikey’s arm taking more of an interest in the scab formation around the stitches he was yet to remove, a sign that they were healing.

He frowned a little as he saw the wounds were not as far along as Mikey’s forehead but it was still healing and was infection free so Donnie was grateful for that. He also silently reasoned that the gashes had a lot more healing to do that Mikey’s head.

He really wished he had the equipment to have given Mikey the internal stitches the gashes should have had, but he had to made do with what was available. Gently he cleaned the wounds running warm water over them before re-applying the antiseptic creams to help keep the wound infection free and soft. He felt his heart twinge as Mikey tensed.

“Donnie it hurts,” Mikey whimpered a little but pulling at Donatello’s grip.

Donnie smiled apologetically at Mikey, “I am sorry Mikey, I know, but be brave ok?”

Mikey nodded and allowed Donnie to continue. Taking up a fresh dressing the medic of the family redressed the wounds being as careful and gentle as he could.

“You’re healing very well, it is going to take a little bit more time but soon you’ll be stitch and bandage free,” Donnie explained.

Mikey smiled weakly back at his big brother. He sat still as the olive green turtle moved to his desk and began to make small notes in his notebook. Mikey dropped his gaze to the floor a small question forming in his mind but for some reason he felt a little nervous about asking it. Twisting his hands together he finally swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at his big brother.

“Donnie?” Mikey squeaked flinching a little at the high pitched noise.

He shrank back, slightly embarrassed as Donnie looked up at him. He felt his face go red as he tried to build up the courage to ask his question.

“Um . . . I was wondering . . . um . . .” Mikey began before his voice trailed off; embarrassment got the better of him making him look down at the floor.

He felt Donnie touch his shoulder, “Mikey, it’s ok. I promise nothing you ask me will make me think any differently about you.”

Mikey looked up at Donatello, who smiled reassuringly at him. He felt his face flush redder as he mentally recalled the feelings that had rushed through his body as he had moved in so close to Raph’s sleeping form. His heart had thundered in his chest as he had felt Raph’s warm breath against his lips, so tantalizingly close and yet; he’d chickened out.

Mikey, are you ok?”

“Yeah I-I-I’m ok,” Mikey stammered back moving his hand to rub at his plastron where his heart continued to hammer.

Donnie continued to look at him for several more moments before speaking, “Are you sure? You looked like you were lost in your thoughts, anything you want to talk about?”

“Um . . . will you tell anyone about what I tell you?” Mikey asked eyes seemingly beseeching Donatello.

Donnie bit his lip and after a moment of thought spoke, “If you don’t want me to then I won’t; but if it’s critical to your recovery then yes I may have to tell the others about it.”

Mikey nodded shifting uncomfortably before speaking, “Can . . . can . . . can you tell me about . . .”

The rest of Mikey’s words came out as a mumble as again his embarrassment got the better of him. His face flushed a deep pink colour spreading across his beak; it was a look of complete innocence.

Continuing to smile reassuringly Donnie spoke, “It’s ok Mikey, I promise if I can help I will. Ok?”

The medic of the family spoke calmly doing his best to reassure the nervous turtle who continued to the shift uncomfortably for another moment. Donnie could see that Mikey was mentally posing questions and discarding them. It took a few minutes before the younger turtle seemed to settle on the question he wanted to ask.

“Can you tell me about . . . kissing?” Mikey asked a little sheepishly.

Donnie inhaled a little, a faint smile playing across his lips. Leaning back slightly he paused long enough to look Mikey up and down. The young turtle’s face was red and he was doing his best to look anywhere but at Donnie; who continued to watch him for another moment. The young turtle’s embarrassment was easy to understand. It was embarrassing enough to talk about this when a person was going through puberty but Mikey had passed that stage long ago.

Now the young turtle’s body was filled with hormones and desires that he could not be aware of due to him amnesia. Donnie could only imagine the internal struggle Mikey would have to go through as he struggled to relearn his own body and it’s natural wants and needs.

“Well, a kiss is the pressing of one's lips against another person or an object. Cultural connotations of kissing vary widely. Depending on the culture and context, a kiss can express sentiments of love, passion, affection, respect, greeting, friendship, peace and good luck, among many others things,” Donnie watched Mikey as he spoke, noting that the turtle continued to look unsure of himself. “Mikey, do you want to kiss someone?”

After a moment Mikey nodded slowly, his eyes looking down at the floor but an unmistakable blush spreading even further over the green skin until it seemed to cover Mikey’s entire face.

“Would you like to tell me who?”

Mikey shook his head. Donnie sighed mentally making a note to ask Raph if anything had happened between them.

Leaning forward Donnie spoke, “It’s ok to want to kiss someone Mikey, it’s natural.”

Mikey looked up at him, his eyes silently pleading with the genius turtle. Standing up Donnie stepped forward and pulled Mikey into a small hug; smiling as he felt Mikey hug him back. A second later he planted his lips against Mikey’s cheek in a brotherly kiss.

Pulling apart slightly Donnie spoke. “See? No big deal.”

Mikey continued to blush his skin feeling very hot, but nodded, “O . . . ok.”

Pulling completely apart Donnie spoke again, doing his best to watch Mikey’s reaction to his words, “Or . . . did you want me to kiss you on the lips?”

Mikey’s eyes jerked upwards in surprise and alarm; the blush covering his face becoming stronger until Donnie could feel the heat radiating off the sea green skin. Donnie raised an eyebrow and watched as Mikey shook his head rather vigorously. Chuckling Donatello allowed Mikey to think he had fooled him.

“Ok Mikey, but if that changes feel free to talk some more with me, ok?” Donnie spoke glibly.

Mikey nodded and began looking around the room again. Donnie watched amused a small sliver of the old Mikey returned, looking around Donnie’s lab with all the enthusiasm and excitement of a kid in a candy store.

The moment was broken by a gentle knock on the door. A moment later Master Splinter stuck his head into the lab. His eyes settled on Michelangelo who shivered involuntarily but managed to offer his father a little smile.

“Donatello, would you find Leonardo and Raphael and have them come to my chambers? I have something to discuss with you three. Michelangelo I hope you slept well?” Splinter spoke softly

Mikey nodded his head to his father’s question, swallowing hard and shuffling a little closer to Donatello. The genius turtle looked at his father as well before nodding. He turned to Mikey who was now looking down at the floor obviously growing increasingly uncomfortable with Master Splinter’s presence.

Standing up Donnie spoke, “Mikey why don’t you go watch TV while Raph, Leo and I see what Master Splinter wants.”

Mikey looked up at him, his face covered in a small frown, “Why can't I come?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s obviously not something you’re ready for,” Donnie sighed.

Mikey continued to look at him but after a moment he stood up, “Don’t’ hide more stuff from me. I already have enough things that I don't know about. Please don’t add to that.”

Donnie sighed again before pulling Mikey into another hug. He could feel his little brother trembling a little and he held him a little tighter.

“Ok Mikey. I promise when the meeting is over I’ll tell you what it was about, ok?” Donnie reassured in a whisper.

Mikey nodded and hugged him back, “Ok.”

 

Kneeling down Donatello, Leonardo, and Raphael watched as Master Splinter turned to face them. The black eyes swept over each of his sons, taking in their respectively bowed stance. He couldn’t stop his eyes from moving as if to appraise his fourth son only to find the space empty; he still could not get used to the fact that Michelangelo was not there with them but was in fact a shell of himself.

After a moment of silence he spoke, “My sons, I have come to a decision. It is time you resumed your patrols of the surface.”

Donnie’s and Raph’s eyes widened in shock while Leo simply bowed his head.

“Very well Sens-”, the leader of the small band of ninja’s began.

But Raph cut him off, “Master Splinter, Mikey is still . . .” but his voice faded as Splinter held up a hand.

“I am aware that Michelangelo is still recovering from his trauma however that does not change the fact that Shredder’s forces as well as the Kraang are still active within the city. They cannot be allowed to act without resistance. Therefore it is time you resumed your patrols of the surface.”

Even as Splinter spoke he could see the tension building across his emerald green son’s shoulders and it made the older rat frown. Raphael had always viewed himself as his little brothers champion as it were and even though he was the most antagonistic to them; he would do anything to protect them. Since Michelangelo’s injuries it had seemed to Splinter that this side of his red banded son had been heightened.

As Splinter mused Donnie spoke next, his voice a mixture of confusion and anxiety, “But what about Mikey? Master Splinter . . .”

Splinter turned to face him, but did not raise his hand for silence. Despite this Donatello waited respectfully to see if his father had something he wanted to say. As the seconds dripped by it became obvious that Splinter was going to remain silent.

“I know Mikey is able to be around you a little bit now; but he shouldn’t be left alone with you for such a long time. It could trigger a panic attack or some kind of . . .” Donnie continued before his voice also died down as Splinter did raised his hand.

“I have given that thought too, Donatello. I have already contacted Miss O’Neil and she has agreed to stay here with Michelangelo, while either myself or young Mister Jones accompanies you on your patrols.”

Raph balled his hands into fists, “No. I won’t le-”

“Raphael this is not up for debate! You will go with your brothers to resume your duties, is that clear?” Master Splinter’s voice cut through Raphael’s, it’s tone harsh.

Raph glared at Splinter who glared back at him for a moment before softening his gaze, realising that he was being unduly harsh on his passionate son.

“I know it is hard my son, but our enemies do not stop plotting just because we have suffered a tragedy. Many more will be hurt if Shredder and the Kraang remain unopposed,” after a moment of silence Splinter spoke again, directing his voice at Raph. “What would you say to those families who would be harmed if we did nothing? What would you say to them if it was their loved one who had been hurt, or worse?”

The question hung heavy in the air, making the three turtles shift uncomfortably. Sighing Raph bowed his head, but did not speak. Splinter could see the war of emotions going on inside of his son but he knew there was not a lot that could be done about it. None of them could change what had happened to their family and Splinter knew his sons needed a sense of normality to return to their lives.

“You are dismissed,” Splinter spoke breaking the silence when he realised nothing more could be achieved at that moment in time.

As they left Splinter’s room Raph could not help but glare at his father who returned his gaze with every bit as much intensity. His glare was cut off as he felt Donnie grab his wrist and pull him towards his lab.

“Donnie? What-” he began to protest at the rough and unnecessary in his eyes treatment.

But Donnie shut him up by tugging on his wrist even harder, only letting go when they were in the brainy turtle’s lab. Letting go of Raph’s wrist Donnie turned to his brother and appraised him carefully. The emerald green turtle glared at his younger brother as he rubbed his wrist.

“Has anything happened between you and Mikey?” Donnie finally asked.

Raph inhaled sharply; his mind flickering back to what had happened earlier that morning.

After a moment he shook his head, “No, why?”

Donnie rolled his eyes; it was so obvious to see that Raph was lying to him. Having lived with the hot head they all knew Raph’s little quirks when he was struggling with an emotion or situation. Raph was simply to emotionally expressive to be any good at lying to Donatello. However the genius turtle decided to play along.

“Oh no reason, I just asked cause it’s not every day that Mikey comes into my lab and asks me about kissing,” Donnie spoke in a nonchalant voice and a shrug of his shoulders.

The purple banded mutant chuckled as he saw Raph’s eyes go wide, while his mouth hung open slightly.

Raising an eyebrow Donnie spoke again, “So maybe you should be honest with me. Has anything happened between you and Mikey that I should know about?”

He watched as Raph swallowed before speaking, “He . . . he . . . he almost kissed me.”

Donnie raised an eyebrow, he had expected Raph to be a bit belligerent not to stutter and even blush a little.

“I figured that much out on my own Raph, he wasn’t meaning just a brotherly kiss,” Donnie added.

“He wasn’t going to kiss me on the cheek . . . he was sort of hovering over me like he was going to kiss me on the lips,” Raph nodded agreeing with Donatello’s statement.

Again Donnie shrugged, “So he was going to kiss you and . . . what is the problem?”

“Isn’t that a big deal Donnie? I’m his brother, he shouldn’t want to kiss me and certainly not on the lips! He was this close Donnie,” Raph explained moving to stand in front of Donatello and demonstrate how close Mikey had come.

Donnie sighed and placed his hands on Raph’s arms pushing his larger brother back and out of his personal space. He rubbed his forehead; sometimes it was very tiring being the smartest turtle in the room.

“Raph it’s not that big a deal. You’re overreacting,” Donnie answered with a long sigh.

Again Raph stared at him stunned, “Not that big a deal? Donnie my little brother has a crush on me and wants to kiss me. How is that not a big deal?”

“Because it’s probably just that; a crush. Look at it from Mikey’s point of view; his entire world began when he woke up in his room. At that point his mind was scared, confused, and in a panic so he latched on to the first thing that gave him comfort; you. Mikey imprinted on you because he doesn't view you as a brother, but as someone who will protect him and is always kind to him. Mikey has displayed an element of emotional memory and he associates you with all those things. It would have been shocking if he hadn't developed this crush on you,” Donnie answered fixing the hot headed turtle with a stern look.

Raph opened his mouth to speak but closed it before he said anything. His eyes drifted down to the floor and Donatello could see him working through his thoughts. The olive green turtle was more than willing to wait and allow his emotionally expressive sibling to work through his emotions. Eventually Raph raised his eyes and looked at Donatello, his gaze a little accusatory.

“You’re reasoning is flawed bro,” Raph spoke up.

Raising an eye ridge at the accusation Donnie answered, “Oh and how did you come to that conclusion?”

“I wasn’t the first one to offer Mikey comfort, you were. When he first freaked out over Master Splinter it wasn’t me who helped him out, it was you. So by your reasoning it should be you he imprinted on and not me. Either way what he is feeling isn’t right!” Raph explained pointing his finger in Donatello’s direction to help emphasize his point.

Donnie’s reddish brown eyes opened a little wider at Raph’s reasoning and secretly he was proud at the hot head for coming up with it, but his mind was already countering the argument.

“True I was the first one to offer him comfort but as I pointed out he has displayed an element of emotional memory. That means he feels things but can’t remember the memories behind those feelings. To him I may have offered him the first comfort but it is only when he is around you that he actually feels the emotional association and comfort. He has still imprinted on you because of your past close relationship,” Donnie answered easily.

Raph rolled his eyes, “That doesn't make it right Donnie. I’m still his big brother and he’s still my little brother. We’re not supposed to get crushes on each other.”

Donnie rolled his eyes; the red banded turtle just didn't get it. Crushes were exactly that; crushes, that didn’t mean there was anything wrong with it. Hell when they first started going through puberty and Raph began to fill out with muscle, Donnie had, had his own little crush.

“I know I told you that I needed to know this stuff and might have initially reacted with a little more zeal than intended but that’s because I’m working with an unknown medical situation. But tell me Raph, why does it bother you so much?” Donnie asked with a sigh.

That stopped the red turtle cold. Donnie’s words echoed in his ears as he desperately searched for all the reasons why he didn't like the idea of Mikey having a crush on him. Thoughts and reasons flitted around in his head but in the end it all came back down to one singular reason which Raph was really struggling to get beyond.

“Cause I’m his brother, it isn’t natural.”

Donnie laugh out loud. “Not natural? Raph you’re a mutant turtle who fights crime and aliens with martial arts that you were taught by a human who is now a rat, and you live in the sewers. That is about as far from natural as you can get.”

Raph growled at the sound of Donatello’s laughter, his golden eyes flashing dangerously. Raphael hated to be mocked and to be made to feel inferior; he wasn’t about to allow Donatello to make him feel this way. He opened his mouth to retort but Donnie cut him off.

“Look, if it bothers you so much then tell Mikey. As it is he probably just has a ‘schoolyard’ crush. If you tell him you’re not interested then that might help him get a fix on his emotions and help him get over you. When that happens you both can move on.”

Swallowing again Raph looked at Donnie for a moment before sighing, “How can you be so calm about this Donnie?”

“Because I know it’s not Mikey’s fault. He’s working with a body that he doesn't completely understand; while also trying to piece together what happened to him. With all that uncertainty can you really blame him for developing an attraction to the one person who, when around makes him feel safe and secure, one who gives him comfort without reproach?” Donnie answered back.

Raph let out a long loud breath. It all seemed so simple to Donatello but to Raph it was still so complicated and he felt so unsure about everything. On the one hand he wanted to tell Mikey he wasn’t interested because they were brothers and it was wrong; but on the flip side there was a little bit inside of him that really wanted for Mikey to close that gap between them and kiss him.

All of these thoughts and feelings swirled around him making him feel a little sick but it all came back to one thing; one thing he knew no matter how much Donatello seemed to accept it that nobody else would. It couldn’t be changed and that thought made the decision for Raphael.

“It’s still not right,” Raph whispered his head lowering so he was no longer looking at Donnie.

“Then put a stop to it. But do it soon; the longer you wait the more it’ll affect him,” Donnie answered simply.

Raph nodded, “Fine I’ll do it tonight when we get back from patrol.”

Leaving the lab Raph and Donnie entered the living room to find Mikey sitting on the couch; the youngest turtle looked up at them.

“Well?”

Raph raised an eyebrow, it sounded as though Mikey expected to know something off of them.

“Master Splinter wants us to go back and patrol which means someone will stay here with you while we’re away,” Donnie spoke up.

Raph’s eyes widened as he turned to look at Donnie who had just told Mikey everything. What had happened to not overloading him with information he wasn’t able to process yet. There had been no family discussion about this and here Donnie had just told Mikey as if it was most natural thing in the world.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Raph snarled turning his narrowed eyes toward Donatello.

Donnie glared at him completely unafraid of his immediate older brother’s gaze.

“I promised Mikey we wouldn’t have secrets anymore, it bothers him and ultimately may be detrimental to his mental health and wellbeing,” Donnie retorted simply.

Raph continued to glare at Donnie for another moment before Mikey made a noise. They both turned to look at him and found he was clinging to the back of the sofa and was looking at them with wide fearful eyes.

“You’re . . . leaving?” the injured turtle squeaked out.

Sighing Raph moved to go to Mikey only to have Donnie push past him and sit down next to Mikey on the couch. Raph watched as olive green arms wrapped around Mikey’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry Mikey, but we have to. There are a lot of bad people out there and we’re the only thing stopping them from hurting a whole lot of people. Ok?” Donnie explained in a calm and soothing voice.

Mikey nodded slowly before looking up with hopeful eyes, “Can Raph stay with me?”

Donnie shook his head; while glancing up at Raph catching the hot headed turtle’s eye. Raph was frowning at him unsure what to do. Inside of him a battle warred; one side wished to stay with Mikey while the other side wished to go topside.

“I’m sorry but we need Raph to come with us. However our friend April will be here with you. You’ll like her, she’s really nice,” Donnie added trying to make it sound better.

Mikey looked up at him, his eyes filled with uncertainty. The look was so completely innocent and soft that Donnie almost agreed to let Raph stay, but he swallowed down that inclination.

“It’s ok Mikey; I promise you’ll like April. Ok?” Donnie spoke softly as he moved to hug his little brother a little tighter.

Mikey slowly nodded but his expression still marred with uncertainty. He flicked his eyes up to Raph who nodded in agreement with Donnie explanation.

“Ok,” Mikey agreed meekly lowering his gaze from Raph’s.

As Donnie continued to hug Mikey’s body he again glanced over his shoulder at Raph who hadn't moved. The genius could see the desire of Raph’s to comfort Michelangelo but the genius knew if he allowed it he would simply be fuelling the uncertain emotions both of his brothers were having.

After a few moments Donnie spoke, ‘Raph, don’t you have something you could be doing?”

Raph growled a strange mixture of anger, frustration and jealousy welling up in his stomach. Nevertheless he turned and left the living room; going to his bedroom and locking the door behind him. Angrily he clenched and unclenched his hands. Growling again he punched his punching bag, enjoying the small lance of pain that flashed through his abused knuckles.

He wasn't sure why Donnie’s words had bothered him so much. Something in Donnie’s tone; it bugged him, made him want to run out of his room and punch the purple banded turtle, to wipe that smug little smile off his face; a punishment for being a jerk as well as hugging Mikey. Shaking his head he growled and continued to pound his punching bag ignoring the flashes of pain that lanced through his hands.


	14. Chapter 14

Donnie watched as Mikey shifted his weight nervously from one leg to the other. The genius turtle didn’t miss the glances Mikey shot back over his shoulder at Raphael’s room. Since their conversation Raph had disappeared into his room and remained there. While Donatello was introducing his younger brother to April, Master Splinter was attempting to coax the hot headed turtle out of his room.

“You ready to meet April?” Donnie asked taking Mikey’s hand in his own.

The younger turtle responded by gently squeezing Donnie’s hand and giving a quick nod of his head. Donnie smiled at Mikey who smiled nervous back. In front of them they heard the turnstile marking the entrance of their home turn and as the sound reach them Donnie felt Mikey’s grip on his hand tighten slightly.

The sea green turtle watched as Leo stepped through the turnstiles followed by April. She wasn't a turtle like them; instead she looked like one of the characters from the TV shows he’d been watching. Her hair was red and pulled back into a ponytail with a yellow headband keeping stray hairs out of her face. Her skin was fair and she had freckles spotting across her cheeks and nose.

Her limbs were long and slender and she held herself with a slight nervous disposition. Looking into her eyes Mikey saw that they were blue just like his and Leo’s although they were a different shade. While he was appraising her he was very conscious that her eyes were also upon him. He shifted nervously as she took a small step forward a soft smile twitching at her lips.

“Hello, I’m April,” she greeted him gently and continuing to smile.

Mikey flicked his eyes back up to April’s giving her another quick appraisal before looking to Donatello, who gave him a reassuring nod. Licking his lips Mikey cleared his throat before making eye contact once more with the human.

“I’m . . . I’m Mikey,” he answered willing his voice to stay level and not crack.

April smiled, “Yes, I know. I know you don’t remember but we are good friends. You know something we like doing together is watching TV, you still like watching TV right?”

Mikey nodded eagerly and April continued to smile at him, even daring to hold out her hand for him to take.

“Wanna go watch some right now?” she questioned softly.

Looking down at her hand Mikey slowly nodded and slipped his hand into hers. Giving the sea green hand a light squeeze April glanced up at Donatello and continued to smile. The genius turtle released his hold on Mikey’s hand and took a little step back.

“I think we’ll get along just fine,” April informed Donatello their eyes locking momentarily.

Donnie smiled doing his best to hide the small blush that covered his face, “Thanks for doing this April.”

“I don’t mind at all. I owe you guys big time after you’ve helped me so many times,” April answered.

Donnie watched as next to him Mikey slowly lifted his hand which held April’s and seemed to inspect the five fingered appendage. It was so different from their own and the texture of April’s kind was incomparable with their own. While not fully scally like they would have been as normal turtles, their skin still was a lot rougher and tougher than human skin.

“You’re soft,” Mikey whispered almost reverently.

April smiled at Mikey who smiled nervously back before softly saying, “Thank you. Why don’t you pick which TV show you’d like to watch?”

Mikey nodded gently pulling on April’s arm, leading her into the lair towards the TV. Raph who had been persuaded out of his room in time to see Mikey take April’s hand, bit his lip as he watched Mikey lead April away. Turning back to the lair entrance where his two other brother’s stood Raph caught sight of Donnie’s face; the purple turtle had a small smirk covering his face. On top of all the confusion he was feeling and the slight unjustified animosity he held towards Donatello at that moment in time, seeing the genius smirk like that was making Raph’s blood boil.

“Keep smiling like that Donnie and I’ll knock some more teeth loose,” the red banded turtle growled storming towards his brothers.

Donnie rolled his eyes and shrugged; not feeling intimidated by his sibling at all. His smirk remained firmly in place and he turned to meet Raph face to face, showing Raphael that he was unafraid.

“If I didn't know any better I’d say you were jealous; but that can't be it since-” the genius began to tease.

“Not another word,” Raph growled, his voice was filled with venom as he reached for one of his Sais.

Donnie almost felt like laughing at his older brother’s attitude but realised it was unfair so instead turned to face Leo who had been watching the whole scene with a look of confusion. Deciding his best option would be to ignore the petty argument Leo set about focusing on the mission at hand. Standing before his brothers he eyed them both making sure they were paying attention to what he had to say.

When he spoke, his voice smooth and business like, “Casey will be joining us tonight. April says he’ll meet us at the manhole cover. They both say the Foot have been unusually active in the south section of the city so that is where we’ll be focusing tonight.”

Raph and Donnie nodded and followed Leo out of the lair. As they leapt over the turnstiles, Raph heard Mikey’s excited voice behind them.

“ _Look out behind you Captain Blarg!”_

Raph could not stop the small smile from passing over his face at the pure happiness which had filled Mikey’s voice as he had shouted out the warning. That was the Mikey Raph knew, and that was the Mikey Raph wanted.

The emerald green turtle froze at that stray thought, his eyes wide as he took in what he had just mentally expressed. Scrunching his eyes shut he shook his head as if to rid himself of it before taking off after his siblings. He ran fast almost as if he could leave everything behind. All he needed was a good fight and he would be able to control himself once again.

 

It was odd, April thought to herself as she watched Mikey out of the corner of her eye as they watched TV. When Master Splinter explained the situation she’d been unsure and not entirely unconvinced that they weren’t attempting to play a joke on her. After all Mikey having amnesia? Vaguely she wondered if perhaps it was Mikey who was pulling some kind of super elaborate prank on his brothers.

When she’d met him though her opinion had changed. She’d watched his eyes as she’d introduced herself; the normally joyful and sparkling blue orbs had been slightly deadened and filled with uncertainty and an element of fear. Without a doubt Mikey truly hadn’t known who she was.

She eyed him shrewdly as he watched the TV program, his arms gesticulating as he shouted at the characters either to encourage or to express his disapproval at their actions. She took in the bandages which covered his injuries and felt a twinge of pity for him. Feeling her eyes upon him Mikey turned his head towards her.

She saw the unsure look return and he began to fidget uncomfortably. Reaching out she made to comfort him but he back away from her touch putting distance between them. April was a little startled at this as before Mikey had always been more than willing to accept her affections.

“I am sorry Mikey, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” April apologised taking her hand back and settling it on her lap.

Mikey’s eyes flicked about searching her face before he let out a long sigh and flopped his head back onto the sofa.

“You think I’m really different don’t you?” Mikey asked as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Yes but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sure you’ve lost your memories but you are still Mikey. I can still see that sparkle in your eyes and that cheeky grin of yours just waiting to erupt,” April countered quickly.

Mikey turned his head to look at her, his limbs flopping outwards in a completely relaxed and trusting manner. It was April’s turn to feel a little uncomfortable as she was scrutinised by her injured friend.

“I haven’t lost everything,” Mikey suddenly spoke up, his voice low and confused.

April’s head jerked up and she stared at him surprised, motioning with her hand to continue when her voicebox decided it did not want to produce any sound.

“I can sort of remember . . . feelings,” Mikey added simply.

The red headed human frowned at this unsure as to what he was meaning.

“Like with you, I don’t know who you are, where you are from, how we met; zip absolutely nothing. But I don’t know, I just feel like I can trust you. It’s like I know you are someone who really loved me and looked after me, you were someone I trusted a lot,” Mikey explained.

A moment later April pulled Mikey into a tight hug, crushing their bodies against each other.

“You have NO idea how happy that makes me,” April whispered in Mikey’s ear slit.

Letting go April watched as Mikey looked down at the floor for a moment before speaking, “Can . . . can I ask you something?”

April nodded, noting that Mikey’s voice had changed, becoming a little fearful. She looked tenderly at him before reaching out to touch Mikey’s hand.

“Of course Mikey, that is what friends are for. What is it?” April smiled.

She watched as Mikey fidgeted a little seemingly unsure over what to do and say. Her eyes stayed on him and eventually Mikey looked up at her.

“Donnie . . . Donnie said there were bad people they had to stop. Who . . . who are the bad people?” Mikey asked in a quiet and unsure voice.

April sighed before speaking, “I’m . . . I’m not sure I should tell you that.”

Seeing Mikey’s face change into a pained look she felt her heart squeeze with a need to comfort him. There was so much that could go wrong in this moment but she knew she needed to continue.

“Not because I don’t want to but . . .” she bit her lip trying to find the right words to describe the thoughts that were going through her mind. “Right now, your brothers and I . . . we want you to focus on getting better ok? We don’t want you worrying about something else.”

Mikey continued to look at her for a moment before slumping forward slightly, “Can I ask you something else?”

“Of course Mikey, you can ask me anything,” April nodded patting Mikey’s hand.

Mikey looked up at her, “Promise me you won’t tell the others.”

“Ok Mikey . . . I promise,” April replied biting her lip again.

Mentally she crossed her fingers hoping that whatever Mikey was about to tell her wasn't something she’d need to tell the others. She watched him closely feeling the tension and nervousness building up in him with each passing second. Whatever it was he wanted to tell her it was obviously something that was greatly worrying him.

“Am . . . am I one of the bad people?” he finally asked drawing his knees up and hugging them.

April’s eyes widened slightly and her heart clenched; no wonder he was so upset; that thought was what was weighing upon his mind. She watched as he continued to hug his knees to his chest and took deep shuddering breaths. His eyes were downcast and his whole body shook as he tried to explain his question.

“I . . . sometimes . . . I . . . I get . . . flashes. They aren’t solid memories just . . . just vapors and smoke, obscure pictures which I can barely get a glimpse at but . . .” Mikey began but choked off.

She watched as Mikey looked at her, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. There were so many emotions in that single gaze that April felt herself nearly overwhelmed by them. There was pain and insecurities, an innocence in threat of being destroyed and she knew she needed to do something about it. Doing her best to speak normally April leaned over to touch Mikey’s shoulder, only to have the young turtle flinch and recoil at her touch.

“Why . . . why do you think you’re a bad person?” her voice shaking slightly against her will.

She watched as Mikey sniffed and rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear them of tears. She held her hand close to his shoulder but made sure that it didn’t touch him. She wanted him to know that the comfort was still available if he wanted it.

“Cause in the flashes everyone’s mad at me. They call me names, they . . . they chase me and . . . and . . .”

April felt her heart break as Mikey let out a pained sob and buried his face in his knees. Without hesitating she moved, pulling Mikey into a hug that the younger turtle’s did not return as he sobbed into his knees; his sides shaking as she held him.

“No Mikey, no you’re not a bad person. I promise you’re not a bad person,” she spoke with feeling doing her best to comfort the young turtle.

“Then why can't I remember anything else? Why can I only remember everyone being mad at me?” Mikey responded lifting his head to look at her.

Seeing those wide tear filled blue eyes was almost too much for her, so she pulled his head against her chest hugging him as his sides continued to shake and heave from his sobbing.

“I promise you’re not a bad person,” she whispered against the top of his head.

In the back of her mind she sighed; this was something she would need to tell the brothers, despite her promise to Mikey. There was so much pain and emotion coming off her young friend that she knew she was not able to comfort him alone. The flashes of memory he was experiencing involved his family and only they could truly calm his fears.

Mikey seemed to be getting more upset; his sides shook harder as he reached out and clung to her arm. She felt his scarred arms encircle her and squeeze her with a surprising amount of strength.

“Please I don’t want to be bad anymore . . . please . . . I don’t want to be bad,” he sobbed his voice muffled against her t-shirt.

A sound behind her made April glance back, feeling her heart clench as she saw Master Splinter’s shadow against the dojo’s paper door. She could only imagine how painful this must be for the old Master, to listen to his son sobbing and crying and not be able to comfort him; it must have been eating Splinter alive.

She hugged Mikey tighter wanting him to feel her holding him as tightly as he was holding her. She wanted him to know through every touch and every sound coming from her that she did not think he was a bad person. She wanted to convey that not only for herself but for her Master who had to hide away behind the dojo door.

“You’re not bad Mikey,” she soothed softly.

She felt his grip lessen a little and his head shift against her body. She looked down to see him looking up at her, his expression that of a lost and fragile little child who was clinging to the nearest source of comfort like his life depended upon it.

“Then why doesn't Leo like me?” he questioned shakily.

The tone and inflection of the question made April’s heart clench but once the words had penetrated into her mind they made April cock her head to the side as she looked down at him. She was sure he had said Leo but that didn’t seem to fit quite right, she’d never known Leo to be unfriendly towards anyone. Even their enemy Karai knew that Leo was good and kind.

“Leo likes you Mikey, he is your big brother why . . .” she began to question rubbing her thumb over the base of his skull.

Mikey shook his head, “No . . . no he doesn't. He doesn't smile at me, he’s cold, and distant and . . . and . . . when he looks at me its . . . . why doesn't he like me?”

April sighed, wishing she knew the answer to Mikey’s question. Leo certainly was the least expressive with his emotions and when he was unsure about things he did seem to become more stern; but April knew beyond any doubt that all of them loved each other deeply. The turtles shared a unique bond and no accident could take that away.

“Leo is . . . complicated. But I promise you, he’s not mad at you. He is just . . .” her voice trailed off as she searched for the correct words to describe the oldest turtle. “He’s just . . . scared.”

She hated saying it, hated not being able to give Mikey a fully reasoned out answer; but it was the best she could come up with. They were all scared she knew that and currently so was Mikey so it was something he could comprehend. Still clutched tight to her bosom she felt him sigh and that caused her to hug him even tighter to her body. She smiled as the turtle’s sobbing became less and less until he took several shuddering breaths finally regaining control over himself.

Digging into her pocket she found a clean tissue and offered it to Mikey. He took it and finally sat back from April noisily blowing his beak. To continue her comfort she rested her hand upon his knee and patted it affectionately.

“Mikey . . .”

At the sound of his name the youngest turtle looked up at her. Lifting her hand from his knee she cupped the side of his face, running her thumb under his eye to wipe away a stray tear.

“I promise you this Mikey; everyone in this lair me, Donnie, Raph, Master Splinter, even Leo; we all love you. We want you to get better ok?” she told him, her voice soft but her tone authoritative.

Mikey nodded slowly as he maintained eye contact with her, “Okay.”

She smiled at him before finally dropping her arm. He did not look as scared or hurt as he had done only moments earlier and April knew that she had to keep things as normal as possible or he would not believe her. Turning back to the TV April had been about to change the channel when she felt his hand against hers.

“Is . . . is it . . .” Mikey began brushing his fingertips against the back of her hand.

She turned back to Mikey watching as once again he fidgeted in his spot. This kind of fidgeting was different, gone was the scared and lost child this was more like when a child is embarrassed.

“Is it . . . ” Mikey began glancing up so that his eyes met hers.

Still relatively moist from his tears the blue orbs seemed to sparkle in the light of the TV. Looking into them April could see that Mikey was no longer talking about something that scared him but instead his eyes were filled with a mixture of confusion and . . . desire.

“Is it ok . . . if maybe . . . I want Raph to . . .” he tried to as his human friend again a faint blush spreading across his sea green skin. “Is it ok . . . if I want Raph . . . to care about me . . . more than the others?”

“What do you mean by ‘care more about you than the others’?” April asked raising an eyebrow.

Again Mikey shifted nervously, fiddling with his fingers and hands, “I . . . I . . . I like raph.”

The phrase was so simple yet April did not fully understand it’s significance, after all Raph and Mikey were brothers it was completely understandable that they liked one another. Looking at Mikey however she couldn’t help but feel she was missing the point.

“I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me Mikey,” she told him gently.

Mikey continued to shift and fidget for a moment before speaking, “I . . . when Raph touches me . . . I feel . . .”

April watched as Mikey struggled to find the right words but she was beginning to understand what Mikey was talking about. She felt her mouth dry up a little yet her palms got a little sweaty as she mulled over what he was trying to tell her. Today was certainly a day of heavy emotions. Swallowing hard she composed herself to reply.

“When you are around Raphael does your heart pound faster and your skin feel itchy? Do you dream about spending your time with him, about the little things about him that make you smile? Do you get a knot in your stomach when you feels his body against your own? ” she asked her voice becoming a little deeper.

Mikey looked up at her slightly startled; but still he nodded. April patted Mikey’s leg a faint smile covering her face as all the pieces of the puzzle clicked into place in her mind.

“That means that, well it means that you care about Raph; very deeply. It means . . . you love him,” she explained to her young friend.

She watched as Mikey shifted again, his face scrunching up a little bit as he took in her words. She watched as his lips silently formed the words she had spoken, seeming to taste them, absorbing them into his mind; he couldn’t have looked any cuter to the red headed human even if he had been trying.

“I’m . . . . I’m in love with Raph?” Mikey finally spoke the words aloud

April giggled slightly; she could not help but feel like she was trying to explain this to a child. Mikey’s expression was so young and innocent, it was all so new and fresh to him that it made her smile and feel a little giddy.

“Yes Mikey, you are in love with Raphael,” she affirmed.

She watched as another blush covered Mikey’s face while at the same time his sea green lips spread outwards into a loving beatific smile. She couldn’t stop her own lips from echoing the joy which was radiating outwards from her young friend, filling the air around them.

“I’m in love with Raphael.”

This time it was not a question.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you all know this was one of my favorite chapters to work on.

** CHAPTER 14 **

The trio of turtles headed up onto the rooftops where Casey waited for them. The human boy stood cockily against the parapet of the rooftop, a hockey stick slung casually over his shoulder. His mask was resting on the top of his head but his face paint served as a second mask for him.

He watched the turtles come up the side of the building having learnt slowly to assess the shadows for his friends. He ran his eyes over his mutated friends, instantly seeing the tension in their bodies and knew that they were desperate for some action.

“Hey guys, how’s it hanging?” Casey greeted casually lifting his hockey stick in salute.

“Been better,” Raph grunted making his way over and banging fists with his human friend.

Donnie and Leo nodded their greetings before slowly stretching out so as not to do damage when they began their patrol.

“What can you tell us about what has been happening topside?” Leo questioned.

“Well the Purple Dragons have been doing their normal thing but the ninja jerks have been crawling all over the city,” Casey explained.

The turtle brothers exchanged quick glances, they should have known and anticipated that the Shredder wouldn’t allow their absence to go unnoticed; he would have jumped at the opportunity to expand his control with no resistance.

“So are we going to go and bash some heads or what?” Casey asked swinging his hockey stick in a wide arc.

“We’ll head west and then make our way south to come around at an angle. Stealth is key here, if you see the Foot observe them were possible but do not interact with them, we need as much information as we can get,” Leo instructed in a monotone voice.

The blue eyes had rested briefly on Raph as the katana wielding turtle issued his instructions. Leo wanted to make sure his brother understood that they would not be involved in a fight if it could be avoided. The team was already one member down and they couldn’t afford another of them to be injured.

Seeing all of his subordinates had gotten the point, Leo nodded his head and took off at a sprint across the rooftops. Casey followed with a muted war cry leaving Donatello and Raphael alone on the rooftop for a second. Donnie eyed his brother carefully seeing the anger in the green gaze.

“Why are you upset at me?” Donnie questioned.

Raph didn’t reply but set off after Leo and Casey at a steady jog.

“Oh I see, you are having mixed feelings about Michelangelo so I step in to help you take a step back and analyse your feelings and all of a sudden you are angry at me,” Donnie mused aloud.

Raph growled a little bit but continued to ignore his taller sibling. A smile twitched at Donnie’s lips and he couldn’t help but snicker at the opportunity to tease Raph. He felt no guilt at using Raph’s unsettled feelings as his own entertainment, as far as Donatello was concerned after all the teasing and insults he had endured over his crush on April, all of this was equally fair game; in moderation of course.

“So Mikey catches your eye and all of a sudden the rest of your brothers don’t exist? Seriously bro you must have it bad,” Donnie continued to mutter as he ran beside Raph.

“Will you just shut up alright?” Raph growled.

Donnie reached out and pulled on Raph’s arm forcing the hot head to pull up. Angrily Raph turned and snarled at his brother. The purple banded turtle raised an eye ridge and ran his eyes over his brother’s form. Raph continued to growl as he closed the gap between the two of them pressing his upper plastron against Donatello’s in a show of strength.

“Just shut the hell up about this Donatello! Stop acting like you are doing this for me and Mikey and not because you are a control freak who gets off on manipulating all of us,” Raph growled loudly.

“Oh right so I tease you about your crush and that makes me a control freak who is trying to manipulate others? So what did that make you when you used to tease me about my crush on April? I am not trying to manipulate you Raph, you said you were confused about everything that is going on and that it was wrong for Mikey to crush on you, so I ran interference for you. If anything you should be down on your knees thanking me,” Donatello retorted quickly.

Raph backed off a little bit his expression crumbling into confusion. Donatello remained silent as he watched his hot headed brother work through his emotions. The two were so focused on each other they were not paying any attention to the shadows moving around them.

“Aww isn’t this just a beautiful brotherly moment,” a voice behind them teased.

Both turtles spun around at the sudden noise, realising that they had been surrounded by Karai and her father’s forces. Raph’s eyes narrowed and he growled, he really did not like this girl and since Mikey’s accident he was even less tolerant of the Foot clan.

“Back the hell off Karai before I give you an intimate introduction to my Sais,” Raph snarled flicking his weapons from his belt.

The human female rolled her eyes before they flicked up to look over Raph and Donnie’s shoulders. Immediately her attitude changed and her posture moved. She stuck out a hip and rested her hand upon it, while her katana hung down in her free hand. Raph closed his eyes momentarily knowing this stance and what it heralded.

“Karai,” Leo spoke as he skidded to a halt beside Donnie and Raph.

The Foot clan heir smirked a little, her attention momentarily drifting to Casey who had caught up. She watched as he rested his hands on his knees and drew in deep breathes. Her expression moved until she was looking at them with a calculated gaze.

“Aren’t you missing one?” she asked with a smirk.

“What are you doing here Karai?” Leo questioned ignoring her question.

Giving her lips a lick; she continued to pose, seemingly thinking about his request to know what they were doing there.

“We are looking for someone; Rahzar seems to have . . . disappeared. You know how attached my father gets to his . . . pets,” Karai finally explained with a wave of her sword hand.

The turtles resisted looking at each, instead keeping their gaze on Karai. Beside them Casey let out a whooped breath and finally straightened. Resting his hockey stick on his shoulder he cocked his head to the side as he evaluated Karai and her men.

“Who is the chick with bad make-up?” Casey quizzed lightly.

Karai’s eyes narrowed and she raised her sword to point it at Casey.

“Who is the freak with the bad taste in sports? No wait let me guess you finally ditched that pathetic small turtle and have been auditioning for new member of your little band of vigilante’s?” Karai teased.

The growl from Raph’s throat was dangerous and even Donnie raised his Bo staff threateningly.

“Pathetic small turtle? Does she mean Mikey?” Casey asked in a loud whisper.

Karai snorted with laughter, “Oh you are fun, so much more so than you Leonardo. Perhaps I will make you my new toy.”

“Enough Karai we aren’t here to play your games . . .” Leo quickly cut in.

“So where is the little twerp who never shuts up? No, no don’t say I enjoy guessing; he smacked himself on the head with his chucks one too many times and your freak Master finally decided to restrict the idiot to your home, wherever that is,” Karai continued to tease.

Raph’s muscles tensed but he felt Donnie’s hand on his bicep stopping him from jumping at Karai and making the situation worse.

“I bet you are so pleased not to have that annoying weight around your necks, I mean really I don’t know why that freak Master of yours didn’t do the right thing and drown the little runt when he was a baby,” Karai continued as if Raph hadn’t reacted.

Leo’s katana’s swept in front of Raph, Donnie and Casey signalling to all of them that they were to stay put and not attack. Lifting his chin up Leo stared Karai down seeing the delight she was taking in teasing them.

“Michelangelo is of no concern of yours and as for Rahzar perhaps he is being a good doubly mutated doggy and is off fetching his Master a present,” Leo replied sarcastically.

Karai’s lips twitched with a smile, she always did enjoy it when Leo fought back even with words. Despite her teasing she was actually curious as to where Michelangelo was. The smallest turtle was without doubt the most annoying frustrating creature she had ever encountered but at the same time he was amusing and provided her with a diversion from the mundane.

“Go home Karai, the good doggy will return when he is ready,” Leo instructed firmly.

The kunoichi narrowed her eyes a little before lifting her hand and gave her ninja the hand signals to leave.

“Until we meet again,” she gave them a sarcastic salute as she left.

The group stayed alert as they watched their enemies retreat. Slowly Leo sheathed his swords and turned away from where Karai had been stood once it was safe to do so.

“We are going home now, we need to tell Master Splinter what we have discovered,” Leo informed them.

The group silently made their way down into the sewer tunnels. Raph followed his brothers and friend into the tunnels and toward their home. In the back of his mind he wanted to yell, to shout, to tear apart Karai and the Foot and make them pay for everything they had done.

The ninja bitch’s taunts had stung; had made him want to hurt her worse than he’d ever wanted to hurt anyone before. How dare she mock them for Mikey’s absence! How dare she insinuate that Mikey was inferior. But at the same time he could not help but worry; the foot was looking for Rahzar. As they moved through the tunnels Raph opened his mouth to speak only to have Donnie cut him off.

“We need to burn Rahzar’s body.”

They stopped, Raph watching as Leo turned to stare at Donnie for a moment. There was confusion in those blue eyes and Leo licked his lips partially opening his mouth to speak before closing it again.

It took him a few moments to decide what to say before speaking, “Why? He deserves to rot down there.”

Donnie however shook his head, a look of mild annoyance crossing his face. Taking a slight step back Donnie addressed them all.

“Think about it guys, how long will it take the Foot to realize Rahzar isn't on the surface? When they do; they’ll start looking underground. The tunnel isn't super hard to find, if they find Rahzar’s body they’ll be able to track his movements back to where he encountered Mikey . . .”

Donnie’s mind trailed off as the realization that they themselves did not know the exact circumstances that had led Mikey to encounter Rahzar; but he pushed past those thoughts.

“They’ll tear the sewers apart looking for us. My security measures might keep the local maintenance works away but how long do you think it would last against Foot soldiers who are actively looking for us? Hell I wouldn't be surprised if they also brought in the Kraang, since they both want us dead. So we’re left with two options, one move our base; not something we can do easily. Our second option and the one I propose taking is that we dispose of Rahzar’s body and ensure that Shredder never finds a trace of him.”

He waited while the weight of his words sunk into his brothers’ heads. He could see the harsh reality of the situation sinking in almost completely though it was obvious to Donnie that Raph was having an easier time of accepting it then Leo.

After a moment Leo spoke a certain finality to his tone, “We’ll discuss this with Master Splinter and see what he thinks.”

Donnie rolled his eyes, Leo’s attitude of indifference was really _really_ starting to annoy him. Waiting for the hidden door to the lair to open Donnie glanced back at Raph who noticed his look and looked away. Again Donnie rolled his eyes, was he the only sane turtle in this family? Moving into the living room Donnie smiled as he found April sitting on the couch still watching TV, Mikey was asleep his head resting in April’s lap, her hand gently rubbing his neck and shell.

After a moment she noticed the group standing in the doorway and looked over to them before raising her finger to her lips and giving them the classic shush sign. Donnie moved closer to that they could speak in a quiet whisper.

“Hey,” April smiled softly.

Donnie smiled back at her, “Hey, how was he?”

“He was good. We watched TV for a while, then he fell asleep,” April responded her smile weakening.

Something in April’s voice told Donnie that something had happened, and that something would need to be discussed. His natural instinct was to address the matter instantly but he had other things to focus on. Next to him Raph leaned in and gently touched Mikey’s shoulder.

“Mikey? Can you hear me?” Raph spoke softly so as not to startle his younger sibling.

Mikey groaned, moving slightly in his sleep but not actually waking up. Again Raph gently shook Mikey’s shoulder.

“Mikey?” Raph spoke again his voice a little louder.

Again Mikey shifted this time mumbling a bit, “Raph . . .”

Donnie raised an eyebrow and his mouth twitched wanting to smile as Raph’s face flushed a slight tinge of red. The next time he shook Mikey it was a little rougher.

“Mikey . . . wake up.”

Mikey shifted, lifting his head up and opening one of his eyes, blinking slowly up at them. He stared at the group surrounding him and swallowed hard.

“Huh . . . what’s going on?” Mikey asked yawning sleepily.

Raph smiled at Mikey, “We’re back from patrol, thought you might like to know.”

“Sleepy . . .” Mikey answered nodding slowly before dropping his head back down into April’s lap.

A moment later he let out a gentle snore as he fell back asleep. The brothers could not help but smile at this; it was such a Mikey thing to do. Gently Raph shook Mikey again; making the young turtle open his eye again.

“What?” Mikey’s voice had a slight whine to it.

“Why don’t you let April up and you can go sleep in your room?” Raph suggested with a smirk.

Mikey continued to lie on April’s lap for a moment as his sleeping brain examined the idea. After a moment he shifted, slowly sitting up.

Looking to April he smiled sleepily, “Goodnight April.”

“Goodnight Mikey, I’ll see you again soon, ok?” April smiled back.

Mikey nodded and slowly got up off the couch; his legs wobbling slightly as he moved. Raph expect Mikey to come to him, expected the young turtle to slip his hand into his. He even began to move his hand out to offer it to Mikey. Instead Mikey wobbled towards Donnie who reached out his hand; which Mikey took almost instantly. Donnie smiled softly at his younger brother, deliberately not looking at Raphael, knowing how this would only serve to add to Raph’s confusion.

“Mikey?” Raph’s voice was weak, so weak that he wasn't surprised when no one heard him.

He felt his heart clench as Donnie slowly led Mikey away to his room. It shouldn’t have hurt him the way it did when Mikey had turned to Donnie for support and comfort. It should have filled him with relief but instead he felt a twinge of jealousy swirling in his gut and he clenched his fists by his sides.

After several moments April spoke, “Leo, Raph, we need to talk.”

Turning their attention back to April, Leo and Raph watched as she stretched for a moment before sitting up straight. Clasping her hands in front of her she took a moment to centre herself before speaking.

“Mikey is beginning to remember things,” she stated simply.

Raph felt his eyes widen in shock but it was Leo who spoke first, his voice holding an odd enthusiasm that they hadn't heard in some time.

“That’s great news April. What does remember?”

April took a deep breath before responding, “You guys . . . all of you being mad at him.”

Raph blinked, his mind trying to process what April had just said. She had said Mikey was beginning to remember who he was; yes that much he understood. He watched as April shifted on the couch obviously feeling a little uncomfortable about what she was about to add.

“He remembers you . . . all of you yelling at him, chasing him; all of you being mad at him. I know they’re probably just family arguments and stuff like that but . . . ” April began before pausing. “Guys it’s got him really scared. He thinks he was a bad guy and you fought with him.”

Donnie had returned now, the genius turtle moved sitting down next to April to offer her some support as she continued. He tentatively reached out and took her hand noticing that she was shaking a little bit.

“I think you guys overlooked something in your rush to help Mikey remember who he was,” she explained in barely more than a whisper.

Donnie looked at her but it was Raph who spoke, “What did we overlook?”

“What if . . . what if Mikey doesn’t like who he used to be?” April asked looking up at him.

The question hung in the air for several moments each of them absorbing it. April could see their shoulders tensing and their muscles tightening as they accepted the unwanted reasoning. The silence created an uneasy tension before anyone responded.

“What kind of question is that?” Leo’s voice was cold and had a kind of harshness in it they had rarely heard before.

Donnie felt his eyes widen as he found Leo was glaring at April. He shifted putting himself between April and Leo, doing his best to offer the human some form of protection from Leo’s glare. This was another aspect of Leo’s change in attitude that was really beginning to bug Donatello. He wanted to get up and smack his leader across the back of the head, tell him to stop being such an idiot and to stop being so unhelpful. Instead it was April who placed a gentle hand on Donatello’s shoulder and spoke up.

“When Mikey lost his memory everything he was, was erased right? In essence his personality based off his accumulated memories was completely wiped clean. He’s starting to develop a new personality based off his new memories and experiences; one that is kind but scared. What if . . . what if he remembers who he used to be but he doesn’t want to be that person again? What if . . . what if he doesn’t want to fight or be a ninja?” she asked in a calm measured tone.

“That won’t happen. Mikey will regain his memories and he’ll go back to being the old Mikey he used to be,” Leo spoke his voice still harsh and cold.

April shifted so she could glare up at Leo, with a stare that matched Leo’s. Unlike his brother’s April had no qualms about challenging Leo’s unnecessary attitude. Bunching her fists, she narrowed his eyes and set her mouth into a thin line; it was time for some home truths.

“He’s scared of you,” she declared.

That made Leo change, he leaned back his face morphing into a look of surprise. He opened his mouth and shut it again, his eyes wide with confusion and hurt.

W-what?” his voice shook slightly.

“He thinks you don't like him. He says that you are cold towards him and you don't smile,” April explained.

Leo’s face darkened a little and they all saw his body straighten up as he challenged the statement with his stance. He opened his mouth but was cut off by Master Splinter who had slipped unnoticed into the room.

“That is enough Leonardo, Miss O’Neil has brought up a valid point. One that we must consider as a very real possibility,” the old rat spoke in a calm voice.

Everyone turned to face Master Splinter who looked very tired and surprisingly old as he moved fully into the room. Slowly Splinter sat down in a chair looking as if every movement caused him pain.

Rubbing his eyes he spoke, “It is very possible Michelangelo will not be the same as he once was; even if he regains all his memories.”

More silence met Splinter’s words as everyone thought about what this could mean. What would Mikey do if he didn’t want to be a ninja anymore? It was an uneasy thought which didn’t settle well with any of them. They has spent their whole lives training as ninja’s and without it, it left a gap in their lives they didn’t know how to fill.

“No,” it was Leo who spoke his voice containing an odd coldness none of them had heard before.

They all turned to look at the Leo. The katana wielding ninja stood with an unnaturally stiff posture, echoing more Raph’s stance when he was mad, then anything Leo normally adopted. His arms were straight by his side and his fists were clenched tightly enough to whiten the skin of his knuckles.

“My son?” Splinter’s voice was confused.

Leo shook his head his face stern, “No! Mikey will get better. He will be a ninja; whether he wants to or not!”

Donnie spoke next, “Leo you can't force-”

Before the next word had left his mouth Leo was standing up against him. Donatello may have been the tallest of the brothers but when Leonardo wanted to he could be highly intimidating.

“The hell I can’t Donnie! Master Splinter made me the leader of this team and as the leader what I say goes! We are a family of ninjas; if Mikey is not a ninja then what part of this family will he take? I know what is best for this family, it is my duty as leader and we need to stop pandering to him. He needs to go back to how he was, it is that simple! He is a ninja and if he doesn’t want to be that then maybe he doesn’t want to be part of this family . . . maybe . . . maybe we don’t want him to be part of this family if he is just going to forsake everything in our life!” Leo bellowed and vented.

Leo’s sides heaved with anger as he struggled to keep control. He was painfully aware that his father and brothers as well as April were staring at him with shock; but he didn’t care. Why was everyone acting like this? Why were they acting like things would change?

Nothing would change, nothing needed to change. Mikey would snap out of this . . . this phase he was going through and everything would return to normal. They’d go back to training, patrols, fighting the foot and the Kraang; they’d be a family again.

He wanted to yell to scream at his family for letting things change so drastically, they needed to stop pandering to Mikey like he was some invalid and treat him as they always had. What Mikey needed was normality, to get back to the life they had lived and stop all this nonsense. He was so angry with them all for being so weak and he wanted them all to know that the trust which had been placed in him by Master Splinter was not in vain.

His words died in his throat as he heard a faint sob come from behind them. He could literally feel everyone’s heart clench as they all turned to look at the source of the sob; Mikey who stood in the doorway his still sleep laden eyes filled with tears as he trembled.

“Mikey?” Raph’s voice was fearful and pained as he slowly took a step towards Mikey’s trembling form.

The sea green turtle’s eyes were locked on Leo and his lips quivered in his upset. Mikey’s entire body shook as he struggled to fight back more sobs and tears.

“Mikey he- MIKEY!” Raph’s soft voice turned into a shout of panic as Mikey turned away and ran away into the darkness.

For a full five seconds Leo just stood there watching as his youngest brother ran away from him, his eyes filled with tears and sorrow. He hadn’t intended to hurt Mikey but sometimes you had to be tough when dealing with ones you love.

“Maybe it’s for the bes-”

A second later Leo felt something hard connect with the side of his face lifting him off the ground and sending him hurtling onto the floor. He gasped in pain and blinked, trying to clear the stars that had sprung up in front of his eyes as staggered to his feet. He turned ready to yell at Raph who had punched him; only to freeze when his eyes found purple fabric instead of red.

Donnie stood in front of him his whole body shaking with anger that Leo had never seen Donnie possess before. He watched as Donnie took several large breaths before speaking. He expected Donnie to shout, to scream at him; instead his voice remained scarily calm.

“You’re not worthy of being our leader.”

A moment later Donnie was gone; vanishing down the tunnel Mikey had run through. Slowly Leo’s eyes drifted to Raph who glared at him for a moment before following Donnie. April also glared at him as she ran past following Raph and Donnie as they searched for Mikey; leaving Leo alone with Splinter who continued to look at him. His father’s expression was stoic and calm as always but yet Leo felt like he was being scrutinised.

“Well?” his voice was cold as he directed it at Splinter. “Aren’t you going to scold me? Tell me I’m a horrible person? Say I’m not worthy of being leader any more . . . . say I’m not worthy of being . . . of being your son anymore?”

Splinter sighed and shook his head, “No my son I am not going to say any of that because it would not be true. What I am going to do is ask you to join me in my room for some tea so you may explain yourself.”

Leo watched as slowly Splinter walked away from him; moving towards his room only to stop in front of the door waiting for Leo to get up and join him. Slowly Leo got to his feet and followed Splinter into his room with his head lowered, closing the door behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

** CHAPTER 15 **

Raph ran through the sewers following the sounds of Donnie’s voice. His heart was hammering at the pace he was setting but he ignored it completely knowing he needed to find Michelangelo and calm his distressed little brother.

_“Mikey! Mikey! Where are you?”_

His heart clenched in his chest as he remembered the look of pain that had covered Mikey’s face. Anger made his blood boil; when they found Mikey and brought him back he was going to kill Leo. Who the hell did Leo think he was suggesting that Mikey may need to leave their home?

He didn’t understand Leo’s mentality, why the normally know-it-all leader was struggling with this situation. But there was something about all of this which was obviously causing Leo to act like a through and through bastard. Turning another corner Raph skidded to a halt as he found Donnie had stopped running a panicked look on his face. In front of them the tunnel diverged in two different directions.

“Which way? Donnie . . . _Donnie which way_?” April’s voice sounded as panicked as Raph and Donnie felt.

“Split up, we’ll each take a tunnel. Use your shell cell’s to call if you find Mikey,” Donnie instructed.

They all nodded with Raph moving to follow Donnie only to have Donnie’s voice stop them.

“Mikey’s arm is not fully healed if it gets too dirty then he could get an infection and then we’d really be fucked,” Donnie spoke seriously.

It was a mark of just how bad the situation was that Donnie had sworn. Nodding Raph turned and picked the tunnel branching to the right charging down it his feet splashing through the water as he ran, behind him Donnie followed. They raced through the tunnels frantically calling Mikey’s name; desperately straining their ears for any sound that could have come from the distraught turtle.

Raph wasn’t sure how long he was running for, how long he was shouting Mikey’s name. His mind was numb with panic; he could hardly feel his feet as he charged down the tunnel; his ears rang with the sound of his voice echoing off the walls.

“ _Raph . . ._ ”

He ignored Donnie’s voice, he had to find Mikey. Right now all he could think about was the fact he had to be sure the younger turtle was safe. He had this irresistible urge to hold Mikey and comfort him; to make sure he knew that none of the things Leo had said were true.

“ _RAPH . . ._ ”

Again he ignored Donnie’s voice. His heart pounded so hard in his chest that it hurt as his eyes jerked wildly from one spot to another desperately praying that the next corner would reveal Mikey, and end this nightmare. He couldn’t focus on anything else; this need to find Mikey was all consuming.

_“RAPH!”_

He staggered sideways as Donnie shoved him against the wall of the tunnel. Frantically he clawed at his younger brother, his voice sounded angry but unmistakably desperate.

“Let me _go_! I have to find him! I have to make sure he is okay!” Raph shouted and gasped.

His fingers dug harshly into Donnie’s arms, his nails clawing at Donnie’s arm desperately trying to free himself. He struggled against Donnie’s grip with as much power as he could bring to bear but the purple banded mutant somehow managed to hold his ground, keeping Raph pinned.

“ _Raph calm down_!” the taller turtle shouted trying to get through to Raph.

Raph he didn't calm down though, his brothers voice barely ever registering. He continued to claw at Donnie’s arm, his heart felt like it would explode as it continued to hammer away inside his chest.

“ _Mikey! Mikey! Please come back MI_ -” Raph bellowed his eyes wide and staring, searching the tunnel but not actually seeing it through the panic that clouded his mind.

Donnie slapped him the pain lancing through his cheek making his gasp. He felt his lungs ache as he inhaled. Suddenly his body felt very tired, every muscle began to ache as though he’d been training for hours. His lungs burned as he inhaled huge amount of oxygen. In front of him Donnie kept him pinned to the wall a concerned look on his face.

“Raph, come on now listen to my voice, focus on my voice. You need to calm down, we’ve been down this tunnel three times already you’re going in a circle,” Donnie explained in calm measured tones.

The information sunk into Raph’s head making him go limp. He felt Donnie back off, releasing him from his grip, but he remained against the wall. He could feel the panic, it tearing at his insides making him tremble. He’d never felt like this. He wanted to be pissed off. He wanted to scream and rage and punch something repeatedly until the problem fixed itself. Yet he couldn’t; he knew it would make no difference to the situation.

If he lost his temper Mikey would still be missing and Raph knew he could potentially be injured or unable to go out searching thanks to his temper. He closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath and tried to suppress his anger and control it. It was then that he realised that this feeling he was experiencing wasn’t anger. No this feeling that lashed at his insides wasn't anger or rage it was . . .

Donnie felt his eyes widen slightly as Raph let out a choked sob. He watched as the normally hot headed turtle sobbed his sides shaking as tears began to roll down his face. Donnie moved in closer, pulling Raph into a gentle hug as the older turtle began to cry harder.

“Shhhh, shhh it’ll be okay Raph. I promise,” Donnie whispered gently.

They stayed like this for only a moment, Raph sobbing with Donnie supporting him. As the moment ended Raph started to bring himself under control rubbing at his eyes to remove the leftover tears. He took a deep breath and sniffed loudly before nodding and raising his eyes up to meet Donnie’s.

“Ok . . . ok I’m good now, let’s find Mikey,” Raph let out a soft sigh.

Donnie nodded and looked down the tunnel, “There’s another tunnel that moves away from this one, maybe Mikey went down that one.”

Raph nodded and fell in line behind Donnie as they jogged through the tunnel. Just as Donnie had said a few hundred feet from where they had been the tunnel curved off in another direction.

“Look . . .” Donnie whispered motioning to Raph as he did so.

Raph did as he was told gazing at the wall where Donnie had gestured. He felt his heart jump as he found the dust and slime that covered the walls had been disturbed, a shape of a small handprint sticking out against the grime. He moved to start running again only to feel Donnie grip his arm.

“Don’t, we don’t need you working yourself into a frenzy again. Got it?” Donnie spoke sternly making sure his brother knew he was serious.

Raph nodded knowing what Donnie said was true. He was no good to anyone, but especially Mikey, if he passed out because he had worked himself up too much. Taking several deep breaths as he willed himself to relax before following Donnie down the side passage.

As they walked Donnie began to speak, “Raph about Leo . . .”

Raph growled balling his hands into fists, right now he really didn’t want to talk about Leo. The leader had been way out of line as far as Raph was concerned. Sure Raph knew at times he was unreasonable and said things he didn’t mean but Leo . . . well more was expected from him.

“Don't worry Donnie, I’ll wait until after Mikey is asleep before I kill him,” Raph growled out his eyes narrowing in anger.

Donnie turned to him, “No, look I’ve been thinking about Leo . . . don’t be so mad at him.”

Raph felt his eyes widen in shock that was certainly the last thing he’d expected Donnie to say. Stopping he turned to stare at his immediate younger brother just to be sure the genius was being serious.

“Don’t be mad at him? Are you insane? Look at what he did!” Raph growled out dangerously.

Donnie nodded, “I know . . . I know you’re upset but please . . . I’ve had time to think about this and I think we are being overly harsh on him . . . look at this from Leo’s point of view.”

Raph shook his head, “ _Fuck his point of view!_ He’s lucky I don’t rip him apart right now!”

“Try and stay calm Raph and let me explain it. Why do you think Leo is so good at martial arts?” Donnie sighed and rubbed his eyes.

The question made Raph shrug, “Cause he’s got no life.”

Donnie rolled his eyes and lifted his hands to rub at his eyes. Trying to explain something to Raph when he was being so emotional was always hard but the genius really needed the hothead to understand. Donnie’s mind had been working on Leo’s attitude and while he had initially been angry at Leo, Donnie had quickly slotted the last pieces into place and came up with a hypothesis.

“Really Raph? We all know it is because he’s practiced them over and over again. Look, when we were kids he was always kind of, well Splinter relied on him to be good and not cause trouble. Think about it Raph; you and Mikey were always getting into trouble and causing mischief. Because of that Splinter spent a lot of time giving you two attention, trying to correct your behaviour,”

“Master Splinter also spent a lot of time on me; trying to make sure I had everything I could want to help my mind expand but Leo . . . Leo was always just kind of off to the side. He wasn't the smartest, or the strongest or even the cutest; but something he was good at, something that he could do better than everyone else was martial arts. When we were training he could get attention by being better than all of us . . . put together,” Donnie explained as simply as he could.

Raph frowned as he took in Donatello’s explanation before he nodded slowly. As much as he hated to admit it Donnie’s words made sense and that caused a fresh coil of guilt to add to the already formidable knot which had formed in his gut.

“Training and meditation became the only time he could pretty much guarantee that he could get Master Splinter’s attention and praise. So he worked hard to always try to be the centre of attention during training it became his absolute focus and desire, the one thing he had that made sense to him,” Donnie continued although his voice had softened a little bit.

Again Raph nodded and Donnie continued, “But since Mikey’s accident, how often have we trained or meditated together like we used to?”

Raph’s eyes widened slightly at the question. It had been almost three weeks since they’d found Mikey in the tunnels. Donnie nodded at the slowly dawning comprehension he could see forming on his brother's face.

“Think about it Raph, Leo’s been deprived of the one thing he’s good, the one thing that makes absolute sense to him, for almost a month. Imagine if you weren't allowed to go topside and fight, or if I wasn't allowed to tinker with my experiments, or . . . or if Mikey was told he couldn’t be funny and play video games for almost a month. Let’s face it you’d get frustrated and angry too, you’d lash out and say things you didn’t mean because you’d be desperate . . . actually Raph if anyone should understand that you should,” Donnie mused aloud before crossing his arms over his plastron.

Raph’s expression continued to be sullen and angry but Donatello could see from the flicker in those green orbs that he was getting through to his little brother.

“Leo’s always used to being in control but this isn't something he has any power over and that scares him. I think . . . I think seeing Karai and hearing her say those things about Mikey pushed him to the breaking point, you know how she gets under his skin more than even you do. With all of that coursing inside of him when April said something that confirmed his world would _never_ go back to the way it was before; he simply couldn't handle it,” Donnie continued.

Raph finally stopped walking and stood glaring at Donnie as he spoke, “So what are you saying Donnie? You saying that I shouldn’t be mad at him, that I should hug him and tell him I forgive him?”

“I don’t know . . . maybe? Look all I know is he’s scared and feeling lost, and that’s not something Leo is used to feeling. He isn’t coping with this Raph and that isn’t necessarily something he can control and us being nasty to him won’t help him deal with this any better. To top it all off it doesn't help that we haven't been doing any of the things that he does to try and relax. I’m just . . . I’m just saying, try to understand it from his point of view,” Donnie shrugged.

Raph grumbled but again began to follow Donnie as they moved through the tunnel. He didn’t want to admit it but Donnie’s words really struck a chord within him. He did know how it felt to be in this situation; hell they were all in this situation but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still angry at Leo.

“He’s not the only one who’s been acting different since Mikey’s accident,” Donnie spoke up with confidence.

Raph’s eyes narrowed at the back of Donnie’s head, “You’re talking about me and Mikey right?”

Donnie nodded, keeping his face forward so that Raph couldn’t see the little smile which had crossed the olive green face.

“You’re just not going to drop this are you Donnie?” Raph rolled his eyes.

“No Raph, I’m not. I'm going to keep bringing this up until you confront how you feel,” Donnie shook his head.

Raph sighed, “‘How I feel’, what the hell does that mean Donnie?”

“Think about it for a minute Raph, you say that Mikey potentially having a crush on you bothers you. Yet when I step in a try to give you to some space you get angry. When we got back I saw you, I saw how you looked when Mikey came to me and not you to take him back to his room. It hurt didn't it? It hurt that Mikey didn’t come to you, answer me honestly Raph,” Donnie spoke up and turned to glare at him.

Donnie stopped walking and stared at Raph. After several moments of fidgeting under Donnie’s intense and scrutinising gaze Raph nodded his acknowledgement.

“Say it out loud Raph, you need to verbally acknowledge it,” Donnie ordered.

Raph inhaled sharply before speaking, “Yes it . . . it hurt.”

“Good,” Donnie smiled and nodded his head.

Raph’s eyes widened, “Good? How is it good?”

Donnie sighed and began walking again, “It’s good because you’re being honest. Raph, you may think I’m being mean or annoying, or even a jerk; but you need to understand something. You cannot jerk Mikey around with something like this, not when he’s in this kind of a psychological state.”

“What do you mean Donnie?” Raph asked jogging a little to walk beside Donnie as he cocked his head to the side.

Donnie sighed and glanced back at him for a moment, “Let’s say you do tell Mikey that you’re not interested. His feelings are going to be hurt, that’s unavoidable. But because he’ll probably be embarrassed around you he’ll seek out comfort from someone else, we all know how much Mikey requires physical comfort and that doesn’t seem to have changed. It will probably be me he comes to because as April said, Leo is cold towards him.”

Donnie kept his eyes fixed ahead of him as he spoke. He wasn’t doing it to be mean to his brother but because he was marshalling his thoughts, choosing his words carefully. It wasn’t that he felt the need to be gentle with his brother but instead because he was trying to draw a response from Raph. Donnie knew his brother well and knew Raph didn’t respond well to subtlety.

He did note when he looked at his brother that Raph’s eyes flicked up to his for a moment before looking away. Smiling to himself Donnie knew that he was succeeding and he was reaching his hot headed brother.

“Now let’s say for the sake of argument that you were honest; you feel nothing for Mikey. Ok then that’s that, problem solved. But what if you’re wrong? What if you do have feelings but you can't admit them?” Donnie kept his voice monotone allowing Raph to decide on the inflections and emotions attached to the statement.

Raph looked up at him and opened his mouth to speak; but Donnie held up his hand.

“I’m not done yet, so let me finish. . . Remember this is all for the sake of argument,” Donnie lightly reprimanded.

Raph closed his mouth sharply, his teeth clattering together but he seemed to accept the light censure and nodded for Donatello to continue.

“Let’s say you do have feelings for Mikey, but now he’s not going to you for comfort. Now he’s coming to me instead because remember you said you didn’t have feelings for him but you were lying to yourself. How would that make you feel? How would it make you feel if instead of cuddling up with you at night he was cuddling up with me? How would it make you feel if Mikey developed more intimate feelings for me?”

Raph’s eyes opened wider as he stared at Donnie who gave him a small smirk.

“What? It’s possible Mikey’s feelings for you might transfer to me since I’ll be taking over your roll as his primary comfort giver. Remember he has no true frame of reference for his feelings, he is going to be more drawn to someone who he feels he remembers gives him comfort and security, and we have all done that at some point in his life.”

Raph bit his lip, for a moment before speaking, “But you’d . . . you’d turn him down, you like April right?”

Raph felt confident when he said that; that confidence waned slightly as Donnie continued to smirk at him.

“Unlike you I have no problem helping him to understand the feelings he has, and to help him . . . shall we say explore what they mean,” Donnie reassured his immediately older brother.

Raph bit his lip again before he tried to lick his lips; his mouth had gone very dry. Donnie’s words were hitting a lot closer to home then Raph cared to admit, the only thing that bugged him more was that Donnie seemed very aware of that fact.

“Raph, how often do you jerk off?”  

Raph’s step faltered as his face went bright red, “N-n-none of your business!”

“Personally I jerk off once or twice a week,” Donnie chuckled.

Raph closed his eyes willing Donnie to stop talking. He heard and saw his brother’s chest inflate as he the genius made to start talking again, so Raph put his fingers in his ears.

“LALALA _not listening_!” Raph spoke loudly.

On top of everything else that was going on, the last thing Raph needed or wanted was to have a discussion about masturbation with his sibling. Donnie again rolled his eyes and stopped walking, turning around so he could grab Raph’s wrists and force his hands from his ears.

“Think about it Raph, Mikey is only a little bit younger than we are. It is only natural that he will have masturbated too. Now though, he probably does not remember any of that so it is possible that the first time he gets hard, he’ll freak out and think there is something wrong with him. Remember how you felt the first time it happened to you?” Donnie spoke a little more gently wanting to help Raph understand.

Raph struggled against Donnie’s surprisingly strong grip; doing his best to suppress the memory of him running through the lair shouting for their father to save him. It was that act which had prompted Master Splinter to have a talk he had called “the birds and the bees” with his sons. It had been a time of embarrassment for all involved. Raph stopped struggling as Donnie moved in closer.

“You are so embarrassed by these kinds of thoughts Raph, which I guess is natural for your personality but I don’t feel the same kind of embarrassment. To me these things are essential bodily functions and we don’t have any reason to be embarrassed. Obviously we don’t go declaring it from the rooftops but I am more than willing to help Mikey. I’ll explain to him what being aroused means, and . . . what he can do to sate it,” the genius explained without embarrassment.

Raph felt his mind go blank at Donnie’s words, “Wh . . . what?”

Donnie pulled on Raph’s wrists making the hot head step towards him so that Raph was standing close and looking directly into his eyes before he spoke slowly. “I’d show him how to jerk off Raph; I’d even help him if he wanted me to.”

Raph’s eyes went wide as the unwanted and slightly disturbing mental image of Donnie pressed against Mikey while jerking him off flooded his mind. He growled at Donnie who let go of his wrists.

“So do us all a favour Raph, drop this two-face act. You can't like being this close to Mikey but be disgusted by the idea of him developing feelings for you. You need to make up yo-”

Donnie stopped speaking mid-sentence, his face crumpling into a frown as a sound met their ears. Standing very still they strained to hear exactly what the sound was only to find it was a gentle sobbing sound followed by a whimper.

“ _Mikey?_ ” their call was met with another faint sob.

Turning in the direction of the sob Donnie and Raph searched the wall until they found a hole in the brick that was just big enough for Mikey to squeeze into. Pulling a small flashlight from his belt Donnie shown the light inside the hole, his breath catching in his chest at what he found.

The hole led to a small storage room, against the far wall was Mikey. He was curled up, with his legs against his chest and he shook and sobbed. The bandages on his injured arm were soaked but with either sweat or sewer water, Donnie didn’t know. The genius frowned as he saw several spots of the bandages had a hint of red.

The wounds had been healing well; having closed up but there was still a significant weakness in the skin which was still susceptible. It seemed that in his bid to escape Mikey had somehow knocked his arm and had opened up the tender skin causing it to start to bleed again.

However it was Mikey’s face that made Donnie’s heart clench. The young turtle’s face was covered in pure panic; his hands clutched the sides of his head as he continued to sob. The splints which had been keeping his broken fingers supported were torn and tossed aside. A second later Donnie felt his eyes widen in horror as Mikey drew his hands roughly down the side of his face, gouging the green skin leaving tracks of red down the sides of his face.

“ _Mikey_ ,” Raph spoke firmly; making sure the young turtle heard him.

Mikey flinched and looked up at them the fear in his face becoming stronger. He began to cry even harder, his whole body shook with the force of his emotions.

“Please . . . please don’t send me away . . . I’m . . . I’m trying to remember . . . I’m trying . . .” Mikey stammered out in uneven breaths.

Again Mikey raked his hands down the sides of his face, tearing at his skin with his fingernails. Blood began to well out of the gouges and trickle down the sides of Mikey’s face. Both of the older turtles reached out desperate to stop him from continuing to hurt himself.

“Mikey stop! Please stop you’re hurting yourself.” Raph spoke out quickly.

Mikey shook his head frantically, “No . . . no . . . I need . . . to remember . . . I don’t want to be sent away. I don’t . . .”

His sea green fingers gouged at his skin whimpering as his nails cut into the flesh again, allowing the blood that oozed from the injuries to flow more freely. Raph moved, forcing his way through the hole Mikey had used, moving to the younger turtle. He reached out grabbing Mikey’s arms and pulling them away from his head. Raph felt Donnie move in next to him; as Mikey struggled against his grip.

“No . . . _NO_ . . . I _need_ to remember! I don’t want to be sent away!” Mikey was practically screaming at them, his entire body shaking.

“Shhh . . . it’s okay Mikey. Listen to me Mikey, come on listen to me, and focus on my voice. We’d never send you away, I promise. Just calm down . . . everything will be okay,” Raph soothed tenderly.

Mikey looked at Raph and then to Donnie before sobbing again, “I . . . I . . . I’m scared.”

The two older turtles watched as Mikey seemed to collapse in on himself as he spoke. Raph moved pulling Mikey’s body against his, cradling the sobbing turtle while Donnie looked at the injuries to his head and fingers.

He heard Donnie swear under his breath as his flashlight illuminated the injuries Mikey had given himself. They could see the tracks that Mikey’s nails had torn into his skin as he racked his mind desperately trying to remember something so he wouldn't be sent away.

“Please . . . please don’t send me away,” Mikey begged.

As he spoke Mikey gripped Raph’s hand for a moment before going limp in Raph’s arms his sobbing ending rather abruptly.

“Donnie?” Raph’s voice was filled with fear and his eyes frantically searched Mikey’s body for an explanation.

Donnie simply shook his head, “He just fainted Raph it is all too much for him. Hold his head so I can bandage his injuries.”

Doing as he was instructed Raph maneuvered Mikey’s head so Donnie would wrap it in bandages which he pulled from his bag. The sea green skin was slowly swathed in bandages soaking up the blood which was still welling from the wounds.

“Come on Raph we need to get him back to lair. I need to get him clean and give him a better examination; I hope he hasn’t displaced the fractures in his fingers,” Donnie explained as Raph cradled Mikey to his plastron.

Together they managed to extract Michelangelo from his hiding spot and out into the main sewer system. Once they had him safely in Raph’s arms Donnie called April to let her know Mikey was safe all things considered and that they were heading back to the lair. With that done he gave Raph a quick nod and they set off at a slow pace back home.

Leonardo followed his father into the rat’s bedroom with his head still hung low. He felt so unbelievably frustrated, overwhelmed and . . . and he couldn’t quite describe it properly. He felt that everyone was being so out of sorts and that he was the only one who seemed to be himself. He understand why though, after all Mikey’s condition had affected them all but the way they were acting, they weren’t encouraging Mikey to get better.

Instead they were telling the smaller turtle that he didn’t know who he was or what part of the family he played. Leo knew his youngest brother had so much potential in him and he felt like because Mikey was struggling to remember everyone was just throwing that out of the window.

Following his Master’s instructions Leonardo knelt down at the small table still with his head hung low. Master Splinter pottered about his bedroom making the tea he had promised before sitting down opposite Leonardo and placed a cup in front of the young turtle. Splinter watched the son he had named as leader very carefully seeing all the little movements in Leo’s expression that indicated his sons thinking.

“Leonardo,” Splinter spoke softly his hands gripping the cup holding his tea.

The forest green shoulders tensed as his name was spoken, his hands still clenched tightly in his lap.

“Do you not like your tea Leonardo?” Splinter asked nodding towards the cup.

Slowly Leo’s hands lifted and wrapped his fingers around the cup. With his head still lowered he lifted the cup to his mouth and gently blew on the hot liquid. Splinter watched as the young mutant slowly sipped the drink and saw its instant effect. The tension in the turtle’s body seemed to wash away as the liquid flowed into his body.

“Now Leonardo, why don’t you tell me what is on your mind?” Splinter spoke softly.

Leo’s eye ridges knit together and he started to tense again. Splinter sat in silence allowing Leonardo to marshal his thoughts and feelings, allowing the tea to work its soothing effects into the stressed young body. The minutes dripped by but Splinter seemed unaffected by them, his eyes constantly locked on Leo’s evaluating the young turtle with a kind and loving gaze.

“Everyone is acting like Mikey is ill or something, like because he has lost his memory everything needs to change,” Leo began to speak before stopping, his hands clenching tightly around the cup.

“This bothers you?” Splinter questioned.

Leo nodded his head, his eyes fixated on a spot on the table before him still unable to meet his father’s eyes. Splinter contemplated Leo’s silence, running his fingers through his long beard.

“Tell me Leonardo how you feel about your brothers right now? I want you to be honest with me,” Splinter instructed simply.

Leo’s eyes darted up a little bit before returning them to his lap and his fingers tightened around the cup in his hands. He could feel the heat of the steam as it wafted up towards his beak. He couldn’t possibly tell his father how he was feeling but at the same time he knew he couldn’t lie to his father.

“You know I will not judge you Leonardo, I never would,” Splinter spoke softly.

Taking a deep breath Leo let it out slowly. Releasing his hold on the cup of tea Leo placed his hands flat on the table.

“I’m angry . . . . no . . . no angry is an understatement. Forgive me Master Splinter but I am thoroughly pissed off. The ‘woe is me’ act is really getting on my nerves. We’ve all been injured at some point in our lives and I appreciate Michelangelo is having memory problems but . . . but why does that mean our lives have to stop completely?” Leo spoke harshly, allowing his frustrations to rush through him like a river of water.

Splinter kept his face blank despite the hurt his son’s words caused. He knew what Leonardo was talking about he had felt similar feelings himself but in another context.

“I hate all of this . . . I know it’s wrong to feel that way but I can’t help it. I hate all of this and . . . and I hate them for making it this way. I hate Donnie for not being able to fix this. He’s supposed to be a genius but he can't help Mikey remember anything! I hate Raph for babying Mikey instead of trying to help him get better; he does Sensei he coddles Mikey like he’s a baby again. and . . .” Leo broke off as he drew in a deep shuddering breath.

He knew what he was about to say was wrong, that is was a horrible thing to feel and say; yet he simply couldn’t keep it contained any longer.

“I hate Mikey for letting this happen. I . . . I hate him for never taking his training seriously, if he’d paid more attention . . . if he’d put some real effort into being a good ninja then maybe this wouldn't have happened . . . I just . . .” Leo broke off as he took another shuddering breath before continuing to speak. “I’m so pissed of Sensei. Whenever Donnie or Raph praises Mikey I just want to yell and scream. I . . . I . . . I’m sorry . . . I’m so sorry Master Splinter I am a failure.”

The eldest of the turtles took a deep breath trying to settle his emotions before he continued.

“I’m just so frustrated. Everyone is acting like Mikey won’t ever go back to normal. Maybe that’s because we’re not treating him like we normally would. Instead we baby and coddle him like some toddler. He’s been this way for so long now. We haven’t trained, we haven't meditated; we do nothing the way we used to. How is Mikey supposed to remember who he is if we don't do anything that we normally do? But . . . but it’s more than that.”

Splinter watched as Leo struggled to find the right words. As much as the ninja master wanted to make everything better he knew he could not interfere with this. He needed to allow Leonardo to express everything that was inside of him or like a festering wound it would consume the young turtle.

“They keep acting like he won’t come back; like the Mikey we knew is dead forever. People don’t just forget things; the Mikey we knew is still somewhere in his mind, we just have to find him. But Donnie and Raph . . . it’s like they don’t want to find Mikey. The way the smother him is like they don’t want the old Mikey to come back and I hate them for it. I hate that they aren’t trying to help Mikey to recover.”

Reaching forward Splinter placed his paw over Leonardo’s hand to offer his son reassurance and love. He could see the pain the words were evoking in Leonardo and he emphasised with him greater than ever.

“Leonardo do not think you are weak for feeling this way, because you are not. It is very understandable how you are feeling and I understand these feelings; the anger the frustration, the sense of loss of self it is all so familiar to me,” Splinter reassured tenderly.

The forest green turtle didn’t mean to jerk his hand away but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from doing so. Splinter sighed but he did not take it the wrong way.

“I remember a time when I was beyond angry, so angry in fact that I nearly destroyed everything in my life. My hatred for others and my confusion over the loss of myself or what I perceived as the loss of myself fuelled my anger and made my life a misery for a long time, until I managed to control myself. What you are feeling Leonardo is natural in the circumstances and I am honestly surprised it has taken you so long to present your feelings,” Splinter explained.

Leo nodded his head slowly in understanding, while their father had not told them everything about his past he had told them about the anger, hatred and frustrations he had felt over the years.

“I am proud of you Leonardo my son for sharing with me but you do need to make amends to your brothers. There is no denying that your words have hurt them especially Michelangelo but that is something that can be fixed. You need to tell them about your feelings, share with them and use their strength and allow them to use yours in turn,” Splinter soothed.

Leo looked up at his father and moved his hand to place it back on top of his fathers. Splinter smiled and gave Leonardo’s hand a squeeze.

“A team works best when all its members are in sync, we need our team to be in sync once more and this can only be done when we communicate with each other,” the older rat added simply.

“I think I understand father, thank you,” Leonardo whispered.

The father and son smiled softly at each other, their hands still clasped together across the coffee table sharing comfort. Splinter knew there was still so much damage to heal with his sons but he was sure now that they were all on the same page and that meant they could progress.


	17. Chapter 17

** CHAPTER 16 **

Again Leo moved to take a sip of his tea. Across from him Master Splinter’s ears flicked sideways as the sound of the lair turnstiles reached them. Setting down his cup Leo moved to the door and took a deep breath before pushing back the paper door and leaving Splinter’s room.

Closing his eyes he willed his voice not a quiver as he spoke, “Mikey . . . I’m sor-”

But Leo’s words were cut off by a loud snarl that made him open his eyes. He was met with blazing green orbs which heralded anger, concern and uncertainty.

“Save your breath, he’s unconscious!” Raph’s voice was harsh and filled with anger.

Leo’s eyes widened as he watched Raph carry the unconscious youngest and smallest turtle through the lair. Forest green eye ridges knitted together as he took in the new bandages which had been wrapped around Mikey’s head. The eldest saw the faint stains of red indicating that Mikey had been injured enough to bleed.

Frightened he took a step forward, “Mikey . . .”

He felt guilt form like a rock in his gut; he was their leader, he was supposed to keep them from getting hurt. Yet his words had done this; his words had driven Mikey to run away and to get injured. Again he took a step forward; he needed to help, to make sure Mikey knew that he hadn't meant those horrible words.

“Mikey . . .” Leo’s voice quivered.

Donnie’s voice cut through the leaders, “Mikey is unconscious and needs medical attention. You can see him afterwards.”

“So _back_ off,” Raph again snarled at Leo.

Leo froze where he stood. His heart hammered painfully in his chest as he watched Raph and Donnie move Mikey into Donnie’s lab, before the genius moved to close the door. As he did so Donnie’s eyes connected with Leo’s. Years of training allowed Leo to understand the unspoken message; that Raph was beyond furious and that Leo had better give the red banded turtle his space.

Swallowing painfully Leo took several deep breaths and nodded to Donnie who gave him a weak smile before a growl from Raph made him push the door completely closed; cutting off Leo’s view of Donnie’s lab.

Sighing again Leo heard Splinter speak behind him, “Leonardo would you care to finish your tea and then meditate with me?”

Splinter’s voice was gentle as he spoke, yet it took all of Leo’s strength to nod and slowly turn towards his father before moving back into Splinter’s room and closing the door behind him.

In the lab Raph grunted as he gently laid Mikey’s limp form on the examination bed. He could not help but feel a slight sense of deja vu as he watched Donnie lean over his youngest brother’s prone form. Dropping himself into a chair Raph watched as Donnie first focused on Mikey’s arm; unwinding the red tinged bandages. Sure enough in several places where the scars of Mikey’s previous wounds had been healing, the fragile flesh had broken open and was continuing to gently bleed.

“Raph, help me,” Donnie ordered.

Standing up Raph did as Donnie instructed and left the lab to gather some warm water and clean rags. He tapped his foot nervously, almost angrily as he waited for the bucket Donnie had given him to fill with warm water. As he stood there in the kitchen his eyes flicked momentarily towards Splinter’s room.

Years of living with Leonardo had told Raph that when the eldest turtle was upset he would seek out their Father’s guidance. In the back of his mind what Donnie had said echoed; to not be so mad at Leo that in a way Leo was just as scared and confused as they were.

Biting his lip Raph turned off the water and carried the bucket back to Donnie’s lab, setting it down next to the bed. He moved helping Donnie to wet the washrags before moving where Donnie directed him. The genius motioned Raph towards Mikey’s head while Donnie finished taking care of Mikey’s arm.

“Oh god . . .” Raph’s voice was soft and filled with pain.

The emerald green turtles stomach lurched as he slowly began to peel back the bandages that Donnie had wrapped around Mikey’s head. He gripped the washrag as tightly as he could while his eyes scanned over the gashes and gouges that Mikey had torn into his flesh, trying desperately to remember anything of his past so he wouldn't be sent away.

“Donnie . . . Donnie . . .” Raph’s voice was barely more than a whisper

He tried to speak, tried to say something to describe the feeling of pain and horror that was bubbling in his gut. The gashes weren’t overly deep, but they still continued to bleed causing Raph’s hands to shake slightly as he began to clean them.

His hands trembled as he did as Donnie had instructed him, dabbing the cloth gently against Mikey’s skin to soak up the blood; stopping only when the rag was red before rinsing it out in the bucket and repeating. Soon enough Mikey’s system started working as his blood began to clot finally stopping the bleeding. Raph breathed a small sigh of relief, the sight of his baby brother bleeding was almost more the he could handle. Every now and then Mikey’s eyes would flutter and his body would shift slightly, a sign that he was perhaps dreaming.

“Ra . . . ph . . .” Raph froze as Mikey mumbled his name.

He turned to Donnie only to find that Mikey had shifted the hand of his injured arm, gripping Donnie’s hand seeking comfort as the genius finished re-bandaging his arm. Slowly Donnie looked up at Raph seeing the panic in his brother’s eyes.

“He’s still asleep . . . come here.”

Moving Raph stopped next to Donnie who slowly worked his arm free of Mikey grip. The genius kept a hold on the tips of Mikey’s fingers as he moved for Raph to take his place before resting Mikey’s hand tenderly on the bed. He wanted Raph to take it and comfort Mikey but knew he couldn’t force the hothead to do it.

“Just stay by him ok?” Donnie instructed. “He needs comfort while I sort him out.”

Raph nodded and watched as Mikey’s fingers opened and closed slowly moved searching for him. Reaching forward Raph gently touched Mikey’s hand, feeling his heart lurch as the young turtle’s fingers wrapped around his own.

“Ra . . . ph . . .” again Mikey mumbled his name making Raph’s heart clench.

“It’s ok . . . I’m right here Mikey, I’m right here,” as he spoke Raph gently squeezed Mikey’s hand.

Mikey’s eyes fluttered again as his mouth slowly moved forming words, “Love . . . Raph . . .”

Raph bit his lip; painfully aware that Donnie had paused and was looking at him, watching how to react to Mikey’s words. Again he gently squeezed Mikey’s hand knowing he could reply to Mikey’s statement honestly at least on one level.

“I love you to Mikey . . . little brother,” Raph spoke softly and with distinct clarification.

Raph noted that Donnie rolled his eyes and continued to tend the gashes on Mikey’s head before covering only one of them that was deeper than the others. The medic of the family knew that leaving the others free would help them heal faster. Next he palpated over Mikey’s broken fingers feeling for any movement and happy that there wasn’t any. Taking the splints he reapplied them securing Mikey’s fingers once more.

After another moment Donnie spoke, “I think that’s all I can do for him. Now we just have to wait for him to wake up.”

“Can we move him to his bedroom?” Raph asked his hand still locked with Mikey’s.

Donnie nodded and watched as Raph moved gently extracting his hand from the sea green on so he could pick Mikey up. Tenderly he cradled Mikey in his arms before leaving the lab and moving in the direction of the youngest turtle’s room.

Sighing to himself Donnie shook his head. For all the hot-headed turtle’s uncertainty Donnie could easily see the signs that Raph was having deeper feelings for Mikey. The way the older turtle hovered around Mikey, the way he seemed to always be touching Mikey, the aggression he felt when someone else was touching Mikey; all classic signs of imprinting. Donnie shook his head gently, right now he had more important things to do than to sit and debate Raph’s feelings and how he was going to cope with them.

Moving across the lair Donnie knocked gently on the wooden frame of Splinter’s door. He could hear the gentle movements of his father and brother and knew they had been meditating while he and Raph were treating Mikey.

A moment later Splinter responded, “Come in.”

Gently pushing open the door Donnie slipped inside the room giving his father a respectful bow. He saw Leonardo sitting down opposite his father, the leader’s head hung low.

“Mikey is resting now,” Donnie informed them simply.

Splinter nodded and glanced at Leo who shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “Thank you Donatel-”

The genius held up his hand cutting his father off. Usually he would not have dared to be so rude to his father but given how they had found Mikey, the genius was feeling less than generous with his feelings right at that moment in time.

“When Raph and I found him he had made his way into a storage room and was trying to force himself to remember something. His head has multiple gashes and gouges where he dragged his fingernails down his head and face, and the scars on his arm have split open in several places. He also appears to be terrified we’ll send him away if he doesn't remember who he is or what happened to him,” Donatello explained in a mainly monotone voice.

As he spoke Donatello watched his brother’s reaction. He wasn’t saying any of this to be mean or to hurt Leo, he was trying to make the oldest turtle understand. He felt the need to see something from Leo which would tell him that the eldest understood that his words had driven Mikey from his home.

He needed to know that Leo understood how much his words had hurt Michelangelo and had made the young turtle hurt himself out of desperation and fear. The room was silent for a moment as both Splinter and Leonardo took in Donatello’s words.

“Donnie I . . .” Leo began but stopped seemingly unable to continue.

“Thank you Donatello for keeping us informed. Leonardo and I have been discussing everything and have been making progress . . .” Splinter began, his voice trailing off as he watched his sons.

A slight hardness took hold of Donatello’s expression as he watched his leader and for a moment Splinter thought his young genius was going to explode but somehow he remained calm and silent.

“I’m sorry Donnie, I just . . . I just . . . I’m not . . . I don’t know what to do,” Leo confessed.

The reddish brown eyes snapped up to Leo’s and roved over the forest green body. He could tell a lot of from Leo’s slumped posture, the way his brother’s hands remained clasped in his lap and the way Leo stammered in his speech.

“You need to talk to him Leo, he thinks he is going to be sent away and he is terrified. He needs his big brother and his leader to tell him everything is going to be okay because simply hearing it from me and Raph is not enough. He may not remember but he still feels even on a subconscious level and he feels that you are important to him and his decisions. He needs you to reassure him,” Donnie explained with as much feeling as he could.

Leo nodded his head slowly understanding what Donnie was saying but at the same time unable to get rid of how he was still feeling.“I’ll try Donnie, I promise,” Leo answered honestly.

The genius pursed his lips and looked at Leo again before letting out a sigh. He guessed given the situation, Leo’s promise was the best he could expect right now.

 

Raph slowly set Mikey down on the bed before covering the young turtle with blankets. Under the fabric the smallest turtle groaned and whimpered. Raph felt his heart clench as he felt Mikey grip his hand a little tighter. Even unconscious the fear of being sent away gripped the young turtle. Lying down next to Mikey, Raph continued to hold the younger turtle’s hand, stroking his arm.

“It’s ok Mikey; I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

In the back of his mind anger still gripped him. He still wanted to run out of Mikey’s room and beat the shit out of Leo for making the younger turtle feel such fear in the first place. But he fought back against that urge, getting angry wouldn't help this situation. He continued stroking Mikey’s hand.

Mikey’s whimpers were lessening now as he drifted deeper and deeper into a natural sleep. Raph sighed feeling a small weight lifted off his shoulder as Mikey’s grip in his hand went limp; a sign that he had drifted off into a deep sleep. A gentle knock made Raph look up at the door as it opened and Donnie stuck his head inside the room.

“Is he ok?” Donnie question his eyes drifting down Mikey’s forms.

Raph nodded, pushing his finger to his lips as he did so. Giving Mikey one last look Raph moved, pulling the covers a little closer to Mikey’s chin before standing up and leaving Mikey’s room to chat with Donnie on the other side of the door.

“He’s sleeping now,” Raph answered shutting the door.

Donnie nodded, “Good.”

“What has Leo been up to while we’ve been away?” after a moment Raph grumbled.

“It would appear he and Splinter have been talking; probably about what made him say those things,” Donnie shrugged.

Raph growled and balled his hands into fists, “Maybe I should beat the answer out of him.”

“No Raph that wouldn't be advisable, the situation is fragile right now. We can't have you going berserk and risk injuring Leo or worse Mikey seeing you like that,” Donnie calmed him with a hand against his shoulder.

Raph sighed but nodded, willing himself to relax. He knew that Donatello was telling the truth but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. He sighed again as Donnie squeezed his shoulder gently.

“Raph you’re exhausted. Go to your room and go to bed, I’ll watch over Mikey tonight,” Donnie said with sincerity.

As Donnie spoke waves of fatigue washed through Raph’s body. He wanted to resist to tell the genius that he should stay with Mikey tonight; but he was to tired. Slowly he nodded before turning and moving towards his room; his movements slow and sluggish.

Raph huffed as he made his way into his bedroom. He understood what Donatello was doing and he did appreciate it. His emotions were all over the place and so contrasting and confusing he couldn’t really be sure of what he was feeling.

When Donatello had said he would spent the night with Mikey, Raph’s immediate initial reaction thought it was fleeting had been one of complete distrust and even anger but then Don had said Raph needed time to think and it all made sense.

Flipping his sais out of his belt he safely stored them on his dresser before beginning to remove his gear, taking off his mask last. In situations like this he really did miss Spike and being able to talk his emotions out with his pet. With another deep sigh Raph flipped onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Never before in his life would he have thought he would have to deal with feelings for his brother that went beyond that of brothers. He loved Mikey he would never deny that, he loved all his brothers and father but his feelings for Mikey now were very different; was he now _in_ love with the smaller turtle?

Raph locked his hands behind his head as he pondered over this thought. Being in love was different to simply loving someone, Raph knew that but since he had never been in love the emerald green turtle was not entirely sure what being in love was like. Examining what he was feeling he knew he would do anything for Mikey, there was something about his baby brother that turned Raph into a bit more of a sap then his other brothers did.

He hated seeing Mikey sad and while it was true the sea green turtle had the ability to rile Raph up something rotten, if anyone else dared lay a finger on Mikey than the emerald green turtle would take them down. With a slight smirk he add silently that threat included Donnie and Leo. He stared up at the ceiling and thought about how he had felt when Mikey had hovered over him in that oh so near kiss.

His tongue flicked out and wet his lips as he remembered how it felt to have Mikey’s body pressed against his and to feel Mikey’s breath waft over his beak. He remembered his heart beating faster and his skin seemingly tingling ready for Mikey’s touch. Raph left out a long deep breath and shook his head bringing his hands from behind his head and turning on his side.

What did it matter thinking like this anyway? At the end of the day there was one irrevocable fact which he couldn’t get past; they had been raised as brothers. What would Master Splinter say if Raph admitted he was falling in love with the baby of the family? There was enough issues with Raph’s temper without adding this into the mix.

Groaning Raph buried his head into the bed covers and bunched his hands into fists. Why did everything have to get so complicated? Flipping onto his front Raph tried to rid himself of all these thoughts. What he needed was a good night’s sleep to help his body and mind sort through all of these emotions. He moved to rest his head on his hands once more and closed his eyes.

He hadn’t expected to really fall asleep but suddenly something broke through to his mind and he blinked his eyes open. He blearily stared at his clock and realised that it was nearly two am showing he had been asleep for nearly three hours. The gentle knock at his door sounded again and he turned on his side rubbing at his eyes.

“Yeah?” he mumbled with a yawn.

The door opened and Mikey looked around it blue eyes wide and searching. Raph sat up a little more onto his elbow and frowned at the sea green turtle.

“What’s wrong Mikey?” Raph questioned.

The smaller turtle slipped into the room and closed the door behind him. He crossed his hands over his plastron and rubbed at his biceps seemingly trying to warm himself up. Raph’s eyes roved over Mikey’s body trying to see if there was anything physically wrong. The gouges and scratches Mikey had carved into his face didn’t look quite so bad now that they had stopped bleeding and were cleaned. Apart from a gouge on his left cheek which was still covered with a dressing, Mikey’s face was uncovered.

“Mikey?” Raph questioned again sitting up properly.

“I . . . Donnie . . . it’s not the same with him,” Mikey confessed. “Can I sleep with you?”

For a brief moment Raph thought about refusing but seeing Mikey stood there in his room looking so scared and lost, the hot head knew he couldn’t refuse. Lying back on his bed he shuffled back until his shell hit the wall and patted the spot beside him. A small smile twitched at Mikey’s lips and he made his way straight over to the bed. Clambering onto the bed Mikey snuggled instantly up against Raph’s body.

“Thanks Raph,” Mikey whispered, his breath ghosting over Raph’s upper plastron.

“No problem, sleep tight Mikey,” Raph answered wrapping his arms around Mikey’s body.

The hot headed turtle turned his head and stared at the ceiling, so much for getting a good night’s sleep. He felt Mikey shift a little against him and unconsciously he held his breath as the sea green hand came to rest on the bridge of his plastron and carapace.

“Raph?” Mikey asked his voice barely more than an exhalation.

That simple sound sent a shiver through Raph’s body and he tilted his head so he could look down at Mikey. The sea green turtle had his head tilted upwards and his eyes and mouth were partially opened. It was a ridiculously inviting pose and Raph found himself licking his lips slightly in anticipation.

“Raph . . . I . . .” Mikey began but stopped his throat moving as he swallowed hard.

Raph mimicked the movement and their eyes remained locked together. Mikey moved his head slightly silently offering himself up to Raph even if he didn’t realise he was doing it. It was too much for Raph, his heart pounding once more, his skin tingling and burned wherever Mikey touched him.

Without realising what he was doing Raph bent his head down until his lips brushed against Mikey’s. The smaller turtle groaned and moved his mouth against Raph’s in their first kiss. Mikey’s hands scrambled against Raph’s side, gripping the edge of the hot head’s carapace, pulling him as close as possible; their plastrons rubbing against each other sending gentle shudders through both their bodies.

They explored each other’s mouth; their tongue’s running along each other’s before finally pulling away when the need to breath overwhelmed everything. As he pulled back Raph panted lightly his heart racing uncontrollably as he realised he had just kissed Mikey. What’s more he had enjoyed kissing Mikey and wanted to do so again.

Moving a little he pushed Mikey back onto his shell and hovered over the sea green turtle. Mikey reached up and wrapped his arms around Raph’s neck, waiting for his brother’s next move.

Raph’s eyes flickered from side to side as he searched Mikey’s face, seemingly trying to understand everything that was happening. The sea green face was open and looking at Raph with desire and the larger turtle felt that feeling bubble in his gut as well. Almost like there was an irresistible force Raph lowered his head once more and pressed their lips together.

A low groan issued from Mikey’s throat and his hands pulled harder at Raph’s neck encouraging him down atop of him. Raph complied easily resting his body partially on Mikey and partially on the bed so as not to completely swamp his baby brother. Raph’s spare hand trailed up the outside of Mikey’s arm before moving to rest on Mikey’s plastron. Feeling that his younger brother was okay with the touch, Raph brought his hand down Mikey’s plastron gently fingering the grooves as he did so.

Raph gently broke away from the kiss and moved his mouth until it rested just underneath Mikey’s jaw. He gently sucked at the skin before licking it tenderly drawing light gasps from Michelangelo, whose eyes drifted, closed for a moment from pure bliss. The smaller turtle responded readily to the touches pressing his body against Raph’s; not knowing how he knew but knowing he wanted as much as he could from Raph.

The feelings of Mikey responding so easily to Raph’s touches, made the hot head feel like his body was going to explode as fresh waves of desire flooded him. It was like every sense was heightened and he was quickly becoming addicted to it all. He could feel the heat and blood beginning to pool in his lower plastron and by the way Mikey was pushing his pelvis upwards grinding against him, Raph knew the younger was having the same difficulty. Lifting his head from the spot he was lavishing attention upon Mikey’s neck, Raph stared down at his new lover.

Mikey’s head was tipped back, his eyes were closed, he was biting his lip and his face was flushed. Raph’s breathe caught in his throat as he looked down upon Mikey feeling fresh desires building even as he watched. Lifting his body a little he looked down between them and saw the large bulge of Mikey’s desire. He remembered what Donatello had said about Mikey not knowing or understanding his own body and Raph wondered if Michelangelo understood what was happening here.

“Mikey do you know what is happening?” Raph panted lightly grinding his body against Mikey’s.

“I . . . I can’t describe it but my body is telling me to do something,” Mikey panted back keeping his eyes closed while his sides heaved as he drew breath.

A smile touched Raph’s lips, “Then listen to your body.”

With a groan Mikey relaxed his muscles and his erection slipped free; a faint shudder running through his body as his organ met the cool night air. Both of them looked down and Raph smiled enjoying the trust Mikey had in him. Reaching down he took hold of Mikey’s throbbing flesh and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Mikey gasped and churred, his grip tightening on Raph’s shell as his head tipped back while he pushed his hips up into the touch. Raph watched as the younger turtle’s eyes fluttered as he ground his hips upwards creating more pleasurable friction between them.

Raph watched Mikey’s expressions carefully as he began to stimulate the younger turtle; gently squeezing and massaging Mikey’s erect member. He found the sounds and looks coming for the smaller form beneath him were beyond stimulating and it was beginning to hurt to stay tucked up in his shell. He knew it was all moving so fast, he was still thoroughly confused by it all but at the same time he couldn’t stop himself for moving forward.

He could not stop himself from exploring Mikey’s flesh; making the young turtle whimper and squirm, grinding his hips upwards creating more sensations that rushed through the prone turtle’s body. He’d never found anything more exhilarating than making the young turtle whimper and churr.

He relaxed his own plastron muscles and his erection slipped down weeping and throbbing. Mikey felt it and opened his eyes to stare up at Raph. His eyes were filled with trust and a small but a nervous smile twitched onto his lips.

“Give me your hand Mikey,” Raph ordered gently.

Instantly Mikey unlocked his good hand from around Raph’s body and held it out to the hothead. Taking it Raph moved it down between them and against their aching organs. Wrapping both their hands around their erections, Raph began to lead them, moving their hands up and down along their flesh; his own breath hitching in his chest as the small lances of pleasure began to batter his body. Under him Mikey panted and whimpered as Raph squeezed his pulsing flesh a little tighter, wanting the younger turtle to feel as good as he possibly could.

It was an unreal experience and one Raph had never really expected to feel. Falling in love and having sex wasn’t something he had ever thought about given their situation in life. Now though touching and experiencing this with Mikey it was more than he had expected it would be and he found himself craving more of it. The scent rolling off Mikey’s skin was intoxicating while his moans, whimpers, and churrs drove Raph to pump his hand faster and faster, just to make Mikey make even more noise.

He lowered his head and captured Mikey’s lips once more, muffling the sounds coming from Mikey; needing to express in every physical way he could how much he was in love right at that moment in time. Mikey responded eagerly delving into the kiss with as much passion as Raph showed; their tongues running against each other’s while their hands sped up slightly. Their bodies moved as one seeming to know what they needed without speaking it out loud, grinding against each other as they continued to kiss.

Raph could feel his own orgasm approaching and from the way that Mikey was churring against his lips, the emerald green turtle knew Mikey was as well. Mikey’s hand were gripping tightly to their flesh almost as if it would aid them toward their completion.

“Mikey. . .” Raph whispered as he pulled away from the kiss, only to bury his face against Mikey’s neck; inhaling a lung full of the youngest turtle’s heady scent.

The huskiness of Raph’s voice seemed to wash over the sea green turtle and with groan and churr Mikey’s body stiffened, his head rolling back while he let out a low whimpering moan as the pleasure overwhelmed his body. Raph watched as Mikey’s eyes closed and he bit his lip as his pulsating flesh gave one last final throb, growing in size for a split second before his climax reached its peak. Hot globs of Mikey’s seed erupted from his body coating Raph’s hand.

Raph felt the heat coating his fingers but he continued to pump them endeavouring to bring Mikey as much pleasure as possible all the while striving for his own. It came upon him suddenly and his whole body tensed and shuddered as he gasped for breath through the overwhelming sensations.

It was like he had soared so high and was now tumbling down over the other side of the precipice and all he could do was hold Mikey as close to his body as possible while they fell together. He once more buried his nose against Mikey’s exposed neck, inhaling as much of the younger turtle’s scent as he could.

Slowly their movements stilled until both of them were simply staring at each other taking it all in. Raph could feel his body heaving and the sticky wetness between them but none of that mattered as he stared down at Michelangelo. The sea green turtle was beautiful even with the gouges carved into his face and Raph found himself being drawn closer to Mikey. He had to be honest with himself he was falling in love and denial wasn’t helping anything.

“Raph . . .” Mikey whispered a smile upon his face.

Leaning down Raph nuzzled his beak against Mikey’s silently encouraging his baby brother, and new lover to continue.

“Raph . . .” Mikey repeated but this time he lowered his hand to bang against the bed.

Raph frowned at the odd behaviour lifting himself up a little from Mikey’s form.

“Raphael . . . . get up!”

The emerald green turtle jerked awake kicking at his blankets in surprise, his chest heaving. Looking about the room he tried to make out what was going on. He was alone in his bedroom with no sign of Mikey and his plastron was coated with his emissions. Looking at his hand he saw signs of his pleasure on his fingers and with a sigh he thumped back onto the bed.

“Raphael!” Leo’s voice sounded through the doorway along with a thump on the door.

“I’m up, get lost Leo!” Raph snarled back.

He heard his brother mumbling as he walked away from Raph’s bedroom. Lifting his clean hand he wiped over his face and let out a loud huff of air. He had said he needed a good night’s sleep in order to sort himself out and that seemed to have been proved true. There was one thing that Raph couldn’t deny; he had enjoyed every aspect of that dream.

A moment later he shook his head; what was he thinking? Nervously he grabbed at a nearby rag scrubbing the cum off his hand. His heart hammered in his chest as he threw the rag as far away from him as he could; what was wrong with him? He’d had a sex dream; a sex dream . . . about Mikey.

Against his will he let out a small whimper as he remembered the feeling of Mikey’s body pressed against his. Numerous questions were rolling around in his mind; would Mikey really act like that? Would he really make those same sounds of need and desire that made Raph want him even more?

A second later he slapped himself; no . . . no it was wrong. Mikey was his brother, his injured brother who was already traumatized enough as it is.

Sighing Raph dropped back, flopping down onto his bed. What was he going to do? Despite how disgusted he felt with himself he could not help but want more; to feel the real Mikey against him, not just ‘dream Mikey’. He wanted to make the real Mikey moan and whimper, to watch him squirm and feel their bodies grinding together. Most of all; most of all he wanted to kiss Mikey.

The desire to feel Mikey’s lips against his own was almost overwhelming. Had Mikey ever kissed anyone before? Were his lips soft like in the dream or would they be rough? Would he enjoy the kiss or would he push Raph away? These thoughts swirled in his head making him feel slightly dizzy as he lay there on his bed.


	18. Chapter 18

Raph’s mind was completely consumed by his latest problem. He knew he could spent hours laying on his bed contemplating what it all meant but his attention was snapped back to the real world as a softer knock echoed from his door.

“Raph, are you ok?” it was Donnie, his voice filled with concerned.

Relief washed over Raph at the sound of his olive green brother’s voice. Still feeling very disconcerted from his dream, the emerald green turtle knew he couldn’t deal with seeing Leo’s face right now. But Donnie . . . Donnie was a different matter entirely. It had been the genius who had figured everything out and now Raph was in need of that big brain to help him sort himself out; even if he hated to admit it.

“Um . . . I . . . can you come in here for a moment?” Raph asked his voice quivering a little.

His heart thundered in his throat as Donnie pushed open his door and stepped inside.

“Could . . . could you close the door behind you?” Raph added hating the overwhelming feelings which made him so nervous.

Donnie nodded and pushed the door closed, “Raph are you ok?”

The red banded turtle shook his head and moved on the bed so he could sit up and rest his arms on his knees. Concern bubbled up inside Donatello and he moved to sit beside his brother. As he did so he could a whiff of a musty smell of sweat and something else. His eyes opened a little as his brain comprehended what it was but he remained silent allowing Raph to open up to him on his own terms.

“Last night I . . . . um . . . . I had a dream . . .” Raph began before pausing.

Donatello continued to remain silent but edged a little closer to his brother to offer physical support.

“Mikey he came into my room . . . he said it wasn’t the same sleeping with you and could he sleep with me. He looked so scared and . . . and vulnerable I couldn’t turn him away. He came and he . . . he lay down next to me and before I knew what was happening I . . . I . . . I kissed him,” Raph confessed slowly struggling to get his words out.

The reddish brown orbs of the genius turtle opened wider at the somewhat candid confession. He had expected Raph to bemoan some more about his situation with Mikey but this was significant progress in Raph’s acceptance of the situation.

“How did the Mikey in your dream react?” Donnie asked prompting a little bit.

A reddish tinge started appearing across Raph’s beak and he flicked his eyes up momentarily before dropping them down once more in embarrassment.

“He kissed me back and . . . . and . . . . I liked it,” Raph answered honestly.

The two sat in silence for several moments indicating to Don that Raph was not going to be forthcoming with any further information without further prompting.

“How much did you like it?” Donnie asked softly.

The heat which flooded Raph’s face and the smell he had encountered upon entering the room was enough to answer all of the genius’s questions but he would prefer to hear it from his brother himself. He watched slightly amused as the normally hot headed turtle shifted uncomfortably on his bed for several moments. He could almost feel the heat radiating off the emerald green body as Raph’s embarrassment rose with each passing second.

Finally after what seemed an eternity Raphael spoke, “I . . . I liked it . . . a lot.”

“Yes, judging from the smell I encountered as I came in the room I’d say you enjoyed it very much,” Donnie muttered a smile spreading across his face.

Raph’s head snapped up to look at his brother, his mouth hanging open slightly. His face went a deeper shade of red as Donnie smirked ruefully at him. Part of him wanted to yell at his genius brother; to shout at him to not be so smug just because he was smart. The other part of him desperately felt the need for Donnie’s help. He swallowed nervously as Donnie looked closer at him, seemingly evaluating Raphael.

“You jerked off didn't you?” Donnie spoke with a soft voice though it was more of a statement than a question.

Raph nodded weakly, “But . . . but . . . it wasn't . . . on purpose.”

“You jerked off by accident?” Donnie raised an eyebrow.

Raph felt his face heat up again, he knew that masturbation was natural for teenage boys but discussing it with his brother, on top of having done the act while thinking of another brother was beyond embarrassing. At the same time he needed Donatello to know that he wasn’t a deviant or some kind pervert but that it had happened while he was asleep.

“I . . . I . . . in the dream . . . we . . . Mikey and I we . . . we jerked off . . . each other,” Raph finally stammered out.

He felt intolerably hot, like he had suddenly been dumped in a furnace. With his embarrassment levels at an all-time high he was determined to keep looking at the floor and not at Donnie. Next to him Donnie was silent for a moment seemingly analysing what he had been told.

“Ok . . . what do you want me to do about it Raph? I know we have discussed this sort of thing before but what do you expect from me?” Donnie questioned with a sigh.

Raph echoed Donnie sigh and again ran his hands over his head. The question was very valid and he didn’t really know the answer.

“I . . . I . . . I don’t know,” Raph spoke in a soft almost childlike voice.

His hands went to his knees and he nervously fidgeted as he tried to figure out why exactly he had called Donnie into his room in the first place. The olive green turtle scrutinised Raphael intimately, feeling the waves of emotion coming off his sibling and coming to his own decision on how to assist his brother. Raph was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't notice when Donnie shifted; but he did flinch slightly as Donnie touched his hand. The green eyes remained locked on the floor, he couldn’t look up.

“Raph . . . look at me,” Donnie commanded in a forthright voice.

Raph turned, forcing himself to look up at Donnie. He felt his eyes widen as the purple banded turtle leaned in without any type of hesitation, their lips touching for just a moment in a gentle kiss. It was barely more than a pressing together of their lips but it was enough to portray everything Donnie wished to express. Raph’s mind was blank as Donnie pulled away.

“D . . . D. . . Donnie?” Raph’s voice was soft barely more than an exhalation.

His mind was reeling, trying to figure out why Donnie had just kissed him. He licked his lips almost savouring the taste of his genius brother. He stared into the reddish brown orbs of his olive green brother, searching for answers. Donnie smiled weakly at him, swallowing hard as he continued to hold Raphael’s gaze.

“Look Raph I know it sounds . . . impossible, but I know what you’re feeling right now. You’re scared, confused, unsure of yourself and most of all . . . you want your dreams to become real. You want to be able to kiss Mikey and hold him against your body and show him just how much you care for him,” Donnie spoke honestly and without restraint.

Raph felt his eyes widen as he found Donnie’s face had turned a faint shade of red. He watched as the brainy turtle swallowed hard trying to get rid of the large lump which had formed in his throat. He could see the tension building across Donatello’s shoulders and Raph held his tongue so as not to say anything stupid.

“You’re not the first of us . . . to feel something for another,” Donnie confessed, smiling weakly at Raph before continuing. “The best advice I can give you is don’t wait, don’t let these thoughts dwell and fester in your mind. If you do they’ll . . . they’ll tear you apart. If you want to kiss Mikey . . . then go for it; the worst that can happen is he turns you down. Believe me when I say being turned down; of knowing nothing will happen between you is a lot less painful than never knowing at all.”

Raph’s face creased up as he took in and thought about what Donnie was saying to him. Donnie knew what it felt like? But Donnie had only ever been in love with April; that was not the same as falling in love with your own brother, unless . . .

He raised his hand so that his fingers could brush against his lips. He could feel he had been told something very important and he raked through his memories trying to search for the answers.

Slowly Raph’s mind clicked; his memories of about four years ago coming to surface. There had been a time for about seven months were Donnie had become withdrawn and silent; where he’d hardly spoken to anyone. Whenever Raph had tried to talk to the purple turtle he’d get quiet and fidgety, as though he were uncomfortable with the hot headed turtle’s very presence. He remembered occasionally looking up only to meet the fervent and desperate eyes of his genius brother and wondering why Donatello looked at him so.

Now it made sense, all of it made sense. He opened his mouth to speak; to ask the question that was beginning to form in his mind, but was cut off as Donnie stood up rather abruptly. The genius tensely heading towards the door, his normally tall and lanky frame huddled over as if trying to hide himself from sight. Raph moved after him as quickly grabbing a hold of the olive green bicep and stopping Donatello as he reached the door.

“Don’t Raph please, I-I shouldn’t have said anything,” Donnie whispered, his tone begging.

“You can’t drop this bomb on me then just walk away. What the shell Donnie? Are you telling me that you’ve been crushing on me this whole time?” Raph questioned keeping his voice and tone low.

Keeping his head tilted to the side Donnie refused to look at Raphael. He hadn’t intended to confess his feelings to Raphael but at the same time it did feel like a relief to no longer be holding it inside. The only problem was that Raph obviously did not share Donatello’s feelings.

“I did have a crush on you Raph but I got over it a long time ago or have you forgotten I’ve been in love with April since I saw her,” Donnie whispered. “I just wanted you to know that not knowing is a lot worse than knowing.”

“Donnie . . .” Raph spoke softly.

Taking a deep breath Donatello finally raised his eyes and offered Raph a weak smile.

“It’s natural for us to develop feelings for one another. We are not like the humans above us; we are mutants. There are only four of us in the whole world and as much as we may find humans attractive at the end of the day and I do find April to be attractive, we are not of the same species. I developed feelings for you and . . . and I’ve dealt with them as best I can but I do know how much it hurts and I don’t want you or Mikey to go through that,” Donnie explained as calmly as he could.

Raph’s eyes narrowed as he observed his brother. He felt a bit torn between his new feelings for Mikey and now knowing how Donatello felt; he didn’t like how it made him feel. All of sudden there was a lot of professed love going on in the lair, love which hadn’t been remotely talked about before. To be honest it was overwhelming.

“Don’t pity me Raph, that’s not what I want or deserve. I don’t expect you to suddenly reciprocate my feelings especially since I’ve dropped it like a bomb on you, nor do I expect you to ignore what you feel for Mikey. I want you to understand that your feelings are natural and just because we have been raised as brothers, does not mean your feelings are wrong,” Donnie answered.

“When did everything get so screwed up?” Raph exclaimed with a sigh.

Donatello let out a chuckle and finally relaxed a little, “We are teenagers Raph, life is meant to be screwed up.”

The hot headed turtle smiled in return and released his hold on Donatello. He lifted his hand and rubbed it across his head a little sheepishly.

“Forget I said anything okay Raph because I really shouldn’t have. I seriously pick the wrong times to be impulsive don’t I? just go and talk to Mikey before he gets hurt,” Donnie instructed simply.

“I will Donnie and thank you. Hey maybe you should be a little more impulsive, would certainly make the lair more interesting,” Raph smiled, pulling Donnie into a gentle hug for a moment before letting him go and moving towards the door.

As his hand touched the door knob he looked back to Donnie who hadn't moved. Taking a slow deep breath Raph decided he wanted to know the answer to one last question before he left.

“Um . . . can I ask what about me made you have your crush?” the hot head asked a little nervously.

“Your . . . your arms,” Donnie blushed, his face flushing with red.

Raph blinked at him, “My arms?”

“You started working out and built yourself up and you got . . . you’ve got muscles, lots of them especially in your arms. I just . . . . I used to wonder. .” Donnie’s voice trailed off as his imagination began to work; after a moment he shook his head. “Please Raph don’t ask me anymore questions. Go find Mikey and talk with him please.”

Raph stayed where he was; he wanted to ask more questions, wanted to understand fully what had made him seem attractive to his egghead brother. In the back of his mind he figured Donnie would prefer Leo to him. However Donnie’s face made his voice die in his throat, a look of emotional pain covered Donnie’s normally calm face.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you Donnie,” Raph spoke after a moment’s silence.

Donnie took a breath his sides shaking slightly, “It’s . . . it’s my own fault for never telling you and I’ve been actively pushing you towards Mikey. Just . . . just promise me something Raph?”

“Anything Donnie,” Raph nodded, seeming eager to please his brother.

Raph watched as Donnie slowly raised watery eyes to look up at him. It was a painful thing for Raph to see but he forced himself to hold Donatello’s gaze and hear his sibling out.

“If . . . if Mikey returns your feelings, don’t rub it in, ok? Don’t just . . .” Donnie started but was unable to finish.

Raph watched as Donnie took a deep breath, he could see his brother’s sides shaking as the normally level headed turtle struggled to remain calm. It was disconcerting for Raph to witness but he felt he at least owed it to Donnie to keep listening and be patient.

“Don’t rub it in, that you got to be with the person you wanted,” Donnie finally managed to finish his voice hiccupping at the end.

Raph opened his mouth to speak; he wanted to comfort Donnie who looked like he might start crying. But Donnie moved charging past Raph, bolting from the room and into the lair leaving Raph alone in his room. Slowly he moved, closing the door behind him as he marched to Mikey’s room. Knocking softly on the door Raph had been about to speak when Leo’s voice spoke behind him.

“Raph . . .” Leo began his voice a little hesitant.

Raph growled but turned to face his blue banded brother who shrank back slightly.

“ _What_?” Raph’s voice was harsh and cold.

Leo smiled weakly at him before speaking, “M -Master Splinter wants to see us in his room after we’re done eating . . . all of us.”

“Fine,” Raph grunted.

Turning away from Leo, Raph sensed his brother didn't move. He could feel his brother’s eyes upon him and the silence between them growing. It made a part of him bubbled with anger and right now Leo was one of the few Raph could vent his anger at without feeling too guilty about it.

“Go away Leo,” the hot head snarled.

Behind him he felt Leo shuffle a bit, obvious uncomfortable with the situation. Raph snorted a little to himself, Leo had every right to be uncomfortable after all it was his fault Mikey was hurting again.

“Raph, I’m . . . I’m sorry. I didn't-” Leo started to stammer out.

But Raph cut him off spinning around and grabbing Leo by the shoulder before dragging him away from Mikey’s room and into a small alcove. The last thing Raph wanted was for Mikey to hear raised voices and think they were upset with him.

“Fuck your ‘sorry’s’ Leo! You think one word is going to make up for the hell you put him through? Do you have any idea how badly you scared him? He was _hurting_ himself Leo! He was clawing at his face and head trying to _force_ himself to remember something, anything; just so we wouldn’t send him away,” Raph snarled at his leader, spittle being forced from his lips in his anger.

Rage bubbled in Raph’s chest making him pant and growl as he vented at Leo who didn't move but allowed Raph’s words to hit him as though they were attacks. Lashing out Raph slammed his scarred fist against the brick wall, his hands lancing with pain as they collided with the thick stone.

The knuckles which had taken so much punishment over the past few weeks protested at the continued brutal treatment. As the pain coursed up his arm, Raph forced himself to breath, to take several deep breaths before speaking again. With sheer force of will he made himself calm down.

“You did that to him Leo. Your words, your anger at him; you made Mikey hurt himself. It made him claw and tear at his skin until he bled and cried all because he wanted to stay with us and not be sent away. You didn’t hear the fear in his voice and you didn’t see the pain in his eyes; so fuck you and your ‘sorrys’. You want to apologize, then do it to him and not me. But for now, go fuck yourself!” Raph explained in a calm measured tone.

A shiver ran down Leo’s spine as he took in Raphael’s words. The calmness of Raph’s explanation had more of an effect on the forest green turtle than any amount of shouting did. The unusual tone reached inside of Leo and twisted his insides.

Raph growled he didn't want to talk to Leo anymore; he wanted to see Mikey and make sure he was ok. Turning back to Mikey’s door again, Raph knocked a feeling of warm relief washing over him as the door opened with Mikey on the other side.

“G-good morning R-Raph,” Mikey greeted in a shaky voice.

Raph raised an eyebrow as Mikey stammered his name; the young turtle’s face was a slight shade of red as he looked up at him. Raph’s face creased with concern at both the tone and flushed sea green skin, for a moment worry that Mikey was brewing an infection making his heart squeeze. Reaching out Raph touched Mikey’s forehead, checking to see if he felt any fever.

“Are you ok? Are you getting sick?” Raph questioned quickly.

Mikey shook his head, the blush never leaving his face, “N-no . . . I . . . just . . .”

Raph watched as Mikey fidgeted in the doorway, his eyes seeming to look anywhere but at Raph. The silence between them stretching out as Raph waited for Mikey to explain.

“I had . . . a . . . a strange dream, last night,” Mikey confessed his eyes fixated on the floor.

“What . . . what was it about?” Raph asked while biting on his lip .

Part of him genuinely wanted to know; wanted to know what kind of dream Mikey had, had. What kind of dream made him so nervous around Raph that the youngest turtle wouldn't even look at him? Yet another part of him dreaded Mikey’s answer.

He watched as Mikey fidgeted, suddenly painfully aware of an old lesson Splinter had once given them about mental projection, and how when two people were deeply connected they could sometimes experience one another’s dreams.

“We-” Mikey began

But he was cut off as Donnie’s voice echoed through the lair.

“ _Mikey, breakfast! I made French toast!”_

A wide grin spread across Mikey face and he rushed forward, all awkwardness lost as he grabbed Raph’s hand and practically dragged him into the kitchen. As they entered the kitchen Mikey almost literally flung himself into his seat at the table bouncing on his rump excitedly at the thoughts of the tasty toast for breakfast.

Mikey beamed, his words tripping and running into each other in his excitement, “Oh my gosh thank you, thank you Donnie, I love french toast!”

Raph could not help but chuckle at Mikey’s response as Donnie dropped several pieces of french toast onto Mikey’s plate. The first time they had reintroduced Mikey to the delicacy he had wrinkled his beak at the food but reluctantly had tried it. As soon as his mouth had closed around the piece of toast he had expressed verbally his absolute delight at the food.

He had declared it the most tasty treat he had even eaten and stated he wanted it for breakfast every morning thereafter. Donnie had explained that it could be eaten as a treat but they needed to maintain a balanced diet. Raph smiled to himself knowing Donnie had deliberately cooked the treat in order to cheer up their emotionally fragile younger sibling.

With Mikey already munching happily on his plateful of toast, Donnie turned to Raph and saw the smile on the emerald green features. A sad smile paced over Donnie’s face and he held the plate over Raph’s plate ready to drop the toast onto Raph’s plate.

“One piece or two?” Donnie asked in a quiet voice.

“Just one for now,” Raph smiled weakly at Donnie.

Dropping a single piece of toast onto Raph’s plate, Donnie held it out to his brother. Taking the plate Donnie was offering him Raph slowly sat down, watching slightly amused as Mikey drowned his food in maple syrup before taking his first bite. Raph moved, readying himself to take his first bite when a sound made his body clench and his head snap up.

Across from him Mikey’s eyes were closed, his tail wagging frantically from side to side. The sensitive appendage beat out a steady rhythm against the chair as he sat with the fork still in his mouth. However it was the sound Mikey was vocalising that startled Raph and had made him look up. A long, low, rumbling churr rolled out of Mikey’s throat and it seemed to make the air around the youngest turtle vibrate and pulse.

Raph felt his mouth go slightly dry as the memories of his dream; of Mikey making that exact same sound flooded his mind. He’d made Mikey make that sound, he’d made Mikey make all kinds of sounds as he had ground against the young turtle’s body. The rattles and squeaks he had drawn from Michelangelo as he’d . . .

Raph’s face went red as more memories flashed in his mind. Memories of Mikey’s face scrunched up in pleasure as his orgasm rippled through his body, memories of what it had felt like as Mikey had clung to Raph’s body a little unsure of what was happening to him.

_“Raph?”_

A moment later Raph snapped back to reality, jerking slightly towards Donnie. The genius was looking at him with a slightly puzzled yet at the same time there was a hint of knowing were in those reddish brown orbs.

“Are you ok?” Donnie asked his voice laced with genuine concern.

Raph felt his face flush red with embarrassment as he found Donnie and Mikey were both looking at him. He nodded painfully aware of how red and hot his face was as he busied himself with eating his food. Every so often he would tense and jerk slightly as Mikey would let out another low churr.

He did his best to remain calm, it wasn't Mikey’s fault he was making that noise. The youngest turtle had no way of knowing that the vibrations he was letting out were effecting Raph in such a way. Given Mikey’s memory loss he was going purely off instinct for those sorts of things and a churr was a natural sound they produced to denote they were finding pleasure in something usually sexual but the mutated turtles were capable of making it at anything pleasurable. Finishing their food Raph handed his plate to Donnie who put all the dishes in the sink to soak before turning to them.

“Leo said Master Splinter wanted to see us after breakfast, should . . . should we go see what Sensei wants us for?” Donnie asked a little nervously.

Raph nodded and stood up noting that Mikey’s shoulders slumped forwards slightly as he remained seated. It was then that Raph realised Mikey didn’t know Splinter wanted to see all of them. A smile ticked at the corner of his mouth as he realised he could give Mikey something here with a simple question.

“Mikey, would you like to come with us?” Raph asked softly.

Mikey’s head snapped upwards looking at Raph who held out his hand for him to take. A smile blossomed on Mikey’s face and he eagerly took his brothers offered hand. With Donnie and Raph flanking Mikey on either side the brothers made their way to their father’s room. Pulling the door open Mikey froze as he saw Leo already there, facing his father.

His hand closed painfully tight around Raph’s hand, making the larger turtle grunt in pain. It was obvious for all to see that Mikey was terrified. Before their eyes he began to shake and hyperventilate. Splinter remained where he was but did raised his head and a hand, motioning for them to join him and Leonardo.

“Have no fear Michelangelo, your place in this clan has never be in doubt. There is nothing that could be done that would ever make me ask you to leave us,” Splinter reassured softly.

Nodding his head a little Mikey kept a tight hold of Raph’s hand, refusing to lessen his grip on the one turtle he felt closest to right now. Instead Raph simply guided Mikey to kneel furthest away from Leo and wait for their father to explain why he wished to see them all.

Raph squeezed Mikey’s hand reassuringly as Master Splinter spoke again, “Before we begin Leonardo would like to say something to you all.”

Raph winced as Mikey’s grip on his fingers became like steel, as Leo stood up and took a deep breath before speaking to them.

“I . . . I know . . . I know I hurt you Mikey and I just . . . I want to tell you I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I said those things and hurt you like this. I’m . . . I’m . . . I’m so sorry Mikey.”

Mikey didn't respond as Leo looked at him; the oldest turtle’s eyes silently pleading with Mikey to say something, anything. Normally so comfortable in silence Leo found the elongated moment between them all consuming and horribly uncomfortable. Unable to cope with it, Leo fidgeted and filled the silence with more explanation.

“I . . . I just . . . ” Leo’s body shook as he took a deep breath. “I just, I want us to be the way we used to be. I . . . I want you, Mikey to be how you used to be. it . . . it kills me to see you like this now, so scared and upset. But . . . but none of you treat Mikey like his old self. You keep saying how familiar things might jog Mikey’s memory . . . but you don’t treat him like you did before.”

Again Leo took a shuddering breath, there wasn’t anything more he could say but still the tightness and uncomfortable feeling in his chest remained.

“I’m so sorry Mikey, please . . . please forgive me,” Leo whispered one more time, his tone pleading.

Next to him Raph felt Mikey shift. Nodding slowly, Mikey acknowledged Leo’s statement and gave his answer at the same time. Seeing his brother’s answer made Leo exhale slightly.

“Th-thank you,” Leo breathed.

Despite not being addressed Raph growled at Leo, making Master Splinter look up at his hot headed son. He could see the frustration on his emerald green turtle sons face and knew he would need to step in and mediate.

“Raphael, do you have something to say?” he questioned in a calm voice

Raph nodded, “Yeah I do. Why should Mikey forgive you? You hurt him, made him so scared that he hurt himself just so he wouldn't be sent away. He may forgive you but I certainly don’t.”

Silence followed Raph’s statement as they all processed the statement. Next to him Raph felt rather than saw Mikey look at him nervously, the hot heads gaze remaining focused on Leonardo.

“Raph . . . ” Mikey began.

But Raph shook his head cutting Mikey off, “No Mikey . . . I’m not going to change my mind on this.”

Another moment of silence followed this. During it all Master Splinter carefully looked each of his sons over. Their emotions were easy for him to read and his gaze finally fell on Donatello who had remained silent.

“Donatello, you have not spoken your opinion on this matter; what are your thoughts?” Splinter asked finally breaking the silence.

Raph shifted, watching as Donnie sighed closing his eyes for a moment. Slowly he opened his eyes and met his father’s eyes, knowing his brothers were also watching him.

“I . . . I get why Leo said what he said,” he spoke firmly yet softly.

Raph felt his eyes widen, next to him Mikey shifted looking at Donnie; while across them Leo’s face showed nothing but surprise.

Again, Donnie took another breath before speaking, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m mad at Leo. I am about as mad as I’ve ever been. But . . . but I get why he snapped and said those things.”

The words hung in the air and Leo felt a weight lifted from his shoulders as he finally felt he had a brother to share his burden with.

“Th-thank you Donnie,” he spoke after another moment, his voice quivering slightly.

Again Raph growled, but his growl died his in throat as Mikey shifted. He finally turned his gaze to Mikey and met his eyes easily.

“I . . . I’m . . . ” Mikey’s whole body shuddered as he tried to speak; tried to voice the feelings that coursed through his body. “I . . . I can't remember anything about my past. I may get flashes and feelings but . . . but I don’t have anything solid to remember.”

Leo watched as Mikey spoke, the youngest turtle looked terrified. His shoulders had hunched up and he was curling in on himself as if trying to protect himself while he was speaking.

“But . . . but I know . . . I _know_ ; with as much certainty as I have, I’m supposed to be here,” as he spoke Mikey squeezed Raph’s fingers gently while looking around at everyone. “I . . . I want to remember, I really do . . . so please . . . please help me.”

As Mikey stopped speaking he smiled weakly at Leo. The eldest turtle met his younger brother’s eyes without restraint, wanting to show his baby brother that he was indeed seeking forgiveness.

“I . . . I forgive you Leo,” Mikey spoke softly.

A weak smile spread across Leo’s face and he gave Mikey a small bow. The movement denoted meekness and humility and Mikey felt his heart warming at the movement. He didn’t know why it was important but he knew deep down inside it was.

“Thank you Mikey. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Leo mumbled with his head still lowered.

Despite the heart-warming moment Raph grumbled but didn't say anything. Instead he glared at Leo as the oldest turtle moved to kneel down next to Donnie. Raph shifted his attention to Master Splinter watching as his father and Sensei slowly stood up.

“After talking with Leonardo last night, I have come to a decision,” Mikey shrank back slightly as Splinter looked directly at him. “Michelangelo, I feel it is time you resume your training.”


	19. Chapter 19

** CHAPTER 18 **

Instantly Raph snarled,“ _Are you fucking kidding me?”_

Master Splinter turned to look at him; normally the older rat’s glare would have been enough to silence Raph, but right now he didn't care. He met his father’s gaze with a simmering fury.

“Master Splinter, Mikey is still injured! He’s in no condition to train!” Raph added by way of explanation.

As the echo of Raph’s voice died down Master Splinter continued to look at Raphael. He had learned along time ago that to challenge his hot headed son immediately was never a smart move. Even giving him half a minute to calm down eased the situation.

“I’m aware that Michelangelo is not in any condition for _physical_ training, but he can still undergo mental training. Unless Donatello thinks it might harm him,” as Splinter spoke he turned to face Donatello who felt the eyes of his brothers turn to him.

The attention made him bite his lip; on one hand it was true Mikey’s mind seemed to be stable enough to meditate and undergo minor training. It was possible that the mental exercises might even do Mikey some good.

On the other hand he could feel Raph’s eyes on him, the hot headed turtle silently pleading with him to say that Mikey was too injured or unstable. Unconsciously his eyes flicked to Mikey, the youngest turtle was looking at his hands, which were shaking slightly.

“Mikey, are you ok?” Donnie’s voice was calm as he spoke to Mikey.

He watched as Mikey looked up at him, he could see the battle going on inside of his younger brother. He waited patiently for Mikey to speak, watching as the smaller turtle brought himself under control.

“I-I want to do it,” Mikey said after taking a deep breath.

Next to him Mikey felt Raph shift, turning from Donnie to look down at him.

“Mikey?” Raph’s voice shook slightly.

Again Mikey squeezed his hand before speaking again, “I want to try. If it means I might remember something . . . I want to try.”

Raph swallowed, his mouth almost painfully dry. Panic made his heart beat faster and faster, making his blood burn and his muscles itch. Seeing the tension in all of his sons, Splinter once more stepped in and took control of the situation..

“Very well. Leonardo, you will instruct Michelangelo on how to properly meditate,” Splinter instructed.

Leo nodded slowly getting up before turning to Mikey who looked at him nervously. After a second Leo reached out, silently offering his baby brother his hand as he’d seen Donnie and Raph do several times. Slowly Mikey reached out, taking Leo hand and allowing the elder turtle to lead him out of Splinter’s room, towards the dojo.

Mikey watched Leo carefully as he was led into the dojo. He could see the slump of his brothers shoulders and instinctively knew that the elder was still feeling guilty. For some reason that didn’t sit well with the younger turtle and he found the feeling to be a little disconcerting. He wondered if that was something to do with who he was before he lost his memory.

Leo led Mikey towards the tree in the middle of the dojo and motioned for the younger to take a seat. Sitting down and taking a moment to carefully cross his still healing legs, Mikey did as he was told while Leo walked over to his fathers cabinet and gathered the necessary supplies. Setting up the incense he lit it and allowed the scent to waft between them.

“Okay Mikey we are going to start off slowly as I am not sure how much you instinctively remember,” Leo explained simply.

Mikey nodded his head, his eyes never leaving Leo’s face as the eldest finally sat down opposite him. Crossing his legs Leo mimicked Mikey’s posture before finally raising his eyes to look at his brother. The eldest swallowed hard at seeing the trusting azure blue orbs watching him.

“Okay Mikey, clasp your hands together like so,” Leo instructed interlocking his thumb and second finger while the first pointed outwards.

Mikey made to copy his brother but with his fingers still splinter it was difficult. Instead he copied the stance as best he could by pressing his hands together and waited expectantly for the next instruction.

“As you breathe out extend your arms away from your body like so,” Leo stated. “And as you breathe in draw your arms back to your chest.”

Demonstrating Leo kept his eyes on Mikey seeing his little brother mimic him perfectly.

“Next repeat the movement but point your arms up to the sky, breathing out as you raise your arms, and then breathing in as you draw them back to your body,” Leo explained.

Breathing slowly Mikey completed the movement feeling the familiarity of his actions. It was strange how the two simple controlled breaths brought a sense of calmness to his body, easing his rapid heartbeat. The smell from the incense was so familiar and gentle upon his senses. He could feel it soaking into his body with each breath as he mimicked his elder brother and leader.

“Now close your eyes as you complete the movements. We will take a count of five to complete the movements in each direction, begin,” Leo instructed.

Closing his eyes Mikey began to repeat the movements silently counting in his head as he did so. The repetitive movements and regulated breathing was subtly relaxing and he found himself slipping deeply into the recess of mind. It was like exploring into a dark room filled with smoke and mirrors.

He tried to grasp at the fleeting visions which flickered across his mind, strained his ears to hear the sounds of past conversations. It was like trying to explore in the darkest place buried deep beneath the earths surface. It was frustrating and exhausting and made him feel like he was not succeeding in his endeavor.

“Allow the incense to relax your mind and thoughts, look past the memories Mikey, look deeper search out how they made you feel,” Leo’s voice drifted into his mind guiding him.

He tried to do as his brother instructed no longer focusing on the fleeting vision and sounds but looking to how he felt as they whisked past his consciousness. There were so many it was almost completely overwhelming and he felt his breathing falter as it took over him. He felt hands upon his shoulder taking over; helping him keep up the pace.

“Focus on one emotion Mikey, pick one out of it all and examine it,” Leo continued to guide.

Taking shuddering breaths with Leo’s guidance Mikey strained his mind to focus on one particular emotion. He searched deeply for it and it didn’t take too long for him to find it. Bringing it to the fore he allowed it to shroud him completely. He could feel it seeping into his very core filling him with the protective assurance he knew would always be there.

“That is it Mikey well done,” Leo praised. “Now slowly let go of the emotion and come back, it will settle into its rightful place in your mind as you do so.”

Breathing slowly as he had been encouraged to do Mikey slowly let go of the emotion and allowed his conscious mind to take hold once more. Blinking open his eyes he was met with Leonardo’s own blue orbs which was looking at him earnestly through the light smoke created from the incense.

“Well done little brother, that was very good,” the eldest praised honestly.

It had been so wonderful to see Mikey concentrate so well on the meditation. Usually the smaller would fidget and gripe about having to calm his mind but once he did so there was a peace about him which was always calming to watch. Seeing the younger work his way into that state and the small smile which had graced the sea green lips as he had done so, made Leonardo calm in his own body.

For the first time since they had brought Mikey home, Leo felt like he had seen a glimpse of the little brother he was so desperately missing. He kept his hands over Mikey’s offering the younger a continued anchored as he brought himself fully back into his conscious state.

“How do you feel?” Leo asked gently.

Mikey frowned for a moment as he took in Leo’s question and examined how he felt. It was strange and a little surreal but he felt grounded almost like he had taken something from the session though his mind was still processing what that was. Overall there was one thing he knew without doubt that he had taken from the emotions he had examined, one he felt whenever he was around a certain other emerald green turtle but also now somehow he associated it with Leo too.

“I feel . . . safe,” Mikey answered.

Leo blinked, he hadn’t quite being expecting that answer. He watched as Mikey looked him straight in the eyes, a sparkle in the blue orbs which Leo found so familiar.

“My brothers . . . you Leo . . . I feel safe with you . . . you, Raphie, Donnie, you are a safe place for me,” Mikey tried to explained.

Leo’s face opened up in surprise especially at the childhood nickname for Raphael. They had long ago stopped using the pet name except when to tease as Raph felt he had outgrown it. A smile touched at Leo’s face as he accepted that Mikey had included him in that blanketing safety.

“Thank you Mikey. I am pleased you think so,” Leo spoke softly.

Mikey frowned for a moment as he continued to examined the emotions which were settling in his mind. They weren’t new emotions instead they were familiar to him but it was like he was piecing together a jigsaw puzzle, each piece slowly slotting into place.

“Leo?” Mikey called to his brother gently.

“Yes Mikey,” Leo answered immediately, ever watchful for any change in his brothers demeanor.

Mikey’s brow continued to be marked by a frown as he tried to think of what he wanted to ask.

“Do you still love me?” the younger finally asked after several moments of silence.

Leo’s eyes widened while his face crumpled with a frown at the question. He knew he had hurt Mikey with his words but he didn’t think for a moment that Mikey would ever doubt his love for him. Clasping Mikey’s hands tighter in his own.

“Mikey, my little brother . . . my dear little brother I have never ever stopped loving you,” Leo reassured with as much feeling as he could muster.

The sea green turtle’s eyes flickered from side to side as he watched Leo’s face carefully. There was such an earnest expression on Leonardo’s face that Mikey knew his brother spoke the truth.

“Since you lost your memory Mikey I have struggled I won’t deny it. You were such an outgoing vibrant and personality; you never let anything get you down and you wouldn’t let us do that either. It has been hard seeing you struggle to find yourself without the memories which have helped define who you are. I just wanted my little brother to be himself again,” Leo explained as he best he could.

Mikey seemed puzzled by his brothers explanation.

“It hurt seeing you so lost and confused and it hurt even more that I couldn’t do anything to help you. Donnie told us to be as normal as possible around you but neither he nor Raph were doing that. Everything was just so confusing and I pushed my own insecurities onto you and that wasn’t fair on you,” Leo added.

Mikey took on board what his brother was saying, seeing the earnest expression and the sincerity on the forest green face.

“But never doubt Mikey that I love you. You are my little brother and I will do everything in my power to help you, protect you even from me, and most of all I will love you,” Leo spoke honestly.

Mikey nodded his head slowly and smiled softly to his older brother and leader.

“Yeah I remember,” Mikey spoke up. “Sort of.”

Leo chuckled at Mikey’s clarification and finally released his hold on Mikey’s hands. Picking up the incense Leo extinguished it before moving to store it back in his father's cabinet. Turning back to Michelangelo he offered his still sitting brother a hand up. The younger accepted it eagerly and used it to pull himself to his feet.

The two began to make their way out of the dojo to find the living area of the lair to be empty. As they left the room their father’s bedroom door opened and the old rat stepped out, smiling down at his two sons.

“Donatello and Raphael have gone to complete a task for me,” he explained to them.

“Oh,” Mikey breathed a little disappointed that the hot head wasn’t home.

Splinter smiled down at them noticing how their hands were still locked together. He didn’t think either of them noticed the connection but just silently embraced it. It calmed his anxious rat mind to see the eldest and youngest forming a connection once again.

“Perhaps we should start a meal for when your brothers return?” Splinter suggested wanting to give the two something else to do.

“Can we make spaghetti? Raph likes spaghetti,” Mikey questioned eagerly.

Leo frowned at that remark, it hadn’t escaped his attention the growing bond between the red and orange banded turtles. Splinter however simply chuckled and nodded his head in agreement.

“Perhaps Leonardo would like to assist you in your cooking?” Splinter questioned looking at his eldest son.

Leo opened his mouth to protest knowing he was not exactly the best cook in the world but then released his father was giving him more time to bond with Michelangelo again.

“I would like that,” Leo agreed.

Mikey grinned widely and began to tug the eldest towards the kitchen.

“When Raphael and Donatello return from their task could you please inform Raphael that I would like to speak to him,” Splinter requested of them.

“Of course Sensei,” Leo agreed turning to bow to his father.

“Come on Leo we need to make the sauce too,” Mikey spoke eagerly pulling on the leaders hand.

Splinter smiled as Mikey pulled his brother nearly off his feet and towards the kitchen. It was nice to see the two getting along so, obviously their mediation session had gone better than expected. Turning back to his room Splinter sighed softly, he would slowly help each of his sons work through all these feelings and make them a family once more.


	20. Chapter 20

** Chapter 19 **

Raph bit his lip, his heart clenching as the door closed cutting off his view of Mikey and Leo. Panic wasgnawing at his gut. What if Mikey did remember? What if . . . what if Mikey went back to how he had been? What if . . . the questions rolled around in his head, one running into another. It took him a moment to realise that Splinter was talking.

“Meanwhile Donatello, Raphael the situation with Rahzar must be addressed. I feel Donatello is correct, we must ensure that no trace of him is ever found. I want you to go to the surface and gather as much wood and materials as you can. Rahzar may have been our enemy but he was still a warrior and deserves a warrior’s funeral.”

Donatello nodded while Raph just bit his lip his heart still filled with panic and dread as he thought about the chance of Mikey returning to how he had been before. If Mikey regained his memories would he forget about all that had happened?

That thought clawed at Raph like some wild animal. If he confessed to Mikey and then Mikey regained his memories, would he still feel things for Raph? Or would those feelings be washed away? Raph bit his lip until it bled as he followed Donnie from Splinter’s room and towards the garage before taking his spot in the shell-raiser.

He hardly spoke, responding with grunts to Donatello’s babble. Donnie drove to the junkyard knowing that was the most likely place for them to obtain the materials they would need and once there took control of the situation. Raph mumbled slightly as Donnie directed him to look for wood that wasn't too dirty or covered in grease. Trudging through the junkyard Raph did his best to focus on his task; he tried to busy himself with finding wood that would work.

Yet try as he might he could not help but feel his gut roll and churn at the thought of Mikey returning to how he had been before. What would he, Raph do if that happened and Mikey’s possible feelings for him vanished? Could he really go back to caring for Mikey only as a brother?

Again he bit his lip, making it bleed a little more. No, no that was something he couldn’t do. He couldn't go back to thinking of Mikey as just a brother. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting to wrap his arms around Mikey’s body or stop himself from fantasizing about what it would be like to kiss Mikey, or to press himself up against Mikey and . . .

He stopped walking, his body shuddering slightly as he remembered how good it had felt to pin Mikey against the mattress and touch him; to let his hands rove along and explore the young turtle’s body. It had felt . . . Raph growled pushing his hands against his eyes and he began walking again.

This was pointless! He wasn't even sure if Mikey cared about him in such a way. For all he knew Mikey was confused and struggling to understand his own emotions and feelings. The whole situation might be just one very big misunderstanding. It was possible Mikey was misreading his own feelings and confusing romantic love with brotherly sibling love.

What is more, how could Raph deny Mikey the opportunity to remember who he was? Raph couldn’t imagine what it must be like to look at things and people and feel little to no connection with them. He had seen the torment in Mikey’s eyes and ultimately he didn’t wish Mikey any kind of pain. If Leo was able to help Mikey remember and Raph really did care for Mikey; surely he should be giving it his full support.

Gnawing repeatedly at his lip, his heart clenching at those thoughts. Whether it was a misunderstanding or not, it was affecting Raph. His world seemed to have been flipped upside down. In the last two days he’d gone from being confused to pissed off, to panicked back to confused to horny and now terrified. He shook where he stood doing his best to keep his emotions in check.

“Raph are you ok?” Donnie’s voice sounded behind him.

Raph flinched stumbling backwards away from Donnie who had moved in behind him and had touched his shoulder. He stumbled backwards startled by Donnie’s seemingly sudden appearance, he tripped falling to the ground in a heap. He remained sat on his rump making no effort to get up.

All around him he felt like his world was spinning. Everything was moving, changing; and it was all happening to fast. He began to tremble as his hands frantically searched for something to hold onto. He felt like the ground was moving under him as though that too was going to change. It was twisting, turning and tilting making Raph feel like he didn’t know up from down or right from left. His whole word disappeared and his stomach heaved a little.

He felt his fingers connect with something warm and fleshy; Donnie’s hand. He pulled at it, tugging it tightly against his chest as the trembling overwhelmed his body. He did the only thing he could do, burying his face against Donnie’s arm before he started to cry. His sides heaved and shook as tears fuelled by all that had happened leaked out of his eyes.

He’d never been one for crying before, not since he’d been a child. Yet now here he lay, huddling in the dirt sobbing like a child, while clinging to Donatello’s hand as though it was a lifejacket and he was drowning. His body went numb as he cried. Everything, all of it; it was too much. His feelings for Mikey, his anger at Leo, the helplessness that now coursed through his body like poison, even the revelation of Donnie’s crush, it was all too much.

He could feel Donnie above him; trying to sooth him running his hand over Raph’s neck and shell. But it didn't help. Raph sobbed, burying his face harder against Donnie’s hand. It wasn't fair, he hadn't asked for these feelings. He hadn't asked to be attracted to Mikey; but he was. He was attracted to Mikey. Now that was at risk but he couldn’t stop feeling these emotions towards his orange banded brother.

He tried to draw breath, struggling to keep his lungs filled with air as his sides shook and heaved with the force of his sobs; he’d never cried this hard in his life. All sense of dignity was gone as he sobbed like a child, until his whole body was numb. He was grateful that holding the genius had stilled the world around him all the while silently praying that the purple banded turtle would never change and would stay the same know-it-all nerdy brother. His heart pounded away in his chest almost to the point of causing him pain.

It took him a minute to realise he wasn't crying anymore, but he continued to cling to Donnie’s hand as though it was the only thing keeping him alive. His lungs burned with the need for air making him frantically pant and gasp. He heard Donnie’s voice as though he was speaking from far away.

_“Raph, you’re having a panic attack. I need you to listen to me ok? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”_

He willed his hand to move, to squeeze Donnie’s hand like he’d been told to. Above him Donatello shifted slightly, an action which made Raph let out a strangled cry and grip him tighter. Terror flooded through his body at the idea that Donnie might get up and leave him here. Donnie was his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from completely breaking down. He buried his face against the olive green hand.

“DON’T LEAVE ME!” his voice was high pitched and shrill so unlike his normal voice.

Donnie couldn’t leave him. He needed the genius to turtle to stay, to explain what was going on, to comfort him . . . to love him.

Above him Donnie spoke again, “ _Raph, just breathe. Focus on my voice, ok? Just breathe!”_

He did as he was told forcing himself to draw in as much air as his lungs could handle before exhaling. The world wasn't moving so violently anymore. He panted, painfully aware of just how pathetic he must have looked to Donnie, who continued to rub his shell.

“Just breathe Raph, just breathe,” Donnie continued to comfort.

Time faded away as Raph focused on his breathing. It simply wasn't important, the only thing that mattered was that he took each in breathe in and each breathe out. After what felt like forever his arms stopped shaking. Despite this improvement he didn't move, he continued to lay there on the ground with Donnie stroking his neck and shell.

“Raph . . .” Donnie whispered gently.

Raph groaned as Donnie said his name. Suddenly he felt exhausted like he’d been training nonstop all day.

“Raph I’m going to move a little, ok?”

Raph groaned in response continuing to grip Donnie’s hand as the genius shifted, curling his legs up while pulling Raph’s head into his lap. After several moments Raph forced himself to move, rolling onto his shell so he was looking up at the darkened sky above him. He continued to take deep breaths for a while.

“Please . . . please don’t tell Leo or Splinter about this . . . please,” Raph beg; not something he did often.

Above him Donnie nodded, “I won’t Raph I promise, but . . . can you tell me what happened?”

Raph sighed closing his eyes as he felt Donnie shift slightly, his hands moving to trace the plates in Raph’s plastron like they had done when they’d been children. It was a soothing gesture that always relaxed them and Raph felt himself slipping into the familiar feeling while he continued taking slow regular breathes.

“I . . . everything is happening to fast,” he paused taking another breath before continuing. “I don’t . . . I’m scared Donnie. I’m so scared I feel like I might throw up.”

Donnie nodded, continuing to rub Raph’s neck and plastron. Donnie knew his touches could possibly be coming close to crossing the line of what was ‘brotherly comfort’; but on the other hand he knew such touches comforted Raph. Right now his older brother needed all the comfort Donnie could offer him and the genius was more than willing to indulge.

They stayed like that for a while, Donnie gently tracing Raph’s chest while the large turtle took deep breathes forcing himself to relax. High above them the sky shifted becoming darker and darker. Slowly Raph blinked up at Donnie; his genius brother was so caring. No matter what Raph had done or how he messed up, Donnie was always there; was always kind.

Despite being way smarter than Raph was, Donnie never talked down to him. He never acted arrogant and he always did his best to comfort Raph. Groaning Raph slowly sat up, behind him Donnie’s face creased with concern.

“Are you ok?” the genius asked his voice filled with concern.

“Yeah I think so . . . shit I don’t know,” Raph nodded and sighed.

He felt Donnie touch his shoulder and a shiver ran through him but it didn’t stop him from turning slightly into the touch.

“Raph, I know this is scary; believe me I know,” Donnie explained his voice soft but filled with emotion.

Raph turned looking at Donnie who was looking at the ground his shoulders slumping forward. It was as close to dejection as Raph had seen Donatello for a long time. He felt a pain in his chest knowing the feelings Donnie had harboured all by himself. It made the hothead wonder how his brother had coped with it on his own.

“I can't promise that things will turn out the way you want, but you can't keep these feelings bottled up. You _have_ to tell Mikey how you feel, ok?” Donnie finally continued his eyes locked on the floor but carrying a lot of force.

Raph nodded, before speaking, “Ok Donnie . . . I’ll . . . I’ll tell him tonight.”

Donnie echoed Raph’s movement slowly nodding himself. Finally lifting his head he looked up at his brother and smiled weakly.

“Let’s go back, ok?”

Raph nodded and slowly got to his feet, grateful that Donnie helped him to stand. Their hands remained locked for a moment before they separated. They returned to the shell-raiser in silence, the only sound Raph made was a groan as he dropped himself into his seat. As Donnie drove them back Raph turned and observed his brother.

“Donnie . . . how . . . ” but he faltered as Donnie’s eyes turned to look at him.

He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he looked down at the floor. He didn't want to cause Donnie more pain than he already had. He fiddled with the wrist coverings plucking at the stray threads and attempting to pull them free. Donnie couldn’t help but see his brother’s distress and immediately wanted to remedy that fact despite his own pain.

“Raph it’s ok, talk to me,” Donnie spoke up.

Raph bit his lip and was silent for a long time. Donnie could see the cogs of his brother’s brain working, trying to think of the best way to phrase his question without causing further pain to the genius. It was one of the things that Donnie loved about Raph and he felt the familiar longing in his chest.

“If . . . if Mikey does remember who he is . . . is it possible . . . I mean . . . if me and Mikey did get . . . together . . . ” Raph took a deep breath, forcing himself to ask the question that made his gut harden like a rock. “If Mikey remembers who he is . . . will his feelings for me . . . end?”

Flicking his eyes to the side he watched from the corner of his eye as Donnie thought on Raph’s question for a moment.

“Raph I . . . I don’t know. I mean . . .” Donnie seemed to struggle to find the right words to voice his opinions. “I won’t lie, we are talking about the still relatively unknown component surrounding memories so I have to say, yes it is a possibility.”

Raph felt his heart clench painfully in his chest as he let out an involuntary sob. A moment later the shell-raiser stopped moving as Donnie pulled over and moved to comfort him; wrapping his arms around his upset brother.

“But there is just as much of a possibility that he’s feelings for you won’t change and he’ll still love you as more than a brother. Look at how he is right now, he doesn’t remember his past but he remembers feelings, that could remain the same,” Donnie added quickly.

Raph forced himself to take a breath, forced himself to push down the feeling of dread in his gut.

“But . . . but he might also forget?” Raph stammered needing the confirmation.

Donnie nodded sadly, “It’s possible yes, he might.”

Raph bit his lip; he wanted Mikey to get better, he missed his loud, obnoxious always happy brother, but was it worth losing the version of Mikey who he’d fallen in love with? He remained silent as they continued on their way back to the lair, speaking only when Donnie had shut off the engine of the shell-raiser.

“Donnie . . . .”

Donnie looked at him, a slight amount of sadness in his face. Smiling weakly Raph attempted to lighten the mood but it was half hearted and it didn’t last.

“Th-thank you. I know . . . I know none of this is easy for you, but you’ve been really helpful to me. So I . . . I just . . . thank you.”

Donnie smiled and nodded, “No problem Raph, it’s what I’m here for.”

Despite Donnie’s happy tone Raph could tell his genius brother was upset. Part of him wanted to comfort Donnie, to return some of the love Donnie had shown him in the last few days. But before he could say anything more Donnie had left the shell-raiser leaving him alone.

Sighing Raph rubbed his head before getting out of the vehicle and moving into the lair. He took only five steps into the lair for his nostrils to flare and his stomach to let out a loud rumble as a truly delicious smell wafted through the air. He sniffed, inhaling lungful’s of that intoxicating aroma making his stomach rumble again.

Moving into the kitchen Raph smiled as he found Leo pulling down plates and bowls while at the stove Mikey stirred a large pot of sluggishly bubbling red sauce, while a smaller pot of noodles boiled. Clearing his throat a little Raph smiled at Mikey who lunged at him pulling him into a tight hug.

“RAPHIE!” Mikey greeted happily.

Raph felt his eyes widen slightly at the use of his old nickname, it’s been a while since Mikey had called him that. Hugging Mikey back, Raph felt his worries wash away from the contact. It felt good to hold Mikey in his arms, to feel Mikey’s body pressed against his. He moved without thinking, leaning in to nuzzle Mikey’s neck; making the younger turtle groan slightly.

“Raph?” Leo’s voice pulled Raph from his bliss; making him turn to look at his blue banded brother who looked at him obviously unsure if he was still mad or not.

“What?” his tone was short but polite.

He watched as Leo took a deep breath before speaking, “Master Splinter would like to speak with you before you sit down to eat.”

Raph nodded, watching as Leo moved to take Mikey’s spot; stirring the pot of sauce. Mikey released his tight embrace on Raphael and leaned back, grinning up with lightly flushed cheeks at the hothead.

“Hurry and go talk with Splinter. Leo and I made spaghetti!” Mikey explained.

Raph smiled and hugged Mikey as the youngest turtle grinned with enthusiasm. The green eyes remained locked with Mikey’s azure blue eyes for a few moments.

“Yeah I can see that Mikey, it smells delicious,” pulling apart Mikey continued to grin up at Raph who smiled down at him. “Why don’t you help Leo finish setting the table while I see what Splinter wants?”

He watched as Mikey nodded eagerly. Turning away from the young turtle and his eldest brother Raph moved across the lair before gently knocking on the frame of Master Splinter’s door.

A second later Splinter responded, “Come in Raphael.”


	21. Chapter 21

** Chapter 20 **

Swallowing nervously Raph bowed as he stepped into his father’s room and shut the door behind him. Moving to kneel in front of his father Raph watched as the older rat looked him up and down for several moments before speaking.

“Raphael, I know my decision to have Michelangelo resume his training concerns you and while I feel my decision is the correct one, a true leader listens to everyone’s point of view. Would you like to explain to me why you think Mikey is not ready to resume training?” Splinter spoke softly.

Raph swallowed hard, trying to think of a good way to voice his opinion. After several moments he took a deep breath, keeping his head lowered unable to meet his father’s ever watchful gaze.

“You . . . you never asked us if we wanted to learn,” he felt his father’s eyes upon him as he slowly sat up, continuing to speak. “You never asked us if we wished to be ninjas. You just started training us one day. I remember it; all of it. Every success and ever failure I’ve ever experienced because of that training.”

Raph paused for a moment needing to take a deep breath to calm himself. “I can remember being a child and being almost to the point of tears because everyone seemed to be doing great while I struggled. I can remember my body being in pain when I messed up a kata, or failed to perform a move correctly. I just . . .”

His hands balled into fists as he spoke, not out of anger but instead nervous energy.

“Mikey doesn't remember any of it. Master Splinter . . . he had a harder time with training then I did. You remember right?” Raph explained.

Splinter nodded; it was true Michelangelo had struggled with certain aspects of his training that had not been nearly as difficult to his other brothers.

Raph continued to speak, “I guess . . . I just . . . we shouldn’t force him to be something if it is going to make him unhappy.”

Splinter looked at Raphael, seeing the emotions flitting across the emerald green face. It did pain him to think that Raphael had found his childhood to be so upsetting and traumatic, especially when Splinter had only being trying to keep them safe.

“Does being a ninja make you unhappy Raphael?” Splinter question, his voice barely audible.

Raph bit his lip, wincing slightly as he chewed on the raw flesh. He could hear the hurt in his father’s voice despite the older rats attempts to hide it and he hated it. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered to talk; all he seemed to do when he opened his mouth was hurt the people he cared about.

“It doesn’t make me unhappy now Sensei . . . but it has made me unhappy in the past. It’s made me question if I truly have a place in this family and if I’m worth the effort to training,” Raph attempted to clarify what he meant.

He looked down at the floor as he spoke, unwilling to meet his father’s eyes which had widened slightly at this confession.

“My son, how could you-”

But Raph spoke over Splinter, “Because it’s true . . . I’m not like Donnie or Leo. I don’t have great focus or patience, and I’m certainly not that smart. I’m rash, foolhardy and quick to anger. You can't . . .”

His tone softened slightly as he squirmed uncomfortably, his hands wrapping around his ankles; something he’d done a lot when he’d been young and upset.

“You can't imagine how hard it was to see you praising Leo and Donnie; and then look at me the way you did. I know . . .” he took a deep breath forcing himself to say the word. “I know I disappoint you, I know you hoped that I would grow out of being hot headed and rash. I know you wanted me to be more like Leo and Donnie . . . but I couldn’t ever be like them; not even when I really tried. I just . . . I can't be the son you want me to be.”

He forced himself to look up; to meet his father’s gaze. He could tell by the way his father’s whiskers quivered and the way his ear laid back against his head that the mutated human now rat was upset.

“I just . . . I don’t want Mikey to feel the same way I felt. I don’t think we should force him to undergo training if it will cause him pain and upset him. For all we know it could make this situation much worse,” Raph forced himself to finish.

Silence followed his words. He watched his throat very dry as Splinter closed his eyes for several minutes. The old ninja master knew that the silence would affect his son but he needed to take the time to calm his own emotions and muse over what his hot-headed son had just told him.

“My son . . . I’m truly sorry you felt this way. It was never my intention of making you feel this way,” Splinter’s eyes opened, looking directly into Raph’s. “But not once have I ever been disappointed in you. I have always held you in high regards, even when you act rashly you do so either out of concern for your brothers or out of a desire to better yourself.”

Raph watched as Splinter leaned forward reaching out to touch Raph’s hand. Feeling his father’s fingers touch his skin offered the emerald green turtle some comfort. It was a simple gesture but it formed a connection between the two of them.

“You are my son Raphael and I will always love you; no matter what happens,” Splinter spoke softly his voice carrying only to Raphael’s ears.

Raph nodded, his heart clenching slightly at his father’s words. He watched as Splinter leaned back composing himself once more.

“I will take what you have said into consideration, but for now . . .” Splinter’s words died as a gentle knock came from his door.

A moment later Mikey’s voice reached them, “Dinner is ready.”

“For now let us go and eat,” Splinter smiled at Raph.

Nodding Raph moved, opening the door before reaching out and pulling Mikey into a small hug, his beak wrinkling a little as he got a waft of something slightly unpleasant, before allowing himself to be led to the kitchen and into his seat. Dinner felt almost normal. Raph grinned as he prepared his portion of the meal, before watching Mikey struggle with the noodles just as he had done in the past.

He watched amused as Mikey slurped his food, talked with his mouthful and showed very few table manners; all like he had done before he’d been attacked. He felt his heart swell as he noted that the smile on Mikey’s face never left it.

As the meal came to an end Mikey groaned, leaning back in his chair while his eyes drifted closed.

“That was the best,” Mikey sighed contentedly.

Raph chuckled as Mikey burped, his whole body jerking slightly as the belch startled him.

Across the table Leo spoke with a hint of reprimand, “Mikey. . .”

“Sorry,” Mikey blushed slightly.

Raph rolled his eyes before speaking, “Well I think that was the best dinner we’ve had in a long time.”

He watched as Mikey beamed at him before hugging him, burying his forehead against Raph’s chest. Leaning in Raph moved to hug Mikey back only to pause as a musky scent reached his nose. He had noticed it earlier but now it was even stronger but then again Mikey had been working over a hot stove and had been sweating more.

“Mikey?” Raph questioned gently pushing Mikey back from him.

Mikey looked up at him. Sniffing the air, Raph found that the smell was indeed coming from Mikey.

“When was the last time you washed; you need a bath,” Raph asked and stated at the same time.

Mikey blinked at him, “What? Donnie washed me in his lab last week when I had my bandages changed.”

Raph nodded and smiled, shifting to keep Mikey in his grip so the younger turtle couldn’t escape.

“That was just a wash down and was also last week. Remember we talked about this, we need to wash regularly otherwise we start to smell. You smell, you need a proper bath with soap and a sponge,” Raph explained.

Mikey looked nervously up at him. Now that Raph thought about it, since Mikey’s memory loss he hadn’t had a proper wash at all even though they had discussed personal hygiene. They had given him bed baths and wash downs but he definitely a good scrub. Raph silently reasoned that it was only because of Mikey’s recent trips into the sewers that he had started to get that musky unwashed smell.

“Come on,” Raph instructed.

He smiled to himself as Mikey put of a faint struggle as he was dragged towards the bathroom. Pulling open the door Raph grunted and pushed Mikey inside before stepping in behind him. He felt Mikey’s eyes follow him as he leaned over the pool they used to bathe.

Turning the nozzles Raph waited until the water was a good temperature before plugging the pool and allowing it to fill. Turning back to Mikey he gave the sea green turtle a reassuring smile and began to move towards him.

“We should take off your bandages and splints, won’t be long before you don’t need these at all,” Raph explained.

Kneeling down Raph had been about to start unravelling the bandages when a soft knock at the door made him look up. Swallowing down the frustration which had suddenly raised its head at the interruption he moved over towards the door. Raph opened it and found Donnie on the other side.

“Are you helping Mikey bathe?” Donnie asked his reddish brown eyes looking over Raph’s shoulder.

Raph nodded, “Yes and . . . and I’m also going to talk to him.”

Donnie nodded his face changing for a split second, before returning to its normally calm look. Dropping his gaze a little he took a deep breathe.

“Ok, try to be gentle when you wash his arm and head. He may not be bleeding but he’ll still be sensitive.”

Raph nodded and watched as Donnie shifted a little bit.

“Um . . . good luck,” Donnie suddenly fired out.

Before Raph could respond Donnie turned and hurried away. Closing his eyes Raph closed the door and rested his forehead against the frame for a moment.

“R . . . Raph?”

Opening his eyes Raph turned back to Mikey who was looking at him nervously. Smiling at Mikey, Raph moved over and knelt down in front of Mikey who shifted nervously from side to side.

“Mikey are you ok?” Raph questioned his eyes flicking as he began to unwinding Mikey’s wrapping.

Mikey nodded but continued to look at the water nervously, “Is . . . is it deep?”

It took the emerald green turtle a moment to understand what it was the younger turtle was referring to, but when he did he almost laughed out loud. Mikey had never been a strong swimmer despite being a turtle, which was something that caused him a bit of embarrassment in the past. Despite not remembering his past Mikey must have held onto the knowledge that he was not a good swimmer. Reaching out Raph touched Mikey’s shoulder.

“It’s not deep Mikey, you’ll be able to sit on the bottom and still have your head above the water. I’ll be with you the whole time, ok?” Raph reassured softly.

Mikey bit his lip but nodded. His azure blue eyes remained locked on the filling tub, seemingly scared to take his eyes off in case it attacked him. He remained completely still hindering Raph in his attempts to unwrap his bandages and wrappings.

“Shall we get you out of those bandages?” Raph prompted.

Mikey blinked finally bringing his eyes away from the water. Looking down he locked eyes with Raph and saw the loving reassurance in his brothers green orbs. He nodded and slowly allowed Raph to begin unwrapping the white bandages from around his arm and head revealing the mostly healed injuries on his arm and the new injuries on Mikey’s head.

He watched as again Mikey shifted nervously looking at the bathing pool. Smiling to himself Raph moved stripping himself of his own gear before slowly lowering himself into the warm water. Once seated he turned to Mikey holding out his hand to the younger turtle.

“It’s ok Mikey, I promise,” Raph whispered.

He watched as Mikey bit his lip but moved, slowly coming to the edge of the pool before stopping.

Speaking gently Raph did his best to remain reassuring, “It’s ok Mikey.”

He stared at the smaller turtle as Mikey took a deep breath before slowly stepping off the edge of the floor and into the pool, sinking up to his waist in the water. Raph smiled as Mikey let out a nervous kind of giggle and moved, slowly shifting to where Raph was sitting before looking around nervously. He moved his arms through the water watching the water drip from them as he did so.

“N-n-now what?” Mikey stammered out.

Moving through the water Raph gently gripped Mikey’s hips making the young turtle shudder slightly as Raph maneuvered him into position; with Mikey’s shell to Raph’s chest. Mikey tensed up as the water sloshed about, waves made from their movement lapping at the two turtles and the side of the tub. Raph kept his grip on Mikey and continued to reassure with his presence.

“You just relax and let me know if you’re uncomfortable,” Raph whispered softly.

Mikey nodded, feeling his face heat up as Raph’s breath wafted against the back of his neck and shoulders. He groaned as he felt something cool drip onto his shell, a second later he groaned a little louder as he felt Raph’s hands begin to rub the cool substance over his shell.

Behind him Raph spoke, “Just relax Mikey, I’ve got you.”

Mikey nodded, his eyes drifting closed as Raph continued to rub the substance against his shell. His body shifted, leaning back against Raph’s touch enjoying the feeling and wanting more of it.

Behind him Raph continued to speak, “Mikey can I talk to you about . . . something?”

Mikey groaned, his head tilting forward in a small nod as his eyes remaining closed.

“I . . . I . . .” Raph bit his lip, how was he supposed to say this without sounding creepy? “How . . . how do you feel about me?”

Mikey’s eyes opened as he shifted slightly turning to look at Raph who was busy looking at the water.

“What do you mean Raph?” Mikey questioned completely sincere in his question.

Raph bit his lip, what did he mean? His eyes followed the movement of the water as it shifted between the two of them.

“I . . . I just want to know . . . do you . . . like me?” he tried again.

Mikey shifted more turning around completely to look at Raph who chanced a glance up at him.

“Raph, I don’t know what you mean.”

Raph shifted, doing his best to not look at Mikey. His face burned with heat and his skin itched with the need to be somewhere, anywhere but here at this moment. He felt his heart rate jump as he forced himself to look up at Mikey, who continued to look confused.

Taking a deep breath Raph shifted, moving in closer to Mikey. He moved slowly, allowing Mikey the chance to pull away at any time if he wanted to; while Raph’s hands slowly wound around his hips, pulling them in closer. He watched Mikey’s eyes, those impossibly perfect blue orbs flickering with uncertainty and confusion.

“Raph?” Mikey questioned, the name coming out as a breathy exhalation.

Raph bit his lip, forcing himself to breath as he took a deep breath, “I like you Mikey . . . a lot.”

As he spoke he shifted, leaning in closer and closer until their lips met in a gentle kiss. He pulled back, his eyes going to the water around them. His skin burned with nervous energy and embarrassment. His heart thundered in his chest as the silence between him and Mikey.

“M-M-Mikey . . . .” his voice died, in his throat.

He wanted to say something, anything. He wanted to explain the feelings that welled up his in chest, to explain how much he . . . his thoughts vanished as he felt Mikey touch his wrist. Raph’s head snapped up as he watched Mikey slowly guide his hand until it was over the younger turtle’s heart.

“M-Mikey?”

He watched as Mikey took a deep breath his eyes closed as if feeling or searching for something deep inside of himself.

“Can . . . can you feel it?” Mikey asked his voice barely audible.

Raph raised an eyebrow; was Mikey talking about his heartbeat? Pausing for a moment Raph felt his eyes widen as he found that Mikey’s heartbeat was quicker than he’d expected it to be; beating as though he’d been doing a light workout. In front of him Mikey took another breath.

“It’s . . . it’s always like this whenever you’re around me, whenever you touch me . . . I just . . .” Mikey bit his lip; his heart began to beat a little faster.

He squeezed Raph’s wrist a little tighter. The emerald green turtle was incapable of speaking at the moment in time all of his thoughts and feelings focused on the sea green turtle before him.

“I . . . I think about you all the time; you’re so nice and gentle with me. I . . . I . . .” Mikey’s face flushed red as he stuttered trying to speaking.

Across from him Raph was looking at him a mixture of confusion and concern reflected on his face. Mikey forced himself to breathe struggling to understand why telling Raph this was so hard.

“I . . . I . . .” Mikey found himself unable to verbalise what he wanted to say.

Raph moved pulling Mikey against his body, trying to reassure his upset brother.

“I’m sorry, Mikey. I’m sorry. I . . . I won’t do it again. I pr-” but his words were cut off as Mikey shook his head against his chest.

“Don’t say that, please don’t say that. I . . . I want you . . . to do it again,” Mikey managed to stutter out.

Raph pulled back slightly, looking at his brother’s blushing face, “Mikey?”

He watched as Mikey took a deep breath. He could sense that Mikey was still very confused but there was also a determination coming across from him.

“I . . . I want you to kiss me again, I want . . .”

Mikey’s voice trailed off as Raph shifted, leaning in to nuzzle the younger turtle’s neck. He took a deep breath inhaling Mikey’s cleaner scent and enjoying it. Mikey groaned, as Raph’s hot breath flittered across his flesh. He wanted this; he wanted Raph to hold him like this. He wanted to feel their bodies pressed together like this.

“April says . . . says I . . . I love you,” Mikey explained, his head tipped back a little to allow Raph access.

Raph’s eyes widened, pulling back to look at Mikey. If Mikey was in love with him then his feelings were much deeper than Raph had first thought, he needed to be sure he had it right.

“You . . . love me?” Raph clarified.

Mikey forced himself to look up, to meet Raph’s gaze; despite the hot blush that covered his skin.

Gently Raph shifted, leaning forward to capture Mikey’s lips again. The kiss was gentle and loving. He groaned as he felt Mikey gently lean into the kiss, allowing it to become a little deeper as Mikey’s arms wrapped around his neck.

Raph groaned as their chest rubbed together, sending dull shudders through his body. His tongue flicked out, trying to mimic how they’d kissed in his dream, running along Mikey’s lips. In response Mikey shuddered and parted his lips a little allowing Raph entrance to his mouth.

Mikey shuddered as he felt Raph’s tongue enter his mouth. His grip on Raph’s body tightened as he felt his heart rate jumped. He groaned as he felt Raph’s hands move, sliding down his sides, making him squirm.

He broke the kiss and a shuddering whimper escaping his lips as Raph’s hands squeezed his thighs sending quivering jolts of pleasure racing through his body. His heart fluttered while his head spun. He felt Raph press in against him, their chests and hips gently rubbing against each other sending dull lances of pleasure through his body. It was all so much. He felt overwhelmed, his mind unable to happen everything that had happened.

Raph growled, gently grinding his body against Mikey’s, trying to get Mikey to act as he had done in the dream. He ground his hips against Mikey’s, trying to get the smaller turtle to respond. He kissed the sea green mutant, his tongue pushing into Mikey’s mouth, but he flinched back, actually took a step backwards as instead of moaning, Mikey let out a whimper.

His heart clenched as he looked at Mikey, the young turtle was shaking his eyes closed, his stance that of someone who was scared.

“Mikey?”

He watched as Mikey opened his mouth, “I . . . I . . . I’m scared.”

Instantly he pulled Mikey against his body, hugging him as tightly as he could. He stroked Mikey’s neck and shell, trying to calm the shaken turtle.

“I’m sorry Mikey. I . . . I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I . . . ” he broke off as Donnie’s words echoed in his head.

_“He may not fully understand his own feelings. Give him time.”_


	22. Chapter 22

** Chapter 21 **

Slowly pulling back from the bathroom door Donnie opened his mouth to speak only to feel his voice die in his throat as tears slowly welled up in his eyes. In front of him, in the bathing pool Donnie could see Raph and Mikey kissing, with Raph’s arms around Mikey’s hips.

He bit his lip, willing himself to not cry. Despite his effort he felt his tears begin to slowly trickle down his face. Slowly he closed the door to the bathing room, doing his best to not make a sound.

He should feel happy for his brothers, he should be happy that they had each other, that they didn't have to feel the pain that clawed and ripped at his heart, and yet . . . . he moved away from the door, willing himself not to make a sound as he moved to his lab, silent sobs making his sides shake and heave.

He made his way towards his lab hoping to shut himself away and lose himself in his work. He thought he had accepted a long time ago that Raph wouldn’t be his and that he needed to move on. He’d thrown himself into his work, pursuing anything and everything he could think of so his mind was always busy with thoughts other than Raph.

He’d even talked himself into his crush with April, spending hours talking to himself; describing all the reasons why having a crush on April was better than his old crush on Raph. He did have feelings for April, she was the most beautiful and smart girl he had ever seen.

He had aggressively put forward those feelings and bottled everything else up. However helping his two brothers deal with their emotions had brought those long concealed feelings to the fore of his mind.

Taking a deep breath he closed the door of his lab behind himself and rested his body against the cold metal. Sometimes he did wonder if there was some being out there which had it in for him, everyone he loved didn’t love him back in the same way.

“You seem greatly troubled my son,” a voice from behind him spoke up.

Donatello whirled around in fright his arms coming up in a defensive posture to the new threat. His father was stood at his laboratory desk seemingly having been looking over his genius son’s work. Donnie’s chest heaved and his heart hammered as he stared at his father.

“Master Splinter?” Donnie managed to gasp out.

“Come and sit by me my son,” Splinter instructed softly.

Still feeling a little shook up Donnie did as his father instructed and moved towards the table. He sat down opposite his father and slowly raised reddish brown eyes up to meet his father’s black eyes. The genius’s eyes drifted over his paperwork and projects to avoid looking at his father. The older rat seemed content to sit in his son’s presence watching his olive green son as he fidgeted.

“Donatello, perhaps you think I am unaware of your troubles?” Splinter began.

The words washed over the troubled turtle and his shoulders sagged, his whole form seeming to deflate.

“I know our existence has not been easy especially upon you and your constant thirst for knowledge. I think you understand more so than your brothers and have done so for a long time, the more ethical and cultural dilemmas you will and have faced,” Splinter continued hinting to his son how much he knew.

Donatello closed his eyes and bit down on the inside of his cheek, he should have known he couldn’t hide anything from his father. The mutated human had a rat’s sense of smell and delicate hearing which made him acutely aware of so many things in their home.

“While I have experience as both a human and a mutant, my life is not the same as you and your brothers,” the old rat added after a few moments silent.

That got the genius turtles attention and he finally raised his eyes up to look at his father. Splinter smiled down at him and waited patiently for his son to ask the question.

“How so Master Splinter?” Donnie asked dutifully.

“Due to the simple fact that I have experience as a human. My mind and choices are bound as much by that experience as they are by my experiences as a mutant. However you and your brothers, your thinking is entirely influenced by your experiences and life as mutants,” Splinter explained.

The ninja master could almost hear the cogs in Donatello’s brain whirling as he processed his father’s words. The olive green brow creased a little in concentration.

“My mutation gifted me with many of the heightened sense I now possess from the rat which I encountered, it could be described as a fusion where two joined into one and making me into the creature I am today. Despite this fusion though I still very much think, feel and experience my life from the perspective of a human,” Splinter responded gently sounding his words carefully and paced.

Something flashed behind Donatello’s eyes and Splinter knew his son had realised where he was taking the conversation. The turtle remained silent thought wanting his father to speak it out loud.

“You and your brothers though have a different perspective from my own. Before your mutation you were turtles, as coarse as it sounds you were animals. The mutation fused you with my own human form and allowed you sentient thought and action, helping form you into the wonderful sons you are today. However your turtle instincts and thoughts still have a large influence upon you and your processing of the world around you.”

Donatello starred earnestly at his father but there was a slight look of disappointment at the explanation. His eyes dropped down into his lap and Splinter knew at that moment that he needed to be more explicit in his understanding and explanation.

“My son, I know of your affections for Raphael,” Splinter spoke softly.

The olive green turtle’s shoulders sagged again and he let out a low breath that if Splinter didn’t know any better would have sounded like a sob. He reached forward and placed a gentle hand on top of Donatello’s hand.

“I also know of Raphael and Michelangelo’s growing affections for each other and your battle with yourself over it.”

Donnie’s hand moved and his fingers closed around Splinter’s, seeking his father’s comfort and reassurances. He felt his father squeeze his hand back and that helped lift a small weight from his shoulder.

“Is it wrong?” Donnie finally asked.

Splinter took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he pondered the question which he himself had asked many times during his mediation sessions.

“In all honesty my son I am not sure that there is an answer for that. We cannot apply human standards to you because you are not human but at the same time you are no longer animals completely ruled by instinct. It is an unusual situation we find ourselves in. Let me ask you something Donatello, how do you feel about it?” Splinter continued.

“I don’t . . . it doesn’t feel wrong,” Donnie whispered.

Splinter nodded, “Then does it trouble you?”

Donnie sighed, letting his shoulders slump. He knew he couldn’t lie to his father and perhaps it would help to talk to him about it. Splinter did not seem to be overly worried about his attraction, so Donatello decided to go for it.

“Yes and at the same time no. Yes because . . . because I . . . I wanted Raph to have feelings for me and it . . . it hurts,” Donnie began to explain before stopping.

As he spoke he moved his other free hand, putting it again his chest. He rubbed his palm over his plastron as if trying to alleviate a hidden pain.

“It hurts knowing that . . . that if I’d said something . . . maybe . . . maybe Raph and I could have had something.”

Splinter nodded his head at his son’s explanation. He knew the weight love carried with it and even in its most purest form it could still be wonderful and hurt at the same time.

“So why does it not trouble you?” Splinter asked after a few moments of silence.

Donnie remained silent, thinking over his reasons his hand still rubbing at his chest.

“Because I know that he is happy and that even though it is not with me, that does make me happy. Seeing Raph smile so genuinely and loving and the way Mikey’s eyes sparkle when he looks at Raph, I can’t help but be happy that they are happy but at the same time it still hurts,” Donnie confessed.

Splinter let out a low sigh, seeing his sons in such pain was not easy for him. When he had first become aware of Donatello’s feelings for Raphael he had been truly horrified. He had raised them as brothers and they had a bond stronger than any brothers he had seen.

His human mind struggled to comprehend this new attraction his purple banded son had for Raphael and at first he had wanted to confront Donatello over it. However he had long ago learned that to confront a situation when emotions were high only led to disaster so instead he had taken himself away to meditate.

During his meditation he had carefully examined his feelings and his reasons behind them. He tried to understand Donatello’s attraction to Raphael and what he should do about it. His two instincts that of a human and that of a rat warred within him and he found himself unsettled and unsure.

He took the time to watch his sons over the coming days and week, analysing their unique bond and relationships they had. He found himself contemplating their mutation and their true genetics even going so far as to ask Donatello for information regarding turtle’s physiology and habits. The intelligent turtle had been a little confused by the request but none the less had provided the information.

Splinter spent many nights going over the information and combining that with what he already knew. He had meditated as much as he could over the problem and the revelation when it came to him strangely did not feel as startling as he thought it would be. His son’s attraction to each other was natural for them.

The undeniable fact was that they were at the end of the day turtles and while their DNA had been mutated they still held so much of their original genetics within their form. He could not apply the human standards, customs and dictates he had lived by to them. Like their training and everyday life he needed to be adaptable and more outgoing in his thinking.

Accepting that his sons could eventually become attracted to each other and develop perhaps a physical relationship was easier to accept once he had the information processed. Now he wondered though just how that physical relationship would work with the growing attractions seemingly not restricted to a simple relationship but potentially incorporating them all.

“Donatello I find myself in a situation that I have not ever found myself in. This is a situation that has not been experienced by anyone and there are no rules and guidelines to state how things should go or even how we should react. You and your brothers have a special bond and it is not one that I would want to interfere with,” Splinter began to explain.

Donnie looked up at his father, shocked to hear what seemed to be his father’s blessing to them having a romantic relationship.

“The bond you four share is unique and I do not think Raphael’s feelings are solely limited to Michelangelo just as Michelangelo’s are not solely limited to Raphael. . .”

“But they are . . . Mikey hasn’t shown any interest in me or Leo,” Donnie interrupted.

Splinter smiled at his son, seeing the blush spread across the olive green skin.

“Not yet but Michelangelo is learning so many things. His relationship has developed so quickly with Raphael because of the bond they shared prior to Michelangelo’s injuries. Given time I can see Michelangelo falling very much in love with both you and Leonardo.”

Donnie’s mouth dropped open at his father’s words. He hadn’t expected Splinter to accept their relationship and it seemed to beyond belief that they were having this conversation. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe attempting to centre himself and process everything that is going on.

“Master Splinter are you giving us your blessing to have a relationship with each other?” Donnie finally asked.

“Yes,” Splinter replied simply.

The exhale from the olive green turtle was loud and filled the room. Splinter smiled at his son’s reaction as he had expected it. There seemed to be a palpable relief in the room and the old rat was pleased to be able to relieve some of his intelligent son’s relief.

“There is still a lot more to happen and a lot of learning especially for Michelangelo so I advise you not to expect things to happen overnight. Patience is an important trait for all ninja’s to master my son but do not despair over your feelings,” Splinter continued to comfort.

Donnie felt his mouth twitch into a smile at his father’s words; trust the ninja master to throw in a lesson on ninjitsu while he was consoling his son.

“Thank you father, I didn’t think you would take it so well,” Donnie confessed.

“As I have explained I did not at first but I had time to absorb it and ponder upon it before jumping to conclusions. Now my son we need to discuss something else of importance,” Splinter explained.

Donnie looked up at his father with a puzzled expression.

“What are your thoughts on Michelangelo joining us for the burning of Rahzar’s body?” Splinter questioned.


	23. Chapter 23

** Chapter 22 **

Mikey slowly wandered through the lair. All around him the large underground shelter was silent; everyone else was asleep, yet he was restless. It wasn't that he was unhappy; in fact it was quite the opposite.

He felt great, his arm hardly hurt anymore, he could put his weight through his leg without even thinking about it and he was bending his fingers instinctually indicating the broken bones were knitting together well. He no longer felt guilt or pain when he tried to recall his past; although he was still unable to remember anything. Even being with Raphael no longer caused him the emotional discomfort it had at first.

It felt wonderful being able to hold Raph’s hand or kiss him when he felt the desire; although Raph had asked him to try and keep their affection to a minimum when others were around. But it was also this affection that was causing him to feel uneasy.

Taking a deep breath Mikey moved, slowly sitting down on the couch before putting his head in his hands. He wondered if life had always been this complicated or if it was simply his memory loss that was causing such problems. The fact of the matter was he knew he wasn’t the only one who had affections for a certain hot headed turtle.

He wondered if Donatello realised that he talked to himself while he worked. It was during one of these occasions that he had heard the genius reasoning out his thoughts as to why it was better that Mikey was with Raph and not himself. Mikey had been confused for a moment before it had clicked into place what Donnie was talking about.

Mikey sighed loudly before leaning back on the sofa and looking up at the ceiling of their home. This new information coupled with the nervousness he felt when Raph would press their bodies so close together that meant Mikey couldn’t sleep.

Both Raph and Donnie had been so wonderful to him that Mikey really wanted to make them happy but at the same time he also wanted to be happy. It was a conundrum and he was determined to get an answer so he could sleep.

Slowly standing up Mikey stretched for a moment before crossing the lair and moving towards Donatello’s lab. Hesitantly pushing the door open Mikey stuck his head into the lab and smiled to himself as he found Donnie hunched over his computer, doing something scientific no doubt.

“Donnie?”

Donnie looked up, turning to face him before smiling, “Hello Mikey. It’s kind of late, what are you still doing up? Are you feeling ok?”

The last words were spoken with a tone of concern and Donnie’s eyes roved over his baby brother’s body searching for potential problems. Mikey smiled and moved into the lab, rubbing his arm slightly as he did so.

Donnie had examined his injured arm and legs and had declared that they were all healing really well. In fact his arm was almost done healing. To prove that point Donnie had slowly unravelled the bandages before completely removing them, showing Mikey’s mostly healed arm to the others.

Donnie wanted Mikey to keep wearing the braces and splints on his leg and fingers for a while longer, to give the bones and ligaments the best chance of healing and the added support helped that along. Sitting down on a stool next to Donnie, Mikey bit his lip as he combed through what he wanted to say.

“Mikey are you ok?”

Mikey looked at Donnie, his eyes looking over the olive green features; those reddish brown eyes, smooth skin, his sleek slim features. Taking a deep breath Mikey built up the courage to raise his problems with his brother.

“Donnie can I . . . can I ask you something . . . I . . . is it possible . . . could I forget again?” Mikey managed to stammer out.

Donnie raised an eyebrow, turning to give his youngest brother his complete attention. He studied Mikey, taking in his hunched back and slumped shoulders, his slightly nervous looking face.

“Mikey I don’t understand.”

Mikey looked up at him, his eyes filled with a mixture of fear and uncertainty.

“If something happens to me again is it . . .  is it possible . . . that I’ll forget this again?” as he spoke Mikey gestured to everything around him. “Could I forget about you, Raph, Splinter, April and Leo?”

Donnie bit his lip, unsure of how to respond. He took his time to gather his thoughts together and it was several moments before he felt able to respond.

“Well there is always the possibility; the mind is still relatively unknown in the medical and science worlds. W-why do you want to know?”

Donnie watched as Mikey shifted, his face going slightly red while he squirmed nervously in his seat for a moment before looking up at him, though it concerned Donatello that his baby brother didn’t actually look him in the eye.

“Raph and I . . . we’re . . . we’re . . . I care for him . . . . A LOT.”

Part of Mikey wanted to be clearer and say that he and Raphael were in love, but another part of him wanted to be gentle with Donnie. He loved his genius brother as well and he didn’t want to cause him pain whether that be physical or mental pain. Across from him Donnie shifted a little in his seat, nodding that he understood.

“Ok Mikey, what’s-”

The genius didn’t get chance to ask his question as Mikey spoke over him.

“If something happens . . . if I . . . forget again or . . . if something worse happens . . . will you take care of Raphael for me?”

Donnie’s gaze narrowed as he leaned forward, examining Mikey closely trying to get the younger to actually look at him but Mikey kept his gaze diverted. The action had worry swelling in Donatello’s chest and he shuffled his chair closer to Mikey.

“Mikey what’s going on? Are you ok? Are you not feeling well?”

Donnie watched as Mikey smiled at him, slowly leaning forward to touch Donnie’s hands and flicking his blue eyes up to actually look at the genius. An odd kind of shudder ran through Donnie’s body as Mikey smiled at him and looked up so innocently at him. Mikey took a deep breath before holding Donnie’s gaze.

“Donnie . . . I know.”

“You know? You know what? I don’t understand,” Donnie frowned

Mikey continued to smile at Donnie, leaning in so he could whisper in Donnie’s ear. The olive green turtle shuddered as he felt Mikey’s breath against the side of his face.

“You like Raph . . . romantically . . . don’t you Donnie?”

Donnie’s eyes widened as he pulled away from Mikey. His heart thundered in his chest as his breathing became slightly panicked. He blinked rapidly and his mouth moved rhythmically for a few moments as he tried to form words.

“Mikey . . . what . . . I don’t . . . it’s not . . .”

Donnie knew he was rambling, still trying to deny it. No matter what Splinter said he simply wasn't comfortable with the idea of having a crush on Raph when Raph was with Mikey. Yet against his will he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t help but want to be in Mikey’s position.

The desire to be able to hug, kiss and hold Raph whenever he wanted, it was so strong; he could not help it and he felt ashamed because of it. His voice died in his throat as he slowly looked at the ground. In front of him Mikey hadn't moved waiting and watching his older brother carefully.

“Donnie . . .”

Donnie flinched slightly as he felt Mikey touch his chin, slowly tilting his head upwards so they were looking at each other.

“It’s ok Donnie . . . its ok,” Mikey tried to reassure.

The olive green turtle shook his head rapidly from side to side, tears beginning to form in his eyes. It was typical of Mikey to try and comfort one of them despite it directly impacting himself. Knowing that only made Donatello feel worse than he already did.

“No Mikey it is not okay, this is anything but okay,” Donnie managed to gasp out as the tears began to spill down his face.

The youngest turtle leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the medic of the family. It only served to make the olive green shoulders shake and shudder even harder, making Mikey pull away slightly. Mikey watched as Donnie continued to look confused and upset. Squeezing Donnie’s hand the youngest spoke slowly, doing his best to choose his words carefully.

“Donnie it’s . . . really it’s ok. I’m not upset or anything I . . . I don’t mind, I’d like to . . . share Raph . . . with you.”

Donnie’s eyes went wide while he mind went blank, had he heard Mikey correctly? Had Mikey said what he’d thought Mikey had just said? Had Mikey just said . . . ’share Raph’? His mouth opened and closed several times, his voice simply refusing to work as he continued to look at Mikey stunned.

“M-Mikey, why?” he spluttered out.

It was all he could manage to say, his mind was simply too confused. Instead he watched as Mikey looked down at the floor a slight air of discomfort coming over the smaller turtle.

“I love Raph . . . but . . .” Mikey began but found himself unable to finish.

Looking at his baby brother Donnie could feel the uncertainty rolling off of Mikey and his natural instinct was to offer obviously much needed comfort.

“Raph . . . wants more and I’m. . .  I’m not sure how to explain it but. . . I’m scared. I love him, I know I do but . . .” Mikey continued trying to explain

Donnie watched as Mikey touched his chest with his free hand, rubbing the heel of his hand over the area where his heart was.

“Whenever we try to do more . . . um intimate . . . stuff, my heart speeds up and I can't stop shaking. I just . . . I get scared,” Mikey’s voice was small and he sounded genuinely afraid.

Slowly Donnie moved, reaching out to touch Mikey’s shoulder; which made the sea green turtle look up at him.

“Mikey . . .”

But Mikey continued speaking, “I know Raph wants more, but I can't give it to him . . . not yet. But you, I . . . I know you like Raph and I know you want him . . . and I’m pretty sure he wants you too.”

“W-what?” Donnie’s eyes widened.

He watched as Mikey nodded before looking down at the floor. As shocked as he was by Mikey’s confession the genius couldn’t help but feel a small amount of glee at hearing that from Mikey.

“When we cuddle together at night he . . . he talks in his sleep, sometimes he says my name . . . and sometimes he says yours.”

Donnie watched as Mikey fell silent. Donnie could feel his heart hammering in his chest at knowing Raph spoke his name while slumbering; to the genius that meant that Raph was thinking about him in some way. His joy was immediately met in his mind by guilt, knowing his happiness brought pain for Mikey.

“I like you Donnie; you’ve always been so nice to me. You’re always so kind and caring . . . I see the way you look at Raph and . . .” Mikey continued after a moment’s silence.

The guilt Donnie had been feeling heightened as he saw small tears began to trickle down Mikey’s face.

“It hurts knowing that I’ve made you feel this way . . . please . . .” Mikey looked up at him, his blue eyes pleading with Donnie’s brown eyes. “Please let me make it up to you Donnie . . . please . . . you’re always so kind to me, let me be kind to you . . . please?”

Pain flared in Donnie’s chest at Mikey’s words, it should be him who was apologising not the smaller turtle. Hearing such kind words from his baby brother brought tears to Donatello’s eyes and he shook his head rapidly from side to side.

“Don’t Mikey, don’t be kind to me I am a horrible person,” Donnie cried.

“No you are not; you are the nicest person I’ve ever met . . . okay that maybe not as reassuring as I thought but I still mean it. You are willing to step aside and allow me to have something that you coveted for a long time, that’s kind and selfless,” Mikey explained.

Donnie wrapped his arms around Mikey and began to return the smaller’s embrace, needing the closeness and security it offered him. He felt Mikey’s hand gently soothing over the back of his head and the genius found the movement to be very calming.

“Mikey I don’t deserve a little brother as lovely as you,” Donnie whispered in Mikey’s ear slit.

“Well yeah that’s true but you’ve got me now anyway so I guess you are going to have to keep me,” Mikey giggled back.

The olive green turtle couldn’t hold back his laughter; it was so good to see Mikey’s cheeky nature reasserting itself. Pulling away from Mikey, Donnie cuffed at his eyes and offered his baby brother a smile.

“Donnie I’ve got something else to ask you?” Mikey spoke up with a little smile of his own.

“Ask away Mikey,” Donnie instructed.

The sea green turtle gnawed at his lower lip before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Donnie frowned a little as he watched Mikey, he hadn’t missed the twinkle in his brothers azure blue eyes and he wasn’t sure whether or not that boded well for him. Jumping off of his seat as quickly as his healing body would allow Mikey struck a pose in front of Donnie.

“Does this shell make me look fat?” Mikey grinned cheekily.

The snort of laughter escaped from Donnie before he could prevent it and that simply made Mikey grin wider. It was strange for Mikey but it seemed that somehow making Donnie laugh had helped ease his own foreboding feelings. Despite wanting to stay and make his brother laugh some more Mikey couldn’t stifle a yawn.

After a moment Mikey began to speak again, “Donnie just . . . just sleep on it, ok? You don’t have to answer right now just consider it.”

onnie bit his lip, watching as Mikey stood up, still smiling at him. Leaning down Mikey offered his hand to Donnie to help him stand up too. Taking the hand Donnie got to his feet but froze as in a flash Mikey leaned in and gave him a small kiss on his cheek, before pulling away and smiling surprisingly seductively at him.

“Really Donnie, I don’t mind sharing Raph and I don’t think Raph would mind either,” Mikey reiterated.

Donnie bit his lip, on one hand he wanted to say no, but on the other hand it seemed simply too good to be true. Almost as if it had only just occurred to him, a thought resonated through Donatello’s brain.

“Has Raph agreed?” Donnie questioned

Mikey again smiled at him, “Let me worry about that ok?”

Without another word Mikey was gone, leaving Donnie alone in his lab. Taking several deep breaths Donnie sighed, his mind was too confused to think about anything clearly. Right now the best thing he could do for the situation was to go to his room and go to sleep.

Stifling his own yawn Donnie left his lab, feeling vaguely grateful that Mikey was nowhere to be seen as he made his way to his room before closing the door; cutting himself off from the rest of the lair. Dropping himself onto his bed Donnie began his normal sleep ritual of tossing and turning until he was comfortable. However tonight this was proving to be harder than usual; no matter how he turned and lay he simply wasn't comfortable. Sighing to himself Donnie sat up in bed.

Against his will his eyes flicked towards his closet and the secret thing he kept hidden in it. He’d sworn he’d get rid of it, that he’d put back with other stuff they wore for disguises when they needed them, and yet he never found the strength to do so.

Groaning he stood up, before moving over to his closet and pulling the doors open. Pushing several boxes out of the way Donnie’s eyes closed as he reached out to touch the folded fabrics. Pulling the article of clothing out of his closet he groaned, pulling the sweatshirt against his chest.

Bringing it up to his nose he could not help but inhale the musky sweaty smell from it; making him moan again. Raph had worn this sweatshirt when they’d had to infiltrate a store to get some medicine when Mikey had been sick a few years ago, it had been summertime and even at night it had been hot. They had needed to wear disguises and Raph had been sweating leaving his scent on the sweatshirt.

Slowly sitting down on his bed Donnie, lay back down, holding the sweatshirt tightly against his chest; continuing to inhale the faint traces of Raph’s scent. He closed his eyes, doing his best to push the feelings of disgust and shame down in his stomach. He knew this was wrong, he knew his secret coveting of Raph’s sweatshirt was perverted and wrong on multiple levels, but he couldn’t help it.

Raph’s scent comforted him and made him feel secure. Groaning he reached back and pulled the blankets up and over his head, cutting himself off from the world. He knew it was wrong to imagine that it was Raph under the blankets with him and not simply a sweatshirt but at the same time imaging was all he had.

He clutched the sweatshirt tighter; he wanted it to be Raph. He wanted Raph to be there with him, in his arms, pressed against his body; holding him. Slowly he buried his face in the folds of Raph’s sweatshirt. Doing his best to make himself comfortable Donnie honestly didn't expect to fall asleep with his mind so full of thoughts; but his fears turned out to be unfounded as he drifted off to sleep in a matter of moments.

 

He groaned, feeling the warm water rush past his skin as he rubbed the remnants of soap from his body. It wasn't often that he trained so hard, but today something had come over him. Something had pushed him to work harder than he’d worked in a long time; perhaps it was all the stress he’d been under lately.

“Mind if I join you?”

Glancing over his shoulder Donnie stiffened slightly as he found Raph was standing behind him. Doing his best to seem nonchalant Donnie shrugged and stepped aside so Raph could use the showerhead and wash away the sweat that clung to his skin. Donnie groaned as Raph moved past him, the faint scent of Raph’s sweat making something in Donnie’s stomach clench in need.

He tried to distract himself, busying himself with washing the last of the soap from the back of his shell; so he would not be drawn to watch as Raph rubbed and cleaned his body. Biting his lip Donnie stretched and twisted, doing his best to reach a spot on his shell that he knew still had soap clinging to it.

“Need some help Donnie?” Raph’s deep voice chuckled from behind him.

A moment later Donnie’s stiffened as he felt Raph touch his shell, tugging at his shell until he stood under the stream of water while the emerald green turtle scrubbed the last of the soap away.

“Th-th-thank you.”

His face was red and Raph looked at him before smiling.

“You know Donnie; if you need help with things you could can just ask, okay?”

Donnie nodded feeling as if his face was bright red and tried to move away from Raph. He hadn’t even taken a step when he felt Raph press up against his shell, pinning him against the wall.

“Raph, w-what are you doing?” Donnie managed to stammer.

Pushing his shell against Raph, Donnie managed to get enough room in which to turn around so he could face his brother. The movement only encouraged Raph to lean in, his breath ghosting over Donnie’s neck making the olive green genius groan.

“I saw you watching me during training,” Raph rumbling seductively.

As he spoke Raph’s hands moved, gently tracing small shapes against Donnie’s skin, leaving small trails of fire where he touched.

“Raph . . .”

Raph ignored the words instead moving in a little closer so their chests rubbed together; making Donnie moan and whimper against his will. He felt Raph move, pressing in still closer, his hands slowly drifting down Donnie’s scutes, sending small shivers of pleasure through his body.

“Raph . . . don’t . . .” Donnie gasped out.

He didn't mean it; his hands were gripping Raph’s shell pulling the older turtle tighter against his body. The conflicting messages made Raph chuckle and he continued to touch Donnie’s scutes, making the purple banded turtle’s legs shake slightly as the pleasure increased. He whimpered as he felt Raph lean in, his breath ghosting against the side of his face while Raph whispered into his ear.

“Just relax Donnie, let me help you.”

Donnie made small noises in his throat as Raph leaned in closer, nuzzling his neck for a moment before . . .

“AHHHHH!”

Raph’s tongue flicked out of his mouth running along the skin of Donnie’s throat, making Donnie’s head tilt further back as he groaned. His breathing became ragged as Raph gently ground their hips together, sending more pleasure through the genius’s body. His grip on Raph’s shell became tighter as the larger turtle licked his neck again.

“Raph . . . oh god . . .”

Donnie’s voice hitched in his throat as he felt one of Raph’s hands move, gently running along his hips before coming to cup against the bulge of Donnie’s pouch. The taller turtles head tilted back, the top of his head pressing against the shower wall as Raph ground his hand against his pouch. His breathing became even more ragged as Raph pressed against his pouch harder while at the same time nuzzling Donnie’s neck again.

“Oh god . . . oh god . . . oh god . . .” he repeated those words over and over as Raph ground against him.

Each movement and touch added to Donatello’s rising pleasure, taking him higher and higher until . . .

“DONNIE!”

Donnie sat bolt upright in bed, his blankets still covering his head making him flail and flounder as he pulled them away from his face to find Raph standing in his bedroom looking at him.

Taking several deep breaths Donnie spoke, “S-sorry I’m awake.”

Raph looked at him for a moment before nodding, although he was aware that Donnie looked strangely flustered. He lifted his hand to rub at the back of his neck picking up on Donnie’s nervous behaviour.

“Sorry for the rude awakening but I’ve been calling to you for a few minutes now, breakfast is almost ready.”

Donnie nodded and ran his hand over his face before speaking, “O-o-okay.”

Moving to get out of bed Donnie felt his face heat up as Raph’s eyes found his old sweatshirt which had somehow found its way out from under the blanket and now lay above the blankets that Donnie had buried himself under.

“Is that . . .?” Raph began to ask gesturing to the sweatshirt.

Donnie’s face went red as he scrambled to grab the sweatshirt, he held it in his hands for a moment eyes looking a little frantically around trying to seek an explanation. Finally he swallowed hard and put the clothing down on the bed.

“I got cold last night so I wore it, I hope you don’t mind,” he spoke in what he hoped was a nonchalant voice.

Despite his desire to seem nonchalant he could hear the sound of desperation in his voice. He felt his face heat up even more than it had done already as Raph continued to look at him, slightly suspicious. Desperate to direct Raph’s attention elsewhere Donnie said the first thing that came to his mind.

“Are you and Mikey okay?”

Mentally he slammed his head against the nearby wall. This subject would only make things ten times more awkward between him and Raph. Across from him Raph continued to look at him, his expression unreadable but Donatello felt like he was being analysed.

“We’re good, why?” Raph finally replied.

Sighing Donnie closed his eyes; he’d already come this far, “He . . . Mikey came to me last night and . . . and he said some very odd things.”

Raph’s eyes narrowed a little bit and he turned to shut the door of Donnie’s room properly. Standing against the doorway he crossed his arms over his plastron and levelled his green gaze at Donatello.

“What odd things?” Raph questioned his voice taking on a slightly lowered tone.

Setting his blankets aside Donnie sat up properly on the side of the bed and began to fiddle with his fingers.

“He said that you were both experimenting with touching and intimacy but he was struggling with the more intimate areas,” Donnie explained his and Mikey’s conversation.

Raph’s eyes narrowed knowing from the way the genius fidgeted that there was more too it then he was letting on.

“He also mentioned about his fears of forgetting again and leaving you without someone to love and care for, basically echoing some of the fears you highlighted on our last discussion,” Donnie continued hoping to appease Raph’s scrutiny.

Raph sniffed and rubbed at his chin with the back of his hand as he contemplated what Donatello had just told him. The genius kept flicking his eyes up to the emerald green turtle trying to make it appear casual but still shifting uncomfortably.

Turning Raph opened the door and bellowed into the lair, “Mikey come here.”

Donnie frowned at Raph’s sudden call for the youngest but remain silent as Raph held the door open waiting for Mikey to arrive. The sea green turtle bound into the room with a big grin on his face which started to drop as he saw Donnie and Raph waiting.

“What is going on?” Mikey quizzed as Raph shut the door behind him.

“Donnie says you are scared and I know you are a little uncomfortable with some of the stuff but I’ve not pushed you, so what is going on in that brain of yours?” Raph explained simply.

Donnie’s eyes widened at Raph’s candid explanation and he spluttered a little in shock. Mikey’s gaze flickered between the two of them and he shifted uncomfortably. Taking a deep breath Donnie patted the bed next to him and Mikey took the invitation a little hesitantly.

“Mikey I wouldn’t normally have spoken to Raph about it but there is obviously something going on in your brain that you need to talk to us about. Talk to us, you know we won’t ever judge you no matter what you say,” Donnie comforted.

Mikey remained silent, his eyes locked on the floor. Raph came and sat beside him and took his hand. Donnie took the other and they both offered reassuring squeezes of the sea green hands. Clearing his throat Mikey opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He repeated the gesture a couple of times seemingly trying to build himself up to the explanation.

They both watched as Mikey looked down at the ground for several moments seemingly trying to formulate an answer. When he did speak his voice shook slightly and he squeezed their hands a bit tighter.

“A few nights ago I . . . I had a nightmare  . . . I . . .” his voice broke off as a new wave of trembled rippled through his body.

Gently Donnie squeezed his hand again while Raph shifted a little closer to offer him support. They watched him avidly, trying to see any cue or clue which would help them identify Mikey’s problems.

“I was running from something, something big and covered with fur. I didn't know where I was or what was happening . . . all I knew was that . . . if . . . if I didn't run . . . I’d . . . I would die. I just . . .” Mikey continued after taking a deep breath.

As a fresh tremble shook Mikey’s body Donnie glanced upwards his eyes meeting with Raph’s confirming what they were both thinking. The nightmare Mikey had just described was most likely part of the suppressed memory of Rahzar’s attack. While Mikey’s conscious mind blocked out the memory, his unconscious mind was slowly processing it resulting in the bad dream. Gently Raph touched Mikey’s knee with his free hand.

“Just breathe Mikey, it was just a dream.”

But Mikey shook his head, clamping his eyes shut as he did so; more tears leaking from the clenched lids. He continued to shake his head physically demonstrating his need to believe it.

“No . . . no it wasn't . . . I know it wasn't just a dream I . . . it . . . it was real . . . I know it was! The thing that was chasing me, I knew it . . . I’d seen it before . . . I know that, it was real . . . wasn’t it?”

His last few words came out as though he was confused and unsure despite the earlier affirmations. He opened his eyes, looking to Donnie, silently pleading with the genius turtle to confirm or deny what he had said.

Taking a deep breath Donnie mentally sighed; as much as he wanted to say that what Mikey had dreamt had just been a nightmare he knew that if he lied about it, it could cause Mikey emotional pain. There was also the fact that he had promised Mikey he would always be honest with him and he wasn’t going to go back on that promise.

“Donnie?” Mikey’s voice shook slightly as he spoke.

Donnie opened his eyes, finding his little brother’s face to be filled with confusion and uncertainty. He could see Raph’s face in his peripheral vision and saw the hot head was just as uncertain.

“Please, was what I saw real?” Mikey asked again.

 Gently Donnie cupped his second hand over Mikey’s, holding the sea green limb between his own. He let out a low sigh and looked Mikey directly in the eyes.

“Yes I think . . . I think what you saw was a fragment of the memory of when you were attacked, the event which led to your amnesia. Your subconscious is processing the memory but your mind still cannot accept what happened so it took the form of a hazy nightmare which you can’t fully remember,” Donnie explained as simply as he could.

He felt Mikey shift, the sea green turtle pulling his hands free and bringing his legs up to rest against his chest and then wrapping his arms around them. His body continued to shake. 

“After that I started thinking about what happened to me. I had a whole life and it was gone so suddenly and then I thought if it could happen again what would happen and then . . . I  . . . I kept thinking . . . you’d both be alone. I couldn’t get that out of my head, it’s all I have been thinking about . . . if I die or forgot everything again . . . Raph would be alone . . . and so would you Donnie . . . I just . . .” he looked at both of them, his eyes filled with tears and fear.

Raph reached out and wrapped his arm around Mikey’s trembling shoulders. He pulled the smaller turtle against him and placed a tender kiss on the sea green head. Mikey let out a little sob but seemed to be able to steal himself to continue.

“I see the way you look at each other; Raph you like Donnie I know you do. You want him in the same way you want me I just know you do. You are the same Donnie I know you like Raph, you have for a while . . . since before my accident right?”

Raph moved, trying to wrap a second arm around Mikey. Donnie sat frozen in place unsure what to do or say.

“Mikey you’re-” Raph tried to explain.

His words were cut off as Mikey forcefully shoved against Raph’s plastron and stood up. He spun around to look at them as they remained on the bed, a look of slight guilt crisscrossing their expressions before they hid it. Anger flashed across Mikey’s young face.

 “I AM NOT IMAGINING IT! I know you two like each other. I know you do!” he half shouted at them.

Despite the anger and frustration, tears continue to trickle down his face as he glared at them. Donnie schooled his features into a calm mask and made to get up in an attempt to comfort the youngest only to have Mikey growl at him.

“No; you won’t push this aside. I know I am right why can’t you just admit it? Just admit it you like each other . . . _don’t you_?” Mikey insisted vehemently.

Donnie’s reddish brown eyes flicked to Raph, connecting with his brother’s deep green ones. He wanted to lie, to deny that his attraction towards Raph. Despite saying it so clearly in his head he simply couldn’t speak the words. His eyes flicked down, looking away from Raph as he slowly nodded his head. Next to him he felt Raph shift slightly and waited for the emerald green turtle to break his heart by explaining to Mikey that he only had eyes for him.

“Yes.”

Donnie’s head snapped up to look at Raph who was looking at the ground, a light flush beginning to spread up the emerald green face.

“Wh-what?” Donnie questioned his voice shaking in disbelief.

He watched as Raph shifted uncomfortably for a moment feeling both Mikey’s and Donnie’s eyes on him. His head hung low and he looked at the floor unable to face either of his brothers.

“I’m sorry Mikey . . . I’m so sorry, I know it’s wrong. I love you, I know I do . . . but . . . but I can't help and feel this way about Donnie too.  He’s liked me for a long time . . . and I never knew, I thought he was in love with April and then he told me and I  . . . I just . . .” Raph explained in a quiet voice.

He slowly looked up at Donnie before reaching out to touch his hand only to stop a few inches before their fingers touched. The tension in the room was so thick; it felt like they could cut it with a knife.

“You’ve been so helpful to me . . . to us . . . without you I’d have never been able to admit how I feel about Mikey but at the same time. I don’t know Donnie, you’ve liked me for so long and at first I thought it was just because I want to make it up to you . . . but when I’m around you,” Raph broke off, forcing himself to take a deep breath so as not to hyperventilate.

Donnie felt like he had a lump in his throat and was struggling to breathe around it.

“When I am around you I just want to hold you and comfort you and to tell you everything is going to be ok. I want to tell you and show you that I am here for you. I’m sorry Mikey, I’m so sorry. I know it’s wrong and isn’t fair to either of you but I can't help it.”

His confession over with Raph hung his head shamefully, waiting for the censure and anger he knew was to follow. However Mikey nodded slowly.

“I know Raph, I’m not mad . . . I just . . .” Mikey bit his lip trying to find the right words to describe what he was feeling.

Raph risked a glance up and saw neither anger nor pain in his brother’s expressions.

“I want you to be happy Raph; I want both of you to be happy. I know you want more intimacy from me and it hurts that I can't give it to you . . . not yet. But Donnie, he’s not me and I know he would; and he wants to. So I don’t want to stand in the way of that happiness but at the same time I want you to still love me . . . its selfish of me but . . .”

Mikey’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment as his head spun slightly. He felt overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions that were rushing through his head. He felt someone grip his hand and lead him back to the bed. With little persuasion he dropped down onto the mattress, feeling nervous as he felt Raph and Donnie on either side of him.

“Mikey, oh Mikey I will always love you never doubt that, okay?” Raph whispered.

Mikey nodded slowly opening his eyes and seeing Raph’s genuine love. He felt his heart swell because of Raph’s words. He watched as Raph slowly looked to Donnie, his face becoming slightly red.

“But I also care about Donnie,” Raph continued.

As he spoke he reached out and put his hand over Donnie’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. The genius felt his heart flutter at the touch. He’d yearned to hear Raph say those words; dreamed of the day when the hothead would say that he returned Donnie’s feelings. Slowly he felt their bodies move, leaning in closer and closer.

The genius groaned as their lips met, it was everything he’d wanted it to be and more. Raph’s rough lips were just perfect as they touched his. He moaned loudly as Raph took charge leaning into the kiss increasing the pressure between them for a moment before pulling away.

For several moments they stared at each other accepting and processing the kiss. Donnie felt his face heat up again and he nervously looked away, trying to hide the girlish smile that was spreading across his face.

He wanted to laugh, to shout and sing at the top of his lungs; the thing he’d wanted to happen for years had finally happened. The years of denial and the months of having used his self-enforced crush on April to hide his true feelings had been rewarded; he and Raph had kissed. Despite the desires to shout and yell he didn't, instead he forced himself to keep a straight face while he turned to Mikey who was still sat between them.

“Thank you Mikey, thank you so much,” Donnie stated.

From his spot between them Mikey smiled back at him, it was the sort of smile that told Donatello that Mikey was happy about the way things had went. The last thing Donnie wanted was to cause his already troubled baby brother more pain and he was pleased to see that didn’t seem to be the case.

“I want something in return though,” Mikey suddenly spoke up.

Donnie nodded; he was willing to give Mikey just about anything.

“The creature that attacked me, the one I dreamt about, I want to go and see where it happened,” Mikey explained with an open honest expression.

Raph and Donnie looked at him the shock of the statement making them pause for a second. It was such an unexpected statement but despite that Donnie quickly brought himself out of his shock.

“Mikey about that, there is something we need to discuss with you. Father was going to address this with you later but since you’ve brought it up I guess I will,” Donnie began. “The creature that attacked you was pinned down and we were unable to bury his body. We were planning on burning it to get rid of it and protect our family.”Mikey’s mouth slowly dropped open and he swallowed hard.

“Father was going to ask you if you wanted to be with us when that happened. I didn’t think you were mentally ready for it because obviously the situation was so distressing for you that your mind blanked it all out but father said he wanted to give you the option. Now I think because you have started to subconsciously experience aspects of your memories I think perhaps it would be wise for you to join us,” Donnie explained as gently as he could.

The sea green turtle shook and shivered as he processed the information. Was he ready to face the monster in his dreams and not just be in the place it happened? The question was rolling around his mind when he felt Raph lean forward and nuzzle him.

“No matter what you decide Mikey, know we love you and that we aren’t going to leave you no matter what,” Raph reassured.

“I think I want to go. Maybe if I see it and watch it burn it will help me um . . . what’s the term?” Mikey began but stopped.

“It might give you closure?” Donnie offered.

“Yeah closure and maybe if I have closure then other things in my life might not seem as scary,” Mikey agreed.

Raph smiled at that and nuzzled at Mikey again. Leaning around the smaller turtle Raph wrapped his arm around Mikey’s shell and rested his hand on Donatello’s shoulder involving him in the intimacy.

“And through it all me and Donnie will be here to give you support,” Raph added.

Mikey grinned widely and leant into the touch, sighing contentedly as Donnie pressed against his side and cuddled them together. He meant Raph’s gaze across the top of the sea green head and felt his heart flutter at the wink and smile he received. Despite what they still had to go through Donnie had never felt as happy as he did at that moment.


	24. Chapter 24

** CHAPTER 23 **

Breakfast had been a tense affair; the family had eaten like they normally did but afterwards Donnie had announced that Mikey wished to be there when they burned Rahzar’s body. Leo and Splinter had exchanged nervous looks but had agreed, before vanishing into the tunnels to prepare the body.

This left Donnie, Raph and Mikey alone in the lair. The trio cleaned up the table and kitchen from breakfast, with both Donnie and Raph watching Mikey as he scrubbed at the plates before putting them away. They could see the fear in the young turtle’s face, could see the small tremors that made his hands shake when they weren't busy drying a plate or putting them away. They could easily see the tension in Mikey’s shoulders and neck.

They didn’t realise that their scrutiny of the smaller turtle wasn’t helping to ease his anxiety. He could feel their eyes upon him and he felt bad for making them worry so much over him. At the end of the day all he wanted was for them to be happy and they weren’t, and that was a problem he didn’t know how to solve.

As they finished cleaning up the kitchen Donnie spoke softly, “Mikey why don’t we go watch TV until it’s time?”

Mikey’s nodded, they could see the need to busy his mind with something. They moved into the living room, dropping down onto the sofa with Mikey safely cocooned between them. Donnie flicked through the channels, settling on a rerun of Space Invaders. He heard a snort from Raph and he had to work hard to suppress his smile at the hothead’s reaction.

Glancing to the side the smile finally broke across Donnie’s face as he saw Mikey starting to lean towards Raph. He rested his hand on Mikey’s thigh and this prompted the youngest to lift his legs up so that he could lie across both of his brothers.

With their hands resting comfortably upon his skin, for a little while Mikey seemed to relax. His shoulders eased, and his trembling became less, seemingly finding comfort in the two older turtle’s presence. As the episode ended Raph cleared his throat to draw Mikey’s attention to him. Moving his hand he interlocked his fingers with the sea green turtles and offered him a loving smile.

“Mikey I know you aren’t okay because let’s face it who would be okay in a situation like this, but I want you to try and honestly tell me how you are feeling?” Raph questioned simply.

Donnie was impressed with Raph’s insight and he looked lovingly at the emerald green turtle, thinking how much he loved when the hothead acted like this. The two of them watched as Mikey didn't respond right away, instead he watched the credits from the show roll by and into the adverts before finally deciding to answer.

“I . . . I don’t know,” Mikey answered honestly as Raph had requested.

He felt one of Donnie’s hands move up across his body so that he could grip his other hand. Feeling both of his brothers holding him and touching him was very reassuring. He moved his body against Raph and Donnie’s showing his brothers that he appreciated their comfort and that it was working.

“I don’t want to go because it is my worst nightmare but at the same time I need to. I need to see him, I know there is something in the back of my brain hiding in the shadows and until I see it for myself and bring the monster out of the shadows I can’t relax. I just want to be able to get on with our lives together and stop being such a burden,” Mikey finally explain nuzzling into Raph’s body.

“Mikey you aren’t a burden to us. You are our baby brother and that is never a burden to us. We love you and we want to make you happy,” Raph answered instantly lifting his hand to cup under Mikey’s chin.

The movement caused Mikey to have to let go of their hands in order to balance himself properly so he could look up at Raph as the hothead wanted. Their eyes locked and Raph lowered his head so that their lips touched in a gentle kiss. Donnie watched as their mouths moved against each other and he felt a stirring inside of him.

It was weird though; the emotion wasn’t jealousy as he thought it would be. Instead this time he felt a little hot at the sight. The two obviously cared deeply for each other but Donnie knew it included him as well. He could feel Mikey’s legs rubbing against his and it was a wonderful feeling. After a minute Raph pulled away from Mikey and rested their foreheads together.

Their moment together was broken by the sound of the turnstiles guarding the entrance of their home moving. The trio looked up to see their father and older brother stood waiting for them. Leo looked a little paler than usual and he was frowning at the scene but Splinter simply offered them a knowing smile.

“We are ready,” Splinter informed them.

Mikey took a deep breath and slowly began to stand from the sofa. Raph and Donnie instantly joined him and slipped their hands into Mikey’s. Looking up Raph met Leo’s gaze and saw the slight confusion in the leaders gaze. Raph held the blue stare neither being defiant or obnoxious but simply waiting for Leo to decide what to do with this new information.

“Mikey you probably should bring a sweater or something, the sewer we are going into is rather cold and we don’t want you getting ill,” Leo finally spoke up breaking his gaze from Raph’s to look at Mikey.

“Oh, okay,” Mikey answered and moved to head to his room.

Leo walked towards Raph while Donnie approached their father to discuss how they were going to adequately burn Rahzar’s body. Raph didn’t say anything but allowed Leo to take the lead in the conversation. He felt a little nervous, unsure how his leader was going to take the news.

“Splinter mentioned while we were alone in the sewers that the relationship between you, Mikey and Donnie was growing, that it was becoming more um . . . intimate. I . . I just didn’t expect . . . I’m not going to judge you . . . I’m a little surprised but . . . I’m not going to judge you,” Leo explained as simply as he could.

Raph let out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding. He reached forward and gripped Leo’s shoulder to show his appreciation.

“Leo just so you know we haven’t left you out of this, shell we don’t even know what this is. Everything has happened so fast since Mikey got hurt and I don’t think we completely understand it yet . . .” Raph began to reassure.

“It’s okay Raph, I don’t know how I feel about anything like that. I’ve not really thought about things like that so right now I’m happy to let you investigate how you all feel while I can do the same for myself, by myself. Like you said so much stuff has happened and it’s not an easy situation to be in for any of us,” Leo interrupted.

Raph grinned at his brother glad to know that they were roughly on the same page. Their attention was drawn away from each other as Mikey re-entered the main living area with a large sweatshirt over his arm. He looked between them seemingly a little unsure of what to do or say.

“Everybody ready?” Master Splinter questioned.

Donatello who had disappeared into his lab while Raph and Leo had been speaking reappeared with a metal container in his hands and his gadgets bag slung over his shoulder.

“What is that Donnie?” Mikey questioned.

“Acid. The fire will destroy most of the body but burning teeth and bones requires a very high level of heat which I am not sure we will be able to achieve. The acid will finish off the job and leave no trace. I also have masks in my bag as burning flesh has a rather horrid smell, and the masks will help us handle that,” Donnie answered honestly.

Mikey made an “ah” face and walked down to Raph where he took the hotheads hand. Master Splinter motioned with his hand and the small mutant family finally set off back into the sewers. Raph kept glancing to Mikey to make sure the smaller turtle was okay but Mikey kept his gaze resolutely on the tunnel ahead.

The journey was slow going with Master Splinter not wishing to set too harsh a pace knowing the torment Mikey would be experiencing both physically and mentally. Donnie walked beside Leo and couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in the leader’s brain.

“I’m fine Donatello so stop attempting to analyse me,” Leo cautioned after several minutes.

“I’m the family genius Leo that is kind of what I do, plus I’m curious as to your thoughts on everything that is happening,” Donnie grinned.

Leo smirked in reply and glanced over his shoulder to Raph and Mikey, taking in the two turtles while he mused on his reply.

“Everything is screwed up but given that we are a family of mutants that is kind of what we should expect. You know I’ve struggled with everything that has happened, I’ve hated not being in control but now I’m just trying to go with the flow and accept things as they happen. I think that this particular venture will be good closure for all of us,” Leo answered honestly.

Donnie nodded in understanding and moved so he could nudge Leo with his elbow causing the eldest to stumble. Leo replied with a shove of his own although a lot more gently as he didn’t wish for Donnie to drop the canister of acid. Soon the two of them were mucking about as they walked along. Mikey giggled at their antics and the atmosphere for a little while was relaxed.

It didn’t last as long as any of them would have hoped as the distance to where Razhar’s remained lay disappeared behind them. The sea green turtle wrinkled his beak as a stench wafted up his nostrils and made him gag.

“What is that?” he gasped clapping his hands over his beak.

Donnie handed the canister over to Leo and reached into his bag pulling out several masks. He adjusted the straps on one of the masks and stood in front of Mikey putting it over the younger's face.

“Rahzar’s body has been down here for a little while and has been decomposing. It is not a very pleasant smell, sorry I should have warned you about that too,” Donnie apologised.

With the mask over his face Mikey could breathe a little easier and without gagging. He leant forward and rubbed the side of his face against Donnie’s to show his appreciation.

“Thank you Donnie,” Mikey whispered his voice a little distorted by the mask.

Donnie felt his face heat up slightly as he smiled for a moment. Quickly he became aware of how the smell was affecting everyone else and for a moment wondered how Splinter and Leo had coped earlier. He reasoned they must have covered their faces in some way but it wasn’t as effective as his masks, it would also explain Leo’s pale complexion when he had come home.

He handed over the remaining masks to his family before pulling on his own mask. Raph smiled at the genius though Donnie could only tell by the wrinkling of the skin around Raph’s eyes, and the simple gesture made Donnie’s heart flutter slightly.

Only after they had each pulled on their masks and were comfortable with them, did Splinter turn and begin to lead the way once more. He finally came to a stop at the end of the tunnel. Splinter and Leo had taken a few minutes to erect a small sheet over the entrance, cutting off their immediate view of the station and Rahzar’s body.

Reaching down Raph wound his fingers into Mikey’s. As he gave Mikey’s hand a gentle squeeze he glanced sideways, noting that Donnie had done the same thing on the opposite side of the smallest turtle. The sea green body was physically shaking and it pained Raph to see him this way.

“Are you ready Mikey?” Raph questioned in a loud whisper to make sure it got past his mask.

For a moment Mikey was silent, his grip on Raph and Donnie’s hands becoming tighter. Raph shifted, leaning in closer to Mikey so that he could nuzzle his brother.

“Hey, it’s ok. We’ll be here the whole time and I promise you nothing will hurt you; not now, or ever again. Not if any of us have our way about it, okay?” Raph asked his voice filled with tenderness.

The emerald green turtle watched as Mikey swallowed nervously before nodding slowly. He raised his azure blue eyes to Raph’s green orbs and gave a hesitant smile.

“O-o-ok.”

Smiling to himself Raph leaned in lifting his mask, planting a gentle kiss on Mikey’s cheek. Looking up at his father Raph gave him a nod and Splinter let out a deep breath. Reaching forward the mutated human rat gripped the sheet covering the entrance and drew it to one side.

As they stepped forward Raph felt Mikey’s grip on his hand tighten almost impossibly tight, even if he had wanted too Raph couldn’t let go of Mikey’s hand. Silently they entered into the station, the family of mutants forming a protective semi-circle around Mikey.

Mikey’s eyes quickly flitted about the station and platform taking in everything about it until his eyes rested upon the hazy visions of his nightmares. On the train platform in front of them a large funeral pier had been erected; large chunks of wood had been piled and stacked around Rahzar’s body.

The rotting corpse was no longer impaled on the rebar as it had been when Mikey had last been there. The flesh had long since torn and the remaining festering flesh had slumped to the floor. Donnie wrinkled his beak at the sight and smell before him and he felt a fluttering of fear at how Mikey would react to it all.

Looking at his baby brother Donnie wasn’t surprised to see the wide eyed panicked gaze flitting over the horrific sight before them. The reddish brown gaze moved down to Raph and Mikey’s hands and Donnie wasn’t surprised to see Raph’s skin blanching at the tightness of Mikey’s hold.

For the longest of time nothing was said, the family allowing Mikey however much time he required to process the information before him. Finally Leo decided there had been enough silence and they needed to move on.

“Before we cremate him, does . . . does anyone want to say anything?” Leo questioned.

Raph shook his head; why would any of them want to say anything about . . .

“What was his name?”

Raph looked at Mikey a little startled at the question. Mikey was still looking at Rahzar’s body but the fearful expression had been replaced by a grim determination which now seemed to be etched into every feature of his young face that was visible. However nobody answered his question, instead it hung between them in a heavy atmosphere.

“What is his name?” Mikey repeated a little more forcefully.

It was Donnie who finally responded, “We called him Rahzar.”

Mikey seemed to consider this name for a moment before shaking his head slowly. They all watched as Mikey’s eyes closed and his face scrunched up as though he were trying to remember something. A few droplets of sweat formed on his skin and Donnie knew Mikey was putting all his mental effort into grasping the memory which seemed to be elusive to the smallest turtle.

“No I know that’s what you called him before but . . . but no that’s not his name . . . there was another one . . . wasn’t there? Something . . . his name starts with . . . ‘C’ . . .” Mikey muttered trying to explain.

Raph’s eyes widened; was Mikey remembering some shred of his past life before the attack? He looked up at each of his family members seeing the same shock he was feeling on their faces. Donnie however was very much focused on Michelangelo.

“Yes he did have another name, several in fact. Before his mutation he was a martial arts expert by the name of Chris Bradford,” Donnie explained simply and honestly.

Mikey opened his eyes and looked at Donnie for a moment before nodding slowly. It pained the genius to see his baby brother looking so lost and confused but there wasn’t much he could do about it. All he could do was support him and answer his questions honestly.

“Yes . . . I think I knew him didn’t I?”

Raph’s eyes widened again as slowly Mikey released his hand only to move forward towards the funeral pyre. The sea green hand shook as he slowly reached out, moving to touch Razhar’s body but stopping before he actually did.

Despite the desire, the revulsion he felt at touching the decomposing body was too much for Mikey. It was bad enough being so close and enduring the smell and sight, touching was simply too much. The entire family watched as Mikey took a deep shuddering breath gagging a little as the rancid smell caught in the back of his throat.

“I’m s-s-sorry that . . . that this happened to you . . . I’m sorry . . . you died because of me,” Mikey spoke loudly and clearly.

All of the family felt the words pull at their heart strings but at the same time they felt a little joyful as it was such a Michelangelo thing to say.

“I know you were a bad person and that you were trying to hurt me,” Mikey continued his fingers drifting over the scars of his arm. “But nobody deserves this. I hope you can find the same peace I have.”

Turning around Mikey shot Raph a sincere and loving glance before his eyes drifted over to Donatello and he repeated the gesture. Splinter stepped forward and placed his hand on Mikey’s shoulder never having felt more proud of his son than he did at that moment.

“Rahzar, formally DogPound, formally Chris Bradford may you find the peace and harmony which you were not blessed with in this life. We release you,” Splinter spoke gently barely loud enough for his sons to hear.

Rummaging in his bag Donatello pulled out the matches and handed them to Leo. The leader of the small clan stepped up beside his father and pulled a match out. Splinter held up the scrunched up newspaper which they would use as a starter and Leo struck the match.

The paper caught fire quickly and Splinter thrust it into the middle of the pyre before repeating the process around it to help the flames take. The fire quickly spread helped by the accelerants they had douse over it and the family rapidly stepped back.

Raph draped his arm around Mikey’s shoulders and pulled the smaller turtle close as they watched the flames lick at the corpse eagerly eating away at it. The smell was choking and rancid, gathering in the backs of their throats and threatening to make them vomit but they held on.

Splinter mumbled under his breath and Mikey closed his eyes momentarily both of them offering their individual respectful farewell. Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael simply remained silent and watched the body of one of their enemies be destroyed more completely by the flames.

Time seemed to fade away as the body slowly burned; it simply wasn't important. Mikey watched transfixed as the flames slowly lapped at the corpse; the source off all his recent pain. Would this cre . . . would Chris Bradford be forgotten? Did he have friends and a family who would wonder where he’d gone? Would those friends and family miss him? Or would they simply forget about him?

Those thoughts haunted Mikey’s mind as the flames roared higher. They swirled around in his head like a swarm of angry bees. He felt himself begin to shake slightly; was this his fault? Was his life worth the life of another? Was his memory loss a punishment of some kind for being the reason Bradford had died?

Next to him he felt Raph shifted, squeezing him a little tighter. He returned the squeeze though his eyes remained locked on the fire before him. He was completely mesmerized by it so that even if he wanted to Mikey couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He could feel his family's eyes upon him and knew they were worrying about him but he couldn’t do anything about it.. 

Raph could almost see the internal struggle that was going on in Mikey’s head. The smallest turtle’s eyes showed him all he needed to know even though they weren’t directed at him. Raph felt he had become very adept at reading Mikey’s mood and emotions even when he couldn’t see all of the turtle in question.

Flicking his eyes to the sight which kept Mikey so entranced, Raph saw the remains were completely consumed by the fire. The flames cast shadows across the whole subway station and for a moment Raph wondered how they weren’t drawing any outside attention. Looking over his shoulder he caught Donnie’s attention and the olive green turtle gave him a grim smile.

The flames were so vigorous now that they couldn’t even see Rahzar’s body, it had simply been swallowed up by the blaze. The heat coming off the body was incredible, so much so that it was making all of them sweat as it washed over them.

The silence was only broken by the crackling of the pyre, instead they group remained respectfully silent. Time held no meaning to the small family and they were completely dictated by Michelangelo’s emotion clock.

With a loud sigh Mikey’s eyes finally broke away from the blaze and the thoughts that the funeral was inspiring in his mind. He blinked rapidly and lifted his hand to wipe at his sweat covered brow. He looked down and saw his and hands were still interlocked so he looked up at Raph who was watching him carefully.

Their eyes locked and Mikey tried to speak but nothing more than a croak escaped from his dried throat. Raph smiled lovingly and gently leaned in to nuzzle his younger brother. Brushing his mask covered beak against Mikey’s cheek, Raph desperately wanted to kiss the presented skin but had to settle for the nuzzling and soft purring sound he made in his throat. The gesture was soft and loving but offered reassurance to Mikey.

“Mikey?” Donnie’s voice was gentle as he spoke. “Would you like to go back to the lair now?”

Mikey tore his eyes away from Raph to look up at Donatello. He mused over the question seeming to struggle with what he wanted  before he finally nodded. Raph turned to Leo and his father who both stood to one side. The two mutants already had determined grim expressions and Raph knew the decision had been made even before they had started the funeral.

“Take Mikey and Donnie home, Splinter and I will take care of the rest of the remains,” Leo explained a little detachedly.

Smiling at his oldest brother Raph slowly began to lead Mikey out of the station, back beyond the safety of the sheet which hung over the entrance. Donatello didn’t join them straight away but remained behind explaining to his father and sibling how to deal with the last of the remains. His explanation was detailed and extensive making sure they understood the dangers involved in working with acid.

When he finally joined Mikey and Raph on the other side of the sheet, he was without his gadget bag, having left it with his father and brother to use. The olive green turtle smiled as he found Mikey safely cocooned in Raph’s arms and they were nuzzling each other as best they could. With Donatello with them, Raph led the trio back to the lair.

Raph noted that as they walked Mikey’s hand never left his and Donnie’s grips. The few times they had to separate with the tunnel not being wide enough for them to walk hand in hand, Mikey had been reluctant and quickly took back a hold as soon as he could.

They moved through the maze of tunnels and passages in silence, none of them seeming to know what to say.  It wasn’t until they had finally moved through the turnstiles of their home did Donnie made any attempt to engage in conversation.

“Mikey, why don’t you and Raph go lay down in your room? I’ll make some tea and then join you ok?” Donnie asked as he finally removed his mask.

Mikey nodded but didn't move, his expression distant and vague. Raph looked to Donnie for a moment before moving, firstly removing both his and Mikey’s masks and handing them to Donatello. Next he reached down scooping Mikey up in his arms. With a tender kindness Raph carried him into his bedroom before gently laying him down on the bed. He watched as Mikey shifted, pulling his knees against his chest, while gently rocking back and forth.

Raph could tell his brother and lover was upset. Slowly he sat down next to Mikey; hoping the closeness would help comfort the smallest turtle somewhat. Part of him wanted to speak, to ask Mikey what was wrong, but somehow he knew that right now Mikey himself was not even aware of why he was feeling this way.Instead Raph remained silent, gently rubbing Mikey’s neck and shell as the young turtle continued to rock back and forth. It pained the emerald green turtle to see Mikey so upset and unsure but he knew with time his brother could get an element of normality back. All they needed was each other and continued support and they could survive anything. His eyes drifted close and he rested his cheek against the top of Mikey’s shell simply being content with the closeness they had right at that moment in time.

 


	25. Chapter 25

** CHAPTER 24 **

Raph remained contentedly by Mikey’s side, holding the smaller turtle to his body and offering silent comfort. With his eyes closed, Raph’s superb hearing could make out the sounds Donnie made as he moved about the lairs kitchen.

He couldn’t stop the smile which tugged at his mouth as he heard Donnie muttering to himself as he moved about. He didn’t move from his spot as he heard Donnie approach the bedroom and enter with the promised drinks. Finally Raph opened his eyes and looked up to Donnie as his purple brother set down the tea and joined them on the bed, sitting on Mikey’s other side.

Their gaze met and they silently exchanged information over the top of Mikey’s head. Donnie shook his head a little at how traumatised Mikey appeared to be. However he had learned over the past few weeks that making assumptions about Mikey and his mental state was never a good idea, as Mikey’s recent worries had been surprisingly mature and it was best to ask.

“Mikey? Michelangelo are you okay?” Donnie questioned.

They both watched nervously as Mikey took a deep breath which made his entire body shudder. He lifted one hand from where it was wrapped around his knees to wipe it across his eyes. He blinked rapidly seemingly trying to clear the fuzziness of his vision. He continued to stare ahead and for a moment Donnie wondered if he wasn’t going to answer.

“Would . . . would you forget me if . . . if I died?” the youngest finally said.

Raph felt his eyes widen at the comment, but it was Donnie who spoke first; his voice filled with concern.

“Mikey, what kind of a question is that?”

Mikey looked at them, his eyes filled with uncertainty, pain, confusion, and fear. He held Donatello’s reddish brown gaze seeing the honest concern in the genius’s eyes.

“If I died, would you . . . either of you . . . forget me?”

Raph moved wrapping his arms around Mikey; soon he was joined by Donnie as the two brother’s hugged their youngest brother, willing him to feel their love. Nuzzling the side of Mikey’s face Raph took a deep breath, inhaling his lover’s scent and sensing the distress in it.

“No Mikey we’d never forget you, ok?” Raph reassured.

Mikey nodded, sniffling slightly as he did so, “Okay . . .”

The way Mikey spoke made it clear he was still a little upset. Shifting Raph touched Mikey’s chin, turning Mikey’s head until their lips met in a gentle kiss. After a moment they broke apart and stared deeply into each other’s eyes.

“Mikey, we love you. We’re your family, we’d never forget you and if something happened to you . . . we’d make sure that you are honoured properly, okay?”

Mikey nodded, “Okay.”

Raph smiled and kissed Mikey’s cheek again. On the opposite side of Mikey, Donnie kept running his fingers up and down Mikey’s arm. It pained him to see the once vibrant turtle so subdued and upset. He could see where Mikey’s fears were coming from and he didn’t want his baby brother to dwell on it.

“Mikey, you have to also remember that you and Rahzar are very different people. What happened to him was not your fault and you need to try and move past this. Rahzar liked being a bad guy and he will be remember or not remembered because of that. You however are a good guy, a very good guy and you’ll always be known and remembered as the turtle who always brought a smile to our faces,” Donnie reassured and comforted.

Raph felt his heart swell at Donatello’s words and he felt Mikey relax a little against him, obviously the reassurances from the genius had helped to ease Mikey’s distress.

“Now I don’t want you to dwell too much on stuff like this again, okay? You’re safe, you’re relatively healthy and most importantly I . . .  I mean we love you. So if we can stop it nothing is ever going to happen to you again, got it?” Raph added his voice low.

Mikey nodded, a small smile spreading across his face, “I get it guys.”

Donnie watched his two brothers. He could feel the love radiating off of Raph, could feel it calming Mikey down, relaxing away any fears he still had in his mind. He watched as Raph leaned in again, kissing Mikey’s lips.

He watched as both his brother’s eyes drifted closed, faint churrs rumbling from their chests as the kiss deepened and prolonged. Against his will he let out a low whimper of want; which made Raph and Mikey break apart. Donnie looked down at the bed, slightly ashamed that he’d made his brother’s stop their kiss.

“Sorry . . . I . . .”

The rest of his words were cut off as Raph reached up and put his hand against the back of Donnie’s head before pulling him forward into their own kiss. Donnie groaned as their lips met, his nostrils filling with Raph’s musky sweaty scent.

He could feel Raph’s hand pushing against the back of his head, making the kiss deeper. He shuddered slightly as he felt the strong turtles tongue flick out of his mouth, running along Donnie’s lips; silently asking permission.

Another groan escaped Donnie’s mouth, this one much louder as he felt Raph’s tongue enter his mouth. Raph moved, pushing their bodies together so their chests rubbed against each other’s; while at the same time keeping one hand wrapped around Mikey’s fingers.

They kissed for as long as they could, both of them enjoying the feeling of the other’s lips; only breaking apart when the lack of oxygen made their lungs burn. They didn’t move too far apart instead keeping their beaks touching as they panted. Eventually Raph felt he had his breathing under relative control so he shifted; ready to pull Mikey into another kiss only to watch as the youngest shifted away.

Raph frowned as Mikey pulled back slightly before shaking his head slowly, a small smiling covering his face. He looked up at his two brothers from underneath his lowered lids, the look enticing and alluring even if that wasn’t what Mikey had intended. Raph felt a rumble of desire rising in his throat but swallowed it down.

“Mikey?” he finally managed to ask, his voice low and lust filled.

When Mikey spoke his voice was soft and gentle, “It’s Donnie’s turn to have you, and I can wait.”

The emerald green turtle raised his eye ridges at Mikey’s statement before he turned to Donnie, a little unsure of what Mikey’s words meant. Understanding settled on his features as his eyes scanned his purple clad brother.

Donnie’s face was covered in a faint red blush contrasting beautifully with the olive green hue of his skin. The genius’s plastron rose and fell rapidly as he gasped for air, but it was his eyes which grabbed Raph’s attention. The normally reddish brown orbs were filled with the need and want Donnie had kept pent up for so long.

Raph looked back to Mikey, as though asking if this was really what the orange turtle wanted. The smaller turtle was leaning back against the wall, a small pillowed pulled against his chest as he continued looking up with a hooded gaze at the two older turtles. Mikey gave Raph a gentle nod in response, his tongue peeking out as he did so to wet his dry lips.

“It’s fine Raph, I’m . . . not ready just yet. Donnie’s been wanting you for a very long time; I can wait,” Mikey whispered honestly.

Turning back to Donnie, Raph moved finally releasing his hold on Mikey’s hand so that he could reach out and grip his genius brother’s shoulders. With little persuasion Raph pushed Donatello down onto the bed so Donnie’s shell rested against the blankets before moving so he straddled the highly intelligent turtle’s hips.

Donnie groaned a faint shudder running through his body as Raph leaned in to capture his lips again. This kiss was different, yes there was love but there was also lust and desire in it. Donnie felt his heart rate jump; this was happening . . . it was really happening. He’d wanted and dreamed, and prayed for this moment to happen and it was _finally_ happening.

His hands moved seemingly of their own accord as all of Don’s brain seemed focused on the tongue which was currently exploring his mouth. Strong hands roamed Raph’s chest, memorizing the texture of the plates. He could feel Raph’s hand moving too; touching his own chest, rubbing down his hips and sides.

Despite how amazing the exploring hands felt they didn’t seem to be that important. He simply couldn’t draw his brain and senses away from the fact that despite all the touches he and Raph hadn’t stop kissing. When they did break apart Raph let out a low growl, moving to capture Donnie’s lips again only to freeze when he felt Donnie’s fingers touch the side of his face.

“D-Donnie?”

He shuddered as he felt the strong sure fingers tracing his jaw and cheek before slowly moving upwards never once breaking contact with the emerald green skin.

Raph’s eyes widened as he felt Donnie’s finger’s brush under his mask before gently pulling the length of red fabric away from the hot heads face. Raph felt his breath hitch in his chest slightly as Donnie’s arms fell to the sides of his face, discarding Raph’s bandana over the side of the bed.

“Now . . . you do me . . .” Donnie instructed his voice low and almost sultry despite the nerves which made it quiver slightly.

Raph swallowed nervously, his hands shaking slightly as they reached up to touch Donnie’s face and cheeks, before moving upwards to the purple headband. With uncommon gentleness he slowly undid Donnie’s head band, easing it away from his lover’s face before dropping it over the side of the bed. For the next thirty seconds they stared at each other.

With their headbands removed something felt different; some final barrier between them had been removed, some final restraint undone. Now their need and passions flooded through their bodies making both of them tremble slightly as they stared at each other.

To anyone else it might have seemed like an odd thing for them to do; removing the other’s headbands but to them, to their tight knit family it was a deeply intimate gesture. It was a symbol, right now, in this moment they weren’t ninjas anymore, they weren’t brothers . . . they were lovers.

It was Donnie who broke the silence, his voice filled with want and need as he spoke, “Raph . . .”

But the breathy exhalation of the hotheads name was cut off as Raph crushed their lips together again. Their bodies ground together, making both of them moan and shudder. Again Raph ran his tongue against Donnie’s lips, making Donnie part them; inhaling sharply as the Raph’s tongue entered his mouth.

Briefly the genius’s mind pondered how easily they had taken to the intimacy now that they were embracing it. There didn’t seem to be much fumbling and learning, it was almost as if they instinctively knew what to do and how to act.

He pulled away from Raph and lay back panting, his whole body heaving with the effort of drawing in adequate oxygen. He looked up at Raph with hooded eyes and groaned at the desire which sparkled in those startling green orbs, a look he had longed for, for too many years.

His eyes flicked to the side taking in Mikey’s more huddled form, despite the overwhelming desire to be Raph the protectiveness he felt towards Mikey helped override the raw instinct. The sea green turtle was watching them wide eyed from his spot on the bed and Donnie was grateful that he could see no hint of fear in the baby of the family’s expression.

“That was hot,” Mikey breathed out when he saw Don’s attention was on him.

Donnie felt the heat rise in his face as Mikey’s eyes raked down his body seeming to drink in every detail of the olive green body. Raph smirked as he watched the two interact. He didn’t know why but he felt strangely confident despite having limited experience and having been so adamantly against loving Mikey at first.

“Damn . . . I’m the luckiest turtle alive,” Raph explained as he looked between the two other turtles.

“You can say that again, you got the full package with us two,” Mikey quipped with a cheeky grin.

Donnie failed to contain the snort of laughter. He watched Raph lean over and capture Mikey’s lips in a gentle loving kiss, marvelling at how he felt no jealousy or resentment at the sight. Instead he thought about how the small teasing between the brothers had eased the tension that had been lingering in the room.

It was almost as if Mikey’s cheekiness had eased away the last of the nerves and now Donnie felt as confident as Raph looked. Sitting up Donnie used his closer position to Raph to run his fingers up the emerald green thigh and then cup the firm backside.

Raph’s churr was loud against Mikey’s mouth and the shudder which ran through his body showed his enjoyment. Breaking away from the sea green turtle, Raph looked over his shoulder green eyes blazing with want.

“Ohh you should be careful what you are doing with those hands Donnie, they are going to get you in trouble one of these days,” Raph rumbled out.

“Maybe you should spank me for being a bad boy,” Donnie teased huskily back.

Raph raised an eye ridge at the kinky suggestion and moved so he could lean over the genius’s body.

“I got a better punishment for you,” Raph answered back.

Looking up at his soon to be lover Donnie pouted a little, “Oh and what is that?”

“I’m going to ravage your ass,” Raph explained.

Donnie blinked rapidly as he processed that information his face heating up rapidly as images floated through his brain. The churr which bubbled up from his throat was a little unexpected but made Raph grin widely. The emerald green turtle surged forward once more capturing Donatello’s lips with his own as he pushed Donnie back down against the blankets.

Their mouths opened and their tongues explored with renewed vigour while hands began to roam and conquer. There was a certain desperation about their movements, almost as if they couldn’t get enough of each other or move fast enough.

Everywhere that Raph’s hands touched seemed to set Donatello’s skin alight and he spread his legs eagerly and willingly. Raph felt the movement underneath him and soon found their groins to be pressed hard against each other.

He rolled his hips forward grinding their plastrons together enjoying the sound and feeling. The air was thick with lust and they were swiftly losing themselves to the feelings, becoming completely engrossed in the moment. Moans and little sounds of desire broke the silence and Raph could feel his lower plastron beginning to swell.

He pulled away so that he could look down between their bodies, seeing Donnie’s body was reacting in a similar way. He raised his eyes back up to look directly into the reddish brown eyes of his lover. He panted lightly and despite his embarrassment he knew he needed to ask the question.

“I know the general mechanics of what to do but I don’t want to hurt you, so do I need to do anything before I . . . um . . . you know?” Raph questioned.

Donnie couldn’t help the smile which graced his features at Raph’s questions. Despite his hot headed nature Raph was usually very caring and it made Donatello’s heart beat faster to feel that care directed at him.

“Actually Raph there is something we need to do before hand,” Donnie husked.

“Tell me what I need to do,” Raph instructed.

“Um you need to get off me so I can go and get something.”

Raph frowned but did as instructed, sitting back on the bed. Struggling Donnie hobbled to the door, finding the bulge of his lower plastron hindering his movements. Raph leant back on the bed watching as Donnie disappeared out of the room. He felt fingers caress the side of his face and he turned to look at Mikey.

The azure blue eyes were hooded and it was a truly alluring sight. Turning his beak into Mikey’s palm he nuzzled at it, flicking his tongue out to lick at the sea green skin. The giggle it gained him was music to his ears and he added a kiss to the presented flesh.

He moved slowly knowing he needed to be careful not to overwhelm Mikey. He pressed another kiss onto the tender skin of Mikey’s wrist before continuing to kiss his way up the sea green forearm. He moved across Mikey’s collarbone and up his neck before pressing their lips together.

He couldn’t help but compare the two kisses; the ones he’d shared with Donnie and then this one with Mikey. Each of them had their own qualities, Donnie’s slightly more aggressive and knowing while Mikey was more tentative and hesitate. Either way it was enjoyable and Raph ran his hands up Mikey’s arms so he could cup Mikey’s face.

“I love you, Mikey.”

He could not help but smile as Mikey’s face went a slight shade of red at his words.

“I love you to Raph.”

They moved, leaning in again so they could kiss, their lips meeting in a gentle but passionate embrace. However they were interrupted as Donnie returned with whatever he had gotten. He was churring lightly with each breath and dived onto the bed wanting to be part of the desirable sight. Raph trembled as he felt Donnie press in against his carapace.

“What did you get?” Raph questioned barely managing to get the question out behind quick breaths.

“Lubricant for me so I don’t tear when we . . . um . . . when we . . .” Donnie began but unable to finish embarrassment taking hold of him.

Raph turned so he could pepper Donatello’s lips with quick kisses, the gesture helping to reassure the genius turtle.

“When we make love?” Raph asked as they broke away.

Donnie nodded dumbly, his hands trembling as he held out the tube he had managed to get a hold of. Raph took it without looking at it, his entire being focused on the flustered olive green turtle before him. Donnie shuffled on the bed and began to lie back but Mikey’s hand upon his arm stopped him.

“Put your head up here next to me,” the youngest instructed softly.

A little bit of manoeuvring was required before Donnie was lying down with his head positioned on Mikey’s lap, the youngest reassuringly running his fingers across the top of Donatello’s plastron. Raph moved down so that he knelt between the already spread long legs.

“I’m not . . . I’m not sure what exactly to do,” Raph confessed.

A hint of a smile floated across Donatello’s face and he let out a half-hearted chuckle, “What makes you think I’m any more knowledgeable on the subject than you are?”

“Cause you’re the genius Donnie-boy,” Raph grinned back.

“I have done a little bit of research on the matter,” Donnie confessed. “Open the tube and spread a large amount onto your finger.”

Raph did as he was told; cursing to himself as his hands visibly shook. He kept flicking his eyes up to his brothers seeing them both watching his with rapt attention. Even Michelangelo seemed completely fascinated by the events, his blue eyes dilated until there was nearly no blue colour left showing.

“N-now what?” Raph stuttered.

Donnie took a deep breath and untucked his tail from where it was pressed between his legs. It took all of his willpower to force it to lie flat against the bed covers and even then he could not stop it from occasionally twitching from side to side in nervous anticipation. Raph’s eyes flicked down the instant he saw the movement in his peripheral vision and his mouth dropped open a little.

“You n-need to s-s-stretch the anal muscles o-or I will tear when . . . when you p-penetrate,” Donnie explained unable to stop the stammer.

Nodding his head Raph moved his weight forward his hand lowering down between Donnie’s legs. He rested his other hand on the olive green thigh and gave it a squeeze before pressing the tip of his finger against the tight muscle.

Donatello tried to relax but couldn’t help and tense up a hiss escaping as he felt the pressure being applied to his anus. Raph looked up at the noise unsure whether or not to progress.

“Hey Donnie?” Mikey whispered gently.

Reddish brown eyes opened and looked up at his baby brother. Without another word Mikey leant over his tall brother and began to kiss him upside down. Donnie responded eagerly to the kiss, opening his mouth the instant Mikey’s tongue ran over his lips. It was weird kissing his lover in this position but they kept exploring and moving until they found a good pattern.

Donnie gasped into Mikey’s mouth as Raph began to press his finger once more into the genius’s body, but the relaxing effect of Mikey’s kiss stopped him from tensing up too much. He groaned, his back arching as he felt Raph’s finger moved deeper and deeper into his body. Raph kept looking between his task of preparing Donatello and the his lip locked lovers, both sights stirring his insides until he felt like his penis was going to explode.

Unable to hold it in anymore Raph’s erection dropped down, sighing a little in relief as his member had room to finally engorge fully. Mikey broke the kiss at the sound of Raph’s sigh, wondering what the hot head was doing. The churr which squeaked out from Mikey’s vocal cords had Donnie looking up as well.

Seeing Raph sitting there between his legs, hard and with a look of pure lust on his face, made Donnie so hot he felt he was going to pass out. He could feel Raph’s finger moving inside of him but looking at the hardened member which was beginning to glisten a little in the dull light of Mikey’s room Donnie knew he would need more stretching.

“A-a-add a se-second finger,” Donnie instructed his voice deeper than it ever had been before.

Raph look down at this thick fingers before looking back up at his lover, “You sure, my fingers are chunky.”

“So are other areas of your anatomy,” Donnie grinned back licking his lips as his gaze dipped down between Raph’s legs.

The emerald green turtle felt the heat rising throughout his whole body as he placed a second finger against the muscle and began to push it inside of Donatello. The genius arched against Mikey’s legs and his own shell as he was spread wide. It hurt he couldn’t deny that, a sharp sting which seemed to ripple outwards but it was not enough to make him want to stop.

Reaching behind Donnie grabbed hold of the edges of Mikey’s carapace holding on as tightly as he could. His body shook and shivered as he felt Raph’s strong thick fingers spreading him. His reddish brown eyes flew open when he felt another pair of hands gently touch his upper plastron before quickly moving down the central line towards where the genius kept his own member.

He panted and gasped as Mikey’s fingers began to play across the spreading slit, each touch sending delicious tingles throughout the genius’s penis. Donnie tossed his head from side to side as his lovers explored his body, the sensations almost overwhelming. His body bubbled and churned with chaotic pleasure that lashed at his insides seeking an escape.

“Donnie?”

The taller turtle didn’t realise he had closed his eyes until he had to open them to find the source of his name being called. He met Raph’s passion filled face and knew the moment was upon them.

“Donnie I . . . I need you,” Raph confessed his voice thick and unsteady.

Pushing Mikey’s hands from off of his lower plastron, Donnie realised he had dropped down; he’d been so caught up in all the overwhelming sensations he hadn’t even realised. Sitting up a little bit he wrapped one arm around Raph’s neck and pulled the hot head against him, their lips meeting in a kiss which was all tongue and teeth.

They fell back onto the bed with Donnie’s head going back to being on Mikey’s lap. Their organs ground against each other, the sensations like nothing else they had ever felt before. Raph’s hips moved almost of their own will until he was positioned pressed against Donatello’s well stretched anus.

“D-Donnie . . . I love you.”

Donnie felt his face heat up and his heart swell slightly at Raph’s words.

“I love you too.”

Pressing his lips hard against Donatello’s Raph pressed his hips forward fully, penetrating almost fully. He swallowed down the cry which erupted from Donatello’s throat, knowing the movement had hurt his brother.

Donnie shivered and shook from a mixture of pain and pleasure, his whole body singing with the contrasting emotions. It hurt so much more than when Raph had been preparing him and the next few breathes the olive green turtle took make his whole body heave.

He felt the gentle reassuring touches of Michelangelo’s hands, the loving deep and passion filled kisses from Raph and he knew he would be okay. He actually marvelled at his usually more impatient brother‘s control at keeping still until Donatello had accustomed himself to the feeling of being so completely and thoroughly owned.

Finally Raph broke their kiss and he rested their foreheads against each other, mouth open and panting wantonly. Sweat trickled down the side of Raph’s face to land on the turtle beneath him. Tentatively Donatello moved his hips feeling how that affected the way Raph penetrated him.

They both churred together and Raph took that as a hint that he could finally move. He gave a thrust burying himself completely into Donnie’s body before pulling back and repeating the movement. Donatello raised his legs and hooked them over the back of Raph’s thighs, needing to feel as much of a connection as he could with his lover.

Each time Raph thrust the movement caused their plastron to rub against Donatello’s hardened member which was trapped between them. The feelings were completely indescribable and Don felt like it was impossible to process them all at once, so he didn’t even try.

He allowed his body to simply roll with the sensations, not making any attempt to think about them; for once he was completely lost to the feelings. His eyes flickered open momentarily as he felt Raph’s mouth descend upon his neck and began to suckle on the sensitive flesh. He met Mikey’s eyes and saw his baby brother was as equally lost in his emotions.

He could feel the bulge of Mikey’s lower plastron against the top of his head and knew he wanted to do something about it. Moving his head he gave Raph more access to his neck while allowing him space to access Mikey’s lower body.

Pursing his lips together he blew over the slit of Mikey’s lower plastron, causing the youngest to groan loudly and drop down. Without hesitation Donatello’s tongue flicked out and lapped at his baby brother’s tip, making Mikey shake and whimper. One sea green hand moved to caress the back of Donnie’s head while the other grasped at the bed sheets beneath him.

“Holy fuck,” Raph muttered from where he looked up from ravaging Donatello’s neck. “That’s hot.”

Donnie smiled lightly at Raph’s comment and shifted once more so he could lavish more attention on Mikey’s needy erection. Raph grunted over him, golden eyes taking in everything and helping to arouse him almost to the point of release.

Donnie felt Raph’s thrust stutter a little and knew what was coming. He instinctively flexed his muscles, causing an undulating rhythm against the intruding member within his body. He felt Raph’s fingers dig into his flesh as the hothead held on and began to thrust desperately as instinct slowly began to take over.

There was a slight burning sensation in Donnie’s nether region as Raph began to lose control of himself and simply strove for that high. The olive green turtle churred loudly as Raph struck repeatedly the bundle of nerves that made up his prostate, the vibrations of the sound running down Mikey’s erection, causing the youngest to churr in reply.

“Oh God,” Raph breathed and slammed home inside of Donatello, his organ seeming to grow in size for split second.

Donnie hadn’t expected Raph’s teeth to bite down on the skin of his neck at the moment of release. The mixture of pain and pleasure was enough to send the olive green turtle into the exquisite bliss Raphael was already revelling in.

“RAPH!” Donnie shouted out his head tipping back as his body shuddered and shook.

The genius’s hand grasped at Mikey’s body hoping to hold onto something to keep himself anchored. He could feel it, a kind of warmth slowly spreading through his insides as Raph’s member pulsed and throbbed inside him. He felt something warm and sticky trickling down onto his tail and he couldn’t help the churr of decadent delight escaping his throat when he realised Raph’s seed was not only filling him but overflowing.

He lifted his legs and wrapped them fully around the emerald green turtles body, holding his lover in place wanting to prolong their coupling as long as possible. He could feel Raph’s breath against his neck, could feel the hot wetness of his lovers tongue as the hot head gently licked at the bite mark. He groaned as he felt one of Raph’s hands gently rubbing his stomach, spreading Donnie’s own sticky emissions all over his stomach and chest.

The two turtles panted and writhed together as the last of their pleasure began to ebb away to be replaced by a deep satisfaction. Raph slowly lifted his head and looked deep into Donatello’s eyes needing to see that his lover and brother was alright and comfortable with what had just happened.

“You okay?” Raph whispered, his voice still dripping with lust.

“Yes . . .  yes . . . always yes,” Donnie replied a goofy grin spreading across his lips.

A small grunt from above them had them both looking up to see Mikey still watching them, his erection still hard and leaking begging for further attention. Slowly Raph began to pull himself free of Donatello’s hot body and despite not wanting to Donnie lowered his legs and allowed it.

Together they both turned so that they were lying on their sides and could each lavish attention on their youngest lover. Gently Donnie eased Mikey’s legs out from their partially crossed position and down between him and Raph, so that their younger lover would be comfortable. Between the two of them they covered Michelangelo’s needy flesh with tender kisses and touches.

The smaller turtle leant back against the wall both hands now grasping at the pillow beneath him as his hips began to thrust forward of their own accord. Mikey’s eyes drifted shut as he snorted heavily through his nose; his teeth bit down onto his lower lip, as a low rumbling churr escaped his mouth.

“Isn’t he just so sexy like this?” Raph asked Donnie as he lifted his head to watch Mikey’s face.

“Unbelievably so,” Donnie agreed before returning to suckle at the head of Mikey’s member.

Hearing his brothers and lovers speak of him in such a way while pleasuring him had Mikey’s face heating up and the pressure building in his lower body until almost breaking point.

“I feel . . . something . . . I want too . . .” Mikey managed to gasp out.

“Let go Mikey, remember what I said listen to your body and let it tell you want it wants to do,” Raph explained simply.

Together Raph and Donnie descended once more upon the throbbing flesh covering it almost completely, both of them licking and tasting the warm sensitive organ; occasionally tasting each other as their tongue met across Mikey’s sensitive and throbbing flesh. Mikey’s feet dug into the bed sheets and he thrust up in small waves, grunting and churring as the pleasure continued to build and build until finally he finally joined his lovers in their euphoric high.

Donatello took the first of Mikey’s release in his mouth before Raph’s mouth took over and covered the spurting head. It was weird to taste Michelangelo’s essence like that but at the same time both of them wanted to experience it.

Donnie watched as Raph milked Mikey through the pleasure, seeing the love and tenderness the hothead displayed towards the youngest. Despite this he didn’t feel the jealousy which had so recently been such a part of his life.

Mikey’s eyes fluttered open and he looked down at the two older turtles, azure blue orbs sparkling with residual desire and excitement. Uncurling his fingers from where they had locked onto the bedcovers, Mikey lifted his hand and motioned Donnie up to him.

The olive green turtle shifted forward and lifted his head until their lips could meet. The kiss was filled with love and Donnie revelled in that fact and understood why his jealousy was gone. He was no longer jealous because he was truly part of their love and returned it back.

Raph lifted himself up and gently eased Donnie’s head around so he could kiss the olive green turtle before giving Mikey a kiss as well. Finally pulling apart the group sat and looked at each other, taking in and absorbing what they had just experienced together.

“That was . . .” Mikey began but stopped not sure what word he wanted to use.

“Amazing?” Raph suggested.

“Wonderful, breath-taking, fulfilling?” Donnie added a smirk twitching at his lips.

Mikey grinned in reply and nodded his head, “Yeah what you said.”

Raph chuckled and lifted himself up off the bed, gently manipulating Donnie and Mikey until the two were lying down together and he could lie down beside them. He cast his arm over Mikey’s body so he could touch Donnie as well and the trio simply enjoyed the afterglow.

“What do we do now?” Mikey asked after several minutes of blissful silence.

Donnie and Raph looked at each other over his body and both began to caress his form reassuringly.

“We take every day one at a time. We explore and discuss everything and work as a team just as we always have,” Donnie explained as he planted loving kisses on Mikey’s plastron.

“Like a team, does that mean Leo too?” Mikey quizzed innocently.

Raph sat up a little so he could look Mikey properly in the eyes, wanting his lover to know he meant everything he said.

“In the future yes if that is what he and we want. He said he was shocked but happy for us but that he didn’t know where his own feelings lay regarding this yet. Like Donnie said we take it one day at a time and just let the natural flow take us along,” Raph explained as simply as he could.

Lifting his head Mikey nuzzled his beak against Raph’s feeling the love which radiated off his strong passionate lover.

“I like that idea,” Mikey whispered before resting his head back down on the bed.

Donnie smiled as Raph’s eyes flickered over to him. With a contented sigh Raph lay back down and continued to caress both Donatello and Michelangelo, basking in the joy of his two new lovers.

“You know I think losing my memory was a good thing after all,” Mikey suddenly spoke up.

“How do you figure that out Mikey?” Donnie questioned from where he rested his head against Mikey’s shoulder.

“Well if I hadn’t of lost my memory than I might not have connected with Raph the way I did and that wouldn’t have made you jealous. If you weren’t jealous you probably wouldn’t have said anything and you wouldn’t have gotten together with us. So my losing my memory was a good thing because it meant we all got together like this,” Mikey answered honestly.

Raph smirked against Mikey’s plastron at the explanation but knew what the smaller turtle was saying was true.

“Well I’m glad something good came out of this,” Donnie answered back.

“Uh huh,” came the tired reply from Mikey.

Snuggling closer to the smaller turtle, Raph and Donnie cocooned him in their arms, while their hands interlocked over his body. It was true what Mikey was saying, there had been something good to come out of the horrible situation. Now they would simply have to make the most of the situation.

Mikey may have forgotten their lives together before this point but who he was, was still inside and they could now build new memories and bonds, bring them closer together than they ever had been before. It was with these loving thoughts that the trio drifted off to sleep, a new life and new adventures awaiting them.


	26. Chapter 26

** EPILOGUE **

Mikey shivered with excitement as he followed Raph’s touch. His lover had blindfolded him and told him that when he took off the blindfold there would be an amazing surprise waiting for him. So he trustingly followed Raph’s touch, allowing his lover to lead him through tunnels and up ladders until they reached their destination.

“Are you ready Mikey?” the emerald green turtles voice rumbled in Mikey’s ear slit, making the youngest turtle shiver with a mixture of arousal and excitement at the surprise.

Mikey nodded eagerly. He could tell they weren’t in the sewers anymore, having heard the scrape of the manhole cover and then being aided in climbing up the ladders. The thought made him shiver again in excitement of the new experience.

Next to him he felt another hand; the new hand’s fingers winding into his own. Instantly he recognized the soft texture with some scars on the palms identifying it as Donnie’s. He could not help but squeeze both hands in anticipation as he felt Raph move, his fingers brushing against the back of Mikey’s neck.

“Wait . . .” Mikey suddenly spoke up.

He felt Raph freeze, before the hothead asked, “Mikey?”

Taking a deep breath Mikey spoke, “I love you both so much . . . thank you . . . I just . . . thank you. . .”

As he spoke he squeezed both Raph’s and Donnie’s hands again. A second later he felt two pairs of lips press against his cheeks making him giggle and blush. Barely a moment later Raph’s hand moved, tugging the blindfold off of Mikey’s face.

Blinking for a moment Mikey found that he had been correct in his assessment. Not only were they no longer in the sewers but they were no longer anywhere near the underground at all. He felt his eyes widen as he found they were standing on top of a building. He remembered climbing and being guided up but he didn’t think he had been brought this high up.

Below them the lights of New York City twinkled and shone up at them, like a sea of manmade stars. The vibrant lights seemed to throb and pulsate with a life of their own and Mikey found himself to be truly transfixed and yet at the same time moved by the beautiful sight before him.

“Welcome to New York City Mikey.”

Turning to speak Mikey didn’t get the chance before he felt Raph press their lips together in a gentle kiss. He groaned his eyes drifting closed as he shifted a little closer to Raph deepening the kiss. He could not help but grin as he felt his lover’s chest rumble in a deep churr.

_“Ahem.”_

Breaking apart Mikey felt his face flush red at the sound Master Splinter had made. Turning back to the city Mikey inhaled a lungful of fresh air, his nostrils flaring as he took in the unique smells of the world above the sewers.

Everything seemed to be perfect at that moment and he never wanted it to end. As he looked out over the twinkling light of the city, he felt like he was looking out over the face of an old friend. One he hadn't seen for a _very_ long time, but one he was looking forwards to getting to know all over again. 

Beside him stood his brothers and lovers, a blanket of love which surrounded him constantly and made him feel safe beyond words. He tilted his head a little to the side so he could look at each of them individually.

Leo stood on the very end, his sure gaze taking in the city as Mikey had been only moments before. The eldest and leader of the Hamato clan had become a rock to Michelangelo, someone who he knew he could turn to for guidance and an honest word whenever he needed too.

While Leo had not yet integrated into the three younger turtle's full blown physical relationship, Mikey had walked in on Leo and Donnie tentatively kissing late one night. His heart had swelled to know that Leo could soon be joining them and his love and desire for his older brother had simply grown each day.

Next there was Donatello, the most logical of his lovers but the one who was forever pushing and guiding Mikey to try new things. To test out and see what in life he truly enjoyed and where he could grow as a person. He loved hearing Donnie ramble on even though he often didn’t understand what was being said. There was a comfort whenever he was around the genius.

Tilting his head the other way Mikey took in in his most passionate lover. Raph unwavering in his love and dedication was something which drew Mikey like a moth to the flame. There was a passion and lust for life which made Mikey feel like his skin was tingling whenever he was around Raph. The patience and tenderness the hothead displayed as well, only made Mikey love him all the more.

Lastly was his father and Sensei. Splinter stood behind his sons, a look of joy and happiness covering his face as he looked at them. Occasionally Mikey would still get flickers of dread when he was in close proximity to the grizzled and wise rat, but for the most part he’d gotten over his fear of his father. The long hours of training and mediation helping him to examine and overcome his fear. Splinter loved him, and that would never change.

With a long deep sigh of contentment Mikey turned his head back to the city, which like his brothers was so full of life and love. He finally felt like he was whole despite his missing memories. He felt like he had found who he was and his place in the world, and he was truly contented with the way things were.

Off in the distance a bell began to ring, an alarm of some kind bringing them all out of their trance like states. Mikey’s muscles instantly coiled for action, years of training immediately coming to the fore. It wasn't the first time he reacted without thinking, several times during his training his body had moved on its own, wriggling out of a hold or using an attack he hadn't consciously known.

Donnie had assured him these were good signs. His mind was coming to terms with what had happened and was slowly beginning to relax; allowing small memories to come to the front of his mind and although he’d  yet to recall anything of major significance he knew that in the future, the day would come when he would remember his past. It was just a matter of time.

Behind them Master Splinter spoke, “Go my son’s, protect your city.”

 Without hesitation Mikey followed his brother’s bounding off the building rooftop like Master Splinter had taught him. As he sailed through the air, seemingly without a care in the world, he felt his mouth open on its own and a loud shout filled with every joy and happiness he felt at that moment in time erupted from his mouth.

“BOOYAKASHA!”

END

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collaboration story I wrote with OrangeBarmy
> 
> If anyone has any suggestions for which tags i should add to the story please let me know.


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